Surgery May 2018

[cdc1811]

How have you been today Kip?  I can imagine it being an emotional time.  I’m very interested to hear of the trial. I have a huge list of side-effects associated with mine so unsure of whether to go for it or not.  I like the idea of being more closely monitored if I’m  honest.  Monarch E is an open label trial so I would know whether I would be having the additional drugs or just tamoxifen,  

Thinking of you.

Hope everyone is faring well xxx

[Kip]

Thanks Kathy, the more information the better before making a decision I find.

Kip

x

[kathyx]

Yes, I came across this the other day on some US sites (often the best place to look for new ideas).

https://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/link-between-aspirin-and-lower-risk

https://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/news/20170501/low-dose-aspirin-may-lower-risk-for-common-breast-...

[Kip]

Thanks for the congrats everyone.   Woken up feeling very emotional and a bit adrift but hoping to fend off the worry gremlins until at least after Christmas.

CDC - Good news about the operation, glad you are feeling happier with the nice staff you are meeting, makes such a difference too.   Unbelievable the amount of ladies you have met with occult diagnosies.   Your option of the trial sounds interesting too, I have been asked to particpate in one called "Add Aspirin".  Its for early stage cancer patients to add potentially either 200mg, 100mg or placebo daily to assess whether there is proof that taking this helps to stop reoccurence or lengthen the time before it happens.  I have some reading to do before deciding.  Anyone heard of this?

Kip

xx

[cdc1811]

Hi everyone
Such good news Kip!
Sorry I’ve been off the radar. It’s taken a lot of mental energy to get over the response to my complaint. Thankfully talking with my therapist has helped and feeling stronger now. Im determined to fight on for recognition that alternative screening options should have been offered to me over the last 8 years as my very dense breast tissue was noted from the start and I have a high familial risk. I also want to see a change in policy for others who are also mammographically occult. Interestingly I Spent all day at the Marsden today and got talking to a woman in the general oncology outpatient waiting room. We discovered that she too is mammographically occult, then another lady overhead us and joined in and incredibly a fourth!! All of whom had not had their tumours picked up on mammogram!! It was incredibly sobering as all 3 now have secondaries. Very upsetting but as one said,’ I just consider it as a chronic condition and get on with my life’.
One lady will be having her op 4 days before mine. I’ll be having a double MX with DIEP reconstruction on the 14th Jan. plastic surgeon helped me decide that a DIEP using tummy would be more suitable than the thigh TUG as the latter has more chance of delays in healing due to the scars being in the groin becoming sweaty and risking infection when you go to the loo! The team I met today are lovely. Can’t get over the difference friendly and caring staff have made. They even fitted me in to have my pre-op assessment today so I don’t have to go in so much over Christmas. I still need to sign consent form and mèet with the surgeon doing the mastectomy part but I feel like I’m on the home stretch. I have been asked to take part in either the Monarch E trial or a new one called the Natalee(?). I would continue on tamoxifen but would also take a class of drug called a cdk4/6 inhibitor currently used for treating advanced stage ER+, HER2- BC. I’d be part of the trial for those with early stage BC but with a high familial risk. It means a lot more monitoring over the next 8 years but could potentially reduce my risk of getting a local recurrence or another BC again.
I really do need to get some sleep but I have been thinking of everyone and sending hugs. Xxx

[Michelle21]

Great news Kip! Well done and I love the picture, beautiful kids and your hair is looking great, very trendy! X

[ladybowler]

Kip

Oh well done and congratulations to you, fab xmas present and I am ringing the bell on here for you tonight

Helena xxx

[Feenix]

Fab, Fab, Fab Kip...great photo .... sending hugs ... jean xx

[Kip]

I;ve done it and rung the bell, very emotional!   Smiling all over my face today...

Good luck to all still on the journey.. love to all

Kip

xx

[Linda Corinne]

Well done Kip! I have my 3rd rads of 20 today! x

[Feenix]

Great you’re booked onto a course Kip. Good you can try out other therapies too. I’ve not booked up for anything else... yet. Have you had chance to look at the dvd? Any useful hints and tips? 

