cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Darling buddies from May - moving on

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Lily, your poor Mum, and a poor you as you are the main care giver. Breaking a hip at her age is not to be sniffed at and, without causing concern, is a high risk of complications. I can’t remember where I read this, it was many moons ago when OH’s Gran broke her hip, but there’s a particular reason why it is so serious. Sorry if I’m not helping one bit here but just wanted to warn you, although I’m sure you’ll probably already be aware. Extra work and worry for you though wherever she is, whether she’s still in hospital or when she is discharged. Something none of us need. When you have time update us and have a rant if that’s what’s needed.

Carole, yes those new meds can really knock you out! For some reason I tolerate them, and my other heart meds, really well (and I’m on the highest possible doses for all of them!) but I know many people who don’t. Take it easy as I’m sure you will adjust and, if mit, ask about something different to take, it can take a while to get the right heart meds for you without the unnecessary side effects. Bloomin side effects, they have a lot to answer for!

Lisa, how are you my dear? Busy as ever I expect. Let us know how things are - when you have time.

Well, I’m doing Ok at the moment. Mum is doing really well and not so reliant on me, or my brothers, for company which is a huge relief for me as I’m the closest in distance to her so am the one who it’s affected the most (in terms of changes I’ve had to make to my normal life). The funeral was obviously a point of reference (rather than changing anything specifically) but I know Mum was holding back on doing some of her usual things until after it had taken place. She went back to her keep fit class last Friday which she really enjoyed and back to her indoor bowls last night. Both groups are of a similar age to Mum and have proven to be very supportive with lots of messages and offers of help so I’m hoping that she will take up some of these now she has broken the ice by going back to them. For me it is helping a lot as I have been able to get on more with the things I need to do, especially this time of the year when I’m always so busy trying to get all the shopping done and abiding the crowds. I met up with YD in Guildford on Monday as she was down from London visiting some friends so it was nice just to chat and amble along looking at things together which we haven’t done in ages what with her obscene working hours! 

We’re all off on our little hols in a few days which sounds like fun. Luckily the riots might have eased off a bit now Carole as I was a bit worried about blockades at the ports. Fingers crossed it’s an easy journey for us, and as easy for the others coming by train.

Have a good weekend (I know it’s a bit early to wish this) and I’ll report back when I’m next o;.

Nicky xx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, Lily I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum bringing another worrying time for you.   Your Mum sounds very brave, and I assume by now she has had her hip sorted.   Did they use an epidural or spinal block? Six hours, wow, that doesn't bear thinking about let alone it actually happening.  I do sympathise, having gone through some issues with my Mum recently. Sending you lots of love and good thoughts.  Post updates when you can.

 

Hope everyone else is ok?   I'm finding the beta blockers which I was put back on last week because of unusual heart rhythm and palpitations are absolutely knocking me out.  Well I assume it is these. I feel so lethargic.

 

Anyway a bright and sunny day today so took the doggies for a walk. That in itself is hard work as they both pull like anything and I feel like my arm is being wripped off!   I only have to take them a few hundred metres and then let them off lead so they can have a good run.

Love to all xxx

 

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

 Hi all, just a quick post as up early tomorrow.

nicky glad the funeral went like it did, sounds like a lovely turnout and you family and your mum doing him proud.

carole, ouch sounds painful, hope you get sorted at docs, weight gain is so hard, I'm still trying but coming off very slowly as weekends get in the way

oh lily poor you after everything with your mum sounds like a horrendous wait and what pain for her, she's defo a trouper and take advantage when she's in hospital, however, I know those hospital visiting hour trips takeover your life.

 

ps. Nicky Disneyland Paris, never been 👍👍

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, Nicky I was relieved to hear that you have at last been able to have the funeral for your dad, such a long time to wait. Hopefully as you say it will help family, especially your mum move forward slowly as she feels able. Hopefully it will also start to bring a little more normality back to your routines and ease her dependence on you. I always said I lost both of them when I lost my dad, as my relationship with my mum just turned around in a different direction. Speaking of which she has had a bad accident and is in hospital so I am pretty much living at the hospital whenever visiting time. It was a very traumatic day and she was incredibly brave as she broke her hip which left her leg at a bizarre angle and unable to move it, just disconnected completely. We sat on the floor for 6 hours until the blue light ambulance arrived. How long did everyone else wait that day?  No help came despite my pleas. Very difficult situation as operation vital to save her leg but her health means must never have an anaesthetic. So worrying day as they said she was very high risk of bleeding out but they had no choice. Stroke risk is still very high as she cannot be on her usual cocktail of medicines to keep her from clotting and will be for some time but hoping for the best. No idea what life the other side of this will be like, when she gets sent home but they won't let her out for weeks they say. I feel like we slid back to the bottom again and she will lose all the independence we fought for (for her and us!) . Not sure whether to prepare myself or be optimistic really, so making the most of good spells if they come along. She's a trooper so fingers crossed will fight back again and then get home. A bit of a long journey ahead.  Sorry haven't replied to everything but just wanted you to know why I am struggling to get on here sometimes xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, how lovely to have posts from all of us, it's been quite a while but life does seem to get in the way of general chit chat on here Smiley LOL

 

Nicky from my experience the time in between the death of a loved one and the funeral is such a busy time that it seems to keep your mind off thinking about things.   My Dad died 13 years ago, quietly and peacefully (we like to believe) in his sleep.  It was a shock, like yours as so unexpected, although my Dad was 82.   I went across to help Mum who couldn't really cope with anything, so I stayed with her until after the funeral. It was very strange sleeping in the same bed.   So you will probably find that now, you might hear a tune or see something that will bring back memories of your Dad. With me it was anything to do with Glenn Millar as he was a fan. (She says as wiping away a tear).  Good plan for the scan results.

 

Lily, I'm so sorry you have had 2 losses so quickly together. What with that and stresses of work, you are no doubt a bit run down. Maybe some Echinacea and vitamin C will help shift it in time for Christmas.

 

Lisa you are so busy it's the same for you, stress is usually one of the things (they say) that causes a cold sore.   Luckily I've never had one but Mr P gets them, particularly when he is under a bit of pressure.   Perhaps a few hot toddies and some early nights might help? Hope your Mum picks up soon.

 

Our long trip with the dogs was a nightmare.  The dogs were pretty good considering although we had to make frequent stops so along with the stopping of the blockades, we stopped for the dogs.   All the while the car was moving they slept, but the minute the movement stopped because of a blockade they were excited thinking they were going for a walk.

 

Visiting Mum was nice, she is definitely in a much nicer nursing home now.  All the staff were very friendly, very fascinated that we had travelled from France.   Conversation with Mum is very repetitive, but to be expected I suppose.  She still isn't eating much, and has been warned that if she keeps losing weight they will admit her to hospital for tube feeding.   It doesn't matter how much we offer her things to eat, she just doesn't want to.   I said she is starving herself and will die, hoping to be brutally honest.   She'll forget I said it though.   So, still moaning about anything and everything but at least me and my siblings know she is being looked after now.

 

Seeing all the grandchildren was lovely, little GD is so cute and always smiling.   It's going to be hard work for her parents when the new little one arrives in January.   We did quite a bit of food shopping, as always things you can't get here.   We also did some Christmas shopping for the children/grand children. I had such bad feet swelling, and after taking a water tablet the day we went shopping, I couldn't keep out of the toilet. On the return journey they swelled even more so for 4 days I could only get my feet in slip on sandals!

 

I'm seeing the GP tomorrow as I think I either have an ear infection or a build up of wax because inside my ear is itchy and painful.  I recently had a blood test too and some of the results aren't normal but I don't know if any of this is to do with the steroid injection I had nearly 5 weeks ago.   I've put on 4 kilos in weight. I had to increase my insulin a lot to cope with the high levels so that wouldn't help the weight.   

 

I'm trying to follow a Low Carb diet, which is the new trend but this week I've kept carbs down to about 80 grammes a day and I have noticed such an improvement in blood sugars, although disappointed no weight loss yet Smiley Frustrated

 

Mr P is away for the next week and then all being well (you never know with his job) he should be home until after Christmas.

 

Time for my low carb lunch now, take care all and keep warm in Storm Diana xxxx

 

PS for Nicky :  the blockades are continuing indefinitely, particularly around the big Cities like Paris, Bordeaux, Le Mans, Toulouse etc. so allow extra time for travel.   There is a website that displays where they intending to block, but to be honest it is very hit and miss. Now the National Front have joined in too so things are starting to get messy!   Take care xx

 

 

 

 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Firstly I’m sorry to hear of your recent losses Lily, as you know I’m only too aware (at the moment) of hhow much organising needs to be done even if you weren’t personally in the thick of it. All of that stress can bring you down so it’s no wonder your cold is hanging on and seems to be one of those ones we all seem to get that turns into a nasty couch that hangs on. I’ve had a couple of those over the years, currently dosing up with Vit C each night as a part protection.

carole, what a nightmare journey. Unfortunately when you have set your dates you can’t change them or do anything about it can you? And having been near your part of the world this summer I know how long it takes on a good day let alone when there’s difficulties. I guess you won’t be venturing north for a while! 

