hands warmer today! Appointments commence next week and chasing one up re lymphodema as my elbow is much more swollen now - really dont want to have to wear an obvious sleeve all the time! Diet going well, might not seem like much but I havent have a beverage since Sunday, oh maybe that is why I am not sleeping!!!!! I looked well on Monday but as the week wearing on Im looking tired and worn out at night but yoga starts next Thrusday!!
Holidays...... well Ive started looking at recon and going to try and push my breast MRI which spots things at a much earlier stage but they only do about 100 a year and on brca carriers so if that is all clear I will hopefully book in for later in the year , sad but I want some time back at work! I was also thinking my parents go on holiday to Florida in May and might surprise them and land for a week, but need to think about it first as not sure how I will handle swimming costume, vest tops as my scar is sooo high so will wait and see. Might have a trip to Dublin for some family birthday, have withdrawel symptons as havent been last year and go every year. Maybe a little trip somewhere nice in england would be better and then have a bigger one next year - bit hard as I dont have any single friends.
Well better get back to it!!!
p.s. Lily, sounds like you will really have your hands full when you go back to work! I said I would be more sensible but already got a lot on boss thinks Im back on form (which is nice to hear....but) and already havent left at home time yet!!!
hi everyone, its the old lady (well thats what i feel like anyway), the back is still the same , i have had to say i cant go in work tommorow, because i still cant get about properly and i cant bend which i need to to pick up the little ones. ive tried just talking to them but they wont settle sometimes.
i feel awful taking time off but i cant do nothing about this,so i just have done what i can do, heat pad, tabs,and seen the doc man thats all i can do i dont like the situation but what choice do i have but to accept it? i am concerned i wont manage the job because i find it really hard getting up and down off the floor as well, my joints ache so much, anyone else? they seemed understanding at work, but who knows what there thinking, but again its out of my control.
i think youd better find your self a sugar daddy, to pay for the wedding, that would be the answer to all your troubles? what you where saying about being here in the future, rang a few bells,, i try to not think about it most of the time, but if the truths known now and again i fear for my children, if im not around because we share certain things now, which they dont talk to their father about. but i try to pull myself back to reality and think why worry about things that might not happen, my husband just says nobody knows how long theyve got. so the old saying, "dont worry about tommorow, for today as enough of its own worries." is true i say. and its a lot easier to cope with the present day, so if we just focus on that well be ok.
take care everyone.x
hope your back is better, its just horrid isnt it! im more frustrated by this than bc i think!
congratulations on being back at work all of you. I guess I am the last one to make that big step. Lazy bones. Mind you teaching is heavy on stress, so you have to feel pretty strong to get out there and do battle with the masses. I am thinking of going back in about 3 weeks so I will work for 3 weeks before half term in case I can't keep up with things. It is mainly the huge amounts of marking to be done and reports take hours. I used to work all weekend and most evenings and really have to try to get a better balance to reduce stress. I am now used to having more personal time too. I am looking forward to getting full wages back again. We have managed ok but changed our lifestyle quite a bit as we usually eat out a lot and treat the family to meals. Tomato soup at home for the last 4 months!! LOL .
My son has his first A level module tomorrow so I have been testing him on business studies most evenings. I hope it is going in! He runs out of time in most exams so I have been trying to get him out of his usual horizontally relaxed state. He gets distracted in a second by tv, phone,ipod, movies, football, girls!! You name it, anything is better than school work right now. I might have to go out shopping to distract myself tomorrow as I now have all the facts roaring round my head. I had my Grandson today as he was still too poorly to go to nursery. Not fair I had to give him 2 doses of nasty penicillin!!! He was not impressed and did a tongue block to tip it off the spoon, a real expert!