Will be thinking of you ringing that bell with your OH and children there ... very emotional.

jean xx

[Kip]

thanks CDC - I'll be ringing it loud and proud and as have my children and hubby coming too so its a real family affair.

[cdc1811]

Hope your last rads go smoothly Kip!  Will be thinking of you ringing that bell xx

[Kip]

Ooh i really fancy a tunnocks now.  I have booked the moving on course today cant get a place until feb tho.  Also may sign up for reki and reflexology too.  I was also given a dvd for exercises for vdeast cancer patients post op to increase movement and to prevent lymphoedema so ill ill  a look and see what thats about.   Anythings worth a try.  

[Feenix]

Well..at least you know Kip now someone has eyeballed your arm/axilla. And you know how to massage. I haven’t done any cording massage in over a week now but might try it today. My thumb was a bit twangy when stretching this morning so Ill have to be good and exercise, exercise and more exercise as don’t want any more probs. Good you know what your follow ups will be... plus you’ll be having an uss..excellent. Definitely get yourself on a moving forward course Kip. They’re really beneficial. I’m meeting bcn on Thursday about follow up. I’ve already met someone from the follow on team at the moving forward course I did. 

So fantastic you’re nearly there... one more zap after today then ring that bell 🔔 

Well done on hooping. I might try it next week...don’t want to twang anything just yet. Haven’t a biscuit in the house but have had a Tunnocks teacake... hadn’t had one for years and they caught my eye when shopping 😊 

have a good day... keep stretching

Jean xx

[Kip]

Hello Feenix, well finally its official... I have cording!   Got to see the radiotherapy nurse yesterday for a general catch up and she took a look and yes its cording, from wrist to armpit.  She showed me how to gently massage it and confirmed I am on the list for an appintment with lymphodema clinic but haven't got an appointment as yet.   I can actually see the cording looking like a vein running along the inside of my wrist.  And the lumpy bit under my armpit I thought was a seroma is scarring!   So stuck with that for life I guess.  She was very nice though and explained what happens once I've finished treatment.  I'll have a follow up appointment in about 6 weeks with radio to see how I got on and then she says I'll get a mammograme and an ultrasound around the 1yr anniversary of diagnosis (so April/May) and then be routinly monitored.   I also have an open door to radio, ONcs and breast clinic for whenever I want which is nice.  I told her about the fear of moving forwrad and she said to try to get on the Hope course and to take up some of the therapies they offer at the hospital as its very common to feel that way and many many people do.  As for the aches and pains, still as stiff as a board but she thinks its chemo hangover plus the Tamoxifen but that it should ease over time. 

Its the penultimate session of Rads today...cant' wait for a rest from it all.  Keep up with the stretches Jean, my arm is so stiff if I miss one day, but did manage to hoop this morning... might just about have burned off 1 of the many biscuits I ate last night!

Kip

xx

[Feenix]

Kip ... so ironic that the radiotherapy table is the only comfortable place for you..  but good that you get some relief from your aches and pains. I can empathise with the seizing up if sitting for too long but I put that down to age (I’m older than you) and the added letrozole effect.                  I remember meeting a friend about a month after starting the Letrozole. After having lunch I could hardly get up and hobbled until I ‘got going’. It’s definitely improved since then. Although still sore (post diving out of car last week) I’ve stopped my night time codeine and I’ve only had a dose of para and brufen this evening. Starting to feel like me again. I’ve also started doing week 2 bc exercises ... it’s like being post op again with really tight chest/side/axilla. Thought my upper arm was a bit ‘bigger’ today but hoping exercising and not sleeping so upright might help...I’ve appt with Bcn Thursday so will run it past her in case I need to see lymph nurse. I’ve also put on a huge amount of weight so need to push myself to get rid of it.  Went out for my first real walk...I was slow and really cold. Going to get some thermals 😃 

Hows your seroma and cording Kip?

Michelle ... how are you?  How’s the training going?

Clare ... see you got a reply to your complaint. Saying it was disappointing is a gross understatement but I’m sure you will persevere with it ... wish you didn’t have to though ... that they had got it ‘right’. So pleased you’ve got a date for your surgery too. Not long to go really. Hope your scan results make it easy deciding which op to go for. How are you feeling?

sending hugs to all

Jean xx

[Kip]

Morning Ladies,

How are you we all today?  

