61233members
322882posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Darling buddies from May - moving on

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, I'm so sorry I've not been around just been so busy with work and tired 24/7 house a bomb site and there's only me.

 

Lily, how are you doing? Please don't bottle it up. Not sure exactly what op you mean but I know when I had to have my ovaries out I blinking sobbed just agreeing to it. Also because not had to have operation for a long time even more upsetting. Hope you manage to have a nice Xmas and remember parents always give the harder time to the one they know can take it more and do more xxx

 

carole, hope you are feeling better too, how's the weather looking for Xmas over there?

 

nicky, omg so wished I hadn't logged on tonight, now I have my nightmare song in my head for bed... it's a small small world la la la la la..... I still subject myself to it. I've never been to the Paris one or at Xmas so would love to see if and I bet you had a magical time seeing little faces light up.

 

well, I'm off to bed and final wrapping and deliveries tomorrow and housework, then Xmas eve with kids for pizza and Mary popping and our local old fashioned cinema rather than the large multiplex in next town, supporting local xxx

 

night all x

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Lily

I hope you are getting your head around the fact that you will need to have an op and that it is the best thing for you to do. Obviously this is going to affect you emotionally as well as physically so take your time. If you feel you need to tell your girls, so you are not bottling it all up over a stressful time like Christmas you should. A problem shared nd all that. However if you’d rather not then that is your choice as well. I know my girls always want me to tell them everything and over the years have hated it when I’ve not shared. Also, if you’re like me you will be writing list after list after list to empty all those thoughts in your head! I have small daily lists at the moment to try and get some clear space in my head and see a way forward. I find writing things down does empty them out a bit and I find I can sleep better. Not that I have too much to do just loads and loads of wrapping and some last minute bits to get, gift cards etc, plus of course planning all the meals which, as head of the kitchen, is also put down to me! YD will help once she’s back (luckily she has the whole Christmas and NY off this year) but she’s not use at the moment as she’s working until this Saturday evening. It’s not the actual Christmas food, that’s all sorted, it’s thinking about meals leading up to then (when the usually quiet shops go absolutely nuts as everyone is buying for what seems is going to be a nuclear attack!). 

So a busy day for me ticking off a few things on my list (well, one of my lists!) after a day of GS sitting both Friday and yesterday. Friday he was a little dreamboy, so cute and not a care in the world, yesterday, not so much! It does exhaust me and because he’s so tall (Dad is 6’ 5”!) he’s the weight and size of a 2-3 year old so is heavy to pick up when he’s at an age he still wants picking up a lot. Absolutely knackered yesterday. Then up early today to get my cuppa and some toast inside me before I have my 4 hours of nothing ahead of my scan later this morning. I so hate the mid morning times I get sometimes as after not eating since your evening meal you then can’t eat before the scan by which time my blood sugar levels have hit the floor! Hence setting the alarm and getting up early (early for me at any rate) to keep hunger at bay. At least it means I have an extra hour or two to get some things done this morning so there is a plus side.

Enough about me, how is everyone doing? All ready for the big day next week? We will have immediate family here, including my Mum but sadly not my Dad ☹️. So we are making it an extra special time for her and she will be staying over for a few nights which they hadn’t usually done as they live fairly close by.  Hope all of you are prepared and looking forward to spending time away from work (Lily and Lisa) and with family (all of us)

Take care, and good luck with No7 Lily.

Nicky x

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi, thanks girls. I can type about it but as soon as I speak my eyes fill up and then I am completely gone whenever somebody is kind, so just decided to try to bottle it up until after Christmas. Yes its gynae Carole but haven't hit the request button to find out quite how much involved. Just told by gp big op. Left to just decide whether to do something now or wait, so I thought enjoy Christmas first before worrying anyone. I dearly wanted to tell my mum but when I got there she was in a beastly mood and shut her eyes so she couldn't see me and then said I better go. My brother went an hour later and laughed that he had a lovely visit. It hurt. It has happened the other way round so not sure why I am the villain after doing some frankly dodgy washing after the ward was shut down with the usual virus. So no visitors allowed in. Gave me time to relax a bit. My insomnia is insane with so much in my head. At least it gives me extra hours to get stuff done, on the bright side. Yes you are all right I should do this and will. When you teach, you have to put the kids futures ahead of yourself too. Family are fab despite not knowing and its very early days but lucky 7 is on the way, all being well. This was the best news/medicine ever. A lot to be thankful for as always. Just keep kicking me up the backside, I need it. Love to all Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all. I'm on my phone so can't write much as I can't look back easily.

Nicky it's a small world was a hit with our YD when she was 4 at Paris. We previously went to Florida Disneyland before she was born, and comparing the 2 we preferred Florida. Anyway how lovely to see your first grandchild have a super time with you all. Were you held up with any blocades?

Lily, from what I remember of your post it is going to be a stressful time for you with everything going on. But, as Nicky says you do have to put yourself first sometimes!! I'm guessing (you don't need to answer) that it's a gynae problem so you simply MUST have the op otherwise later on it may impact on your life. Why waste time letting it go by when it can be over and done with sooner?
I think, like some of us you were on tamoxifen and femara? They are known to possibly cause problems. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn 😑. Take care and remember you are important too, like Nicky says.

Enough of me nagging 😶. Will catch up on the laptop. Love to everyone xxx
Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Oh no, poor you Lily. Yet another problem to deal with and one that you know you have to take but will be trying to do your best for you Mum. For what its worth, and all I have had to go through over the past 10 plus years of having secondary BC, you have to put yourself first and unfortunately you have to be selfish.  If you don't look after yourself and do the right things for YOU, you will of no help to anyone else.  You will have to shift some of the 'carer' responsibility to others who, at this point, may have more time and be in better health to assist. As and when yiou have to have your op you should try to suit your own timescales and 'best' time - although we of course know the NHS isnt able to fit around our own plans or life styles so that may be difficult. I am imagining it will be the usuallong recovery period and you will need to make sure you recover, for your own health and for your girls and grandchildren.  Again, and I may sound harsh about this they are your future so you have to be around for them.  I have had to make the same choices and maybe not spend as much time as I should have with my parents (especially poignant given my Dad died suddenly) but I have focussed my time around my offspring.  Having parents die is the 'normal' order of nature, if I'd neglected myself, which in turn would impact my daughters and their lives I would not like the life I now lead or be in a position to lead it.

Sorry a bit of a lecture but I hope it gives you some support in what will be a difficult time.  Bloody cancer - the disease that keeps on giving, hmmmmm.

On a quick but different note I am home from the land of the Mouse - ie Disneyland Paris. 25 years to the day that we went there first for ED's 5th birthday!  A busy, tiring, cold and wet (well it is in Northern France for heavens sake!) and expensive trip. But it was lovely to spend time together and see our little grandson have his first taste of the parks (I'm sure there will be many more trips if his Mum has anything to do with it).  Although it isnt a good time to go (brrrrrr) it was very magical and completely over-the-top Christmassy. He of course loved 'It's a small world' espcially all the windmills which he has had a fascination with ever since he was about 5 months old and I bought him one and was one of his first words! 'Wer-wer' as he calls them.

Hope everyone ekse is doing OK. Lily, keep on sharing your problems and decisions with us, it is a good place to do it as we all know each other so well after all these years and means we dont have to offload on our immediate family and friends.