Lisa, you are always busy busy busy! Good for you when it comes to holidays but maybe not so good if it’s work. How is it going these days after the big shake up? I hope the dust has settled and you are feeling valued again and even enjoying it? At least you have a Christmas break to look forward to with a few days off work.

Well, my update. At long last we did have Dads funeral, it was a cremation so no church service as he wasn’t a churchgoer (and these days you need to be to even get a look in at having a service! Understandably). It was held on Friday and had about 89 people there which was a wonderful turnout for someone who has lived a long life. Lots of family from Up North, friends and ex work colleagues. It showed what a popular and well loved man we all knew him as. It was a lovely service and a gathering afterwards with a more relaxed day at ours on Saturday for the immediate family before they all headed home. Mum is doing well and coping very well which means I’m not there quite so often now and when I am it’s to see her and do things with her rather than loads of ‘admin’. We are working out how much support she needs in terms of us visiting her and her staying here occasionally plus she will stay at my brothers’ sometimes. The funeral was a big hurdle to get over and luckily wasn’t as emotionally draining as she, and we, had all thought, I guess the long time in between his death and the service gave us time to adjust more. It was a point though that Mum wants to get to, and past, so she cannot have that hanging over her and can plan to move on, something I know she wasn’t really able to do before it took place.

Other than all of this going on I’m keeping busy (busier?) with Christmas shopping plus occasional childminding duties and the monthly (hooray, they are only monthly) visit is to hospital for treatment. A scan coming up before Christmas and results put off (by me) until after. Yes, Lily we do have a birthday to celebrate and my eldest, still being a little girl, has insisted we all go to Disneyland Paris for the weekend. So a short trip over there soon - let’s hope the ports aren’t blockaded again like they were for Carole.

Nicky x

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, manic time of year for us all hence it being quiet on here. First of all Nicky, how are you coping, really hope you've had a funeral and celebrated your dads life xx

 

carole what an awful journey, hope the feet go down soon and the wee dogs are okay. How was your mum and family ? X

 

lily, how awful what a bad time you've had and that's why you can't shift your cough I always get it this time of year, avoided it with just a short burst but my poor Mam has been coughing for over 2 weeks and I've come out in a cold sore.

 

well work seems to get busier the next few weeks but trying to spend a bit more time posting on here as I've not been posting enough recently xxxx

 

off for early night xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Ladies, sorry I have not been online for a while. It just got a bit manic at work and I had a really annoying cold with a high temperature and its left a cough I can't shake off. Very annoying. Its probably because I was busy at work and also we lost a relative and had a funeral to travel to, as well as trying to support a difficult situation following the death. I was pleased to be a shoulder someone can rely on it but I always carry some of the sadness away with me. A lot of relatives flew in for it, which meant really quite a lot of hard work to make everything go as smoothly as they wanted. It didn't help that I was terribly car sick both journeys and arrived green as green. We have gone straight into another loss this week of a very dear family friend who I cannot ever remember not having in my life. I guess no wonder I can't shake the cold off, hopefully this week it will go. I have another close relative in hospital not expected to do well, we can hope they are wrong. None are my very nearest so that is something to be thankful for. At least Christmas is on its way and I love this time of year. Pressies are piling up every day but still several important birthdays to do before then as well so an expensve time of year as usual. I think you have family birthdays around this time too Nicky?

Lisa how lovely to go to Tenerife, what was the temperature like? Sorry to hear you are unwell. Did you pick it up on the flight? Hope you don't have that cough that plagues you every year. Get well soon. Yes I am watching jungle, a good series but I watch it on record as it annoys me how long it goes on for, so I can fast forward.

Carole that journey sounds horrendous and how on earth did you manage with the dogs in there too?  A bad end to a nice trip to visit everyone. How were the family? Did you buy many things while over here, ready for Christmas? 

Nicky, most of all I am so sorry I havent been on to ask how you are. I really hope you have had the funeral now and that you were all able to celebrate a lovely dad and husband's life at last. How are things with mum now? Love Lily xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi buddies

 

Just a quick post, as on Sunday returned from a whirlwind visit to see Mum in London, and children/g children in Hampshire plus do a quick bit of Christmas shopping.   We left on Tuesday and came back on the overnight ferry Friday night ...... big mistake!    The whole of France were having demonstrations and blocades, so what should have been a 7 hour drive (with a couple of stops) turned into a 16 hour drive!   Not impressed, Mr P was so tired from the driving but just wanted to press on to get us home.  We had the two dogs in the car also so I can honestly say the journey home was horrendous.   My feet and ankles are very puffy owing to sitting for so long, so gradually hoping to get back to normal.   The last time I was swollen like this was during chemo days Smiley Frustrated.

 

Nicky hope you are coming to terms with your Dad's passing, Lily how are you?  Busy with Christmas things at school?   Lisa, hope you had a superb holiday in Tenerife.   Good job you managed to escape the hotel/house collapsing?

 

I've got a pile of ironing to do so better dash off.   Love to all xxxx

 

 

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, I'm around just recovering from Tenerife and brought a sore throats back, well we all did so that plus work means I've been shattered. Glad you've been shopping Nicky, and wow that's a long time to wait as it's a big hurdle xx lily I've joined the lurgy gang x Carole how's things?

 

will do a proper catch up tomorrow, jungle ...are you watching Lily?!

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

No chance of taking them back Lily!  OH made the mistake of telling me to treat myself as I deserved it (after the crap few weeks beforehand) so I took him at his word ha ha. Actually I did need to buy some new things anyway becasue this year, having come off the 'chemo diet' for the first time in several years I have put weight on.  All my skinny clothes that I'd been wearing the past few years no longer fit so it was essential I bought some new ones ;-)

Thanks for the suggestions for Mum.  She is on the ball about most of those things but I think the fact the funeral is still there hanging around is preventing her from going back to some of the clubs she used to go to.  It's sort of a moving forward point and because it has been so drawn out it is stopping her from doing just that. Luckily where they moved to a couple of years ago is in an area where there are quite a few widows and some of the clubs (fitness and bowls) have ladies of a similar age and situation who have all been lovely with their cards etc.  They have lived in the same small town for many years so as she has got out and about a bit more she has bumped into some of those ladies already which helps with that first point of contact.  I am also having Mum over at least once a week, it's difficult for me to spend time at hers as I still have this house, and OH, to look after so its a bit of a juggling act.  We will get there, I just need to have my own time to myself, as I am used to having, which is when the stress levels creep up when I don't get that.

Nicky x

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Nice list of shopping Nicky, I am impressed, well as long as you don't take them back !! Does your mum have a local magazine as they are full of clubs and actiities like wi and mum joined u3A and goes to antiques, family tree and poetry groups. I couldn't believe she was brave enough but now she loves it and met a lot of people in the same circumstances for cups of tea on other days too with other widows/singles.

When mil was on her own I had a routine where she came over and ate with us once a week. She loved that as you don't eat out on your own. Or does she have a past with brownies as helper  local school to listen to reading? All would jump at an offer to help. xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

A moments peace in a busy week and weekend for me.

No, the service still hasn't taken place! It seems usual around here for it to be about 2-3 weeks after a death to fit in with times available for funeral directors and crematorium. So add on the initial 3 weeks it took to get the coroner to allow the service to take place it means it will be about 6 weeks from when my Dad died!  Yes, this has given us time to start adjusting but also means, especially for my Mum, things aren't moving forward.  I think she wants the funeral over with to then get on and start getting out more and meeting friends and family. She is being very positive and already thinking ahead of some short holidays next year but the immediate day to day company/loneliness is still a bit of an issue, and the onus is on me as I'm the only local sibling who also doesnt have a full time job!  I am stepping back and getting on with things I want, and need, to do but it still ties me up a lot.  I'm sure you know what it's like!  Btw how is your Mum at the moment?  Hopefully not causing you extra problems in any way.

Carole, how are you doing? As Lily has said, has the injection helped at all?  I hope so although maybe it takes a while to really help so it might not be immediate?

Lisa, are you busy, busy as ever?  Any trips or outings planned?  We're pretty much done for this year although will be celebrating EDs 30th with a long weekend break in December.