Michelle how are you fairing on the different brand of Tamoxifen - still ok?  I feel the same as the other one so far, hots sweats etc but my achey body is awful.   It was improving last week but yesterday every single joint in my body ached.. from my toes to my fingers.   Its awful and I don't know if its the docetaxol chemo hangover (as mentioned by my Onc. nurse), the Tamoxifen, the menopause or all three plus a dose of radio stiffness too?   Its dreadful, I could have cried yesterday.   This morning my knees ache and so does my lower back but a bit better than yesterday but I get so stiff if I sit still for too long.  Anyone else suffering like this?   Ironically the only place i can find to lay down and not be in pain is in the bloomin' radiotherapy machine.. for some reason that horrible bed/board really stretches me out and I have no pain!  The radiographer found that hilarious and said I am the first person he's met who finds it comfortable.  Looking forward to session 13 today just for the stretch.  So far that's going fine, no burning as yet.. I finish on Wednesday so hoping nothing major happens to my skin over christmas.

Feenix - how are you today, managing better sleep?

Kip

xx

[Juliewulie]

Hi MIchelle21

I googled Maggies last night and it said beginning of 2019. I was at Velindre last week and thought the same as couldn't see anything. It would be good to have one/or something so close to home though as I feel we don't have much in our area as far as support goes.It would be lovely to meet up. If I'm honest I've never pm'd before so not entirely sure I'd do it correctly! You can pm me by all means.

xx

[Michelle21]

I’m outside of Cardiff too Juliewulie, if you want to meet up at all send me a pm, no pressure if you don’t want to. Of course I can let you know if I hear anything about Maggie’s, I think it is scheduled for Feb opening although it doesn’t look very ready at the moment! X

[Juliewulie]

Sorry Michelle21 just re read your message and you are going to attend. If you hear about opening etc could you let me know? I too have heard they're very good. I'm willing to give anything a go.
Xx

[Juliewulie]

Well done Michelle21 for doing the trek and raising so much. It's a wonderful place. I knew there was a Maggie's opening there but not when. Do you think you'll attend? I may if I feel need to. I live further up the " valleys" so not on my doorstep.
Let me know how you get on.
Xx

[Michelle21]

Juliewulie, you were just finishing treatment as I started (March). I’m doing the Velindre trek in Nepal in Feb to raise money which is why I had the fundraising concert last night. As Feb will be 11 months after my diagnosis I wanted to end that year on a positive. I just need to improve my fitness a bit!
Im glad you are now getting the counselling you need. I’m hoping I won’t need too many sessions I just need a rational perspective on some things and a few coping methods for the ‘what if’ moments.
Have you heard there is a Maggie’s centre opening early next year. It’s on the side of the Velindre site. I intend to visit they are supposed to be very good and offer lots of different things. X

[Juliewulie]

Hi Michelle21

Yes I too am at Velindre. I finished my radiotherapy at the end of February. I was offered to be referred by the radiotherapy team too but I thought I would wait. I wish I hadn't. I seemed to have slipped through so many nets since. Hopefully now though I will have things sorted by/in the new year. 

[Feenix]

Would love an Epsom salt soak Kip but worried I wouldn’t get out 🛀 🚒 😂  Warm shower has to suffice. Sounds as though your aches and pains are still problematic. Not long to go before you’re ringing that bell.

Lovely surprise for you Michelle, having your daughter home sooner than expected. Pleased your skin has greatly improved and that your counselling is under way, and sounds very helpful. I’m sure you could request to have the supervisor. Congratulations on your fund raising event ... excellent amount raised. I hope you get running tomorrow although it’s going to be nithering ... brrrr 

Wrap up warm gals

xx

[Michelle21]

Hi juliewulie
Thanks for your message, I was referred by radiotherapy review team to psychology and have had my first session. Are you at Velindre too? What stage are you st of treatment? We might have sat next to each other in the waiting room!

