Reply to this thread
Member
Posts: 256
Registered: ‎18-04-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi lovely ladies

jude- how are the injections going? I just had 1 after each T. The mis of T and injections can cause bone pain- start pain killers before or as soon as it starts. You are doing so amazingly well - keep going 1 day at a time.

rosie Posie - autumn sunshine is lovely - amazing day here with temp of 22!

Yorkshire Tyke - sorry you have found it difficult when others are diagnosed- take time for yourself as it bring back all sorts of emotions.

Tiger72 - how are you doing?

Billie - welcome to our little forum thread. Hope your results were good.

hope I haven't forgotten anybody.

im now 2 weeks into 3 weeks of radiotherapy. It is very different to chemo. Most of the side effects of chemo have now gone 😀- my sore leg muscles still remain but are getting better. The pain in my fingers is going. 😀I still have all my nails- keep them covered Jude and moisturise the nail bed frequently - esp on T. I am very very fatigued at the mo, hightens about 2:45 each day- just as I pick up children and embark on fully time Mummy mode- so far have made dinner in a morning and put in fridge/slo cooker. Been busy planning daughters birthday weekend- I have tried to make it easier than other years but not sure how I'll keep going, then on Sunday family meal and cake/games here. Currently sat on sofa enjoying film with the children - what Friday evenings are for.

enjoy your weekends xx

Member
Posts: 19
Registered: ‎06-07-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello Ladies,

 

It been some time since I posted anything.

 

Jude, I've been catching up with your blog. I so hope that everything goes well for you with the change in chemo drugs and you manage to get through the radiotheraphy before Xmas. It will be a massive relief for you. Compared to what you've been through with the chemo the rads will be a doddle. Drink loads of water and make sure you moisturise your skin regularly.

 

RosiePosie your so lucky you can still sit outside! It's definately Autumn here, the leaves are all changing colour and it's cold (despite the hot flush side effects of the Tamoxifen!) so I'm wrapped up warm!

 

Since I last submitted a blog I'be booked 3 skiing holidays and got a promotion at work. The sharks and turtles will have to wait until later next year Jude.

 

It's bizarre how well you can look after going through such a traumatic diagnosis. Everyone keeps telling e how happy and well I look (even people who don't know what I've been through). Everything is sadly brought back down to earth for me by the fact that their is another lady a the gym who was diagnosed just before me and is going through chemo and another who has just been diagnosed. Finding out that someone else I know is about to embark on this journey really upset me. I so know how she feels at the moment, it was hard not to burst in to tears with her.

 

Have a great weekend everyone. Be kind to yourselves.

 

Yorkshire Tyke

Member
Posts: 72
Registered: ‎22-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

Lovely to hear from you and I’m glad that your T chemo went well and that the herceptin injection caused you no issues - fingers crossed that it’s still the same today. I expect you’re a bit fed up with needles and injections at the moment but I hope the medication does it’s job for you. I guess it’s all ‘research and information’ for your next blog post too. 😉

The sun is shining here today and I’m sat in the garden enjoying the late summer with a cup of tea. Felt I deserved a little bit of down time now after this week.

 

I hope you have a lovely weekend and that you continue to feel ok. Sending love and hugs.

Take care.

love Rosie xxx

Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

You’ve had a busy few days - enjoy your evening & then chill out tomorrow (after the after dinner clean up) 😂
I had my first herceptin injection on Monday & had no issues, just a long day as had to stay on the ward to be monitored for 6 hours & was then awake most of the night as had to have double steroids prior to the first T chemo !
Chemo went surprisingly well - feeling ok at the minute, no nausea or sickness & am eating normally. I start a week’s course of injections tomorrow to stimulate my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells. The district nurse will come & show me how to do the first one. Apparently it’s this injection that can cause severe bone pain so could be interesting!
Thanks for your kind words - I do enjoy putting all my thoughts into words through my blog

Take care, lots of love

Judex
Member
Posts: 72
Registered: ‎22-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello you lovely

Ladies

I hope you are all doing well today. Haven’t posted for a while but I’ve been reading the forum - have spent the last few days conquering my holiday washing and ironing. I also organised friends around for dinner tonight too so have spent the day in the kitchen. Feel like I need my bed now. 😞 Not such great planning!!!