Is anyone going away this year, apart from bev who is somewhere nice as we speak? I am going to book a holiday in the next week to encourage myself to go back to work! Tehs chools break up really early this year in our area so we can catch a cheaper deal sometimes. Always high seson when we go away unfortunately
Lisa my daughter gets really cold hands and has been wearing fingerless gloves, don't know if that would help you? Nicky hope the work pile goes down and the brain says the right things on the phone. I say really stupid things and it drives me mad. it will be terrible when I am back at school!
Unfortunately coldness in the hands is a side effect of Arimidex :-( Hope you warm up soon!
1st day back was OK, at least the office is warm. Caught up on lots I was meant to do in December and now ploughing through all the calls I have to make this month! At least it keeps me busy!
Day 3 at work and could fall asleep if I wasnt in a frozen upright position - think or hope its a side effect of the tablets as just cant get warm, my fingers are the worst and at night have fire on and heating and can walk dog wrapped up and be okay but then sit cold in house! Wierd eh! Think we all have aches and pains hopefully downto weather too!!
Angie - good luck with the packing
Nicky - good luck today
Lorraine - hope the back feels easier soon
Lily - wowsers, get saving!!!!
Brrrrr, it's cold isn't it? Last day of 'freedom' for me yesterday as I'm back at work today. It's so strange having worked all through chemo (when I could) and then been laid low since then especially during December when I didn't work at all. It will be odd going back but I'm looking forward to it as a) I will be earning money again, b) They will be heating me during the day, c) I will be back with friends and d) there's nothing else to do in January and February! I chased around yesterday doing most of my odds and sods but still have a long list of things to catch up on. I'm not back full time yet so I will take it easy and still have a couple of days off a week. All of you who are back at work I hope it's going OK and be careful that you don't get too tired even if it seems your job is 'easy'. Sounds like yours isn't at the moment, Lorraine. It's so easy to pull your back and I expect we are all a lot less strong than we think we are. I hope it calms down with some painkillers or just not bending again - maybe see your GP if things don't improve today? Is it in an area where you have mets? I would think that they (it) may be weaker anyway so may cause more pain than other places. Try and rest up today if you have the day off, it would be awful if this stops you going back this week to work, I'm sure they'd understand but, as you say, doesn't look so good on your 4th day!
Angie - hope your back improves as well and the packing goes well. Are you a hoarder or a ditcher? I throw out all sorts of things and then remember them a few years later when I either need them or they are back in fashion! Can't be doing with clutter though - now, why does that surprise you all? Exciting to be moving though especially if it's in the same area - it must mean you love being there. We moved back to our 'original' area to this house 3 years ago and it's the best thing we did. We'd only gone about 10 miles away but to a world of difference - and old people! We love being back here where most of our friends are plus it's so convenient for all sorts of things. Hope the weather doesn't hold you up with any clearing up, at least it's not pouring.
Lily - wow, scary numbers you're talking about for the wedding! I think I'd feel similar that it would be nice to give them the money and have a much quieter celebration but you also want to do what they would want. With both of mine off to uni in September I'm hoping we have a few more years before any such plans start being talked about! Hubby's are very positive and don't like to hear the 'not sure if I'll be here bit'. I'm further down the road on that one (unfortunately) but it's something I try not to think about and OH definitely doesn't so I guess we won't. Our good friend Lorraine has the right attitude on that one! On the H front, I was in M & S yesterday and saw a lady with a short crop, like mine, but it was almost silver. It got me thinking again about going light or blond! Will discuss with my errant hairdresser when I track him down but will stick to wiggie for a few more weeks. Just want it all to look good for daughter's 18th.
Lisa - hope memory improves - I hope mine is OK when I get back today, at times the words do not come out right which is a pain as my job is to talk on the phone all day!
Will have to sign off now as youngest needs to print off something before heading to college.
