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Feel like a fraud

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Re: Feel like a fraud

HI Jem

 

I’ve got my last T on Tuesday so can’t wait to get through the next couple of weeks, I’m still very tired but just want to get it over & done with!

surprisingly my nails have been ok, they have not stopped growing & although I have shellac on them every 3 weeks my nails look good underneath.

Good luck with the tamoxifen - I’m hr- so I don’t need that but hope you cope ok - I’m 56 & have been through the menopause so I do understand but mine was over a couple of years - not thrown straight in like you!

My house needs a mega spring clean but I’ll worry about that next year...

I’m still walking most days but only 2-3km as my tiredness is catching up with me but am aiming to start jogging in the new year as I would like to be able to do a 5km race for life in the summer 

 

Take it easy

 

Jude x

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Jude I am hoping that your side effects have been better this cycle. It is so exciting to know you have finished too- what a journey! What is next for you?

i had a great hols - just what we all needed. I came home without the dark nails 😀🎉I'm now wearing a pink colour- my nails are yellow with lots of ridges- my thumb nail you can trace my 2 surgeries and each chemo cycle- but I kept them all 😀.

i had an appt with radiologist consultant this week- he was happy that treatment had gone according to plan and my skin hadn't broken down. So now referred back to oncologist for next 10 years. I've now started the dreaded Tamoxifen- I have a few hot flushes each day and 1 at 4ish in the morning- this seems to be pretty goons. They do appear to be triggered by sugar- if I have a biscuit or a piece of cake- should help the diet😂.

 

It does seem odd without all the appt but a good odd. I'm taking things slowly until Christmas and trying to sort the house- Hubble has been fab and we had a cleaner for 6 months- just the chins rooms and the play room to go- left the worst til last! Trying to keep the walking going and building up- aim by Christmas is 10km 3 times a week- think it's very doable.

 

take care Jem xx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jem

Thanks a lot. I’m hoping this coming week is more normal & side effect free, although I’m blooming tired!

How was your holiday? Hope you really relaxed & enjoyed quality time with the family.
How are you feeling? Is it a little bit strange not been dictated to by appointments? Or are you still having follow ups?

Take care

Jude x

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

read your blog today - as always well written. You are doing amazingly 1 more to go 🎉🎉. Hope today has been a good day.

jem xx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

 

Great news!!

Sounds like you’ve got a great oncologist there, just as you said!! It sounds a good compromise too and you’ll still be on track for finishing before Christmas! 

I’m good thank you; we have an Indian summer here and I’m sat in the garden making the most of it!!! It will be such a shock when the cold weather arrives.😞

Take care.

lots of love

Rosie xxx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

Quick update seen the oncologist today, gone through all issues / side effects from last cycle - decision made to keep on track with chemo scheduled dates but reduce the dosage by 20-25% as the effects will be cumulative over the next 2 cycles - hopefully it will all go ok
So fingers crossed I’m still on schedule to finish radiotherapy by 21st December

Hope you are keeping ok

Lots of love

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Ladies

 

Hope everyone is feeling ok this afternoon. The weather is lovely here again in sunny Burgundy - it’s a perfect Autumn day with beautiful sunshine, very still and calm, with temperatures of 24 degrees. Jem, this would be perfect for Audrey...she’d love it and be very well behaved! Congratulations on finishing your treatment and I hope that you’re relaxing and doing just what you want!!!

 

Jude, just reading your post, it sounds like you’ve had an appointment today, so I hope that’s gone well and they are looking after you. I guess you really want to stay on course for your treatment so that you don’t have any delays; I think you’ll be finished by Christmas then if my calculations are right. Hope the writing is going well still. 

 

Lisa, this is lovely walking (rambling) weather...I managed 8 kilometres on Sunday - have you got any further with making plans for a group? 

 

I hope that everyone is doing well and coping with treatment and se’s.

sending love and hugs from across the channel.