So that's about it for now, I need to plan my 'days off' over the next couple of weeks to give me some down time and also enable me to get cracking on my Christmas shopping.  I hate leaving it to the last minute so tend to do bits and pieces most days rather than one big shop.  The only downside to this is I forget what I've bought everyone so I now write it all in a little notebook so I can keep a track!

Have a good week, looks like we might have a spell of sunny days which is lovely at the moment with all the autumn colours.

Nicky xx

ps As you asked Lily I bought a skirt, couple of tops, new smart trousers but still trying to find a decent coat without spending a fortune!

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, just checking to see how everyone is. Nicky have you managed to have your dad's service yet? I hope things have moved along now so you can make the arrangements and move through this part of grieving. Although I was dreading it with mine, it did have positives as well, so we could start to adjust to the changes it brought. How are you getting on ith mum now? Have you managed to pull back a bit more of your time for yourself? Its tricky I know but necessary for your health too. I bet you have hardly had time to think about yourself. 

Carole how is your back now? Has the steroid injection helped you? Do they repeat it regularly or is it a one off? I hope it will bring you some relief. Lisa is work still madly busy? Hope your role is starting to settle a little now you are getting used to all the new things you have to do. I am really busy at work and now come down with the inevitable cold so its balsam tissues, strepsils and coughing all night for me. Take care love Lily xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, how was the weekend? I am glad to see less rain and even some sun although its very low in the sky making driving more tricky at times. We went to a Christmas fair at a historic house which was nice but its a bit early yet. The reindeers looked a bit out of place in the sun! I have actually done a lot of shopping already this year. I didn't really plan to start early, just saw things, bought them and then other people gave me gift ideas, so my spare room is already pretty chocca especially with the next wedding dress taking up a lot of room in there already. Carole how has the steroid injection treatment gone? Are you feeling the benefit of it? Hope it will give you a lot of relief. Lisa how are your family now as its not long really since mum was unwell? Is the new jo keeping you busy stillst don't know. Nicky it sounds very familiar and I can remember thinking we all seemed to have been in limbo forever. That's the time when you feel you should keep visiting your mum I flt too. After the funeral you naturally move into a different phase as everyone has no choice but to adjust to the different normal days and weeks. I really struggled to get back into my life as mum was pretty much arms round the neck sinking us and wanting it to stay like that. I remember my brother getting mad when mum treated him like he now had to take on all the responsibility so she didn't have to look after her own house and finances. I would say encourage her to start doing a few things on her own and heap loads of praise on her when she does as she is probably looking for reassurance about what all of your expectations are of her now. Tricky but time gradually sorts it out. How easily we moved on to these big gaps between your medical scans and appointments. You would hardly have dared believe it if you read your posts from last year. It shows you just have to keep believing because you just don't know. Well I better buzz off here. BTW what did you buy? Love Lily xxxxx 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Thank you again for thinking of me.

I'm doing fine but very busy sorting out various admin etc as well as supporting my Mum.  I think I will cut and paste this sentence for a few posts yet!

Anyway the funeral date is eventually set but snt for a few more weeks.  Basically, as Lily must know, you go to the back of the queue once the repatriation has taken place. So although my Dad died some 3 weeks ago now we could not plan anything at all until he was back in the country with the relevant paperwork and the Coroner had said the cremation could take place.  So its as if he had died last Monday as that was the earliest  time the Coroner had got back to us.  This does give us time to plan his service having got over the initial shock but drags out the grieving process as there is no focal point to have dealt with yet.  Oh well.  My Mum is doing remarkably well and we (my 2 brothers and I) are helping her as much as possible but also stepping back - well I am for starters.  I had my 1st 'day off' since my Dad died on Wednesday and managed to splurge on some well needed (and derserved!) clothes.  Luckily OH encouraged me but I think he's regretting that now ha ha.  Otherwise everything else, healthwise, for me is going OK.  I have the joy of another CT before Christmas - yes, it really will be 3 months since the last one by then, and the wait for the results which will be 1st week of Jan.  At least Christmas will distract me.

Sorry I've only rambled on about me but I am trying to read your posts but just don't seem to get the time to log on and therefore never get round to replying - until this morning that is.

Take care

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies, first chance to log in since my jab.

Just to say wishing you all a good weekend and will catch up next week.

Love Carole xx 😃
Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

HI Nicky just wanted to say I'm thinking of you xxxx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi just wanted to ask how you are getting on Nicky? Hoping things are moving along now. So much worse when you are just left waiting for decisions. Thinking of you love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Many thanks ladies for your support and shared stories. Lily, it sounds all very familiar! Dad is now back ‘home’ so to speak but the coroner still has to make a decision about whether there is an inquest or not, hopefully not as if there is one the delay will continue. My brothers are being very supportive but I am making sure they know the ins and outs of me going in each day, something they can’t do as they are both in full time jobs. Having seen how my OHs sister has taken the brunt of the everyday visiting to my parents in law over the years, but not made her grievances known to OH and his siblings, I am making sure I’m not going to end up in the same boat - as I always said I would should this situation arise! 

Carole, it’s never very helpful when one relative comments on what others have chosen is the best route - but don’t offer a better solution! Far better for them to hold their tongues, but of course they’d never dream of that would they? Hope Mum is more comfortable in her new home and gets the care she needs. Glad Mr P is home for a few days (weeks?) and can help with sorting out all the jobs that must build up over time. Great you have tickets to the Barcelona GP, my OH went to that one many years ago as a corporate client and loved it. Barcelona itself is pretty amazing so I hope you have time to enjoy the city as well. If you’ve never been to a GP before remember to take some good ear plugs, the sound is incredible and one of the amazing things is that as you walk closer and closer to the track you can hear the cars screaming away even from many miles away (and that’s just where the car parks are ha ha). Hope the injection sorts out your problems.

Lisa, thanks as well from you, I know you are always busy so don’t worry about not posting before, I know your thoughts are with me. Hope you have some nice things planned over the next few months, tell us about them if you have 😊

Anyway, bye for now, I have a day off from being a carer as we have friends over this evening so I’m making sure I’m still doing the things I want to do, even though so far I’ve not had a weekday ‘off’ to do anything I want to do!

Nicky x 

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Oh I've jus logged on first time since weekend away,I'm so so sorry about your news Nicky and so sorry I haven't been around. Wha a very sudden way of it to happen, glad it was on the way back and opefully they had amazing holiday. I can only imagine how awful I had been for you and you taking all the brunt,please come back for any support. Big hugs xxx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone. Nicky Its a familiar story. One of my brothers (neither of whom had a family) decided WE would all live there all the time, sharing out the days. It was uncomfortable to refuse to do it but I still had my son at school and he would have been left to get up and go to school on his own. Boys do not do this at 12! Anyway I quickly realised that everything you start doing for the bereaved parent, you then have to go through a difficult process of getting out of it, so it doesn't become the norm very quickly. I always say I lost both parents and became the parent myself. I did ring her every day, with a fast dialogue about how busy I was that day or helping out with gc, before we got to the inevitable when are you coming over. I am still ringing her every day 14 years later but that is ok with me. We got mum to join some local organisations which were not all couples. She went to WI, at U3A she joined 2 groups about things she was interested in, then other things like inviting friends to stay for a bit. The repatriation part is tough. My dad took 3 weeks to get back. He has to be embalmed and travel in a zinc lined coffin, due to restrictions when people die. He had a post mortem there but when they translated his documents over here, they said it was a disease nobody has lived beyond 40 with and he was in his 70s, so it had to be done again which delayed the funeral another spell. I am assuming/hoping they had good insurance as it was £25,000 bill to get dad back and it was a long time ago. It was all hanging around and then the last part was fast as he went straight to our local undertaker who phoned on Easter sunday to say you dad is back, we have him safely home with us now. The time delay did make me able to remember the day better though and think all the things I wanted to. So be firm but kind with mum. I recommend pre-preparing comments like well I will see you on?? (giving an actual day but not the next day) but it will be a quick catch up and cup of tea or shall we pop out to?? Get her out of the house. Double up on jobs, I'm going to tesco shall I pick you up and we can shop together. Tell your brothers that you are seeing her ? and ? days this week so if they can avoid these days and see her on any of the others. Let their consciences decide what they want to do. I know you will have all this in your head but just a few ideas of what worked for me. Never feel guilty, think what you would want your girls to do in a similar situation and I guarantee it won't be to sacrifice your whole life. Good luck xx

Carole what are these relatived doing trying to pass on guilt? Somebody needs to be blunt and say she was being eating alive with bedbugs, not eating and not safe so now she has someone caring for her. Only other option is to say would you like her to come and live with you as an alternativeif yoiu don't want her in a home? That should make her think. Keep telling your sis she did the right thing so she doesn't doubt herself. I didn't realise people stayed in hospital after steroid injections, hope all is ok? While I am attemting to throw a few Lily ideas out there. With the dogs' feet have an old washing up bowl of water outside and swish their feet in it as its much gentler than rubbing off mud. I leave an old bath towel on the floor so the dog walks on that which soaks up the worst of any damp feet and saves the floor. Hugs to all Lily xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Nicky, it seems very unfair when a loved one dies, having to deal with so much paperwork, insurances, banks, mortgages (if they have one) etc. I remember well when my BIL died very suddenly at 54.   I stayed with my sister for 2 weeks helping to sort this out.   You need to get a lot of death certificates (which I presume will be in Spanish, so will these be necessary to translate for UK people)?