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your messages. I am so thrilled she made it through the op and she was so feisty it made me laugh. Now the long haul of trying to keep everything going and also get to the hospital to visit is kicking in and my brother and I are both shattered. Neither of us can even think about what will happen when she gets out of hospital. So it was with some trepidation that I went to the dr myself and was told I have a problem myself. Great. Just what I needed. Its a kick back to having a giant baby and the concrete effects of epirubicine on the insides, so now my organs and bits are all heading south instead of staying where they should be. Everything is collapsing it seems and most likely i will need an op unless I can stand it/get lucky. Most of the treatments are a no no because of the b c as they involve the hormones that are not my friends. The op has quite a lengthy recovery time including not being able to do everything I have to do for mum. I am struggling not to cry about it, so I haven't told anyone yet, just you. No point making everyone in the family feel worse.I couldn't visit mum tonight because I knew I would cry as soon as I saw her and would want to tell her. Then she would get in a state saying what shall I do and then get depressed she can't help. Hopefully it won't feel so bad in the morning. I don't like to leave on a miserable note, so it is with deep sorrow that I tell you I am no longer able to do trampolining. Ha ha.  Lily x

Nicky i am pleased your mum is managing so well and hope she continues to do well. Sorry you lost your lovely dad xx

Highlighted
Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Lily, your poor Mum, and a poor you as you are the main care giver. Breaking a hip at her age is not to be sniffed at and, without causing concern, is a high risk of complications. I can’t remember where I read this, it was many moons ago when OH’s Gran broke her hip, but there’s a particular reason why it is so serious. Sorry if I’m not helping one bit here but just wanted to warn you, although I’m sure you’ll probably already be aware. Extra work and worry for you though wherever she is, whether she’s still in hospital or when she is discharged. Something none of us need. When you have time update us and have a rant if that’s what’s needed.

Carole, yes those new meds can really knock you out! For some reason I tolerate them, and my other heart meds, really well (and I’m on the highest possible doses for all of them!) but I know many people who don’t. Take it easy as I’m sure you will adjust and, if mit, ask about something different to take, it can take a while to get the right heart meds for you without the unnecessary side effects. Bloomin side effects, they have a lot to answer for!

Lisa, how are you my dear? Busy as ever I expect. Let us know how things are - when you have time.

Well, I’m doing Ok at the moment. Mum is doing really well and not so reliant on me, or my brothers, for company which is a huge relief for me as I’m the closest in distance to her so am the one who it’s affected the most (in terms of changes I’ve had to make to my normal life). The funeral was obviously a point of reference (rather than changing anything specifically) but I know Mum was holding back on doing some of her usual things until after it had taken place. She went back to her keep fit class last Friday which she really enjoyed and back to her indoor bowls last night. Both groups are of a similar age to Mum and have proven to be very supportive with lots of messages and offers of help so I’m hoping that she will take up some of these now she has broken the ice by going back to them. For me it is helping a lot as I have been able to get on more with the things I need to do, especially this time of the year when I’m always so busy trying to get all the shopping done and abiding the crowds. I met up with YD in Guildford on Monday as she was down from London visiting some friends so it was nice just to chat and amble along looking at things together which we haven’t done in ages what with her obscene working hours! 

We’re all off on our little hols in a few days which sounds like fun. Luckily the riots might have eased off a bit now Carole as I was a bit worried about blockades at the ports. Fingers crossed it’s an easy journey for us, and as easy for the others coming by train.

Have a good weekend (I know it’s a bit early to wish this) and I’ll report back when I’m next o;.

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, Lily I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum bringing another worrying time for you.   Your Mum sounds very brave, and I assume by now she has had her hip sorted.   Did they use an epidural or spinal block? Six hours, wow, that doesn't bear thinking about let alone it actually happening.  I do sympathise, having gone through some issues with my Mum recently. Sending you lots of love and good thoughts.  Post updates when you can.

 

Hope everyone else is ok?   I'm finding the beta blockers which I was put back on last week because of unusual heart rhythm and palpitations are absolutely knocking me out.  Well I assume it is these. I feel so lethargic.

 

Anyway a bright and sunny day today so took the doggies for a walk. That in itself is hard work as they both pull like anything and I feel like my arm is being wripped off!   I only have to take them a few hundred metres and then let them off lead so they can have a good run.

Love to all xxx

 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

 Hi all, just a quick post as up early tomorrow.

nicky glad the funeral went like it did, sounds like a lovely turnout and you family and your mum doing him proud.

carole, ouch sounds painful, hope you get sorted at docs, weight gain is so hard, I'm still trying but coming off very slowly as weekends get in the way

oh lily poor you after everything with your mum sounds like a horrendous wait and what pain for her, she's defo a trouper and take advantage when she's in hospital, however, I know those hospital visiting hour trips takeover your life.

 

ps. Nicky Disneyland Paris, never been 👍👍

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, Nicky I was relieved to hear that you have at last been able to have the funeral for your dad, such a long time to wait. Hopefully as you say it will help family, especially your mum move forward slowly as she feels able. Hopefully it will also start to bring a little more normality back to your routines and ease her dependence on you. I always said I lost both of them when I lost my dad, as my relationship with my mum just turned around in a different direction. Speaking of which she has had a bad accident and is in hospital so I am pretty much living at the hospital whenever visiting time. It was a very traumatic day and she was incredibly brave as she broke her hip which left her leg at a bizarre angle and unable to move it, just disconnected completely. We sat on the floor for 6 hours until the blue light ambulance arrived. How long did everyone else wait that day?  No help came despite my pleas. Very difficult situation as operation vital to save her leg but her health means must never have an anaesthetic. So worrying day as they said she was very high risk of bleeding out but they had no choice. Stroke risk is still very high as she cannot be on her usual cocktail of medicines to keep her from clotting and will be for some time but hoping for the best. No idea what life the other side of this will be like, when she gets sent home but they won't let her out for weeks they say. I feel like we slid back to the bottom again and she will lose all the independence we fought for (for her and us!) . Not sure whether to prepare myself or be optimistic really, so making the most of good spells if they come along. She's a trooper so fingers crossed will fight back again and then get home. A bit of a long journey ahead.  Sorry haven't replied to everything but just wanted you to know why I am struggling to get on here sometimes xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, how lovely to have posts from all of us, it's been quite a while but life does seem to get in the way of general chit chat on here Smiley LOL

 

Nicky from my experience the time in between the death of a loved one and the funeral is such a busy time that it seems to keep your mind off thinking about things.   My Dad died 13 years ago, quietly and peacefully (we like to believe) in his sleep.  It was a shock, like yours as so unexpected, although my Dad was 82.   I went across to help Mum who couldn't really cope with anything, so I stayed with her until after the funeral. It was very strange sleeping in the same bed.   So you will probably find that now, you might hear a tune or see something that will bring back memories of your Dad. With me it was anything to do with Glenn Millar as he was a fan. (She says as wiping away a tear).  Good plan for the scan results.

 

Lily, I'm so sorry you have had 2 losses so quickly together. What with that and stresses of work, you are no doubt a bit run down. Maybe some Echinacea and vitamin C will help shift it in time for Christmas.

 

Lisa you are so busy it's the same for you, stress is usually one of the things (they say) that causes a cold sore.   Luckily I've never had one but Mr P gets them, particularly when he is under a bit of pressure.   Perhaps a few hot toddies and some early nights might help? Hope your Mum picks up soon.

 

Our long trip with the dogs was a nightmare.  The dogs were pretty good considering although we had to make frequent stops so along with the stopping of the blockades, we stopped for the dogs.   All the while the car was moving they slept, but the minute the movement stopped because of a blockade they were excited thinking they were going for a walk.

 

Visiting Mum was nice, she is definitely in a much nicer nursing home now.  All the staff were very friendly, very fascinated that we had travelled from France.   Conversation with Mum is very repetitive, but to be expected I suppose.  She still isn't eating much, and has been warned that if she keeps losing weight they will admit her to hospital for tube feeding.   It doesn't matter how much we offer her things to eat, she just doesn't want to.   I said she is starving herself and will die, hoping to be brutally honest.   She'll forget I said it though.   So, still moaning about anything and everything but at least me and my siblings know she is being looked after now.

 

Seeing all the grandchildren was lovely, little GD is so cute and always smiling.   It's going to be hard work for her parents when the new little one arrives in January.   We did quite a bit of food shopping, as always things you can't get here.   We also did some Christmas shopping for the children/grand children. I had such bad feet swelling, and after taking a water tablet the day we went shopping, I couldn't keep out of the toilet. On the return journey they swelled even more so for 4 days I could only get my feet in slip on sandals!