Rosie xx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jem

Well done on finishing active treatment 👏👏👏
You so deserve a lovely holiday - I’m presuming the children are on half term, so you will have a fabulous time - try & relax & don’t overdo it!
The moving on course sounds interesting, I’m sure there are a few useful nuggets to pull from these courses.
I’d booked myself on a look good feel better course for next Tuesday but since my hospital stay I’ve now got to see the oncologist on the same day so will have to change it. I’m not sure what the oncologist is going to say whether he will tweak my treatment? It should be Tuesday 23rd so I’m hoping that it doesn’t get delayed.
I used paracetamol & nurofen for the bone pain as codeine doesn’t really agree with me - although they didn’t work that well!

Have a fab hols

Lots of love

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi ladieS, have been r adding your posts but sorry not replied sooner.

jude- so pleased that you are home, hoping you are resting. Docetaxol is rather horrid but apparently very effective. I feel for you with the shooting bone pain- I was like an old lady too. Ask your onc what they recommend re pain relief. I had coedine for the last one, I was very very spaced out but without the pain- all a balancing act. Hope you were treated well in Casea NHS. When are you scheduled for your next chemo?

 

Rosie Posie - hoping you are getting some of the warmer weather this weekend. A few days this week has been really warm here on the south coast -22 degrees and sunny. Yesterday was windy and really autumnal- a challenge with Audrey- needed to adjust to be tighter fitting!!

 

yorkshire Tyke - pleased Tamoxifen se are being kind to you. I start in 2 weeks. Was so encouraged reading your post, thank you-  you tend to hear the horrid stories.

 

Lisa hope all is well. Walking is really good for us, join the rambling group-hopefully you will really enjoy,  if you don't like it you don't have to go again. 

 

Yesterday i I finished active treatment 🛎🛎🎉🎉after 8 months. It has been hard, really really hard at times, I've hated putting my family through this. But we've done it and have come out the other side. I know the next phase is hard but I need to keep focussed on moving on. I've started the BCC moving on course- would recommend a look. The first week was not great but 2nd was really helpful- I need to have a bag of tools to help me move forward from all this - I need to carefully select the most helpful tools to add and ditch the others. I now have a week to get ready to go on hols- off to Portugal😀. Due to the fatigue from radiotherapy I think it's going to take me all week to pack😥. I'm usually someone with lots of energy and would normally fit in packing for us all around a hundred other things- not at the mo- it seems to take me ages to do anything. Good news on travel insurance- we gave an annual family policy. Hubble rang yesterday to inform them of diagnosis and that all active treatment completed-no extra charge😀😀

enjoy the weekend xx

 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Lisa

Weather is chilly and grey so let’s put our ramble on hold!!😂 I’ll let you know when the temperatures are back up to 24 degrees...too much autumn mist around that doesn’t clear during the day. 

Hope you’re feeling ok today.

Sending love from France.

Rosie xx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

 

Glad you’re home...you’re so right too. There is no place..! Hope you’ve got you’re feet up and everyone is spoiling you.

I was wondering how you were earlier this evening - it sounded as though it got worse before it improved for you? At least they acted quickly and didn’t take any chances either - a private room doesn’t sound too bad.

You can sleep in your own bed tonight, though.😊

 

All Ok here but I’m afraid the lovely weather we were promised hasn’t materialised yet. The early morning autumn mist has come and decided to stay all day leaving us chilly and grey. It’s crazy when I think we had temperatures of 26 degrees at the end of last week. 😞 

Take care and look after yourself.

Sending hugs and love.

Rosie xxx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

There’s no place like home x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi All

Quick update - starting to feel a lot better - white blood count has massively improved, got to have more IV antibiotics tonight & again in the morning then hopefully they will let me go home. Temp is still a bit erratic but should settle by the morning. They might send me home with oral antibiotics & I may have to see the oncologist before my next chemo in case he wants to change anything

Elaine - good to see you are doing ok on tamoxifen, some side effects are obviously better than others!

Take care

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

She sees the oncologist today so I guess she will have a better idea of what the treatment plan is afterward.
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude,

 

Just about to complete month 3 of the Tamoxifen. So far so good, no major SE's a tad warmer than normal (but i used to really feel the cold) and no periods (yipee) so no more problems with my iron levels.

 

I have to say I had liquid morphine to take home after my operation. Knocked my out cold!

 

Hope your weel enough to be released from hospital.

 

Elaine

 

 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie & Lisa

Thanks a lot for your support!