 

Jude I hope you are well and not suffering too much with se’s - I’m not sure if you’ve had your next chemo or not. Sending hugs and hope that you are not feeling too low. Loved your lastest blog...it must be so good to hear how we are all enjoying it. Keep up the good work and look after yourself.😘

 

Sending hugs Jem, hope the day is going well for you and that that sunshine is still there. It’s pretty much Autumn here now, although there are some warm days predicted for the end of the week. Fingers crossed. 😘

 

Welcome to Tiger and Billie as the other ladies have said there is a lot of support here and some lovely ladies to cheer you on and give you their advice. Hope the results are good.

 Take care everyone.

lots of love from France 🇫🇷

Rosie xx

 

Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Billie

It is a strange situation we are all in - sorry to hear that you are part of it
Well done on getting through your op ok - let us know what your treatment involves & we will be here to support you
Take care

Jude x
Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jem

How are you doing with the rads?
How are you feeling a week on emotionally, hope it has all settled down & you are feeling ok - as they say better out then in!

Take care x
Member
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎30-09-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude,

i feel the same was diagnosed on 11/09  had surgery 3 weeks ago go back on Tuesday to find out the rest of my treatment plan. And every day I get told how healthy I look 

Member
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎30-09-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude,

i feel the same was diagnosed on 11 th sept had surgery 3 weeks ago go back on Tuesday to find out the rest of my treatment plan. And every day I get told how healthy I look 

Member
Posts: 256
Registered: ‎18-04-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Tiger, welcome to our little group, as Jude said sorry that you find yourself here. I hope recovery after mastectomy is going well, try and keep up with the exercises see- definitely worth keeping going. I remember thinking I don't look like I have/had cancer after my op. I really hope your results are good and you don't need chemo. However if they recommend then you have to go with it- we will be there cheering you on, as will others on this forum.

let us know how your results go. Be kind to yourself in recovery from op.

xx

Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Tiger72

Good to hear from you,but sorry you are in the club that no one wants to be in!

It is very surreal isn’t it? I feel like I’m in a parallel universe at times & up to press I’m not sure what the answer is in how to mentally accept everything

Hope your test results are all ok - let us know how you get on

Take care

Jude x

Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Member
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎17-09-2018

Feel like a fraud

I saw the title of the post and had to reply. I said those very words to someone just the other day!

 

I found out I had breast cancer in June and 2 weeks ago I had a mastectomy and an expander put in. Since then I feel really well. I am waiting for test results in 2 weeks but I neither look or feel like I have cancer. Do get a bit of pain now and then but that's it.

 

Sorry to butt in on the conversation! 

Member
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎17-09-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

I saw the title of the post and had to reply. I said those very words to someone just the other day!

 

I found out I had breast cancer in June and 2 weeks ago I had a mastectomy and an expander put in. Since then I feel really well. I am waiting for test results in 2 weeks but I neither look or feel like I have cancer. Do get a bit of pain now and then but that's it.

 

Sorry to butt in on the conversation! 

Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

Enjoy the last new days of your hols - you’ve done really well with the weather

First mammogram after diagnosis is definitely a bit scary, I keep hearing about scanxiety & I think it sits in the back of everyone’s minds. Thinking of you & sending positive thoughts your way

I’ve kept up my walking & am doing around 6km a day & even started a bit of slow jogging in between - get me!

Lots of love

Jude x
Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jem

I’ve got my first herceptin next Monday & then first T on the Tuesday - feeling a bit nervous if I’m honest!
Nails are all ready, hopefully they will be ok...

Well done on starting your rads, the tears will be a good thing - at some point it has to come out or you will have issues later. Saying that I’ve not cried properly yet, but hopefully something will set me off!

That’s good if your hair is coming back this quickly. I’ve only lost a few lower eyelashes on one eye & my eyebrows aren’t much different as yet - maybe T will destroy them!

Hope your rads go well - the main thing I heard is keep well hydrated & use lots of moisturiser!

Lots of love
Jude x
Member
Posts: 72
Registered: ‎22-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello ladies,

Jem, thank you. We are still on holiday, another couple of days left. The weather has been very warm for late September so we have been lucky. It’s helped me to forget a little and it was my 60th birthday treat too. 

However I'm still popping into the forum to see how everyone is.

Jude I hope you are enjoying your week of feeling normal and have managed to so some things to make you happy. Enjoy the moment.

Lisa, you have been through a really tough time and I think you shouldn’t feel guilty at all about work. You are more important than anything and you’ve still got a bit of a journey ahead of you.