 

I'm seeing the GP tomorrow as I think I either have an ear infection or a build up of wax because inside my ear is itchy and painful.  I recently had a blood test too and some of the results aren't normal but I don't know if any of this is to do with the steroid injection I had nearly 5 weeks ago.   I've put on 4 kilos in weight. I had to increase my insulin a lot to cope with the high levels so that wouldn't help the weight.   

 

I'm trying to follow a Low Carb diet, which is the new trend but this week I've kept carbs down to about 80 grammes a day and I have noticed such an improvement in blood sugars, although disappointed no weight loss yet Smiley Frustrated

 

Mr P is away for the next week and then all being well (you never know with his job) he should be home until after Christmas.

 

Time for my low carb lunch now, take care all and keep warm in Storm Diana xxxx

 

PS for Nicky :  the blockades are continuing indefinitely, particularly around the big Cities like Paris, Bordeaux, Le Mans, Toulouse etc. so allow extra time for travel.   There is a website that displays where they intending to block, but to be honest it is very hit and miss. Now the National Front have joined in too so things are starting to get messy!   Take care xx

 

 

 

 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Firstly I’m sorry to hear of your recent losses Lily, as you know I’m only too aware (at the moment) of hhow much organising needs to be done even if you weren’t personally in the thick of it. All of that stress can bring you down so it’s no wonder your cold is hanging on and seems to be one of those ones we all seem to get that turns into a nasty couch that hangs on. I’ve had a couple of those over the years, currently dosing up with Vit C each night as a part protection.

carole, what a nightmare journey. Unfortunately when you have set your dates you can’t change them or do anything about it can you? And having been near your part of the world this summer I know how long it takes on a good day let alone when there’s difficulties. I guess you won’t be venturing north for a while! 

Lisa, you are always busy busy busy! Good for you when it comes to holidays but maybe not so good if it’s work. How is it going these days after the big shake up? I hope the dust has settled and you are feeling valued again and even enjoying it? At least you have a Christmas break to look forward to with a few days off work.

Well, my update. At long last we did have Dads funeral, it was a cremation so no church service as he wasn’t a churchgoer (and these days you need to be to even get a look in at having a service! Understandably). It was held on Friday and had about 89 people there which was a wonderful turnout for someone who has lived a long life. Lots of family from Up North, friends and ex work colleagues. It showed what a popular and well loved man we all knew him as. It was a lovely service and a gathering afterwards with a more relaxed day at ours on Saturday for the immediate family before they all headed home. Mum is doing well and coping very well which means I’m not there quite so often now and when I am it’s to see her and do things with her rather than loads of ‘admin’. We are working out how much support she needs in terms of us visiting her and her staying here occasionally plus she will stay at my brothers’ sometimes. The funeral was a big hurdle to get over and luckily wasn’t as emotionally draining as she, and we, had all thought, I guess the long time in between his death and the service gave us time to adjust more. It was a point though that Mum wants to get to, and past, so she cannot have that hanging over her and can plan to move on, something I know she wasn’t really able to do before it took place.

Other than all of this going on I’m keeping busy (busier?) with Christmas shopping plus occasional childminding duties and the monthly (hooray, they are only monthly) visit is to hospital for treatment. A scan coming up before Christmas and results put off (by me) until after. Yes, Lily we do have a birthday to celebrate and my eldest, still being a little girl, has insisted we all go to Disneyland Paris for the weekend. So a short trip over there soon - let’s hope the ports aren’t blockaded again like they were for Carole.

Nicky x

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, manic time of year for us all hence it being quiet on here. First of all Nicky, how are you coping, really hope you've had a funeral and celebrated your dads life xx

 

carole what an awful journey, hope the feet go down soon and the wee dogs are okay. How was your mum and family ? X

 

lily, how awful what a bad time you've had and that's why you can't shift your cough I always get it this time of year, avoided it with just a short burst but my poor Mam has been coughing for over 2 weeks and I've come out in a cold sore.

 

well work seems to get busier the next few weeks but trying to spend a bit more time posting on here as I've not been posting enough recently xxxx

 

off for early night xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Ladies, sorry I have not been online for a while. It just got a bit manic at work and I had a really annoying cold with a high temperature and its left a cough I can't shake off. Very annoying. Its probably because I was busy at work and also we lost a relative and had a funeral to travel to, as well as trying to support a difficult situation following the death. I was pleased to be a shoulder someone can rely on it but I always carry some of the sadness away with me. A lot of relatives flew in for it, which meant really quite a lot of hard work to make everything go as smoothly as they wanted. It didn't help that I was terribly car sick both journeys and arrived green as green. We have gone straight into another loss this week of a very dear family friend who I cannot ever remember not having in my life. I guess no wonder I can't shake the cold off, hopefully this week it will go. I have another close relative in hospital not expected to do well, we can hope they are wrong. None are my very nearest so that is something to be thankful for. At least Christmas is on its way and I love this time of year. Pressies are piling up every day but still several important birthdays to do before then as well so an expensve time of year as usual. I think you have family birthdays around this time too Nicky?

Lisa how lovely to go to Tenerife, what was the temperature like? Sorry to hear you are unwell. Did you pick it up on the flight? Hope you don't have that cough that plagues you every year. Get well soon. Yes I am watching jungle, a good series but I watch it on record as it annoys me how long it goes on for, so I can fast forward.

Carole that journey sounds horrendous and how on earth did you manage with the dogs in there too?  A bad end to a nice trip to visit everyone. How were the family? Did you buy many things while over here, ready for Christmas? 

Nicky, most of all I am so sorry I havent been on to ask how you are. I really hope you have had the funeral now and that you were all able to celebrate a lovely dad and husband's life at last. How are things with mum now? Love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi buddies

 

Just a quick post, as on Sunday returned from a whirlwind visit to see Mum in London, and children/g children in Hampshire plus do a quick bit of Christmas shopping.   We left on Tuesday and came back on the overnight ferry Friday night ...... big mistake!    The whole of France were having demonstrations and blocades, so what should have been a 7 hour drive (with a couple of stops) turned into a 16 hour drive!   Not impressed, Mr P was so tired from the driving but just wanted to press on to get us home.  We had the two dogs in the car also so I can honestly say the journey home was horrendous.   My feet and ankles are very puffy owing to sitting for so long, so gradually hoping to get back to normal.   The last time I was swollen like this was during chemo days Smiley Frustrated.

 

Nicky hope you are coming to terms with your Dad's passing, Lily how are you?  Busy with Christmas things at school?   Lisa, hope you had a superb holiday in Tenerife.   Good job you managed to escape the hotel/house collapsing?

 

I've got a pile of ironing to do so better dash off.   Love to all xxxx

 

 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, I'm around just recovering from Tenerife and brought a sore throats back, well we all did so that plus work means I've been shattered. Glad you've been shopping Nicky, and wow that's a long time to wait as it's a big hurdle xx lily I've joined the lurgy gang x Carole how's things?

 

will do a proper catch up tomorrow, jungle ...are you watching Lily?!

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

No chance of taking them back Lily!  OH made the mistake of telling me to treat myself as I deserved it (after the crap few weeks beforehand) so I took him at his word ha ha. Actually I did need to buy some new things anyway becasue this year, having come off the 'chemo diet' for the first time in several years I have put weight on.  All my skinny clothes that I'd been wearing the past few years no longer fit so it was essential I bought some new ones ;-)

Thanks for the suggestions for Mum.  She is on the ball about most of those things but I think the fact the funeral is still there hanging around is preventing her from going back to some of the clubs she used to go to.  It's sort of a moving forward point and because it has been so drawn out it is stopping her from doing just that. Luckily where they moved to a couple of years ago is in an area where there are quite a few widows and some of the clubs (fitness and bowls) have ladies of a similar age and situation who have all been lovely with their cards etc.  They have lived in the same small town for many years so as she has got out and about a bit more she has bumped into some of those ladies already which helps with that first point of contact.  I am also having Mum over at least once a week, it's difficult for me to spend time at hers as I still have this house, and OH, to look after so its a bit of a juggling act.  We will get there, I just need to have my own time to myself, as I am used to having, which is when the stress levels creep up when I don't get that.