 

Do they carry out a PM?   Here in France they never do one, unless the death is suspicious.   I feel that can be wrong as sometimes it is necessary for closure to know the reason why someone leaves us.

 

My Dad passed away suddenly, he was 82, and went the best way possible - during the night in his sleep. But this can be no way as devastating as repatriation. We lived here in France at this time so had to leave as quickly as possible to get to Mum, again I helped with all her sorting out, she didn't really have a clue.

 

And of course you have all this to deal with, along with your own grief.   Try not to bottle it up so come here and moan and groan as much as you want, we will all listen.   Lots of hugs xx

 

On a different topic, my Mum is now in a permanent nursing home.   I've seen her room by video message and it looks really nice.   Unfortunately we have a bit of an issue with my Aunt who totally disagrees with Mum being in a nursing home so makes derogatory remarks whenever she visits, especially about the staff, none of whom are white European!   This doesn't help matters as her comments make Mum unsettled and she is thinking there will be a "better" place somewhere.   Heck no, this home is one of the better ones.  They seem to look after Mum very well, some are trained nurses. My sister bears the brunt of these remarks.   Things like "I would never have put your Nan in a home".   My sister is 71 and not in great health herself so remarks like that are really unfair.

 

We have had some extreme rainy days, only a couple but consequently because the ground has been wet both dogs have scuffed all the dead grass (dead because of months of heat) and caused areas of pure mud.   Not a joy to have treading into the house.   We have a back door they can use to go in and out, but will still not allow me to wipe them off (they think I'm playing) and hate me touching their feet to remove the mud.   Aero has huge paws and gets big clumps of mud stuck inside.   Mea the female has been in season for just over 2 weeks, I'm beginning to think it will never stop as she's not very good at cleaning herself. Oh joy!

 

Did I mention we have tickets to go to the Barcelona Grand Prix next year?   We're really looking forward to it.   Mind you we have no one who can look after both the dogs and the 4 cats.  I'm thinking of joining a site called Trusted Housesitters, my friend has used them and the people she has had have been very good with her animals.   So if anyone knows anyone who fancies a week in the Dordogne in May???????

 

YD travelled around Italy for 19 days and has now moved into her own flat.   She is starting work as a teaching assistant on 5 November, so it didn't take her long to find a job.   She will also be setting up her own translation business. Luckily she will have Wednesdays off and the weekends.

 

I'm having a visit to the UK in 3 weeks time, to visit Mum and also spends some time with the grandchildren. GD is standing but not quite walking yet.

 

Tonight Mr P is home and we have a lot planned before he goes back to work, nothing exciting just routine jobs like closing the pool and making a fenced area (with the stones that compact hard) so they can go out without treading in mud.

 

Tomorrow I'm having a steroid injection in my back, so have to stay in hospital for one night.

 

All from me for now hugs to all xxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Lily, for once I have a few moments in the morning to log on! It is very tiring I can tell you that - although of course I don’t need to tell you, you went through it as well. My Mum lives about 20 mins drive away which is quite an easy drive but going up and back each day adds to the tiredness, and that’s before the weather starts to close in! Because I stayed there pretty permanently the first 3-4 days after it happened I really have strong feelings that I don’t want to be suckered into agreeing to stay there on and off, from now on! Between my brothers and I we are managing although I’m taking the brunt of the day to day stuff and endless phone calls. My Mum is very with it mentally but her bad cold and just the sudden death seems to have turned her into early stage dementia! And I know what that’s like as my FIL has it. So it’s constant repeating of things and trying to find where she put somedocumwnts etc. Sounds like I’m being very cruel but I am aware how it is taking it’s toll and I know I have to setup back a bit, if only to get her to not rely on me so much but to get in touch with some of her relatives who I’m sure will be more than willing to help. Added to the fact we can’t even arrange the cremation yet due to the repatriation it is dragging on so much. A funeral service would give some point of reference for us all to grieve and meet with everyone affected by my Dads death in one place. As it is I think it’s at least another 2 weeks away! Sorry for the moaning it’s good to spill it out to someone not affected by this.

I’ll be back in touch again soon

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Nicky, I just wanted to see how you are. It must be really busy organising everything and helping to support your mum. I remember hardly having time to actually think about my own grief until long after the event as mum was so very needy. So take care of yourself too. Hope you manage a bit of relaxation over the weekend with the birthday events. Thinking of you. Love Lily xxx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Oh Nicky its just grim isn't it? I can still remember the day I got that call and not in any kind of calm way either, just mania and you hope you will wake up and find its not actually true. I used to say to people I lost more than my dad when he died because I instantly lost my mum too and had to become her mum and be there every minute possible, she was so needy and didn't know anything at all about her own finances. Glad to hear that the tour company have been supportive. Love your sense of humour. Can I add we better remind each other not to go to Spain as a destination when we get further down the track, clearly dodgy! Getting a cold on top is pants and bloody unfair. Take care of yourself as stress will be high for a while. Have you had your flu jab yet? Good idea to take a step outside the firing line and enjoy OH s birthday. Also it will help long term as your brothers will get involved more and stay involved so you don't take it all on as well as letting them feel like they have done something to help, which is important too. Get them involved as much as poss to lighten/share the emotional and physical load. Once again sending hugs love Lily xxx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Oh Nicky, apart from my very best wishes and condolences I just don't know what to say. How awful for your Mum and for you all.

Lots of hugs from across the water. Love Carole xx
Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Thanks Lily

My Dad also died  in Spain and even worse it was at the airport just as they were going to the gate! This made it even more difficult for my Mum as ‘being airside’ meant she didn’t have the Saga holiday rep there to help so was basically on her own and there was a lot of paperwork and hanging around to deal with before she could get back to the other side of passport control where the rep was and get that support. Anyway the holiday insurance company have been excellent and have dealt with all of the official bits including the repatriation. As our family has quite a dry sense of humour we have said that if you’re going to use any travel company and insurance when you’re in your 80s you’d use Saga as they must be very used to these situations 😉

Anyway it is quite exhausting both mentally and physically plus 8 have picked up the cold that my Mum brought back from Spain (and my Dad had, which could have been a contributing factor) so I’m not feeling 100%. However it was OHs birthday yesterday and we are sticking with our weekend celebration as my brothers are stepping in to help Mum. Will be in touch and hope all you ladies are doing OK.

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Dear Nicky, I am sorry to read this sad news. It must have been a terrible shock for your poor mum and then all of you as you heard the news. So unexpected.  I will be thinking of you at this very sad time. It sounds very like my dad who died In Spain while on holiday with my mum and it made a difficult situation so very much more difficult as there are a large number of legal and medical things to sort out and she was there on her own. If I can be of any help with any part please just ask or pm me as I may have dealt with the same thing. We found people were very kind and I hope you are finding supportive people too as you deal with getting him home. Sending you a big hug and lots of love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi

Just a very quick post from me to explain my absence. After all these years of saying how bad the health of my in laws is and how my parents seem fine my Dad sadly died unexpectedly last week. It has been a complete shock to the family, and of course my Mum who I have been supporting. Although she lives fairly locally it is still taking up a huge amount of my time, in fact all of it, looking after her and dealing with all the paperwork. To add to the complications it happened just as they were returning from holiday so we have the whole repatriation to deal with as well.

I will be back in touch at some point but probably only once things have calmed down a bit and I have more time.

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, yipppeeeee nicky, what amazing news so happy for you and your family, that's such good news, get another holiday booked 😎✈️😜.

 

lily, anything booked for half term? We have just booked a week in Tenerife and the start of November so coming around fast.

 

went to see kylie last week in Liverpool, wasn't so keen but she was really good and enjoyed it and then comedy night sat gone and then this weekend weekend in Manchester and Blackpool for rugby final and a country night in Nashville. So diet is going to take a hammering. Lost 1stone 4lb in 5 weeks but will be a gain this week as been so naughty grhhh....