I am in awe of you all, ladies! Today you make me feel like the fraud, after what you have all been through.

I do feel as though I am on the mend now, although in just over a month I will be facing my first mammogram since February and it’s scary. Trying not to think about it.

In the meantime I’m heading out for a walk along the beach and get some exercise.

Tale care of yourselves and I’m thinking of you all.

lots of love from the south of France 😎🏖

Rosie xxx

Member
Posts: 256
Registered: ‎18-04-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Jude you sound like you are doing well on this cycle 😊when does T start? I know you are prepared with finger nails- keep them moisturised, especially at the bottom. So far I’ve kept all mine😊. I’m now 3 weeks post chemo- it felt good yesterday not starting another cycle. I started radiotherapy on Monday - 15 sessions in all. It’s ok, different to chemo. But a Lisa Marie said tears must come at some point- mine arrived on Monday😢quite unexpected - just kept crying. Think there will be more. I just feel like I got off one horrid rollercoaster to move on to a different one.
My hair is starting to come back - I was blond but now grey/white/blond/darker bits. I’ve always had fine hair but what is coming through is like fine baby hair- just hoping it won’t be curly too. Eyebrows & eyelashes - T was not good for them. Eyebrow pencil and waterproof eyeliner come everywhere with me.
Lisa Marie how’ve you started back at work yet? If so hope going well. Agree with you re putting on your face, feeling like a fraud but albeit a happier one that only people who I’ve chosen to tell will ever know . So many people have commented on my new shorter hairstyle- even asking who cut it!! Thankfully I don’t need to lie as went to a salon and had it trimmed!!
Rosie Posie hope you had a great time in the south of France
Xx
Member
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎23-06-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Lisa

It’s good to talk!
When did your chemo finish? I’m curious as to how long it takes for your hair to start growing back. I’ve had a bob of varying lengths for the last 10 years or so but did have it shorter before & always quite liked it - I’m already wondering how you get it into a style as it starts to grow & I’m only halfway through chemo!
Sorry - a wle is a wide local excision (back in the day it was called a lumpectomy), I was quite lucky in that due to the position of my tumours they used the sane incision to get the tumours & the sentinel lymph node so I only have 1 scar
I started a blog as well to try & use as therapy as well as updating everyone without having to talk to them all separately 😂
I like reading other blogs - can you send me a link to yours? Or us it just for your personal musings?

I do feel for you if you are scared, it sometimes feels like you just have to put one step forward at a time & manage the hours/days rather than looking too far forward
Regarding the tablets for ten years- people can be very thoughtless but I don’t think it’s deliberate I think it’s more because they don’t really know what to say but think they have to say something.
I like to think that when I’ve got through the rest of the chemo, the rads, herceptin & bisphosphonates that I will be a better more rounded person

Take care

Jude x
Member
Posts: 15
Registered: ‎21-03-2018

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude, fatique, yep that is my worse nightmare, like you when I go out I like to make the most, I dont wear my wig or a scarf anymore, my hair as started to come back, very very short, like an army buzz cut but am so fortunate it actually suits me, I may go as far as saying a neighbour says it looks sexy, but like you, if he saw me in the house, no lippy on and in my pjamas as so tired cant get out of them he may feel differently. Haha. Im very tired and when someone says I look great Im so pleased but think if you only knew how I felt, because I dont tell them, not even family. I dont say well I feel like,S*#’, I’m scared, I’m exhausted, I find it hard to look at my chest and scars, am desparate to have a good cry and get these tears out but they never come. Oh well, will have to keep going round as a fraud! What has helped though is throughout all this since being diagnosed 1st March, the chemo, surgery, and what is to come my radio, herceptin amd tablets etc I have been writing. Ive found it has helped as all my real feelings are down on paper. All kind of fruits I’ve called it seeing as my boobs changed shape so much during treatment and when had padding on them looked like melons haha. Jude you havent ONLY had a wle (I will confess don't know what that means) no matter what treatment any of us has had we have all got the same hopes, fears etc am sure. Hoping to go back to work in couple weeks, am so fortunate to have great employers who will let me take it easy and the hours I can manage. On with the lippy, no mascara yet as eyelashes not grown back but strangly my eyebrows have! Lovely to chat with you albeit on the forum. Take care. X. Oh yeh someone said to me when I told them what lies ahead, oh tablets for ten years, thats alright you can manage them. I could have throttled them!!