Sorry to all I've not mentioned and hope you are all doing OK and not freezing!
thanks for all your messages. Well the expensive and the cheaper venue have been more or less removed from the list, which leaves us with her final 2 favourites next weekend, both start at Â£8000 (ok if I say it quickly)!!! Now you see why I am worried about my Victor wanting to splash out on anything to make it perfect. The expensive one was almost Â£13000 so I expected something really special for that. I would rather they paid it off their mortgage or had a fantastic honeymoon and had a smaller do. I have also had to start dropping hints to people that they might not be invited. Not a nice task but I thought if I mentioned it looks like it will be a small wedding as very expensive, and that they are choosing the guest list, no-one would try to work on me. My Mother has already had 4 attempts at who is bridesmaid so I am protecting my daughter from getting a guilt complex about her own wedding. She is very sensitive about these sort of things normally but has been determined to make it her day and have her sisters and her best friend standing next to her, and not stray relatives of the right age. I am not at all patient with any negative comments from others or interference so hope that stops soon. Still better I hear it and then she can carry on sailing along on her little cloud of happiness with a big grin on her face. Enough of weddings for now.
Angie, I agree aqueous is rubbish. It got so annoying that I rang the hospital and was sent to the GP for hydrocortisone cream. The nurse said I was the 2nd lady to go in like that and she did not ahve any expertise on the matter so prescribed what they said. The rads nurse said you cannot use Zinc creams while having treatment because of the metal content but was not sure about afterwards. I wanted to use sudocrem. The local little Boots did not have aloe vera cream to try!! Anyway the cortisone has taken the sting out immediately and it has now moved on to itching. Is yours really dark? Mine is bordering on Jamaican colouring and peeling a bit tonight. I tried the aluminium free doedorants but they are hopeless. A researcher told a friend that when they dissect armpit nodes they find aluminium, so advised her to avoid it. My good intentions have gone again. I have read that the greatest threat is being overweight so that is my big one to work on, might try the others later. I really want to swim as exercise though. M & S food would be great but the venues will only let you use approved caterers, who start at a high price per head, that is where most of the cost is coming from. Nicky well done for fixing the boiler, my Mum's does that if the water pressure changes and has to reset it. It went 3 times recently so might be the cold weather I guess. A bit late to get the to elope, might suggest that to the other 3 though!! I would get saving now for your 2. There is a lot of peer pressure to have a big event that we could do without. I hated taking the tinsel down too and moped about a bit. Focusing on her 18th sounds like a good idea. The wedding makes me go maudlin too at times as it is so far away. I ventured the ccomment to Victor 'I hope I am still here to see it' and he said that was a ridiculous thing to say. You just can't help it some says can you? He said he has not for one single minute thought I might not make it through this. Well glad one of us was ok then! Must have been me doing all the worrying and grey hairs. Nice to have that level of belief and peace of mind. I am still working on mine though. Really hope you get your H how you want it soon.
Lisa I have not been to work for 10 months now. Well done you for getting it all back together again. Hope the memory kicks in to do all the new jobs!! I am frozen all the time too. Took my temp yesterday and it was 34.4, my friend said the chemo might have affected my thyroid. If I am going to get thyroid trouble I am only accepting the kind that makes you thin, not the put on weight one!!! Enjoy your books again.
Lorraine hope your back eases soon. Could you try kneeling down to talk to the children instead of picking them up? Hope it is not too painful now. Same for Angie's poor back too. I will be very careful with my big tank of a grandson when he says pick me up Nanna. He has had a high temo since new years eve when he was sick on me, so went to the Gp today. Little dear screamed from the second he went in apparently so the doc gave in and gave her antibiotics as could not get his stethoscope near his chest. Glad I don't have to talk him into taking the medicine!
Keep warm everyone
That's so odd. Did exactly the same thing 5 days ago... bent over to stroke the dog... wasn't even picking anything up, been like a little old lady since.
I can only guess that we're all a bit weak.