[Michelle21]

Good evening ladies and druids!
I would ask how you’re all doing but sounds like you are really struggling after your fall Jean, sleeping sitting up sounds very uncomfortable, I hope the pain disappears soon. Is it the boredom so eating more or just not moving that is pushing the weight up? I was doing so well and lost 4 or 5 lbs then I went back to chocolate and have put that back on and more! Still I’m hoping to start running again on Saturday although the forecast isn’t good. I’m sure once you are up and about again you will soon be hooping!
Kip I read you’re on your 2nd box of Tamoxifen, me too and mine is also a different brand to the first even though I deliberately went to the same pharmacy. All ok so far, thankfully. Although flushes are happening thick and fast! I can’t believe no one has looked at your arm, It’s good ou have been referred for physio as I’m sure it will get stiffer in the last week of rads, mine certainly did. Thankfully movement is back to normal now and blisters practically gone, 4 1/2 weeks post rads.
It’s interesting what you say about counselling and counsellors CDC. I had my first session on Tuesday. It was at the cancer centre I go to with a trainee (young male) and his supervisor (mid aged female). The trainee did most of the talking ( well apart from me) but the fee things his supervisor did say really hit the spot. I felt exhausted afterwards but it did feel good to say everything that has been on my mind and that is worrying me, however I wonder if I can ask to just see the supervisor? I have another session on Tuesday so I will see how that goes. It must be good to have have found a therapist that has helped you so much, I quite like the idea of lying back on a couch!
I have had a hectic and stressful couple of days organising our Christmas choir fundraiser which happened last night. Everyone seemed to really enjoy the event, it wad a lovely start to Christmas and we raised over £700! I am sooo pleased! I also had a wonderful surprise when I got home, my eldest daughter is home 2 days early from uni!! 🎉
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend and hoping you feel better soon Jean xx

[Kip]

Oh Jean that must be a nightmare sleeping sitting up.. you'll end up with a stiff back like me.   Can you have a soak in the bath.. good ole Epsom salts?

Kip

xx

[Feenix]

Hi Kip ... good your arm is a bit better. Whatever you’re doing is working. I’m still trying to sleep upright ... need superglue on bum tho. I take codeine at night which helps a bit. I’m better at managing movement without making things worse. It is gradually improving. I’ve noticed I’m expanding/weight going up ... good job there’s no biscuits around. Shame I can’t hoop ☹️ 

have a good weekend

xx

[Kip]

Hi Jean,  sounds like you are having a week of it.   Must be difficult to keep up the arm exercises when you are in pain.   Its bad enough without extra things to deal with.   How are you sleeping?   Ironically my arm feels a bit better today, still haven't seen anyone so will still continue with that (whenever the appointment comes). 

Hope you can get some pain free rest today.

Kip

xx

[Feenix]

Michelle ... druids we are.... great climb to do on your birthday. Pleased the someone like me service was some help to you. Enjoy your weekend with your girls. Kip ... hope you get an appointment soon and get your arm looked at. Ticking off those rads .. it will soon be the 19th and you’ll be there with your family to ring that bell. You’ll have enjoyed your time with your daughter instead of being in for rads. Great picture. Clare ... hope your feet are improving. How’s the no screen time going? Today has been a bit better than yesterday. I find sitting upright minimises the pain but it’s really hard to keep that upright in bed. I’ve not had as much analgesia today but Im still taking codeine at night. I’m not able to drive .. again. It’s getting easier sitting/standing etc but wish I could just move around and do things without worrying about pain...maybe next week 🤔 I’m making myself do a few gentle ‘week one’ post op exercises now as I don’t want to seize up. Stay warm Jean xx

[Kip]

Hi CDC, yes they did call me before I left so I didn't waste a journey thankfully.  They have 2 machines and both out of order yesterday.   I know I wish somebody would just look at my arm and tell what to do with it, I keep massaging and stretching but am worried I'm doing it wrong.  I should finish my rads on 19th December so all done for Christmas, although expecting the tiredness to kick in once its done.  So far feeling fine.   Have you started your Tamoxifen yet?  If so how's it going.  I started a new pack yesteray (2 month) and its a different brand so bit worried it may make me feel different.. will have to wait and see.