Had a shocking nights sleep (must have been the strange bed), more IV antibiotics this morning & my temp was higher this morning than yesterday so they are not working as yet!
Doctors due round shortly so should know a bit more later

Hope you are both ok

Lots of love

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie, I wouldnt mind joining you in France to have a ramble! Everything going okay here apart from the fact we are not experiencing 24 degrees! 🌞 more like 🌧. Hugs. Lisa x
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Re: Feel like a fraud

Jude, you poor thing. I do hooe you get better quickly and get a decent nights sleep. Am sure they will let you out as soon as you are ready but let them look after you. Sending hugs. X

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Lisa

Thank you for the hugs and sending warm ones back to you too. You have had quite a journey from what I’ve read farther back in the thread so I hope you’re doing ok and I can only imagine your ‘inflation’. 😉Xx

The idea of a ramblers Group is great and I’m sure there would be plenty of ladies interested in your area. I’m a bit far away...we live in France but I love walking too. Hope you get lots of response if you go ahead with your plans. Keep up with the writing (ramblings) too.

 

Hi Yorkshire Tyke,

Fortunately our weather is still good, expecting around 24 degrees later this week again and, like you, the leaves are looking beautiful here too.🍁🍂 As Jude said, congratulations on the promotion and I know how you feel when someone else is diagnosed...it takes you back to that time too. Try and keep positive and look after yourself.

 

Sending love and hugs to everyone.

Love Rosie.xx

 

 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

Poor you! 

I was looking at the forum with the intention of replying to the thread this evening...and you pop up!!! 

I do hope you’ll have a comfortable night and that the drugs do their work for you. Fingers crossed they’ll let you home in the morning but I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry. 

Take care and look after yourself.

Sending love and hugs.

Rosie xxx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Ladies

Well I spoke too soon!
Been admitted to hospital at tea time today with a temperature, white blood count is low so having to stay in & have IV antibiotics. Still having bad bone pain so they will give me a bit of liquid morphine for that 👀
Hopefully I’ll get a decent night sleep

Take care

Jude x

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Lisa

Sounds like the inflators are working out ok, hope it’s not too uncomfortable. It must be a bit strange to see your boobs growing like that! Sounds like your hair is looking lovely, can’t wait for mine to come back!!
Keep writing as it will be good therapy for you if nothing else & will be interesting to read back on in later years
Your ramble suggestion sounds a great idea. I live in Huddersfield but do have a walk every day mainly on my own & a bit slow at times but do up to 6km depending how I am feeling

Take care all

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi ladies, sorry not posted for a while, been trying to get through these inflations I am having. Despite all going through Ive had to laugh, whilst lying on the coach being inflated Dave could see my boobs rising, the surgeon says I be going up a cup size each week! Jude am sorry you have some pains and you feel like an old lady, I so hope this lessons and you can cope with it better. I hope the pain killers work for you. My hair started to grow back straight after my last chemo which was July and I have what looks like an army buzz cut, it looks quite sexy so my neighbour says! Last to start coming back has been my eye lashes. Not quite there with them yet. As for my writing. Its just my ramblings, to make me feel better, I might eventually have them published for friends and family, like others its been a way to get my feelings out. Will probably have my radiotherapy in November as cant have that until all the inflation has been done. Not sure when I start my Herceptin drug for the year. 

 

I do apologise as want to reply to everyone on here but my brain wont hold a lot of information(!) and I dont know how to,scroll down to posts to reread them so I know what I am answering if you get what I mean, no, neither do I!!! I do really haha. Just want to wish everyone well and what ever you are going through my thoughts, best wishes are for you and I hope you can catch these warm hugs I am sending out. ❤️❤️.

 

Not sure where any of you are from but I am from scarborough, North Yorkshire, when I was in the Magnolia Centre in York for treatment I saw a notice for a local light rambling group, am wondering if anyone near where I live would like to do something like that. It would be nice to get together and have some gentle walks whilst building up our strength. Am thinking of putting a notice up in the local hospitals Cancer Care Centre what do you think? 