 

carol, so sorry about your mum but in a way may give you some comfort that she's been looked after better.  Hope you aren't going to be too lonely xxx

 

well of to do the dishes rock and roll life lol 👍😀

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone. Nicky its was only when I read your post that I realised I hadn't actually replied to your last one??? Not sure how that happened. Fantastic news. I am pleased for you and thank you for letting me know. I would definitely have run out of that door quick too. Your family must be so pleased too for you to have a more settled spell after so many big treatments and procedures. I am smiling while typing, I am so very pleased to hear your good news.Maybe a few trips can be planned then Smiley Happy

Carole sorry I hadn't replied to you either! Such mixed emotions when they move out, I know them well. Secretly hoping my son will be around for a while yet, whilst saving to get on the property market one day. Your daughter has done very well and I guess her own place is the next natural step for her. I am sure you will still see and hear a lot from her. Is is driveable to her place? Did you watch the run? It always makes me emotional seeing them run with my name on their back. I think it helps them to do something positive too. Such a good cause to help.  I can feel your anguish about your mum going into a nursing home but hopefully it will mean you and the family can have a little peace of mind knowing someone is there for her and she is being well looked after. No bed bugs there, I am sure. I hated that story and how unfair it was for her to have to endure it. Lisa are you still working hard with the new organisation? Take care all Love Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Again, a very quick post from me whilst I have a quiet moment on a Sunday evening with our grandson fast asleep upstairs. His mum has had to work at a trade fair this weekend and his dad is currently in the nights section of his shift pattern so it has been up to us, and his other grandparents to help out. Fingers crossed we have a good night  as he’s been a little bit clingy today.

A yeah, I will read posts and catch up in the week but just wanted to all to know that my latest scan report was good, all stable nd presumably no evidence of mets in the liver still. I say ‘presumably’ because my previous onc used to show me my scan picture and let me read the report so I knew everything however the new one just told me it was good and to continue with the current treatment. I was too relieved to ask to see anything so I left without knowing the exact details and also to get out of there fast in case he changed his mind! So, this gives me another 3 months until the next scan on what I would call a very unintrusive treatment which is a welcome relief after all the recent years of chemo. Less hospital visits and blood tests as well which is an added bonus - I’m making the most of it!

Hope you all had a good weekend and have a good week.

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all

 

Yes the mornings and evenings are definitely chillier now, we've had some nice sunny days though but not in the high 30s like through the summer.   We still haven't had rain so I'm still watering pots and some plants. It's crazy, having had so much rain in the Spring for the last 3 months we've had none.

 

Lily yes I do still have dexa scans, and mammograms once a year. I'm booked into have an injection in my back on 25 Oct. We don't know if it will help but worth a try.

 

Nicky the part of Italy you mention is not where we went last year, and it sounds interesting.  Sometimes it is nice to see parts of places where the tourists generally don't go.   Have you caught up with your washing yet?

 

YD is in Italy at the moment, taking a well deserved holiday after all her studies.   She is moving into her own flat by the end of the month.   It's 45 mins away so at least not too far to visit her.   She had a telephone interview last week, they wanted to conduct a face to face interview tomorrow, which sadly YD can't do because she won't be in France.   It's a job being an English teaching assistant so the school hours would be nice and could give her the chance to be working on her own business she will try to set up.   We will see, she hasn't really been looking for work too much because of being away this month.

 

Yesterday YD and some friends ran a 5 km track in aid of breast cancer.   Quite a feat for her as she doesn't really like exercise - she takes after me lol.   They (all the runners) raised 45,000 euros so not bad.

 

I'm home alone now for 3 weeks, so apart from the dogs and cats it's quite strange to be alone again! I don't like it but needs must.

 

Mum will be moving into a nursing home (out of independant living care). The social team decided it was time.   I feel sad that Mum has come to this, but we all have to get old and she has done so well until about 4 years ago.

 

That's about all from me for now.   Love Carole xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi buddies

A quick update from me as we on,y got back yesterday afternoon from our holiday to Puglia in Italy. We had a lovely time and it is a totally different part of Italy to the ones we have visited before. It isn’t so touristy, unlike the Lakes, Rome, Venice etc. but has some really beautiful towns which we enjoyed visiting. The countryside is also completely different as it’s very southerly so a bit more like Malta with palm trees, cactus etc and then huge areas of Olive trees as it produces most of Italy’s olive oil. Very relaxing as we didn’t have any particular agenda other than to visit the towns that we knew about. We stayed in 3 different places so we could explore the areas around them without travelling too far each day. The weather was so hot when we got there last weekend but got cooler as the week went on. Always bright sunshine with fabulous blue skies and the Adriatic was incredibly blue and clear. It didn’t get as cool as it is here in the evenings but there was a chill, especially towards the end of the weeks and when it was a bit more breezy. 

Anyway, back to reality as I have a pile of washing, need the heating on in the evening and have to get my scan results later this week. Oh the joys! Will catch up later with your posts and news but thought I’d quickly post whilst I had a few minutes.

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, hope you are having a good weekend. It was so warm here I went out without a coat and was still warm. Hope it lasts. Heating on in the evening though as the temp seems to really drop. I received one of those horrible envelopes with NHS on the front today, those ones we all got too many of. I am being called for another dexa scan, does anyone else still get called for them? Just curious as i was not expecting it and cannot remember when the last was. Lily xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi buddies, how are things with you all? I hate these chillier mornings, bring back the sunshine. I would always rather be hot than cold. Carole glad mum didn't have sepsis. She is amazing isn't she, 92! Mum is the same doing so well for her age but driving me insane at times. Do you think we will end up that way! How is your back? Nicky I will enjoy hearing about your Italian travels, have a lovely time. Not sure when you planned to go.  Lisa how is the diet going? I just hate them and want to press a button and be exactly how I want!! Now the person who manages that will be a millionaire. I have no will power at present so not even trying to be good. probably not the best idea with another wedding next year.  Must buzz off today but talk soon love Lily xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, happy weekend, I so love weekends, today is a pj day doing some housework and prepping some meals . Thanks for your support but I'm fine, think I know who the person is and it's their issue, not a very nice person so I'll be smiling so sweetly and be extra nice lol.

 

carole, so glad your mum hasn't got sepsis I watched my uncle with that and it was awful. Hope you have a lovely video call, how lovely. Think you've probably done right re the op for you right now.

 

lily, yes it is lovely but I hardly notice the lakes which I must change, your OH is right, it always rains 🤣😂. Love rugby but the legs are just an added bonus lol. Diet going okay another 3lb so that's 11 in 2 weeks so hoping to hit my stone next week, few things coming up so want to have a good few weeks and actually enjoying it, but tonight is wine night and fake KFC so happy days. Good luck in your shoe.

 

nicky, hope you're off on hols soon, can't wait to hear all about it so love Italy, I really want to go to Rome 👍. I'm with you on the food shopping, my parents go nearly every day, I go as little as I can hate it lol.

 

Well of to make some food, wish me luck x happy weekend all, just want it to last a bit longer x

 

 

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Happy weekend everyone

 

Hate mail, why do people have to be so horrid? It's usually centred around jealousy so I would agree with Lily. How is the weight loss? 

 

Nicky you are in Italy? How lovely I did enjoy what we managed to see but there is still a lot we didn't see, so a trip back one day I think to revisit.

 

Lily, good luck with whatever plant you show at the horticultural show. I know what you mean about watering, we have had to it lots, then we stopped for a few days now our forecast is for the upper 20s for the next week so I'll be back to watering as Mr P is away.  You had a hangover?   Still as long as you had a nice day/evening, did you see a show?

 

I'm pleased to say Mum doesn't have sepsis after all, so they stopped the ABs and will no doubt be sending her home. I think these hospital visits are going to become more and more frequent.   She hasn't listened to any earlier advice about letting the Carers help her with walking, showering, letting them heat her food in the microwave etc. etc.   So what can we do!   Absolutely nothing. Even with dementia she is a stubborn old mule who will be 92 next month!

 

Our little GD is 1 year old today.   So I'm going to do a video call.   She is nearly walking but just not quite yet.

 

On that note, better get some breakfast before calling. Have a nice weekend everyone xxxx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi everyone, how are you. I love friday evenings, end of the week and no work for a few days. They wizz by too fast though. I have a lot to do this weekend as it is my horticultural society show and I am an official. Been in the garden tonight trying to find things that look well enough to enter. Terrible year for the plants, especially as I refused to waste water to save them. Still very dry down here with little rain. I was in London last weekend and stayed over, which was a nice change except my hangover took out most of the next day. Never again! I rarely drink and it seems to hit me harder because my tolerance is pathetic. I had a very nice time on that evening though lol. 