I got get packing to move too!
im a little frustrated today, feel fine in myself but my back is really painful, i bent to pick up one of the little ones and my back went. i could hardly move, they were understanding but it dont look good on your 4th day,(ive never suffered with back pain before..) another reason i need to lose this weight.i hope it gets better tommorow when im off, dont wont to finish the job i like it. why is nothing plain sailing?
hope you are all well
Cold again! Sitting at work freezing. Had a minor breakthrough yesterday, read for the first time since diagnosed - used to love it but for some reason couldnt pick a book up since - well it was a cheesy good one, went to bed early at 11.30pm and was still up at 2.30am reading! Well back to the grindstone, boss has decided now Im back to give me all my work back, maybe he thinks my memory is back too!!!!
Brrr. I'll second the freezing fingers lisa.
re makeup and skin goodies basically if you can't pronounce all the ingredients it don't slap it on LOL. I treated myself to a little mineral makup kit from the states on ebay, jsut pure minerals and little trial sizes but they're so great. You can use the powder dry like eyeshadow or dip a fine brush in water and then into the pwoder to make wet eyeliners etc. It's great. Can give you a link to people on ebay if you like. Unlike normal rubbish makeup leaving it on can be better for your skin rather than make you wake up looking like a panda lol. Best Â£20 I ever spent on makeup.
Bare Essentials are a well known brand over here, it's the same stuff pretty much. I'm just sticking with organic things when it comes to smellies.
Good luck with the boiler Nicky... what a time to conk out on you, it's coldest winter in decades and we all have short hair and cr@p heating... grrr..
Got a friend on the phone to Tommy. Him and his missus are pregnant (OK so technically she's the pregnant one) and my other best mate's baby will be here in 2 weeks, she hates pink and baby blue so we don't talk about babies or treatments as we're both sick of docs as I'm sure you all know.
Lots of love
Well, things have improved. Sp to boiler man and he said try the reset buttons, did so and hey presto I have heat and hot water again. I seem to have a boiler that needs a lot of TLC so I have learnt a bit about it, must add this bit to my repertoire! Stupid oil fired thing that it is!
I meant to have mentioned the dreaded H again on earlier post - I am cursed in this department! Colour is defo not me, too reddy and a few shades too dark so have decided to keep to wiggie for a while longer - glad I didn't put them in the bin or give them to the hospital! Will get my colour re-done when I can get hold of my hairdresser and ditch wiggie when I'm comfortable with how things look. I was getting very stressed about this the other night so didn't sleep well at all but that's just me I guess! Tip to get the H flat is to put on your wig or whatever hat/buff you used to wear and it flattens down nicely!
Should be back to work tomorrow but may put it off until Wednesday as I have so much to do and need to get some bits with youngest today before she goes back to college tomorrow.
Blummin' cold here, tried to snow but not very successfully thank goodness.
Wrap up warm, hope the fingers thaw out Lisa.
hiya all, back to work, boo hoo, waiting for my fingers to defrost - its so cold here today!! Lily wedding sounds so expensive!!!!
Lorraine - Im defo not brave about reconv, gonna have to look at options, started looking last night and scared the pants of me, I am really scared of any surgery and think the only reason getting it is cos I have to have a masectomy on good side.
Lily - wedding sounds soooo expensive but you will enjoy it.
Nicky - hope you get your boiler fixed, its so cold to be withouth! Its hard not having blips I know, I also think its lack of hormones as I can cry at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason.
Angie - what should I be looking at in my make up that's bad for me? would be sooo sad to get rid of my clinque bag of goodies I got for Xmas
Very cold here outside and inside as, you guessed it, the boiler has decided not to work arghhhh. It's not as if it's old either as we only moved into this new house 3 years ago. Also no hot water until the immersion kicks in - lovely lot of bills we'll be having then!
Lily - weddings seem so expensive these days, I really hope my 2 leave it for some time then decide to fund it themselves! Or run away to get married or not get married! It is incredible what they charge these days as you say for fairly average food etc. Hope the hunt for the perfect place produces some good results.