 

Love to all. Lisa x

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie
Pleased to hear to are ok & still enjoying some autumnal sun - lucky you!
Today I feel like an old lady - I’ve got intermittent shooting pains all over my body & feel like I’ve been kicked by a horse. I’ve also got tingling hands & toes - it is all manageable & to be fair in my mind these se’s are better than feeling sick!
Elaine - congrats on the promotion & having the holidays to look forward to. Sorry to hear about the other ladies diagnosis - it’s strange that it’s almost more upsetting to hear about someone else than it was for yourself. I didn’t realise you were on tamoxifen, hope you are coping ok with the se’s.
Jem - I started with the pain killers today just to keep on top of it & have been moisturising my nails as receomnended! My eyebrows & lashes are going fast now but surprisingly my nails are still growing!
Well done on getting 2/3 of the way through rads without too much trouble, other than the fatigue - you are nearly there!!
Enjoy your daughters birthday, it will be worth every bit of hassle & tiredness

Hope everyone is doing ok - take care all

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi lovely ladies

jude- how are the injections going? I just had 1 after each T. The mis of T and injections can cause bone pain- start pain killers before or as soon as it starts. You are doing so amazingly well - keep going 1 day at a time.

rosie Posie - autumn sunshine is lovely - amazing day here with temp of 22!

Yorkshire Tyke - sorry you have found it difficult when others are diagnosed- take time for yourself as it bring back all sorts of emotions.

Tiger72 - how are you doing?

Billie - welcome to our little forum thread. Hope your results were good.

hope I haven't forgotten anybody.

im now 2 weeks into 3 weeks of radiotherapy. It is very different to chemo. Most of the side effects of chemo have now gone 😀- my sore leg muscles still remain but are getting better. The pain in my fingers is going. 😀I still have all my nails- keep them covered Jude and moisturise the nail bed frequently - esp on T. I am very very fatigued at the mo, hightens about 2:45 each day- just as I pick up children and embark on fully time Mummy mode- so far have made dinner in a morning and put in fridge/slo cooker. Been busy planning daughters birthday weekend- I have tried to make it easier than other years but not sure how I'll keep going, then on Sunday family meal and cake/games here. Currently sat on sofa enjoying film with the children - what Friday evenings are for.

enjoy your weekends xx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello Ladies,

 

It been some time since I posted anything.

 

Jude, I've been catching up with your blog. I so hope that everything goes well for you with the change in chemo drugs and you manage to get through the radiotheraphy before Xmas. It will be a massive relief for you. Compared to what you've been through with the chemo the rads will be a doddle. Drink loads of water and make sure you moisturise your skin regularly.

 

RosiePosie your so lucky you can still sit outside! It's definately Autumn here, the leaves are all changing colour and it's cold (despite the hot flush side effects of the Tamoxifen!) so I'm wrapped up warm!

 

Since I last submitted a blog I'be booked 3 skiing holidays and got a promotion at work. The sharks and turtles will have to wait until later next year Jude.

 

It's bizarre how well you can look after going through such a traumatic diagnosis. Everyone keeps telling e how happy and well I look (even people who don't know what I've been through). Everything is sadly brought back down to earth for me by the fact that their is another lady a the gym who was diagnosed just before me and is going through chemo and another who has just been diagnosed. Finding out that someone else I know is about to embark on this journey really upset me. I so know how she feels at the moment, it was hard not to burst in to tears with her.

 

Have a great weekend everyone. Be kind to yourselves.

 

Yorkshire Tyke

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

Lovely to hear from you and I’m glad that your T chemo went well and that the herceptin injection caused you no issues - fingers crossed that it’s still the same today. I expect you’re a bit fed up with needles and injections at the moment but I hope the medication does it’s job for you. I guess it’s all ‘research and information’ for your next blog post too. 😉

The sun is shining here today and I’m sat in the garden enjoying the late summer with a cup of tea. Felt I deserved a little bit of down time now after this week.

 

I hope you have a lovely weekend and that you continue to feel ok. Sending love and hugs.

