Member
Posts: 1,989
Registered: ‎03-09-2014

Re: the things people say! :-)

Wow appletree - That's an amazingly diplomatic suggestion. Very subtle approach, without any threat. you're not a psychologist by any chance are you?? I'd have never thought of that.

Alibobs - I hope it all goes well for you darlin girl. Are you a legal exec or something like that? Am only asking, as to how easy a person you may be, to gain employment elsewhere, should you need to, in the worst case scenario. If it doesn't work, I'll get Appletree to join me in sorting them out for you,by other methods, hey?!

Good luck. Am keen to hear how you go on

Lots of love to everyone

Delly xxxx   

Member
Posts: 383
Registered: ‎30-10-2017

Re: the things people say! :-)

Thanks Delly and Appletree. I will certainly take your suggestions on board and try to turn it round to my advantage. Will just see how things go. Thanks again and hope everyone is having a great bank holiday weekend despite this filthy weather!!💖💖💖
Member
Posts: 198
Registered: ‎13-04-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

[ Edited ]

Oh dear Alibobs, what a nasty situation to be in. I agree with Delly that your Asian colleagues sound very rude and rather racist. I do empathize and would find returning to work very daunting.

 

Is there some way in which you can turn things round to work to your advantage? It's horribly easy to allow other people to trample us into a corner, especially if we're feeling fragile after illness, so I'm wondering how you can take your boss and these particular colleagues by surprise, whilst giving yourself some control over the situation and building your own confidence.

 

I might be completely up the creak with my suggestions, in which case please excuse me, but here are a few thoughts.

 

Can you prompt some conversation with your Asian Colleagues? Is there anything you can ask their advice on, such as something to do with Asian food you'd like to try? What type of Asian dress do they wear? Is it the very subdued type of Muslim garments, or are they wearing colourful scarves you could admire? 

 

I'm also wondering whether you might ask them to update you on what has been happening in the workplace whilst  you've been on sick leave. People often do like being asked for advice. If other colleagues have been shunning them, perhaps they feel rather left out, so are clinging to each other and their own culture in defence. They might rise to the occasion if you can give them a lead on working together in some way. (On the other hand, I might be completely misjudging the situation.)

 

It sounds as though other non-Asian colleagues haven't made much effort with/got very far with this little clique, so if you can find a way of bringing them out a bit and prompting some English conversation, you could be earning brownie points and defying any attempt on your Boss's part to put you at a disadvantage.

 

Good luck with your return to work.

Highlighted
Member
Posts: 383
Registered: ‎30-10-2017

Re: the things people say! :-)

Well I know it sounds bad but I live in Bradford!!!😲 I work for a bank in their probate department. My Manager is not Asian and I know we have to have diversity in the workplace but they seem to get away with murder!! I have actually reported them b4 for the language thing but nothing got done!! I may add I have worried there 18 years so it's not as though I am a rookie!! Just think because of my age and illness they may be trying to force me out as they do have a history of treating other long term colleagues this way!! I think they just want a must cheaper, younger workforce, albeit moat of them can't put a grammatically correct sentence together!!! Oh well I'll have to bite the bullet!!!!
Member
Posts: 1,989
Registered: ‎03-09-2014

Re: the things people say! :-)

Oh Alibobs.
Golly, 10 months!
Did your manager give you a "reason" why she's moved your desk?? Think you're owed a very good one! Is she Asian? That all sounds rather racist and rude of your Asian colleagues really. It's acceptable out of work, or during breaks, but not really whilst working, when other people have to work with alongside. I'd consider it rude. Anyway, shouldn't they be working rather than chatting??!
What do you do and where do you live?? Ha, No, I'm not going to send in the heavies!! Just interested what part of the country.
Lots of love to you and everyone else xxxxxx
Member
Posts: 383
Registered: ‎30-10-2017

Re: the things people say! :-)

Well I'm returning to work on 3rd September after 10 months in sick leave. I am dreading it!! My manager had confirmed she has moved my desk to sit with a group of colleagues who are all of diffrrent ethnic origin to me. Im not being racist here but this group of girls all speak to each other about their own religious lives and in their own language and they dress all in the same Asian fashions. They do not integrate with my other colleagues, we have nothing in common and I will be like a fish our of water amongst them. Im already getting stressed about this. I can't say anything to my manager as it would look like I am being racial predujist against them. I do believe she has done this as she knows I will be uncomfortable sitting with them. Think they want me out of the door!!!!!
Member
Posts: 73
Registered: ‎22-06-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

It makes me so sad to read these posts of insensitivite conduct of company HR idiots!!

I have to say it is the same now in Education; I retired from teaching as soon as could as the new ‘breed’ of head teacher is only concerned about school performance and not the staff or indeed the pupils!!! Thankfully I didn’t have to cope with bc whilst still working.

 

I hope you lovely ladies ignore all that rubbish and take time to care for yourselves...and enjoy the holidays too.

 

People don’t realise that you only see 10% of a person at face value...who knows what the other 90% is sufferering.