Oh and managed to update the profile picture... its a bit of a cheese one.. I hate my photo being taken!

Kip

x

[cdc1811]

It’s incredible nobody has actually looked at your arm Kip!  Good you are being referred to the lymphodema clinic.  A friend of mine has a specialist nurse who comes once a month to do a therapeutic massage.  Did you find out about the broken machine before travelling all that way for radio yesterday?  Hope not!  Annouomgro go in on a Sat but I’d probably do the same.  Will you finish next Friday? Hope you’ll get a good break over Christmas.

Hope you’re getting better after your nasty fall Jean. Xx

[Kip]

Morning, now being referred to the lymphodema clinic for some physio and help with my posible cording.  Still nobody has actually looked at my arm, hope I don't have to wait too long for an appointment.

Didn't get the radio therapy yesterday as the machine was broken so have to go on Saturday.   They did offer to add it on to the end of my treatments but I don't want any more days disrupted next week as have so much to do.

Feenix - how are you now?   Still sore?

Kip

xx

[Kip]

Well no further forward with the arm issues.   Asked at radio yesterday and the lady I saw was very short with me (I could see in her face she was thinking "why would we be looking at it for you") and she said they were too busy to look and that I should just gently massage it and if it doesn't improve self refer to physio.  No luck there then!   I don't know what type of massage and how hard etc to be doing, and whether its cording or not. So this morning I called my BCN again, she was off but spoken to another who has said I may get an appointment quicker via the physio department rather than the breast clinic so have to call them in a minute to see what they say... more chasing but I really want sometone to take a look.

Michelle interesting you said your arm aches, I've been messaging someone who has just finished (well about 2 weeks ago) and she said her arm aches and she couldn't work out why either.   I still ache all over so another arm won't make much difference to me.

CDC - Sounds like your counsellor is doing you the world of good, deffinately think thats on the cards for me after xmas.  Its my daughters birthday today and I so wished I could give her the ultimate present, i.e.. the old me back... bless her.

Anyway ladies, Rads No. 10 today so 5 more to go... so far so good, no soreness as yet.

Take care

Kip

xx

[cdc1811]

Oh Jean I do hope you’re not feeling so sore today- sounds like a horrible fall. Did the hospital offer any advice? I did something similar years ago, tripped on a rucksack strap as I was getting out of the car. It’s a frightening experience isn’t it? I landed on my elbow!

Michelle glad you got to talk to someone from the someone like me Service. I have had my therapist for some time now as I started seeing her when my Dad was ill. I found her privately via a friend who had just finished working with her so she was highly recommended. I have tried cognitive behavioural therapy as well as other types of counselling but these didn’t work particularly well for me. The lady I see is a ‘traditional’ psychoanalyst. I even lie on a couch! I was surprised that I’ve found this approach the most effective for me. I had very poor self-esteem and on reflection, she helped me realise various experiences during my childhood contributed to this. It’s helped me accept myself. I’m also far more resilient now and this has really helped with coping with my BC diagnosis and treatment. I know talking therapies aren’t for everyone but I feel a sense of relief whenever I’m due to see her as I know she’ll listen without judgement. Do you have the iCope system in your area? In London your GP can refer you to this service and they then help work out which services would be most helpful. I had 6 free counselling sessions before seeing my private therapist and they were helpful but I needed to see someone long-term. What I would say is if you dodecide to see someone, if you don’t feel you ‘gel’ don’t be afraid to walk away and find someone else. I’ve made the mistake in the past of sticking with a counsellor out of guilt and I’ve learned you really need to trust your gut feeling.
Well I’d better head to bed.
Sending good wishes to everyone x

[Juliewulie]

Hi Michelle21

I've read through some of the threads on here and I think we may have had treatment at the same Cancer hospital. I was just wondering have you contacted them again regarding Counselling etc? I only contacted them a couple of weeks ago as I heard other ladies were having advice/help from there. I spoke to some lovely people there and they are arranging one to one Couselling and other things for me. I was just wondering if it would help at all. I took it upon myself to ring them rather than being referred by a professional.

xx

[Michelle21]