Re the area of rads, definitely try what Angie has but also aloe vera gel/cream is very good. I don't think it's as important to avoid certain things now as you're not being zapped and therefore no topical reaction can take place but it may be worth checking. Hope all calms down soon.
Back to the fondue - ingredients were as you mentioned, Angie, but boy did it turn out differently than normal. Maybe the kirsch I used (when thickening it) was super strength or something. Anyway I'll go back to my usual recipe in future.
Rest of weekend was uneventful thank goodness but did feel rather low when taking down decs on Saturday as I really don't know what the future holds for me and although I wanted 2008 to disappear asap I don't know what will happen in 2009. I did cheer up later but do get blips like this every now and then. Am focussing on youngest's 18th birthday in March now.
Definitely feeling achey, can't wait to get a massage to ease some of my shoulder aches but have realised that as I have no oestrogen left then it's not surprising!
I've also chosen, like Angie, to avoid all the rubbish in body creams etc but haven't yet changed my makeup - will be checking out the minerals ranges in that case! I had some lovely pampering stuff for Christmas but made sure it didn't have any nasties in it. Although they were quite expensive (it was for Christmas!) I know there are other much more affordable stuff available which I try to use as well.
I'd better go now as gradually freezing and seizing up sat here in the cold. Had better find my logs for a fire (don't normally need them with central heating) and hope the water warms up soon.
Take care all
re swimming I think 6 weeks minimum and even the depends what's been added to the water. wouldn't want chlorine even now myself. a few more weeks yet but a jacuzzi could be nice now. I have bubble bath again now. I found the aqueous cream all but useless, got an almost full tub here. the tiniest bit of Nelson's burns cream and all was well. I wonder if they've done any tests with zinc oxide as that's what they use on 2nd degree burns.... we always have some around just in case. I never wore makeup because of the cr*p in it but this year I discovered proper mineral makeup and it's great, no reactions so far and my skin likes to wig so there's something good in that for sure.
anyway must sleep
hope you all had a good, if rather chilly weekend. We went to view the expensive venue and I was not particularly impressed. My expectation of what we would get for that price was along the lines Lorraine mentioned. They would not reduce it as they only have one set of caterers and we had already picked the cheapest one!! LOL. It was Â£6 per guest for just the nibbles with the drinks.Ouch! It was a beautiful listed house and you get the whole place, all the bedrooms, a really fab cottage for the bride and groom, exclusive use of everywhere. So it looks like that one has been knocked off the top spot unlesss we have a smaller number of guests. My side of the family is fine as I have the biggest family and the only children but it would mean chopping a lot off the groom's side. Tricky one, not inviting people to the wedding!! likely to start a war off. So we are off to visit 2 more next week and hope to find a compramise that we can afford and they like!! I said the one today was the most expensive tent I had ever been in!!! Lorraine that price was for melon, chicken roast and a dessert, no wine or drinks in that part. i think the caterers were either out of this world or rip off merchants. I am the practical one who wants to cover all the cost of the wedding, honeymoon, clothes, everything so they don't have to borrow any money. Victor (not living up to the name!) wants her to have everything she wants for it to be perfect. Trouble is she has 3 siblings who we would have to do the same for. Tricky stuff families, we try so hard to do the same for everyone as much as we can. I have trouble getting up as quickly too now and feel I could fall if I bend right over to do up a shoe. I thought I might start swimming if I can find a ladies only night somewhere with a nice warm pool. Do you know how long after rads before you can swim? Mine is still burning a lot so might have to phone the rads hospital tomorrow to see what other cream I can use. Aqueous is not touching it, apart from being cold to apply.