Nicky x

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Nice list of shopping Nicky, I am impressed, well as long as you don't take them back !! Does your mum have a local magazine as they are full of clubs and actiities like wi and mum joined u3A and goes to antiques, family tree and poetry groups. I couldn't believe she was brave enough but now she loves it and met a lot of people in the same circumstances for cups of tea on other days too with other widows/singles.

When mil was on her own I had a routine where she came over and ate with us once a week. She loved that as you don't eat out on your own. Or does she have a past with brownies as helper  local school to listen to reading? All would jump at an offer to help. xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

A moments peace in a busy week and weekend for me.

No, the service still hasn't taken place! It seems usual around here for it to be about 2-3 weeks after a death to fit in with times available for funeral directors and crematorium. So add on the initial 3 weeks it took to get the coroner to allow the service to take place it means it will be about 6 weeks from when my Dad died!  Yes, this has given us time to start adjusting but also means, especially for my Mum, things aren't moving forward.  I think she wants the funeral over with to then get on and start getting out more and meeting friends and family. She is being very positive and already thinking ahead of some short holidays next year but the immediate day to day company/loneliness is still a bit of an issue, and the onus is on me as I'm the only local sibling who also doesnt have a full time job!  I am stepping back and getting on with things I want, and need, to do but it still ties me up a lot.  I'm sure you know what it's like!  Btw how is your Mum at the moment?  Hopefully not causing you extra problems in any way.

Carole, how are you doing? As Lily has said, has the injection helped at all?  I hope so although maybe it takes a while to really help so it might not be immediate?

Lisa, are you busy, busy as ever?  Any trips or outings planned?  We're pretty much done for this year although will be celebrating EDs 30th with a long weekend break in December.

So that's about it for now, I need to plan my 'days off' over the next couple of weeks to give me some down time and also enable me to get cracking on my Christmas shopping.  I hate leaving it to the last minute so tend to do bits and pieces most days rather than one big shop.  The only downside to this is I forget what I've bought everyone so I now write it all in a little notebook so I can keep a track!

Have a good week, looks like we might have a spell of sunny days which is lovely at the moment with all the autumn colours.

Nicky xx

ps As you asked Lily I bought a skirt, couple of tops, new smart trousers but still trying to find a decent coat without spending a fortune!

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, just checking to see how everyone is. Nicky have you managed to have your dad's service yet? I hope things have moved along now so you can make the arrangements and move through this part of grieving. Although I was dreading it with mine, it did have positives as well, so we could start to adjust to the changes it brought. How are you getting on ith mum now? Have you managed to pull back a bit more of your time for yourself? Its tricky I know but necessary for your health too. I bet you have hardly had time to think about yourself. 

Carole how is your back now? Has the steroid injection helped you? Do they repeat it regularly or is it a one off? I hope it will bring you some relief. Lisa is work still madly busy? Hope your role is starting to settle a little now you are getting used to all the new things you have to do. I am really busy at work and now come down with the inevitable cold so its balsam tissues, strepsils and coughing all night for me. Take care love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, how was the weekend? I am glad to see less rain and even some sun although its very low in the sky making driving more tricky at times. We went to a Christmas fair at a historic house which was nice but its a bit early yet. The reindeers looked a bit out of place in the sun! I have actually done a lot of shopping already this year. I didn't really plan to start early, just saw things, bought them and then other people gave me gift ideas, so my spare room is already pretty chocca especially with the next wedding dress taking up a lot of room in there already. Carole how has the steroid injection treatment gone? Are you feeling the benefit of it? Hope it will give you a lot of relief. Lisa how are your family now as its not long really since mum was unwell? Is the new jo keeping you busy stillst don't know. Nicky it sounds very familiar and I can remember thinking we all seemed to have been in limbo forever. That's the time when you feel you should keep visiting your mum I flt too. After the funeral you naturally move into a different phase as everyone has no choice but to adjust to the different normal days and weeks. I really struggled to get back into my life as mum was pretty much arms round the neck sinking us and wanting it to stay like that. I remember my brother getting mad when mum treated him like he now had to take on all the responsibility so she didn't have to look after her own house and finances. I would say encourage her to start doing a few things on her own and heap loads of praise on her when she does as she is probably looking for reassurance about what all of your expectations are of her now. Tricky but time gradually sorts it out. How easily we moved on to these big gaps between your medical scans and appointments. You would hardly have dared believe it if you read your posts from last year. It shows you just have to keep believing because you just don't know. Well I better buzz off here. BTW what did you buy? Love Lily xxxxx 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Thank you again for thinking of me.

I'm doing fine but very busy sorting out various admin etc as well as supporting my Mum.  I think I will cut and paste this sentence for a few posts yet!

Anyway the funeral date is eventually set but snt for a few more weeks.  Basically, as Lily must know, you go to the back of the queue once the repatriation has taken place. So although my Dad died some 3 weeks ago now we could not plan anything at all until he was back in the country with the relevant paperwork and the Coroner had said the cremation could take place.  So its as if he had died last Monday as that was the earliest  time the Coroner had got back to us.  This does give us time to plan his service having got over the initial shock but drags out the grieving process as there is no focal point to have dealt with yet.  Oh well.  My Mum is doing remarkably well and we (my 2 brothers and I) are helping her as much as possible but also stepping back - well I am for starters.  I had my 1st 'day off' since my Dad died on Wednesday and managed to splurge on some well needed (and derserved!) clothes.  Luckily OH encouraged me but I think he's regretting that now ha ha.  Otherwise everything else, healthwise, for me is going OK.  I have the joy of another CT before Christmas - yes, it really will be 3 months since the last one by then, and the wait for the results which will be 1st week of Jan.  At least Christmas will distract me.

Sorry I've only rambled on about me but I am trying to read your posts but just don't seem to get the time to log on and therefore never get round to replying - until this morning that is.

Take care

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies, first chance to log in since my jab.

Just to say wishing you all a good weekend and will catch up next week.

Love Carole xx 😃
Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

HI Nicky just wanted to say I'm thinking of you xxxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi just wanted to ask how you are getting on Nicky? Hoping things are moving along now. So much worse when you are just left waiting for decisions. Thinking of you love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Many thanks ladies for your support and shared stories. Lily, it sounds all very familiar! Dad is now back ‘home’ so to speak but the coroner still has to make a decision about whether there is an inquest or not, hopefully not as if there is one the delay will continue. My brothers are being very supportive but I am making sure they know the ins and outs of me going in each day, something they can’t do as they are both in full time jobs. Having seen how my OHs sister has taken the brunt of the everyday visiting to my parents in law over the years, but not made her grievances known to OH and his siblings, I am making sure I’m not going to end up in the same boat - as I always said I would should this situation arise! 

Carole, it’s never very helpful when one relative comments on what others have chosen is the best route - but don’t offer a better solution! Far better for them to hold their tongues, but of course they’d never dream of that would they? Hope Mum is more comfortable in her new home and gets the care she needs. Glad Mr P is home for a few days (weeks?) and can help with sorting out all the jobs that must build up over time. Great you have tickets to the Barcelona GP, my OH went to that one many years ago as a corporate client and loved it. Barcelona itself is pretty amazing so I hope you have time to enjoy the city as well. If you’ve never been to a GP before remember to take some good ear plugs, the sound is incredible and one of the amazing things is that as you walk closer and closer to the track you can hear the cars screaming away even from many miles away (and that’s just where the car parks are ha ha). Hope the injection sorts out your problems.

Lisa, thanks as well from you, I know you are always busy so don’t worry about not posting before, I know your thoughts are with me. Hope you have some nice things planned over the next few months, tell us about them if you have 😊

Anyway, bye for now, I have a day off from being a carer as we have friends over this evening so I’m making sure I’m still doing the things I want to do, even though so far I’ve not had a weekday ‘off’ to do anything I want to do!