Oh no Kip that sounds awful, although the appointments are annoying you need to sort this out. Although I feel the same as you the appointments are a reminder of it all. My arm got very stiff by the end of rads, and I have to say it’s only just starting to feel as it did before rads. Weirdly im starting to notice the numbness again which had kind of been overridden by the stiffness if that makes sense?! I wish when I’d started rads they'd told me it would take 4 weeks to recover from. Hopefully the radiotherapy dept will refer you today. Almost forgot to say I saw your lovely picture on your chemo thread! You look great and your hair is growing thick and fast!
CDC I agree it is so important to look after our whole selves, head and body. I spoke to the someone like me lady yesterday, she was lovely and I think I feel better having spoken to someone who also has had BC but I guess she can’t tell me what I really want to hear, as no one can. Is your therapist someone who you found privately or through your hospital? Was it someone you have chosen to see because of BC. I have thought if I don’t get referred for counselling then seeking some privately but I don’t know how to go about choosing someone who will understand what I have been through.
I haven’t been told of or heard of any HER2+ trials, presumably this is something your onc suggests?
I am impressed with your no screen time hour, how is it going?
Jean I’ll join you as a Druid, my birthday is 21st June, summer solstice! Last year I climbed Pen y fan at 3am,!it was great. It was pitch black and you could see everyone going up with their torches. There were about 30 people at the top and we watched a beautiful sunrise. Quite different to this years birthday, in chemo. You are right my OH also is probably aware when I am low, but they’ve been through so much too haven’t they? I’m not back running yet, waiting for the last couple of blisters to heal. They aren’t painful now but I don’t want my sports bra to rub on them, basically I’m not taking any chances! I really hope you aren’t aching too much from your fall, it’s the last thing you need on top of everything.
My girls are home at the weekend, I can not wait!!! I’m really so excited! Hopefully they will take my mind off the rubbish stuff.
How everyone has a good day xx

[Kip]

Oh dear Feenix, sounds so painful.  I have finally spoken to my BC nurse today about my possible cording and seroma which seems to be getting bigger again.   My arm is definately twanging all the way down to my wrist when I reach out, may need physio she thinks or some more instruction on how to twang the cording away!   Got to ask the radiotherapist today to take a look and then see whether I need to see the breast clinic, the lymphodeoma clinic or the physio.. or possible all 3.. more appointments.. grrrr.

Hope the mini mince pies were good!

Kip

xx

[Michelle21]

Oh Jean you poor thing, that sounds painful. I hate falling over ive done it a few times running and I always cry! I would definitely hit the mince pies at least, maybe treat yourself to a tub of hero’s! Hope it’s not too sore and you feel better soon xx

[Feenix]

If only there was a biscuit to be had Kip. Might have a mini mince pie instead. Ended up in A&E this evening to be checked over as had horrendous pain. As bruised ribs and rib fracture are treated the same I didn’t need an X-ray... no heavy lifting but I don’t do that anyway. Will have to take it easy as my side/chest doesn’t half twang when I move certain ways. Trying not to shallow breath as don’t want to develop chest infection. Takes up to 4 weeks to settle. I’d just started to do hooping as well. OH is still traumatised... bless him. 

[Kip]

Oh no Feenix you poor thjnk, look after that arm and the rest of the sore bits..  better have a biscuit to cheer yourself up!

[Feenix]

Kip ... I booked on through BCC direct as my Bcn was off sick at that time. Bcn will book you on I’m sure.

Well.... I took a dive out of the car this morning. My foot caught on bag strap and out I flew. Landed badly on my ‘bad’ side... scrape on hand, face and knee but really clattered my ribs/ chest area where had mastectomy although don’t think I’ve broken anything. (OH had a look and did exam) . Really sore but can do exercises. Put myself on anti inflammatories and have cleaned and dressed wounds.... fingers crossed. Really tearful after as first thing I thought about was lymphoedema, just because I’ve heard of it developing after injury to arm although there are those that have had ops on arm and have been ok. So I tell myself that I’ll be ok and as OH tells me it’s mainly to do with infection. I’ll be using a tube of salon over next few days  !!!

Gave OH a real fright ...and the woman who thought he’d run me over 😂 Hoping for no more mishaps.