Take care.

love Rosie xxx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

You’ve had a busy few days - enjoy your evening & then chill out tomorrow (after the after dinner clean up) 😂
I had my first herceptin injection on Monday & had no issues, just a long day as had to stay on the ward to be monitored for 6 hours & was then awake most of the night as had to have double steroids prior to the first T chemo !
Chemo went surprisingly well - feeling ok at the minute, no nausea or sickness & am eating normally. I start a week’s course of injections tomorrow to stimulate my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells. The district nurse will come & show me how to do the first one. Apparently it’s this injection that can cause severe bone pain so could be interesting!
Thanks for your kind words - I do enjoy putting all my thoughts into words through my blog

Take care, lots of love

Judex
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello you lovely

Ladies

I hope you are all doing well today. Haven’t posted for a while but I’ve been reading the forum - have spent the last few days conquering my holiday washing and ironing. I also organised friends around for dinner tonight too so have spent the day in the kitchen. Feel like I need my bed now. 😞 Not such great planning!!!

 

Jude I hope you are well and not suffering too much with se’s - I’m not sure if you’ve had your next chemo or not. Sending hugs and hope that you are not feeling too low. Loved your lastest blog...it must be so good to hear how we are all enjoying it. Keep up the good work and look after yourself.😘

 

Sending hugs Jem, hope the day is going well for you and that that sunshine is still there. It’s pretty much Autumn here now, although there are some warm days predicted for the end of the week. Fingers crossed. 😘

 

Welcome to Tiger and Billie as the other ladies have said there is a lot of support here and some lovely ladies to cheer you on and give you their advice. Hope the results are good.

 Take care everyone.

lots of love from France 🇫🇷

Rosie xx

 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Billie

It is a strange situation we are all in - sorry to hear that you are part of it
Well done on getting through your op ok - let us know what your treatment involves & we will be here to support you
Take care

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jem

How are you doing with the rads?
How are you feeling a week on emotionally, hope it has all settled down & you are feeling ok - as they say better out then in!

Take care x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude,

i feel the same was diagnosed on 11/09  had surgery 3 weeks ago go back on Tuesday to find out the rest of my treatment plan. And every day I get told how healthy I look 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude,

i feel the same was diagnosed on 11 th sept had surgery 3 weeks ago go back on Tuesday to find out the rest of my treatment plan. And every day I get told how healthy I look 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Tiger, welcome to our little group, as Jude said sorry that you find yourself here. I hope recovery after mastectomy is going well, try and keep up with the exercises see- definitely worth keeping going. I remember thinking I don't look like I have/had cancer after my op. I really hope your results are good and you don't need chemo. However if they recommend then you have to go with it- we will be there cheering you on, as will others on this forum.

let us know how your results go. Be kind to yourself in recovery from op.

xx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Tiger72

Good to hear from you,but sorry you are in the club that no one wants to be in!

It is very surreal isn’t it? I feel like I’m in a parallel universe at times & up to press I’m not sure what the answer is in how to mentally accept everything

Hope your test results are all ok - let us know how you get on

Take care

Jude x

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Member

Feel like a fraud

I saw the title of the post and had to reply. I said those very words to someone just the other day!

 

I found out I had breast cancer in June and 2 weeks ago I had a mastectomy and an expander put in. Since then I feel really well. I am waiting for test results in 2 weeks but I neither look or feel like I have cancer. Do get a bit of pain now and then but that's it.

 

Sorry to butt in on the conversation! 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

I saw the title of the post and had to reply. I said those very words to someone just the other day!

 

I found out I had breast cancer in June and 2 weeks ago I had a mastectomy and an expander put in. Since then I feel really well. I am waiting for test results in 2 weeks but I neither look or feel like I have cancer. Do get a bit of pain now and then but that's it.

 

Sorry to butt in on the conversation! 

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

Enjoy the last new days of your hols - you’ve done really well with the weather

First mammogram after diagnosis is definitely a bit scary, I keep hearing about scanxiety & I think it sits in the back of everyone’s minds. Thinking of you & sending positive thoughts your way

I’ve kept up my walking & am doing around 6km a day & even started a bit of slow jogging in between - get me!

Lots of love

Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jem

I’ve got my first herceptin next Monday & then first T on the Tuesday - feeling a bit nervous if I’m honest!
Nails are all ready, hopefully they will be ok...

Well done on starting your rads, the tears will be a good thing - at some point it has to come out or you will have issues later. Saying that I’ve not cried properly yet, but hopefully something will set me off!

That’s good if your hair is coming back this quickly. I’ve only lost a few lower eyelashes on one eye & my eyebrows aren’t much different as yet - maybe T will destroy them!