Nicky x 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Oh I've jus logged on first time since weekend away,I'm so so sorry about your news Nicky and so sorry I haven't been around. Wha a very sudden way of it to happen, glad it was on the way back and opefully they had amazing holiday. I can only imagine how awful I had been for you and you taking all the brunt,please come back for any support. Big hugs xxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone. Nicky Its a familiar story. One of my brothers (neither of whom had a family) decided WE would all live there all the time, sharing out the days. It was uncomfortable to refuse to do it but I still had my son at school and he would have been left to get up and go to school on his own. Boys do not do this at 12! Anyway I quickly realised that everything you start doing for the bereaved parent, you then have to go through a difficult process of getting out of it, so it doesn't become the norm very quickly. I always say I lost both parents and became the parent myself. I did ring her every day, with a fast dialogue about how busy I was that day or helping out with gc, before we got to the inevitable when are you coming over. I am still ringing her every day 14 years later but that is ok with me. We got mum to join some local organisations which were not all couples. She went to WI, at U3A she joined 2 groups about things she was interested in, then other things like inviting friends to stay for a bit. The repatriation part is tough. My dad took 3 weeks to get back. He has to be embalmed and travel in a zinc lined coffin, due to restrictions when people die. He had a post mortem there but when they translated his documents over here, they said it was a disease nobody has lived beyond 40 with and he was in his 70s, so it had to be done again which delayed the funeral another spell. I am assuming/hoping they had good insurance as it was £25,000 bill to get dad back and it was a long time ago. It was all hanging around and then the last part was fast as he went straight to our local undertaker who phoned on Easter sunday to say you dad is back, we have him safely home with us now. The time delay did make me able to remember the day better though and think all the things I wanted to. So be firm but kind with mum. I recommend pre-preparing comments like well I will see you on?? (giving an actual day but not the next day) but it will be a quick catch up and cup of tea or shall we pop out to?? Get her out of the house. Double up on jobs, I'm going to tesco shall I pick you up and we can shop together. Tell your brothers that you are seeing her ? and ? days this week so if they can avoid these days and see her on any of the others. Let their consciences decide what they want to do. I know you will have all this in your head but just a few ideas of what worked for me. Never feel guilty, think what you would want your girls to do in a similar situation and I guarantee it won't be to sacrifice your whole life. Good luck xx

Carole what are these relatived doing trying to pass on guilt? Somebody needs to be blunt and say she was being eating alive with bedbugs, not eating and not safe so now she has someone caring for her. Only other option is to say would you like her to come and live with you as an alternativeif yoiu don't want her in a home? That should make her think. Keep telling your sis she did the right thing so she doesn't doubt herself. I didn't realise people stayed in hospital after steroid injections, hope all is ok? While I am attemting to throw a few Lily ideas out there. With the dogs' feet have an old washing up bowl of water outside and swish their feet in it as its much gentler than rubbing off mud. I leave an old bath towel on the floor so the dog walks on that which soaks up the worst of any damp feet and saves the floor. Hugs to all Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Nicky, it seems very unfair when a loved one dies, having to deal with so much paperwork, insurances, banks, mortgages (if they have one) etc. I remember well when my BIL died very suddenly at 54.   I stayed with my sister for 2 weeks helping to sort this out.   You need to get a lot of death certificates (which I presume will be in Spanish, so will these be necessary to translate for UK people)?

 

Do they carry out a PM?   Here in France they never do one, unless the death is suspicious.   I feel that can be wrong as sometimes it is necessary for closure to know the reason why someone leaves us.

 

My Dad passed away suddenly, he was 82, and went the best way possible - during the night in his sleep. But this can be no way as devastating as repatriation. We lived here in France at this time so had to leave as quickly as possible to get to Mum, again I helped with all her sorting out, she didn't really have a clue.

 

And of course you have all this to deal with, along with your own grief.   Try not to bottle it up so come here and moan and groan as much as you want, we will all listen.   Lots of hugs xx

 

On a different topic, my Mum is now in a permanent nursing home.   I've seen her room by video message and it looks really nice.   Unfortunately we have a bit of an issue with my Aunt who totally disagrees with Mum being in a nursing home so makes derogatory remarks whenever she visits, especially about the staff, none of whom are white European!   This doesn't help matters as her comments make Mum unsettled and she is thinking there will be a "better" place somewhere.   Heck no, this home is one of the better ones.  They seem to look after Mum very well, some are trained nurses. My sister bears the brunt of these remarks.   Things like "I would never have put your Nan in a home".   My sister is 71 and not in great health herself so remarks like that are really unfair.

 

We have had some extreme rainy days, only a couple but consequently because the ground has been wet both dogs have scuffed all the dead grass (dead because of months of heat) and caused areas of pure mud.   Not a joy to have treading into the house.   We have a back door they can use to go in and out, but will still not allow me to wipe them off (they think I'm playing) and hate me touching their feet to remove the mud.   Aero has huge paws and gets big clumps of mud stuck inside.   Mea the female has been in season for just over 2 weeks, I'm beginning to think it will never stop as she's not very good at cleaning herself. Oh joy!

 

Did I mention we have tickets to go to the Barcelona Grand Prix next year?   We're really looking forward to it.   Mind you we have no one who can look after both the dogs and the 4 cats.  I'm thinking of joining a site called Trusted Housesitters, my friend has used them and the people she has had have been very good with her animals.   So if anyone knows anyone who fancies a week in the Dordogne in May???????

 

YD travelled around Italy for 19 days and has now moved into her own flat.   She is starting work as a teaching assistant on 5 November, so it didn't take her long to find a job.   She will also be setting up her own translation business. Luckily she will have Wednesdays off and the weekends.

 

I'm having a visit to the UK in 3 weeks time, to visit Mum and also spends some time with the grandchildren. GD is standing but not quite walking yet.

 

Tonight Mr P is home and we have a lot planned before he goes back to work, nothing exciting just routine jobs like closing the pool and making a fenced area (with the stones that compact hard) so they can go out without treading in mud.

 

Tomorrow I'm having a steroid injection in my back, so have to stay in hospital for one night.

 

All from me for now hugs to all xxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Lily, for once I have a few moments in the morning to log on! It is very tiring I can tell you that - although of course I don’t need to tell you, you went through it as well. My Mum lives about 20 mins drive away which is quite an easy drive but going up and back each day adds to the tiredness, and that’s before the weather starts to close in! Because I stayed there pretty permanently the first 3-4 days after it happened I really have strong feelings that I don’t want to be suckered into agreeing to stay there on and off, from now on! Between my brothers and I we are managing although I’m taking the brunt of the day to day stuff and endless phone calls. My Mum is very with it mentally but her bad cold and just the sudden death seems to have turned her into early stage dementia! And I know what that’s like as my FIL has it. So it’s constant repeating of things and trying to find where she put somedocumwnts etc. Sounds like I’m being very cruel but I am aware how it is taking it’s toll and I know I have to setup back a bit, if only to get her to not rely on me so much but to get in touch with some of her relatives who I’m sure will be more than willing to help. Added to the fact we can’t even arrange the cremation yet due to the repatriation it is dragging on so much. A funeral service would give some point of reference for us all to grieve and meet with everyone affected by my Dads death in one place. As it is I think it’s at least another 2 weeks away! Sorry for the moaning it’s good to spill it out to someone not affected by this.