[Kip]

Morning all, thanks for the lovely comments.  

CDC - when my daughter said she wanted her old mum back I could have just wept and wept.  Like you said, that old Mum is gone, but not necessarily for the worse.   Its just so hard explaining everything to her and remainign positive when all I am thinking is what if!   My children are coming to my last Radiotherapy so that they can ring the bell with me and I'm hoping they will feel some relief from that.   I think I always feel worse when I am physically going to the hopsital.  It just brings it all home and when I am going every day and sitting in that waiting area looking around me.. its just so surreal.   I am going to see if I can find out about the Moving On Course today whilst there, so I can get that booked. 

Kip

xx

[Feenix]

Morning ladies

What an emotional time you are having, but seems par for the course and especially now Christmas is pending. 

Kip ... your daughter saying what her Christmas wish is ... so heart wrenching. I hope you are have a good day and rads go ok + no traffic probs 🚗.  Just thought ... put a positive mantra on your fridge....I used to do that and probably should do so again.  Good you’ve got your tree up.... mine is a foot high, one my mam had ... takes no time at all 😂 Can’t believe Christmas has come round so quick. Tbh honest my favourite day is December 21st, the winter solstice, because I know that once that’s over the nights will be getting gradually longer and spring will be on its way. I should have been a Druid 😂.    I’ve now got 2 bras from Asda which are ok. I’m still deciding about which one I’ll order from NJ but really got to decide today. Info .... If you sign up for sale alerts etc with Nicola Jane you’ll get discount off your first order. 

Michelle .. hope you have positive contact with the Someone like Me service today and you get input from the psychology team to help you with coping strategies. It’s good you have spoken with your OH about how you are feeling although I know what you mean about not wanting to offload on him. I tend to refrain from saying how I feel when I’m have wobble thoughts even though OH has told me he’d prefer me to... he can probably tell by behaviour/mood changes anyway !!!! I do however mention it “in conversation” after I’ve got my head round it. I don’t have very frequent  active wobble thoughts but they are probably there subconsciously just waiting for a chance to pounce. (You can tell I was watching Dynasties last night ... tigers 🐅). It really is good you are planning though and have booked a holiday. Russia will be good. Are you getting out running?

Clare ... pleased you are enjoying prep for Christmas. Dedicated No screen time is a really good strategy for more interactive family time. The Someone like me service will certainly have contacts for you regarding your surgical options and there will be many threads on here. I remember I had a time of very low mood after I started Letrozole but it was the time when I was struggling with the question of recon although it did get better pre op ... might have been a combination of both as I was definitely soooo less stressed after my mastectomy. 

As you know I didn’t need chemo but I did get my hair cut short before my first op ‘just in case’, plus it would be easier to manage post op. I’ve kept it short ever since and it’s so much better. I started using lush shampoo bars but yesterday thought I’d use simple shampoo that needs using up but it made my scalp really flaky and itchy. I think I’ll look for some tea tree or aloe Vera shampoo from health shop. Any recommendations?

The apple trees got their cut too... well pollarded. 

Got to find the lights to put up today and I may get out into the garden and make that Christmas wreath. Forgot ... need to post overseas cards and get the rest done. 

Hugs xx

[cdc1811]

Hi Kip, Hi Michelle
It’s so important to look after our mental health in all this. I wouldn’t cope if it wasn’t for my weekly sessions with my therapist. Such positive moves contacting the ‘Someome like Me’ Service and the psychology dept. Michelle.
I hope you find your chats with them useful
I have spoken to a lovely lady from the Someone Like Me service who had a therapeutic mammoplasty so initially we would chat about that but then I started chemo and she’d already been through that too so it was good to share experiences. I think that knowing that she’s been clear of BC for years now is very encouraging, I’m thinking of trying to find some people to talk to who have had a DIEP or a TUG as they’re big procedures and I’m nervous, My dear friend who is 8 years clear went for no reconstruction and admitted today that she’s worried for me. However, I do have a lot of faith in the Marsden surgeons though so glad I got transferred there,

I’ve been enjoying Christmas preparations when I can manage to put the ‘what ifs’ to the back of my mind, We’ve all been through all this c***p treatment not just to remove the cancer we had but because it should preventi it coming back. Kip I can imagine it being a lump in the throat moment when your daughter said what she wanted for Christmas. What did you say when she said she wanted her ‘old Mum’ back? I’ve changed forever since my BC and not all in negative ways thank goodness. I try to enjoy the little moments. We have instigated a no screen ‘golden hour family time’ between 7 and 8pm and my husband, daughter and I are tying to spend that time playing games or doing activities together. It’s working well at the moment. I think it helps my daughter feel that I do have time for her. She gets upset when I’m fatigued and can’t ‘play’.