 

Best wishes to everyone and hope you’re feeling ok today.

love Rosie xx

 

Member
Posts: 167
Registered: ‎12-05-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

This is a total disgrace. I was going to say that I couldn't believe that people can say such things but past experiences show they can. I think a very real problem now is that most organisations outsource their HR functions to faceless money making companies who are paid based on the number of people they get back to work The idiot who said that to your friend probably has no life experience and thinks that an operation and a few pills will cure cancer I was personally amazed by a friend of mine who is a senior teacher in a large school who was shocked when I said I had to go to hospital every week day for radiotherapy. She thought you had a powerful x-ray once and that was it. Still so much ignorance out there. I do hope the lady in question does not go back till she is ready. Fortunately there is very good employment legislation protecting the rights of people just like us from uncaring and unfeeling employers. Xx
Member
Posts: 91
Registered: ‎21-06-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

Oh geez, those HR staff deserve to hauled over the coals for that sort of treatment of staff!!  They are legally obliged to help staff return to work in appropriate fashion and should know how to talk to people.  It's so disappointing that they are failing people in this way.  

I think I'm lucky that I'm taking a break from work for the time being so I don't have the pressure of returning to work before I'm ready, although I am missing the social aspect of work at the moment especially as my colleagues in my last place were so supportive and understanding.  

Member
Posts: 142
Registered: ‎11-05-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

[ Edited ]

Sue

 

That’s dreadful !! Does she have a sister - sounds like our own beloved HR person ! 😄

You go on that holiday and enjoy yourself, s@d them...you are so entitled to put yourself first here, ( I had a similar carry on, we went after my surgery on 4th July, I kept getting almost daily calls from Occ Health but ignored it.. we so needed that holiday.)

 

Have a great time! 

xx 

Member
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎30-06-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

Omg Thistledown that sounds like the place I work!!! When I told my supervisor in work she was all sympathetic and then seconds later saying how lucky I was not to have to go work! as much as I’m not in love with my job I’d rather be going in every day than having ops and radio therapy lol she has also been grilling everyone as to what I’m up to, because god forbid I left the house one day to go for lunch with my husband and someone from work saw me and told her.
I had to have a second WLE last week because there wasn’t a clear margin after the first and when I told her I wanted to say ‘see I may look ok when I go out for lunch but inside I’m still going through hell’ but I kept it to myself lol we are going away next week to Lanzarote which was booked last year before any of this happened the doctor has said it will do me good to go but it is killing her that I’m on the sick and going on holiday, sometimes I wonder is she thoughtless or just stupid lol
Love reading all the comments on here it’s beyond belief the way some people think
Sue x
Member
Posts: 142
Registered: ‎11-05-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

I have just heard of a cracker of an inappropriate comment, a young friend of mine got diagnosed with BC a few months before I did. It was triple negative Grade 3, and she has been through the mill of mental agony, and chemo and rads...

(Our place of employment does not hold any medals for staff welfare, her line manager visited her whilst she was waiting for her chair in the Chemo Day Unit to ask when she thought she’d be back at work ?)

She went back after much nagging, far too soon, whilst still undergoing radiotherapy, and the planned phased return turned in to full time after exactly one week..so she went to her GP and got another sick note, until her treatment ended and she was recovered from the effects.

Apparently the supposed ‘HR manager’ - although we don’t really have one as our HR was contracted out ages ago (this is the Civil Service btw), rang her at home to ask ‘what was the reason for her being off sick now?’ 

Friend - ‘Has the doc not written it on the sick note?’ 

Woodentop (aka HR) - ‘Yes, but it says Breast Cancer - you can’t still have that surely...’

 

Words absolutely failed me - dreading my own return...if I encounter The Enlightened One and get something similar, I’ll be no doubt summarily sacked, - if I can refrain from actual ABH !! 😖😄

Member
Posts: 198
Registered: ‎13-04-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

Excellent Rosieposie

 

I think I'll keep a similar one up my sleeve: 'Thank Heavens for the NHS.'

Member
Posts: 71
Registered: ‎09-05-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

Pecan and Rosie I like those answers!! x
Member
Posts: 73
Registered: ‎22-06-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

Exactly Pecan!!

 

I usually respond to the ‘You're looking very well’ comment by ‘I’m being very well looked after.’ That covers it!! 

Both the treatment and care from the medical team and my lovely husband. Then I don’t have to explain anything more.

 

Maggie48 - your husband sounds really wonderful!! That’s what you need by your side.

 

Hope everyone is doing well today.

Take care.

Rosie xx

Member
Posts: 324
Registered: ‎21-07-2017

Re: the things people say! :-)

I have just thought of a response to those who say we are brave:

"Why, what would you have done?"

Community Champion
Posts: 3,165
Registered: ‎17-03-2016

Re: the things people say! :-)

Yes, defo everything in moderation, especially wine!...cheers 🍷🥂
ann x
Community Champion
Posts: 7,659
Registered: ‎29-05-2015

Re: the things people say! :-)

👍
Member
Posts: 71
Registered: ‎09-05-2018

Re: the things people say! :-)

Quite right Jill, everything in moderation!! Yes I got it right second time around 😉
Community Champion
Posts: 7,659
Registered: ‎29-05-2015

Re: the things people say! :-)

And yes wine is allowed !! Just maybe not the whole bottle .