I’ll be back in touch again soon

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Nicky, I just wanted to see how you are. It must be really busy organising everything and helping to support your mum. I remember hardly having time to actually think about my own grief until long after the event as mum was so very needy. So take care of yourself too. Hope you manage a bit of relaxation over the weekend with the birthday events. Thinking of you. Love Lily xxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Oh Nicky its just grim isn't it? I can still remember the day I got that call and not in any kind of calm way either, just mania and you hope you will wake up and find its not actually true. I used to say to people I lost more than my dad when he died because I instantly lost my mum too and had to become her mum and be there every minute possible, she was so needy and didn't know anything at all about her own finances. Glad to hear that the tour company have been supportive. Love your sense of humour. Can I add we better remind each other not to go to Spain as a destination when we get further down the track, clearly dodgy! Getting a cold on top is pants and bloody unfair. Take care of yourself as stress will be high for a while. Have you had your flu jab yet? Good idea to take a step outside the firing line and enjoy OH s birthday. Also it will help long term as your brothers will get involved more and stay involved so you don't take it all on as well as letting them feel like they have done something to help, which is important too. Get them involved as much as poss to lighten/share the emotional and physical load. Once again sending hugs love Lily xxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Oh Nicky, apart from my very best wishes and condolences I just don't know what to say. How awful for your Mum and for you all.

Lots of hugs from across the water. Love Carole xx
Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Thanks Lily

My Dad also died  in Spain and even worse it was at the airport just as they were going to the gate! This made it even more difficult for my Mum as ‘being airside’ meant she didn’t have the Saga holiday rep there to help so was basically on her own and there was a lot of paperwork and hanging around to deal with before she could get back to the other side of passport control where the rep was and get that support. Anyway the holiday insurance company have been excellent and have dealt with all of the official bits including the repatriation. As our family has quite a dry sense of humour we have said that if you’re going to use any travel company and insurance when you’re in your 80s you’d use Saga as they must be very used to these situations 😉

Anyway it is quite exhausting both mentally and physically plus 8 have picked up the cold that my Mum brought back from Spain (and my Dad had, which could have been a contributing factor) so I’m not feeling 100%. However it was OHs birthday yesterday and we are sticking with our weekend celebration as my brothers are stepping in to help Mum. Will be in touch and hope all you ladies are doing OK.

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Dear Nicky, I am sorry to read this sad news. It must have been a terrible shock for your poor mum and then all of you as you heard the news. So unexpected.  I will be thinking of you at this very sad time. It sounds very like my dad who died In Spain while on holiday with my mum and it made a difficult situation so very much more difficult as there are a large number of legal and medical things to sort out and she was there on her own. If I can be of any help with any part please just ask or pm me as I may have dealt with the same thing. We found people were very kind and I hope you are finding supportive people too as you deal with getting him home. Sending you a big hug and lots of love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi

Just a very quick post from me to explain my absence. After all these years of saying how bad the health of my in laws is and how my parents seem fine my Dad sadly died unexpectedly last week. It has been a complete shock to the family, and of course my Mum who I have been supporting. Although she lives fairly locally it is still taking up a huge amount of my time, in fact all of it, looking after her and dealing with all the paperwork. To add to the complications it happened just as they were returning from holiday so we have the whole repatriation to deal with as well.

I will be back in touch at some point but probably only once things have calmed down a bit and I have more time.

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, yipppeeeee nicky, what amazing news so happy for you and your family, that's such good news, get another holiday booked 😎✈️😜.

 

lily, anything booked for half term? We have just booked a week in Tenerife and the start of November so coming around fast.

 

went to see kylie last week in Liverpool, wasn't so keen but she was really good and enjoyed it and then comedy night sat gone and then this weekend weekend in Manchester and Blackpool for rugby final and a country night in Nashville. So diet is going to take a hammering. Lost 1stone 4lb in 5 weeks but will be a gain this week as been so naughty grhhh....

 

carol, so sorry about your mum but in a way may give you some comfort that she's been looked after better.  Hope you aren't going to be too lonely xxx

 

well of to do the dishes rock and roll life lol 👍😀

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone. Nicky its was only when I read your post that I realised I hadn't actually replied to your last one??? Not sure how that happened. Fantastic news. I am pleased for you and thank you for letting me know. I would definitely have run out of that door quick too. Your family must be so pleased too for you to have a more settled spell after so many big treatments and procedures. I am smiling while typing, I am so very pleased to hear your good news.Maybe a few trips can be planned then Smiley Happy

Carole sorry I hadn't replied to you either! Such mixed emotions when they move out, I know them well. Secretly hoping my son will be around for a while yet, whilst saving to get on the property market one day. Your daughter has done very well and I guess her own place is the next natural step for her. I am sure you will still see and hear a lot from her. Is is driveable to her place? Did you watch the run? It always makes me emotional seeing them run with my name on their back. I think it helps them to do something positive too. Such a good cause to help.  I can feel your anguish about your mum going into a nursing home but hopefully it will mean you and the family can have a little peace of mind knowing someone is there for her and she is being well looked after. No bed bugs there, I am sure. I hated that story and how unfair it was for her to have to endure it. Lisa are you still working hard with the new organisation? Take care all Love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Again, a very quick post from me whilst I have a quiet moment on a Sunday evening with our grandson fast asleep upstairs. His mum has had to work at a trade fair this weekend and his dad is currently in the nights section of his shift pattern so it has been up to us, and his other grandparents to help out. Fingers crossed we have a good night  as he’s been a little bit clingy today.

A yeah, I will read posts and catch up in the week but just wanted to all to know that my latest scan report was good, all stable nd presumably no evidence of mets in the liver still. I say ‘presumably’ because my previous onc used to show me my scan picture and let me read the report so I knew everything however the new one just told me it was good and to continue with the current treatment. I was too relieved to ask to see anything so I left without knowing the exact details and also to get out of there fast in case he changed his mind! So, this gives me another 3 months until the next scan on what I would call a very unintrusive treatment which is a welcome relief after all the recent years of chemo. Less hospital visits and blood tests as well which is an added bonus - I’m making the most of it!

Hope you all had a good weekend and have a good week.

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all

 

Yes the mornings and evenings are definitely chillier now, we've had some nice sunny days though but not in the high 30s like through the summer.   We still haven't had rain so I'm still watering pots and some plants. It's crazy, having had so much rain in the Spring for the last 3 months we've had none.

 

Lily yes I do still have dexa scans, and mammograms once a year. I'm booked into have an injection in my back on 25 Oct. We don't know if it will help but worth a try.

 

Nicky the part of Italy you mention is not where we went last year, and it sounds interesting.  Sometimes it is nice to see parts of places where the tourists generally don't go.   Have you caught up with your washing yet?

 

YD is in Italy at the moment, taking a well deserved holiday after all her studies.   She is moving into her own flat by the end of the month.   It's 45 mins away so at least not too far to visit her.   She had a telephone interview last week, they wanted to conduct a face to face interview tomorrow, which sadly YD can't do because she won't be in France.   It's a job being an English teaching assistant so the school hours would be nice and could give her the chance to be working on her own business she will try to set up.   We will see, she hasn't really been looking for work too much because of being away this month.

 

Yesterday YD and some friends ran a 5 km track in aid of breast cancer.   Quite a feat for her as she doesn't really like exercise - she takes after me lol.   They (all the runners) raised 45,000 euros so not bad.

 

I'm home alone now for 3 weeks, so apart from the dogs and cats it's quite strange to be alone again! I don't like it but needs must.

 

Mum will be moving into a nursing home (out of independant living care). The social team decided it was time.   I feel sad that Mum has come to this, but we all have to get old and she has done so well until about 4 years ago.

 

That's about all from me for now.   Love Carole xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi buddies

A quick update from me as we on,y got back yesterday afternoon from our holiday to Puglia in Italy. We had a lovely time and it is a totally different part of Italy to the ones we have visited before. It isn’t so touristy, unlike the Lakes, Rome, Venice etc. but has some really beautiful towns which we enjoyed visiting. The countryside is also completely different as it’s very southerly so a bit more like Malta with palm trees, cactus etc and then huge areas of Olive trees as it produces most of Italy’s olive oil. Very relaxing as we didn’t have any particular agenda other than to visit the towns that we knew about. We stayed in 3 different places so we could explore the areas around them without travelling too far each day. The weather was so hot when we got there last weekend but got cooler as the week went on. Always bright sunshine with fabulous blue skies and the Adriatic was incredibly blue and clear. It didn’t get as cool as it is here in the evenings but there was a chill, especially towards the end of the weeks and when it was a bit more breezy. 