With regards to the BC I’m certainly going to be extra vigilant and won’t hesitate going back for a private ultrasound if I’m ever worried. I’ve been invited to join the Monarch E trial which is to take another drug in conjunction with the tamoxifen. This has been shown to work well in people with secondaries but the researchers now want to see if it also helps prevent recurrence for those with primary ER+ But HER 2- BC, The good thing is that I’d be much more closely monitored however, the side effects look like they can be pretty horrendous! I don’t have to decide for a while and I wouldn’t be able to start until 14 days after my MX and recon. Are there any trials for HER2+ I wonder?

I’m sending everyone huge hugs. It’s horroble when the low mood hits. I’ve been told tamoxifen can cause mood changes too. Oh well I’ll soon find out as I’ll be taking my first pill tomorrow!

Take care xxx

[Kip]

I agree Michelle, time will be the key.  I have 3 friends who have been through this and they all said as time goes on it gets easier.

Ive found the tamoxifen ok, just hot flushes, although i have achey jojntj and muscles which could be the tamoxifen or chemo SEs... Otherwise so far its fine.

Kip xx 

[Michelle21]

Hi Kip, at least we know that our thoughts are a normal part of this horrible place that we find ourselves. I am hoping to learn some coping methods but deep down I think the only thing that will make us feel better is time. I suppose by trying to keep positive and arranging lots of things to look forward to will hopefully make time pass ‘ore quickly. That’s my plan anyway!
Had an on ok day today, had a chat with OH and told him how I was feeling, a problem shared.... I did feel better having had the chat but I also feel bad loading my worries on to him.
How are you getting on with Tamoxifen? I haven’t really noticed any difference apart from slightly more regular flushes. Hope you have had a good day too x

[Kip]

Hi Michelle, wow what you've written could be me!  I am feeling the same.  We got a xmas tree yesterday and had a lovely time decorating with the children but all the time at the back of my head is "what if im not here to see this next year" .im too scared to look too far forward to and want to book a holiday but feel scared to tempt fate!  Ive been feeling really positive lately but today could cry.  My daughter told me the only thing she wants for xmas is me not to have cancer and be her old mum again!!  Breaks my heart and i try to brave it out for her but inside ☹️.   Must try positive thinking again...  Hope you are ok today?

Cdc when your consultant said the 1st year is the hardest he wasn't wrong!! 

Kipxxxx

[Michelle21]

Hi Claire, I don’t think my hospital offers an open invitation for follow up, that sounds like a great service, however I am going to see someone from the psychology dept on Tuesday so I will find out what they offer then. I also have ‘someone like me’ calling on Monday. I’m really looking forward to that because she was also HER2+ which is what I am currently worrying about. I thought I was feeling better as we went out with friends last night and had a good time and woke up in a good mood. I have booked a holiday this morning to Russia for us next June, I was really excited then I started to think what if it’s come back by then and now I feel really low. It’s difficult to pick yourself up from those dark moods isn’t it?
You must be so pleased your hair is coming back quickly! Like you Jean I’ve just had a crop. I’m not happy with mine its too short to try and get all the re growth to blend in. Having said that I have had lots of compliments. I plan to keep my hair short but not this short!
Jean id never heard of pollarding and have heard of it twice this week! We love watching escape to the chateaux with Dick Strawbridge and they have had their trees pollarded! Hope you got yours done ok.
Kip I hope you are enjoying the weekend break from rads. It all seems to be going ok for you apart from the journey, you are almost halfway now.
I hope you all enjoy the weekend xx