Lisa what a shock to have hate mail after the first nice one. Some people are just poos, there is nothing better to say about them. Don't take it to heart, you know its just jealousy as Nick says. Must be someone who you got promoted above but thought they should have got the job. Not sure yet about Barcelona, it is the trip we lost but a lot on with family so will be a last minute deal again if it happens. Its a cheap city to visit when i looked at prices of flights and hotels. You like your rugby don't you? I have only watched family playing so just school stuff. Do you go for the game or the legs ha ha. Funnily enough my son was in your area doing via ferrata recently. He came back telling us we had to move up there because he loved the scenery. OH said there's a reason they have so many lakes, it rains a lot !!! Ha ha. Bit far to drive to work each day for me too. Would love to meet you and Carole one day. Just need the kids to drive a bit further when we holiday in the UK. Think its 5 - 6 hours drive from us. I am not hooked on bake off and first dates yet but watch them occasionally. Like first dates so probably need to series record it so I don't miss it. We have been hooked on bodyguard and I watched 90 day fiance once and now watch every series. I can't believe how gullible some of them are. Good luck with the diet. Its really annoying when money needs to be stretched for nice trips. Hope you get to do all you want to do. How is mum now?

Carole I was very sorry to hear mum has sepsis as I know it can be life threatening. Please keep us posted and i hope she can fight her way through it. So diffcult the dementia thing as you want them around but the outlook is bleak when they get to a certain point and suffering for families can be tough. Hugs. My oldy with dementia fell asleep after putting the oven on so I am left wondering what to do for the best. No fire but there was smoke and the fire alaram went off and the care company rang through to check he was ok. The news on your back was not good either. i hope the jabs work but consider how long they can hold it off as it would be safer to have it done before damage more severe and painful. What a recovery time!! Sounds daunting but maybe easier to cope with now than when 10 or 20 years older? Good luck with the injections. Your daughter did so well, congrats. The G P sounds exciting. Victor would love it. Are we all heading for Barcelona?   Nick are you making plans to look around a lot on your trip to Italy or is it a more relaxing holiday? Weather should be warm but cool enough to get some walks in. Always lots of hills and things to climb up in Italy. Yes I love the autumn leaves and colours but hoping it will not arrive too soon. i am still hoping for more sun. This weekend is supposed to be good. Carole and I would definitely say stay out of the inlaw trouble because one set is tough and it comes to most of us in time. Enjoy yours being ok and well.  Better buzz off as I am hoping for a good sleep after nights of insomnia. love Lily xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, I'll try not to make another mammoth post but it's not going to be easy.

 

Mum is back in hospital with Sepsis.   She lasted around 2 1/2 weeks back at home, was so confused that she didn't know where she was. The nurse diagnosed a urine infection last week and apparently she has been on anti biotics but kept telling me she hadn't had any.   She made up stories about the Carers not going into her etc. etc.   It is very difficult to know when she is lying, but apparently that is part of dementia.  My sister was away on holiday for 2 weeks, my brother was left in charge and according to mum he never visited her when in fact he did.   I phoned every day and tried to keep the conversation light.   She was admitted on Wednesday, the day my sister returned from holiday.   She is not on iv ABs so will possibly not keep her for long.   We all think she needs more care as it seems the dementia is getting the better of her.  She still doesn't eat, barely drinks and there is nothing anyone can do, it's like self harm!

 

On my front, I had the MRI and long back xray.   The neuro surgeon wants to operate, using a frame rods and pins around the vertabrae and then decompress the trapped nerve along with fusion.   I am not going to have this surgery, it involves (along with the risks of the surgery) a long recovery of about 3 months needing

someone to be at home all the time as no driving, no passenger, no bending, no lifting, no dog walking and more.   It's impossible to recover for that length of time as you know, Mr P is frequently away.  So I am going for the option first of anti inflammatory/steroid injections to see if that will help.   It's better than the other option.

 

YD has found a flat she will be moving about mid October.  It's about 45 mins away so not too far and whilst she is setting up her business she will get some help from the Government as they're trying to encourage young graduates to start up self employment.   I forgot to mention that she passed with Honours her Masters degree so we had a small celebration for her.   We are extremely proud parents.

 

The weather was really hot and sunny, until yesterday and so now feels very autumnal.   We desperately need some rain which has been forecast but hasn't appeared.

 

I'm excited because next May we are having a little holiday in Barcelona, and we are going to the Grand Prix.    Can't wait for that Smiley Very Happy

 

I'm sorry it has been all about me girls, I will try to catch up or at least keep up with your news.

 

Love to all and take care Carole xx

 

 

 

 

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Lisa, well done you for all the positive feedback about the work you are doing. Ignore the troll, they obviously have jealousy issues if everyone else can compliment you.  Good idea to be aware of who it might be, but we kniow you won't stoop to their low level.  Yes, we went to Bologna about 5 years ago and thought it was fabulous.  A very underrated city which also means its not too touristy either.  We are going right down into the heel part of Italy which is meant to be very untouristy but still a few beautiful places to visit.  Some have renetly been on the Jamie does Italy programme (or whatever its actualy called) and it has really made us look forward to it even more.  It is our anniversary whilst away so we are treating ourselves to a few nice places to stay in and keeping fingers crossed for the continued good weather they are having. Am also into Bake Off, its such a great format to watch and the new team are doing a great job taking over from Mel and Sue.  A more interesting bunch of bakes as well this year.  It's happened before where one year they haven't been quite so interesting to watch.  Not into any other reality shows but of course will be tuned into Strictly when it starts for real in a couple of weeks.

Lily, was Barcelona your cancelled trip? I hope you get to go on it this time and get to see all the sights you had booked before.  If you are going in the half term I expect it will be perfect weather for it.

Carole, how are things with you?  What's the weather been like?  After such a hot summer I expect you are looking forward to autumn kicking in with cooler nights and sunny days.  I love autumn, partly as its when our anniversary is and we always take a holiday then when all the crowds have gone.  But we love walking in the countryside around this time of the year, not too hot, not too muddy and the trees are often looking so pretty as the leaves turn.  

Hoping to get out a bit more this year as last year we were helping a lot with new born GS and of course there's the continuing saga of what to do with the In Laws (none of the 5 siblings seem to be able to discuss this properly so it drags on and on).  This takes up time from our weekends as OH inevitably makes sure he visits them each weekend as they still live at home and its never a short trip even though they live relatively nearby.  TBH I don't always go as my idea of a weekend is to keep out of supermarkets and not traipse around following them as they are not quick on their feet any more.  Sounds very harsh I know but I really don't want to go supermarket shopping unless I have to, and even then I always go on my own and in the week.  I still don't know why the siblings havent organised a regular online shop so they only have to go out for a couple of things rather than a weekends worth.  I am also sure I will have to be helping out more as the time goes on with my own parents who, touchwood, are very capable at the moment but it's only a matter of time before I have to do the same with them, which is one reason why I don't get involved with any decisions etc for my in laws.  Sorry, enough moaning.

Have a good weekend

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, loving the long posts, I need to try and get on more and post more often.

 

good to see everyone is busy... nicky 1 year old how fab and a nice celebration on all counts xx oh I'm so jeleous of you going to Italy, think I'm having withdrawals from Italy, have you been to Bologna before it was lovely. It's been years since I was in London, last time was a flying visit for a conference.

 

lily, Barcelona is on my list too... how's it being back at school, count down to the next break? I'm sure you do an amazing job looking after everyone, I don't know how you have time.  Are you planning on a trip to the lakes if so let me know we can meet up. I live about 30mins from the lakes, to be honest take it for granted too much. I'm into bake off and tonight tried first dates hotel which was a giggle.

 

carole, seen some pics on Facebook and looks like you have lovely time with family. God news about your scan if you know what I mean and fingers crossed no operation needed. Lovely news about your cat, pets are like family.

 

Well not much to report here, bit of a mixed bag. Loving work and after my lovely comments someone sent in some anon. Feedback on our structure and made it really personal about me and it was really nasty so been a bit upset, but new head on, it's their issue not mine so I'm over it but will keep an eye on my list of prime suspects.

 

diet week 1 equals 8 lb loss but it just doesn't last, my willpower fades. Money's a bit tight at the moment so no holidays booked. Almost 3 weeks next may just with Mam and dad, they want to go back to Florida but I'm hoping to squeeze a nice day trip in somewhere different. Have a weekend in Manchester for the rugby in October and this group we have seen which is country modern playing all sorts is on in Blackpool on the way back. Seen them twice in other places and I'm hooked, although not hooked on Blackpool it's been around 15 years since I've been but it was handy on the way back. I think though could have gone abroad by the time work it all out... I'm going to have to save hard as my friend wants a possible few days abroad so I won't be able to say no, when I could do with one now. 