Anyway, back to reality as I have a pile of washing, need the heating on in the evening and have to get my scan results later this week. Oh the joys! Will catch up later with your posts and news but thought I’d quickly post whilst I had a few minutes.

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, hope you are having a good weekend. It was so warm here I went out without a coat and was still warm. Hope it lasts. Heating on in the evening though as the temp seems to really drop. I received one of those horrible envelopes with NHS on the front today, those ones we all got too many of. I am being called for another dexa scan, does anyone else still get called for them? Just curious as i was not expecting it and cannot remember when the last was. Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi buddies, how are things with you all? I hate these chillier mornings, bring back the sunshine. I would always rather be hot than cold. Carole glad mum didn't have sepsis. She is amazing isn't she, 92! Mum is the same doing so well for her age but driving me insane at times. Do you think we will end up that way! How is your back? Nicky I will enjoy hearing about your Italian travels, have a lovely time. Not sure when you planned to go.  Lisa how is the diet going? I just hate them and want to press a button and be exactly how I want!! Now the person who manages that will be a millionaire. I have no will power at present so not even trying to be good. probably not the best idea with another wedding next year.  Must buzz off today but talk soon love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, happy weekend, I so love weekends, today is a pj day doing some housework and prepping some meals . Thanks for your support but I'm fine, think I know who the person is and it's their issue, not a very nice person so I'll be smiling so sweetly and be extra nice lol.

 

carole, so glad your mum hasn't got sepsis I watched my uncle with that and it was awful. Hope you have a lovely video call, how lovely. Think you've probably done right re the op for you right now.

 

lily, yes it is lovely but I hardly notice the lakes which I must change, your OH is right, it always rains 🤣😂. Love rugby but the legs are just an added bonus lol. Diet going okay another 3lb so that's 11 in 2 weeks so hoping to hit my stone next week, few things coming up so want to have a good few weeks and actually enjoying it, but tonight is wine night and fake KFC so happy days. Good luck in your shoe.

 

nicky, hope you're off on hols soon, can't wait to hear all about it so love Italy, I really want to go to Rome 👍. I'm with you on the food shopping, my parents go nearly every day, I go as little as I can hate it lol.

 

Well of to make some food, wish me luck x happy weekend all, just want it to last a bit longer x

 

 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Happy weekend everyone

 

Hate mail, why do people have to be so horrid? It's usually centred around jealousy so I would agree with Lily. How is the weight loss? 

 

Nicky you are in Italy? How lovely I did enjoy what we managed to see but there is still a lot we didn't see, so a trip back one day I think to revisit.

 

Lily, good luck with whatever plant you show at the horticultural show. I know what you mean about watering, we have had to it lots, then we stopped for a few days now our forecast is for the upper 20s for the next week so I'll be back to watering as Mr P is away.  You had a hangover?   Still as long as you had a nice day/evening, did you see a show?

 

I'm pleased to say Mum doesn't have sepsis after all, so they stopped the ABs and will no doubt be sending her home. I think these hospital visits are going to become more and more frequent.   She hasn't listened to any earlier advice about letting the Carers help her with walking, showering, letting them heat her food in the microwave etc. etc.   So what can we do!   Absolutely nothing. Even with dementia she is a stubborn old mule who will be 92 next month!

 

Our little GD is 1 year old today.   So I'm going to do a video call.   She is nearly walking but just not quite yet.

 

On that note, better get some breakfast before calling. Have a nice weekend everyone xxxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, how are you. I love friday evenings, end of the week and no work for a few days. They wizz by too fast though. I have a lot to do this weekend as it is my horticultural society show and I am an official. Been in the garden tonight trying to find things that look well enough to enter. Terrible year for the plants, especially as I refused to waste water to save them. Still very dry down here with little rain. I was in London last weekend and stayed over, which was a nice change except my hangover took out most of the next day. Never again! I rarely drink and it seems to hit me harder because my tolerance is pathetic. I had a very nice time on that evening though lol. 

Lisa what a shock to have hate mail after the first nice one. Some people are just poos, there is nothing better to say about them. Don't take it to heart, you know its just jealousy as Nick says. Must be someone who you got promoted above but thought they should have got the job. Not sure yet about Barcelona, it is the trip we lost but a lot on with family so will be a last minute deal again if it happens. Its a cheap city to visit when i looked at prices of flights and hotels. You like your rugby don't you? I have only watched family playing so just school stuff. Do you go for the game or the legs ha ha. Funnily enough my son was in your area doing via ferrata recently. He came back telling us we had to move up there because he loved the scenery. OH said there's a reason they have so many lakes, it rains a lot !!! Ha ha. Bit far to drive to work each day for me too. Would love to meet you and Carole one day. Just need the kids to drive a bit further when we holiday in the UK. Think its 5 - 6 hours drive from us. I am not hooked on bake off and first dates yet but watch them occasionally. Like first dates so probably need to series record it so I don't miss it. We have been hooked on bodyguard and I watched 90 day fiance once and now watch every series. I can't believe how gullible some of them are. Good luck with the diet. Its really annoying when money needs to be stretched for nice trips. Hope you get to do all you want to do. How is mum now?

Carole I was very sorry to hear mum has sepsis as I know it can be life threatening. Please keep us posted and i hope she can fight her way through it. So diffcult the dementia thing as you want them around but the outlook is bleak when they get to a certain point and suffering for families can be tough. Hugs. My oldy with dementia fell asleep after putting the oven on so I am left wondering what to do for the best. No fire but there was smoke and the fire alaram went off and the care company rang through to check he was ok. The news on your back was not good either. i hope the jabs work but consider how long they can hold it off as it would be safer to have it done before damage more severe and painful. What a recovery time!! Sounds daunting but maybe easier to cope with now than when 10 or 20 years older? Good luck with the injections. Your daughter did so well, congrats. The G P sounds exciting. Victor would love it. Are we all heading for Barcelona?   Nick are you making plans to look around a lot on your trip to Italy or is it a more relaxing holiday? Weather should be warm but cool enough to get some walks in. Always lots of hills and things to climb up in Italy. Yes I love the autumn leaves and colours but hoping it will not arrive too soon. i am still hoping for more sun. This weekend is supposed to be good. Carole and I would definitely say stay out of the inlaw trouble because one set is tough and it comes to most of us in time. Enjoy yours being ok and well.  Better buzz off as I am hoping for a good sleep after nights of insomnia. love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, I'll try not to make another mammoth post but it's not going to be easy.

 

Mum is back in hospital with Sepsis.   She lasted around 2 1/2 weeks back at home, was so confused that she didn't know where she was. The nurse diagnosed a urine infection last week and apparently she has been on anti biotics but kept telling me she hadn't had any.   She made up stories about the Carers not going into her etc. etc.   It is very difficult to know when she is lying, but apparently that is part of dementia.  My sister was away on holiday for 2 weeks, my brother was left in charge and according to mum he never visited her when in fact he did.   I phoned every day and tried to keep the conversation light.   She was admitted on Wednesday, the day my sister returned from holiday.   She is not on iv ABs so will possibly not keep her for long.   We all think she needs more care as it seems the dementia is getting the better of her.  She still doesn't eat, barely drinks and there is nothing anyone can do, it's like self harm!

 

On my front, I had the MRI and long back xray.   The neuro surgeon wants to operate, using a frame rods and pins around the vertabrae and then decompress the trapped nerve along with fusion.   I am not going to have this surgery, it involves (along with the risks of the surgery) a long recovery of about 3 months needing

someone to be at home all the time as no driving, no passenger, no bending, no lifting, no dog walking and more.   It's impossible to recover for that length of time as you know, Mr P is frequently away.  So I am going for the option first of anti inflammatory/steroid injections to see if that will help.   It's better than the other option.