I am off to try to win a million now to solve the wedding fund predicament!
i worked so hard to clean up before christmas, and now everythings upside down again, why do we bother? anyone finding they ache so much at times its hard to get up off the floor i sometimes feel theres no strength in my body. i now the weight(that horrid word again!) isnt helping but some say the tamoxifen doesnt help either. i find it hard when im at work, but i want to stick at it, because i belief you need to move for it to get better.
i go to see onc next week, i bet he'll say lose some blob if i tell him, because he did recommend i kept my eye on my weight, because of my bone situation.
i have kept my eye on it, but it they saw the food first and theres no competition. im so weak willed! at the moment im mad on noodles ive been making chow mein, i bet thats megga fattening. aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
have you won the lottery? Â£100 a head what would you be eating? caviar, smoked salmon, lobster or something even more luxurious. or are you having some mega celebrate serving it up. (maybe beckam) now that would be worth paying for!
whats the poshest thing youve ate? ive never tried caviar have you. ive never even fancied it, nor lobster i dont even eat prawns. i can just imagine you lady of the manor. with delicate little sandwiches and such like. oh to live like a queen.!
Lisa hope everything goes well with the surgery, are you nervous? i am a coward would love a recon but only had other ops because it was life or death. you are so brave. but it will be well worth it.
hope you doing ok.?
new year new adventures, i expect to hear lots of exciting tales. cant wait.
well I thought the venue we saw today, was wonderful for the wedding but the others seem to have reservations about it. I loved the long drive up, the huge house and all the tall ceilings and classical rooms. My daughter wants a more cosy venue like a barn type setting (Angie can we book yours for 2010?) so we are off to see her number one choice tomorrow. It is over double the price of the first one so will have to cut costs elsewhere I guess. They have visited all the top venues within driving distance so I think that might have made it harder to settle for less now. I am amazed that a barn is more than a classical house but I guess the fashions change with each generation. I looked at the brochure and it was well over Â£100 per person just for food - so I guess there will be a major cut on the guest list for this one. They want Â£20 a bottle of wine!! I bet it is average stuff too. We are in big trouble if our youngest decides to get married soon as well!! I would say I'll have to sell my body but looking at it, might be better to send Victor out instead!!! LOL. mY burn underneath is driving me mad today and trying very hard not to forget and itch it - yoweeee. Everyone I have shown it to (not many in case you were wondering!!) thinks it looks really dark and oooohs in sympathy. Any good tips to cool it down, I only have aqueous cream?
Hi Ruth happy new year to you. Angie I love your ' village life' tales, it reminds me of Midsummer murders, except without the multiple murders!!! Sounds like the old landlady would have been a suitable case! HRT sounds dodgy to me, can you do anything with fruit and veg instead??? I have a natural remedies book, will try to look it up for you and see if anything useful. Lisa sounds like you are doing well in menopause so far and hope it stays like that for you. I have had no hot flushes but have just started my new pack of pills so will see how they go. By the way Angie my new nolvadex is made by another company and look very different from the first, so perhaps that explains it. I guess if enough ladies demand nolvaldex, otherr suppliers will start producing it and hopefully the price will drop so everyone can have it. We can but hope.
Lisa, wow a lot of appointments! I am putting off the dentist for now as lost my nerve once again. It was bad enough the GP stabbing me with the flu jab. I really feel for you having to now think about another big op. We will all be dead jealous though when you post to tell us you have 2 new boobs and a flat tummy too. I am assuming you would pick that recon? In the long term the recon may make you feel more confident and happy with how you look and you can then throw the blob and ratty away. I think it depends on your circumstances though as many women are happy to go without a recon. Good luck with your decision anyway.
Lorraine I had to laugh because everyone who posted has decided to lose more weight!! I said 2 stone but really should be more if I am realistic as rather short. You owned up to the biggest figure so are cakes off the menu or are you like me, waiting for the right time!!!! My excuse is that I have to eat up what is already in the house!!
Ive discovered as its approaching time to go back to work, Im getting tired and even though had two weeks off its been tiring. Not doing a major diet just trying to cut out more of the crap and then have a little treat at weekend. Glad your hair sticks up, mine wont yet!!