 

Thats all from me for now, try and keep up a bit more. Night xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi, you are right Nick, mammoth posts, including yours Smiley Happy . Fab. I will try to respond to as much as I can remember! Lisa I'm glad we kept you busy on the long train journey. I think this new very busy job is just what you needed to keep you busy and give you a new challenge. I hope it goes really well, you deserve it. It should present much better career opporunities being a bigger concern. Although it sounds like you currently have a lot to tax your brain, but all in time. What a lovely thing they do to recognise good work and send gifts. I wish! Still, beaming parents and pupils was good too. How is it all going with your friend's wedding plans? Such fun but busy. Well good luck with dropping some weight. You are usually very successful when you put your mind to it and start, so I believe you can make a difference. Good luck and be good!  My yd is the same after being asked to be bridesmaid again, as she will be one of 4 and all the others are very small. She looks fab but I guess it is how you feel about yourself. Lisbon is only hilly if you want to climb up to the castle. Greek islands were much more of a climb. Pretty flat and we were right in the city centre. Not that it is really anything like a city over here. So much quieter. 

Carole thank you for the info about respite care, I had not hear about going to A & E. I was offered it on the phone by SS. I am over that now as I realised they were most concerned about me not being there and told me I was doing a good job. Its upsetting though. I didn't realise that Brexit would mean that kind of information verification, I hope that is not the case. Isn't your daughter a translator? Or does it have to have legal signatures? Sorry to hera about the disc trouble, which sounds teribly painful. Poor you. Keep us posted how you get on. Also about your cat. We are all animal lovers on here. Any news about your mum? You didn't really make me feel good about respite care from her experience. My trees are a ginko biloba an acacia pravissima and a purple mist. Plus a few that I have not got labels for. I belong to the local horticultural society and show 3 times a year. i am reall getting into it since joining the committee and have to help with all the awards and prize money each time. Nick I agree August was the longest ever and I appreciated it very much. Unfortunately it has gone now. I haven't been to Poole, would you recommnd a trip there? WE are visiting UK cities too. I fancy flying into Edinburgh and must get up to the Lakes again one year. has anyone ever been to Tommy's pub. i would like to revisit Angie's roots one day to think of her. I can hardly believe your little chap is going to be one. Can I be a know it all and remind you that I told you that you would be holding a grabndchild one day, when you were in a bad place. Dr Lily can see these things. I wasn't fake to make you feel better. Maybe I come from a line of witches, mainy moons ago!  Anyway I will stop boasting and say you really deserved this because you put up with a lot of treatment nd procedures. You should write your story to help others believe. Italy sounds fab, can I come? Will you go over to Sicily? Lt me know how it is, as it may very well have to go on my list. Everything crossed for your scan as always. Keep me posted. Congrats on his 1st birthday xx

We are maybe going to Barcelona. Not completely clear yet as so much going on. At least this time we would be in footy season and I would love to see Barcelona play if the timing is right. Being back at work is pants and i seem to be behind with everything already. How did that happen? Lisa will understand that one. Take care all my dear friends. Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi ladies

Wnat lovely long posts to read. I’m sure it’s the same with all of you as it is with me in the summer months, we don’t get enough time to post on here whereas in the colder months I seem to have more time and type a bit more. It’s nice to have a good catch up.

I expect you are back at school Lily. For some reason this year August seemed to last forever and I couldn’t quite believe it only ended on Friday. Maybe it’s because we have done more this year, other years we tend to be mainly at home and avoid staying away due to higher prices etc. This year we went to Poole, and yes, it was a manic with the Ringwood area roads as you remember Carole, and last weekend went up to London for a nights stay. Just chilling and going out to a nice restaurant as a treat. The weather was fab, not too hot, nice and sunny in the daytime.  OH had a meeting up there on the Friday afternoon so I took myself off shopping, or attempting to shop as I didn’t manage to get anything but it was nice to mooch around. We walked through some of the parks on Saturday morning and around Covent Garden which was nice although it got a lot busier as the day went on, and then back home. I hope you were able to pack as much into August as I was Lily, I expect you were busy with the grandchildren but it would have been nice to spend time with them all. We have been looking after our GS a few times, with a few more to come which is down to another wedding that ED and SIL are going to and also an exhibition that ED now needs to attend over a weekend (when SIL is working) so we still get to see him a lot even though he is now at a childminder 3 days a week and ED is back at work. He is now walking and babbling away saying recognisable ‘words’ (ie clear to us what he is pointing out but not an obvious word in most cases). He is celebrating his first birthday at the end of the week and I can’t believe that it has been a year since he was born - and that I’m still here and healthy enough to enjoy it!

Lisa, a lovely long post from you as well, maybe you should take some train journeys more often 😂😂. Well done you for working so hard and getting recognised for the work you do, plus of course your promotion 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Have you got any other holidays booked, other than the family Florida one? You normally do or have tickets for something which is great to have some nice treats to look forward to. We are off to Italy later this month as we try to always do something for our anniversary and is a nice time to get away. The crowds have all gone, or at least got smaller, and the weather particularly in Europe is still really nice. We’re gping to a region of Italy we’ve never been to before, right down in the heel and it looks lovely, not as touristy as other parts so we will be enjoying just being there with no great sights to visit, just coming across them on our days out.

Carole, it sounds lovely that you had the family over and time with your GD. I think most of Europe was boiling hot this year so none of you would have got away from it. It’s good that it’s cooling down now,  it’s for you and for us in the UK. I love these sunny days but cooler nights, so at least we can get a better nights sleep. How are the dogs? And I hope your cat is feeling better now. It is always difficult when they show their age which sometimes we the owners have to make decisions we don’t want to. However it sounds like for now that has been put off.

Well, other than what I’ve mentioned already I’ve not been up to much. It has been great to be away from the hospital so much this year. The past 4 years have involved regular visits to either see the oncologist or to have IV treatment so to be away for so long has been bliss.  However that all changes this week with my injections due, but luckily they are just that, injections and not IV. Then CT scan next week so another trip up to the hospital but I’ll wait until I get back from holiday before I get the results as they probably won’t be reported on before I go away and I’m not going to stress myself out waiting for the morning or phoning up on the off chance. 

Have a good week all

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, I'm around although time has flown by since I last posted.   I'll try to catch up on your news first as I feel my news will turn into an epic post lol.

 

Lily you asked if you would have to pay for respite care: I don't think so if someone at the  hospital (if he went to A & E) assesses him and thinks it would do everyone good.  There are specialist places I believe that are designed just for that, respite. How awful that someone would try to drop you in it with SS. It sounds a good plan to tell Victor the new trees are for him.  What trees are they? I think it is lovely that you have little trips out with your Mum, I'm sure she appreciates it.   Where are you thinking of for your next break?  How lovely for your students to get such good results, all credit to their teacher Smiley Very Happy

 

Nicky I know the Poole area quite well as we used to live around 40 mins.   That Ringwood Road used to be a nightmare so I don't know if it is still the same.   I'm dead jealous you get to see GS and babysit .  Take care though when you are lifting it sounds as if he is getting big. Sorry you did'nt get an ice cream.   So, you are planning a break too, where? May I ask??  

 

Lisa nice to hear you are keeping busy, being chief bridesmaid comes with big responsibilities. Well done and congratulations for being the winner and having all your hard work appreciated.   What with the wedding next year and the holiday planning, don't overdo it especially with winter coming.

 

I had a smashing week with Son and GS and GD. The weather was wonderful for them, if a tad too hot but they were in the pool every day and Son and GS went kayaking along the Dordogne. The rest of the time was fairly quiet for them.  I made the most of looking after GD when they wanted to go out for a while and so I topped up on all my cuddles.

 

All in all we've had about 9 weeks of weather much too hot and no, or little rain so the garden is dead and watering had to be done.   The day after son went back it changed, was much cooler and cloudy.   Now it's just up and down.  When the sun is out it's hot but we also have chilly nights and mornings and when it's cloudy not so hot.   I suppose it is nearly Autumn.   Most of the trees here are going brown through lack of water.

 

The IBS is a bit up and down. Last week I saw the dr for my back pain  and problems.  She has suggested surgery as the discs L5S1 are slipping so bouncing around on the nerve.   Next week I am seeing a neurosurgeon, having an MRI and more xrays so I will see what he suggests.  I don't really fancy surgery so hope he can give an anti inflammatory/steroid first to see if that helps.

 

Yesterday I had a thoracic scan for pain on the right side of chest and an increase in my coughing. It came back showing damage from radiotherapy but at least that's better than what it might have been.