Hope your rads go well - the main thing I heard is keep well hydrated & use lots of moisturiser!

Lots of love
Jude x
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello ladies,

Jem, thank you. We are still on holiday, another couple of days left. The weather has been very warm for late September so we have been lucky. It’s helped me to forget a little and it was my 60th birthday treat too. 

However I'm still popping into the forum to see how everyone is.

Jude I hope you are enjoying your week of feeling normal and have managed to so some things to make you happy. Enjoy the moment.

Lisa, you have been through a really tough time and I think you shouldn’t feel guilty at all about work. You are more important than anything and you’ve still got a bit of a journey ahead of you.

I am in awe of you all, ladies! Today you make me feel like the fraud, after what you have all been through.

I do feel as though I am on the mend now, although in just over a month I will be facing my first mammogram since February and it’s scary. Trying not to think about it.

In the meantime I’m heading out for a walk along the beach and get some exercise.

Tale care of yourselves and I’m thinking of you all.

lots of love from the south of France 😎🏖

Rosie xxx

Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Jude you sound like you are doing well on this cycle 😊when does T start? I know you are prepared with finger nails- keep them moisturised, especially at the bottom. So far I’ve kept all mine😊. I’m now 3 weeks post chemo- it felt good yesterday not starting another cycle. I started radiotherapy on Monday - 15 sessions in all. It’s ok, different to chemo. But a Lisa Marie said tears must come at some point- mine arrived on Monday😢quite unexpected - just kept crying. Think there will be more. I just feel like I got off one horrid rollercoaster to move on to a different one.
My hair is starting to come back - I was blond but now grey/white/blond/darker bits. I’ve always had fine hair but what is coming through is like fine baby hair- just hoping it won’t be curly too. Eyebrows & eyelashes - T was not good for them. Eyebrow pencil and waterproof eyeliner come everywhere with me.
Lisa Marie how’ve you started back at work yet? If so hope going well. Agree with you re putting on your face, feeling like a fraud but albeit a happier one that only people who I’ve chosen to tell will ever know . So many people have commented on my new shorter hairstyle- even asking who cut it!! Thankfully I don’t need to lie as went to a salon and had it trimmed!!
Rosie Posie hope you had a great time in the south of France
Xx
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Lisa

It’s good to talk!
When did your chemo finish? I’m curious as to how long it takes for your hair to start growing back. I’ve had a bob of varying lengths for the last 10 years or so but did have it shorter before & always quite liked it - I’m already wondering how you get it into a style as it starts to grow & I’m only halfway through chemo!
Sorry - a wle is a wide local excision (back in the day it was called a lumpectomy), I was quite lucky in that due to the position of my tumours they used the sane incision to get the tumours & the sentinel lymph node so I only have 1 scar
I started a blog as well to try & use as therapy as well as updating everyone without having to talk to them all separately 😂
I like reading other blogs - can you send me a link to yours? Or us it just for your personal musings?

I do feel for you if you are scared, it sometimes feels like you just have to put one step forward at a time & manage the hours/days rather than looking too far forward
Regarding the tablets for ten years- people can be very thoughtless but I don’t think it’s deliberate I think it’s more because they don’t really know what to say but think they have to say something.
I like to think that when I’ve got through the rest of the chemo, the rads, herceptin & bisphosphonates that I will be a better more rounded person

Take care

Jude x
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Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude, fatique, yep that is my worse nightmare, like you when I go out I like to make the most, I dont wear my wig or a scarf anymore, my hair as started to come back, very very short, like an army buzz cut but am so fortunate it actually suits me, I may go as far as saying a neighbour says it looks sexy, but like you, if he saw me in the house, no lippy on and in my pjamas as so tired cant get out of them he may feel differently. Haha. Im very tired and when someone says I look great Im so pleased but think if you only knew how I felt, because I dont tell them, not even family. I dont say well I feel like,S*#’, I’m scared, I’m exhausted, I find it hard to look at my chest and scars, am desparate to have a good cry and get these tears out but they never come. Oh well, will have to keep going round as a fraud! What has helped though is throughout all this since being diagnosed 1st March, the chemo, surgery, and what is to come my radio, herceptin amd tablets etc I have been writing. Ive found it has helped as all my real feelings are down on paper. All kind of fruits I’ve called it seeing as my boobs changed shape so much during treatment and when had padding on them looked like melons haha. Jude you havent ONLY had a wle (I will confess don't know what that means) no matter what treatment any of us has had we have all got the same hopes, fears etc am sure. Hoping to go back to work in couple weeks, am so fortunate to have great employers who will let me take it easy and the hours I can manage. On with the lippy, no mascara yet as eyelashes not grown back but strangly my eyebrows have! Lovely to chat with you albeit on the forum. Take care. X. Oh yeh someone said to me when I told them what lies ahead, oh tablets for ten years, thats alright you can manage them. I could have throttled them!! 

