Oh god! I forgot about the oxygen!!! Aaarrrgghh!!!
Seriously though, tolliebelle, I'll shuffle on over and you can come and sit on the guilty bench beside me. I know EXACTLY how you feel, and it's NOT logic, it's emotion that does it to us. I try to get through the guilt web (bloody great big guilt spider in the middle of that one - ugh!!!) by acknowledging to myself that I do this guilt thing, and trying to recognise it when it happens, then trying to get on with whatever needs to be done anyhow. It's a part of me like my hair colour or height (did I really say that? Wish it would go away like my hair did!) but if I acknowledge it to myself I can start to feel guilty but do stuff anyhow and just let the feelings of guilt sit there feeling sorry for itself. Not always easy, not always possible, but it's something I try to do. And sometimes need someone's size 11 up the bum to remind me when the guilt stuff gets too firm a hold of me.
Does that make any sense?
maybe I am completely missing the point here, whether you have a small tumour, large tumour, one, two, three etc, etc, why on earth should you feel guilty, why should you feel guilty for having found it early, being given the all clear, or not being as bad as it could have been.
Whether its cancer, or some other disease/ailment, the time to feel guilty is when you make on you have got it when you havent really, I personally know people that use any way they can to get money for their'ailments' it makes me sick, thats society for you,
I have almost given up being nice, people I seem to come into contact with take me for a mug, maybe I am mixing with the wrong type of people!
I really connected with this thread about feeling guilty. My tumour was quite small and even though I have had chemo and rads I always feel when I see the oncologist and BS that I should n't make a fuss or ask any questions or should tell them I am fine because I caught mine early and there are lots of people worse off than me!! Irrational??? I still have cancer but I do feel as though mine is minor compared to some people and I should just carry on as normally as I can. Am sat here crying as I write this as I think it has just sunk in (8 months down the road!!) That my cancer is cancer and I shouldnt feel guilty because I found it early! Hope this makes sense and not make me look a complete idiot???
Some of us are atuned to feeling guilty at the drop of the hat. I know I've had lots of stuff happen, but I've still felt guilty that I haven't had the massive SEs that some people have had to put up with. I just can't help it - at my worst I would wake up feeling guilty that I hadn't woken up half an hour earlier! So if you're one of that kind of "feeling guilty" people, don't make yourself feel guilty about feeling guilty. If that makes any sense...
And most certainly don't think that anyone who's going through the mill with treatments feels you're any less in need of support. It might be "just" grade x, stage y, no need for this treatment or that, but it's still cancer FFS, nobody going through this will be thinking less of you. If anything, it'll be people who HAVEN'T been through it might come up with "but you didn't need chemo so it can't have been serious".
Couldn't agree more! I was astonished that someone's friends(?) or relatives were reading their posts on here, the first thing that sprang to my mind was "eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves". Unless they have been invited to look they should bog off!
And a message to anyone who feels guilty because their treatment has been less severe than others, DONT, you have been through hell, there is no pecking order as to who is more worthy.
Sorry, I think that ended up being a little rant of my own there!
hi, flutterby80 very best of everything for you on Wed,will be thinking of you x
No it is a disgrace that some people can no longer dicuss how they really feel, and also to have feelings of guilt. Terrible! I couldnt have put it better myself. x
thank you hjv123 and flutterby80, felt I just had to unload, well had to get things of my chest (pun intended) haha x
Have read a couple of threads on here that have made me angry today, maybe the tamoxifen?? First being that people would pretend to have cancer on this forum and another, people spying on very personal statements and heartfelt private stories, as someone else said why don’t they just ask? Made me feel sick that some people now on here feel they have to edit their feelings, how very, very sad, as I have felt relaxed and comforted by the comments I have received over the last few months.
The next rant is feelings of guilt or being made to feel guilty because you have not received chemo or not received rads, or not had a mx or had no node involvement etc. What everyone has to realise is that we all have bc . We didn’t want it, there are no feelings of superiority and we all just want to help and support one another certainly not judge or belittle others.
My friend told me a story today about two women who both had bc, one had a small tumour had a lumpectomy, rads and tamoxifen no node involvement, the other lady had a large tumour removed chemo, rads , lymph nodes removed (cancer 18/24), first lady was congratulated regarding being cured and second lady received great sympathy, turns out first lady is now terminal and second lady is living life to the full.
I think that story puts things in prospective, we all matter.