 

Still on the medical front, Mum has spent a few weeks in the respite/rehab centre. She's supposed to have had physio and I am disgusted that today they have sent her home. She hasn't (or wouldn't) walk without supervision using a zimmer, and yet they've sent her home.   She's been told she MUST call for help using her alarm system if she needs the toilet (they have given her a commode), especially during the night.  Her care plan has been upped, she's meant to have 4 visits each day by carers along with help for her medication.   I don't think this is going to work somehow the care home she is in are not really there to help with medical needs as it is "assisted living".   However it seems it has got to the point where she can't (or won't) do anything for herself anymore. The assessment said she will have more physio at home but as she is not really medically unwell they say there are lots of elderly people far worse off than her.   Probably true. I hope she will start to try and walk otherwise she will sit in her chair all day. 

 

Still talking about medical things - the evening before last our 15 year old cat could not support his weight.  He could lay, but was crying - I honestly thought he had had a stroke.   So yesterday a trip to the vet thinking the worse, but the vet seems to think it's a trapped nerve in his back. He gave him a painkilling injection and a prescription for tramadol.   Today Finn is feisty and cross because he wants to go out and mustn't for a week!   I'm relieved I didn't lose him, he is my baby but I know that time will come sooner than later.

 

On top of all that, I am suffering from Brexit anxiety!   Obviously for us living in France we just don't know how it will affect us and if rumours are true we will have to apply for a residents card in order to continue living here.   There are many problems it seems with getting interviews to apply for this card and it would mean having to have things like birth certificates, marriage certificates, even divorce certificates translated which is going to cost quite a bit people are saying to apply with all the translations it could run into a thousand euros!   Just something else to aggravate my IBS Smiley Sad

 

On that note I better go before I lose battery.   Take care everyone and sorry for the epic post xxxx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi all, well I'm on train at this early hour one of 3 trains and 20mins walk or taxi for me in between then another taxi so thought I would finally post. Soz haven't been around it's been manic. We've become a subsidiary of another organisation which is around 50 times out size so me and interim M.D. been heavily involved as lots of governance and legal arrangements but it's done and whilst it's been rough upsetting and tough jobs are secured for 3 years and lots of money to upgrade our houses which is fab for our tenants. It was an emotional week for me... 2e arranged little gifts from staff from the parent company so we all got a voucher foe 25 quid and a mug and chocs. Then we had a board meeting and the day after I received a thank of them of 25 voucher some chocs and fizz and lovely note... then 2 days after I received a letter at home from the parent CEO saying they could nominate someone to review an award in their organisation which employs 5000 staff and she nominated me with 100 quid gidt you hers so been a tad emotional. Plus restructure and I'm being promoted lol.. it's all go and I've worked my butt off but nice to be recognised.... still talking about role as it's governance and legal manager and I'm not 100% on the legal side...

Rest of my life has been spent with my friend whose getting married ... boy she's obsessed and doesn't work so lots of free time my what's app is going bonkers but she's finally got her dress but I'm so struggling I've gained so much weight and she's wanting to buy now and I can't for into anything. I've ordered some.online so can try on at home and yet to go into shop to try but wanting to loose some weight as I've just been having to much junk food and snacks whilst working so slimming world rejoin on Thursday wish me luck.

So sorry hard to catch up on phone can only see last 2 messages... Sounds like a journey and a half Nicky but also sounds like you've had fun bit ready for a rest when handed back.

Lily is this your last week off? Sure you've had a lovely break? Did you enjoy Lisbon? Looks lovely but I'm not sure looks a bit hilly foe me lol.
Oh p.s. love bacholer and bacholerette but Thu k I've seen latest and completed all blue bloods too... Oh and blind spot which was good but now onto Australia Masterchef and bake off started last night... Not that I need to be watching food shows lol but easy to watch whilst doing other things lol.

Carol how are you and how's your weather. Hopefully better than here.

Also been busy booking Florida for next year again but a quiet one and the day after friends wedding lol. Was hoping for California Vegas and L.A. but my dad doesn't like change lol. It's his 7pth and their golden wedding next year so need to get thinking.

Have nice day... I'm getting ready for 4 mins spirit across platforms ekk
Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi lovely ladies, hope you are ok. I think this is my favourite time of year being paid and not actually going to work ha ha. Of course we don't really get paid or it, they just even out our 12 salaries so people can pay bills and survive. I still like it and it drives my young inlaws crazy. Anyone who steps into a secondary school these days needs a big rest, to keep them chirpy and calm and patient and cheerful. I think primary teachers get more exhausted from the time commitments than us but in secondary I think you tend to get more mental pressure than physical. Just my view. Its been a very good day with the school doing well and my lovely class coming in to collect their results. The new level 9 gives them such a positive shot of energy that you ould almost laugh or cry when they look at the numbers. I had a lot of my tutor group with cheshire cat grins or emotional as they saw the big run of grades. They did really well, all at their own levels, all different.  Made me and their parents proud. Lots of hugs for me, so a lovely day. Hope anyone reading had  good day for their family too, getting results. Such a big high or low when it goes wrong, sadly.

Carole how is mum after the falls?  BTW the diet is fodmap, look it up.YD says its helping her ibs a lot, when she sticks to it. When being the important word here.  Lisa how did the merger go? Will there be much of a difference for you? I am hoping they fill the place with nice chaps for you, preferably not pigeon collectors ha ha.

Nicky I am enjoying hearing about you enjoying this summer. What a great time after all you were brave enough to put yourself through! Quite a list of procedures for one person too. Well it sounds like gs will be a lovely tall man one day with a dad so tall. Yes being heavy to carry, is the downside. I noticed a big difference between my son and my girls and encouraged him to walk asap. Mind you boys run off a lot so I would stick with him being happy in a lightweight buggy as long as possible. Boys are happy to let you shop  if they have enough food to keep them busy. i found girls want things and boys want food more.Our little chap (1st) is now 6 inches taller than me and the same size as smaller men. I swear he grows every day he is going up so fast. He asks me why I am so little! I say well I am not going to grow any more now, probably shrink and become a garden gnome!  He is doing really well t school, getting awards each year for academic achievement so hopefully this will open many career doors for him. He has made some gcse options but is another, I have no idea what I want to do person. When they are good at absolutely everything you just don't know which way to advise them to go, if they are not sure. Nicky the drive sounded horrible. Where is the next trip? I am planning one too. Hugs Lily xx

Community Champion

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi buddies

Good to hear from everyone even though we all seem to be busy.

I have been looking after GS a bit more than usual as ED and SIL were at a wedding at theend of last week and both playing key supporting roles as well as ED doing the bridal party makeup. So we had our gorgeous GS for 2 nights plus the day in between and a final morning before handing him over to his parents on Saturday lunchtime.  It is lovely spending time with him but boy is it exhausting! And he is a heavy lad being already over the tope percentile for height which in turn means he's heavy for his age (although completely in proportion - as is his dad who is about 6ft 5 so we know who to 'blame'!). It really does my back in carrying him so can't wait until he can stand better on his own and walk, although then I'll be bending down holding his hands to stop him falling over!

We were returning him to where his parents where they stayed overnight after the wedding and as we know the bride and groom we were invited to the post wedding day BBQ. Only trouble was that it was in Poole, in August, in the final week of the school holidays so you can imagine the traffic problems we had.  The drive took over twice as long as it should as we kept being sent on alternative routes by our sat nav as another accident had happened on the original route.  Luckily I sat in the back to keep GS company and feed him a few snacks once he had woken up and we were still not there.  Reminded me of when I used to go on holiday as a child and it took forever to get there.  We had decided to stay down that way overnight for a short weekend break and I'm so glad we did as the weather yesterday was a perfect English summer's day. Quite breezy by the sea but not overcrowded as it wasnt as hot as it had been a few weeks back.  Some lovely walks along the cliff/beach walkways and a good dollop of sun. Perfect.  Only thing to stop me giving it a 10 out of 10 was not getting an ice cream on our walk back to the car as we had to hurry along as our ticket was expiring. It was good to get back home, in the normal amount of time, and sit on our patio yesterday evening enjoying the last bit of the sunshine.

A few more weeks of no appointments then I'm back on the CT/results treadmill although fitting in another holiday in between them as we may as well!

Have a good week all

Nicky xx

Member

Re: Darling buddies from May - moving on

Hi Lisa, nice to hear from you and also really good that you have a lot going on in your life right now. You are far too young to vegetate ha ha. Its all hen party talk and plans here. My daughter wants it to be secret so I am finding it very difficult not to accidentally blab something. I hope I don't! So I try not to think about it. Do you have to plan the one you are going to? I know its a lot of work and you don't always get thanked for it, too many moans at times. Are you merging with another charity? Will it cover a wider area, more people or just the same? Take care and we are hear whenever you get a minute. Love Lily xxx