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Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Lisa

Crikey you’ve had a tough time of it & you’ve still got radiotherapy, herceptin & a possible reconstruction to come! I don’t have experience of a mx but try not to be rushed into your decision as you may feel different in a few months

I find it a bit irritating now when people (who’ve not been through it) tell me how well I look when I’ve made an effort, wig on & makeup. If they saw me at home nauseous, shaky, bald & scarred (I only had a wle rather than mx) they might think differently. Not that I want to look rough when I’m out but it does all support the ‘fraud’ element. I still feel like I’m in a parallel universe at times & I’m watching it happen to me.

Saying that I’m totally with you - life is for living so I’m trying to still do the things I enjoy without totally knackering myself - this fatigue malarky is tiring!! 😂

Take care

Jude x

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Re: Feel like a fraud

Just come across this thread, using this site as need advice regarding reconstruction. I know how you all felt about feeling like a fraud. Apart from an itchy boob there I was healthy and happily working with no aches and pains or cares in the world. Now I am bald and boobless!! Six months of chemo, double mastectomy, 10/10 cancerous lymph nodes removed, internal bleeding emergency surgery and blood transfusion etc etc... but I look so well! Everyone who sees me tells me so, its like I cant be poorly. It has wiped me out and I do feel guilty about work, only doing a few hours three days a week (at the moment not working as recovering from mastectomy). Got radiotherapy to come, a years supply of Herceptin in local chemo unit and then ten years of tablets.... along with a reconstruction if I choose to go ahead. Like a lot of ladies, Ive not been able to cry just got on with battling it, besides my husband has cried buckets for me! Ive had to laugh though, before the hospital got hold of me I was a healthy thing now am so different. We just dont know whats around the corner do we. Live each day to the fullest thats what I say. Hugs to all you out there. X

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Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

Thank you - that’s very kind of you

Hope you have a lovely holiday, I bet it’s still warm in the south of France - enjoy every minute

I’m just starting to feel normal so am looking forward to the next week or so before going onto T chemo & herceptin

Have a lovely weekend everyone

Jude x
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Re: Feel like a fraud

Morning Ladies

 

Just popped into say hello - we are on holiday in the south of France at the moment but I wanted to see how you all were.

Jude, I’m so glad you had a great day at the races and you looked absolutely gorgeous in the photo! Beautiful lady in your stunning outfit. I can imagine that you felt tired afterwards and hope that you had a relaxing weekend to make up for it.

 

Jem, well done you for all this walking! It is very therapeutic and good for you physically too. I think you’ll find it gets easier. I realise now that I can’t walk quite a long way without feeling tired now - the old body is getting there!!! You hang on in there and continue to improve. 

 

Glad your rads are finished Yorkshire Tyke, Elaine. Hope you’re feeling well too.

Take care all of you and I’m sending love and hugs from France.

Love Rosie xxx

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Re: Feel like a fraud

Life revolving** around appointments 😂😂
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Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Elaine

Thanks for the additional info on the rads process - I’ve got an appointment on Wednesday with a radiotherapy consultant from St James but I’m seeing her at Bradford Royal Infirmary so it’s possibly just to check the scar area & to discuss timescales. I’ve had a cardiac rest test today at BRI & am seeing the oncologist next week so am starting to feel like a proper patient! Life receiving around appointments!
Hope your skin gets back to normal ASAP & you can start to relax & enjoy life to the full

Go swim with those turtles 🐢

Take care

Jude x