 

YD has found a flat she will be moving about mid October.  It's about 45 mins away so not too far and whilst she is setting up her business she will get some help from the Government as they're trying to encourage young graduates to start up self employment.   I forgot to mention that she passed with Honours her Masters degree so we had a small celebration for her.   We are extremely proud parents.

 

The weather was really hot and sunny, until yesterday and so now feels very autumnal.   We desperately need some rain which has been forecast but hasn't appeared.

 

I'm excited because next May we are having a little holiday in Barcelona, and we are going to the Grand Prix.    Can't wait for that Smiley Very Happy

 

I'm sorry it has been all about me girls, I will try to catch up or at least keep up with your news.

 

Love to all and take care Carole xx

 

 

 

 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Lisa, well done you for all the positive feedback about the work you are doing. Ignore the troll, they obviously have jealousy issues if everyone else can compliment you.  Good idea to be aware of who it might be, but we kniow you won't stoop to their low level.  Yes, we went to Bologna about 5 years ago and thought it was fabulous.  A very underrated city which also means its not too touristy either.  We are going right down into the heel part of Italy which is meant to be very untouristy but still a few beautiful places to visit.  Some have renetly been on the Jamie does Italy programme (or whatever its actualy called) and it has really made us look forward to it even more.  It is our anniversary whilst away so we are treating ourselves to a few nice places to stay in and keeping fingers crossed for the continued good weather they are having. Am also into Bake Off, its such a great format to watch and the new team are doing a great job taking over from Mel and Sue.  A more interesting bunch of bakes as well this year.  It's happened before where one year they haven't been quite so interesting to watch.  Not into any other reality shows but of course will be tuned into Strictly when it starts for real in a couple of weeks.

Lily, was Barcelona your cancelled trip? I hope you get to go on it this time and get to see all the sights you had booked before.  If you are going in the half term I expect it will be perfect weather for it.

Carole, how are things with you?  What's the weather been like?  After such a hot summer I expect you are looking forward to autumn kicking in with cooler nights and sunny days.  I love autumn, partly as its when our anniversary is and we always take a holiday then when all the crowds have gone.  But we love walking in the countryside around this time of the year, not too hot, not too muddy and the trees are often looking so pretty as the leaves turn.  

Hoping to get out a bit more this year as last year we were helping a lot with new born GS and of course there's the continuing saga of what to do with the In Laws (none of the 5 siblings seem to be able to discuss this properly so it drags on and on).  This takes up time from our weekends as OH inevitably makes sure he visits them each weekend as they still live at home and its never a short trip even though they live relatively nearby.  TBH I don't always go as my idea of a weekend is to keep out of supermarkets and not traipse around following them as they are not quick on their feet any more.  Sounds very harsh I know but I really don't want to go supermarket shopping unless I have to, and even then I always go on my own and in the week.  I still don't know why the siblings havent organised a regular online shop so they only have to go out for a couple of things rather than a weekends worth.  I am also sure I will have to be helping out more as the time goes on with my own parents who, touchwood, are very capable at the moment but it's only a matter of time before I have to do the same with them, which is one reason why I don't get involved with any decisions etc for my in laws.  Sorry, enough moaning.

Have a good weekend

Nicky xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, loving the long posts, I need to try and get on more and post more often.

 

good to see everyone is busy... nicky 1 year old how fab and a nice celebration on all counts xx oh I'm so jeleous of you going to Italy, think I'm having withdrawals from Italy, have you been to Bologna before it was lovely. It's been years since I was in London, last time was a flying visit for a conference.

 

lily, Barcelona is on my list too... how's it being back at school, count down to the next break? I'm sure you do an amazing job looking after everyone, I don't know how you have time.  Are you planning on a trip to the lakes if so let me know we can meet up. I live about 30mins from the lakes, to be honest take it for granted too much. I'm into bake off and tonight tried first dates hotel which was a giggle.

 

carole, seen some pics on Facebook and looks like you have lovely time with family. God news about your scan if you know what I mean and fingers crossed no operation needed. Lovely news about your cat, pets are like family.

 

Well not much to report here, bit of a mixed bag. Loving work and after my lovely comments someone sent in some anon. Feedback on our structure and made it really personal about me and it was really nasty so been a bit upset, but new head on, it's their issue not mine so I'm over it but will keep an eye on my list of prime suspects.

 

diet week 1 equals 8 lb loss but it just doesn't last, my willpower fades. Money's a bit tight at the moment so no holidays booked. Almost 3 weeks next may just with Mam and dad, they want to go back to Florida but I'm hoping to squeeze a nice day trip in somewhere different. Have a weekend in Manchester for the rugby in October and this group we have seen which is country modern playing all sorts is on in Blackpool on the way back. Seen them twice in other places and I'm hooked, although not hooked on Blackpool it's been around 15 years since I've been but it was handy on the way back. I think though could have gone abroad by the time work it all out... I'm going to have to save hard as my friend wants a possible few days abroad so I won't be able to say no, when I could do with one now. 

 

Thats all from me for now, try and keep up a bit more. Night xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi, you are right Nick, mammoth posts, including yours Smiley Happy . Fab. I will try to respond to as much as I can remember! Lisa I'm glad we kept you busy on the long train journey. I think this new very busy job is just what you needed to keep you busy and give you a new challenge. I hope it goes really well, you deserve it. It should present much better career opporunities being a bigger concern. Although it sounds like you currently have a lot to tax your brain, but all in time. What a lovely thing they do to recognise good work and send gifts. I wish! Still, beaming parents and pupils was good too. How is it all going with your friend's wedding plans? Such fun but busy. Well good luck with dropping some weight. You are usually very successful when you put your mind to it and start, so I believe you can make a difference. Good luck and be good!  My yd is the same after being asked to be bridesmaid again, as she will be one of 4 and all the others are very small. She looks fab but I guess it is how you feel about yourself. Lisbon is only hilly if you want to climb up to the castle. Greek islands were much more of a climb. Pretty flat and we were right in the city centre. Not that it is really anything like a city over here. So much quieter. 

Carole thank you for the info about respite care, I had not hear about going to A & E. I was offered it on the phone by SS. I am over that now as I realised they were most concerned about me not being there and told me I was doing a good job. Its upsetting though. I didn't realise that Brexit would mean that kind of information verification, I hope that is not the case. Isn't your daughter a translator? Or does it have to have legal signatures? Sorry to hera about the disc trouble, which sounds teribly painful. Poor you. Keep us posted how you get on. Also about your cat. We are all animal lovers on here. Any news about your mum? You didn't really make me feel good about respite care from her experience. My trees are a ginko biloba an acacia pravissima and a purple mist. Plus a few that I have not got labels for. I belong to the local horticultural society and show 3 times a year. i am reall getting into it since joining the committee and have to help with all the awards and prize money each time. Nick I agree August was the longest ever and I appreciated it very much. Unfortunately it has gone now. I haven't been to Poole, would you recommnd a trip there? WE are visiting UK cities too. I fancy flying into Edinburgh and must get up to the Lakes again one year. has anyone ever been to Tommy's pub. i would like to revisit Angie's roots one day to think of her. I can hardly believe your little chap is going to be one. Can I be a know it all and remind you that I told you that you would be holding a grabndchild one day, when you were in a bad place. Dr Lily can see these things. I wasn't fake to make you feel better. Maybe I come from a line of witches, mainy moons ago!  Anyway I will stop boasting and say you really deserved this because you put up with a lot of treatment nd procedures. You should write your story to help others believe. Italy sounds fab, can I come? Will you go over to Sicily? Lt me know how it is, as it may very well have to go on my list. Everything crossed for your scan as always. Keep me posted. Congrats on his 1st birthday xx

We are maybe going to Barcelona. Not completely clear yet as so much going on. At least this time we would be in footy season and I would love to see Barcelona play if the timing is right. Being back at work is pants and i seem to be behind with everything already. How did that happen? Lisa will understand that one. Take care all my dear friends. Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx