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stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh Dizzycloud, try not to feel guilty, it's very difficult, you have done nothing wrong, she is a teenager thats what they do! I remember my Mum asking me to hoover once and I went into a real huff, I was spoilt too. You are having one of those days where everything seems to get on top of you, I think days like this are unfortunately part of the bc package. You're worried, she's worried and you just end up getting annoyed with each other it's a very emotional time, hopefully you can have a cuddle soon, sending you lots of hugs x

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I am on the guilty bench right now. Asked my 14 yr old daughter to do hoovering as I can't due to breast op. Came back from shop to find she had hoovered one bit of one room and had left the rest; she hadn't even done the bit I asked her to specifically. I had a real go at her (PMT does not help!)and she stormed to her room. I have just spent last half hour crying from the bottom of my heart. What have I done to deserve such an uncaring daughter?. And why do I feel guilty? I have looked after her single handed for laast 8 years
I am feeling so sorry for myself and need to snap out of it. She is spoiled and gets her own way even now. I am so tired I just cannot cope today. I have told her I want her to move to her dads, but I don't mean it
How do I get though to her how ill I am? She has seen my scars but cannot understand the overwelming tiredness I feel as I recover. And how do I stop feeling so guilty that I am having to ask her to help?

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Daisyleaf - I laughed my head off at you chucking your fag in the bushes like some naughty school girl!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Owing to chemo-brain, I can't remember whether there's a paranoid bench, but if there isn't, there should be! My word, the guilt from childhood is deep isn't it? Taken me years to realise that God is FOR me, not against me. Even though I've had cancer, I don't believe He zapped me me with it! The Shack is a good read to blow your mind... a novel... funny, sad, brilliant..... makes you rethink... Think Im just sliding off the "*** shattered" bench... hoping for a soft landing!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It wasn't so much the guardian angel I was scared of - it was my mother - the avenging angel!!! And the nuns at school - they scared the hell out of me. I have fallen off the non smoking wagon recently and was walking past the convent about a week ago (I live very close to it) and sister Aelred came out so I chucked the fag I was smoking into a garden. Then I had to go back and check I hadn't started a fire. And the guilt of smoking - bl**dy hell! It appeals to my adolescent rebellious self - the bit thats got me through all the sh*t of the past few years. But I have to say I was at my non smoking, healthy living best both times I was dx'd so I can't blame that. So I'll just sit beside the guilty bench, and lean my back on it.
Thanks for the newspapers, but not tabloids please cos I HATE them and I'd have to move to the angry bench! I could light up and set fire to them, but I don't suppose we could have the burning bench....

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Daisyleaf, we'll even provide you with some cardboard and newspapers if you want to stay there all night! Know the thing about the catholic guilt. Were you ever terrified by the thought of this massive guardian angel figure looming over you ready to tell you off? I can still see the picture in the colouring book I had as a kid, I was petrified!

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Daisyleaf, you have just made me laugh, there will always be a bench if you need one just letting you know before thread disappears due to you posting, honestly you're not paranoid???? x

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Wow, wish I'd found this earlier - can we have a new bench called 'I don't even post cos my thoughts aren't worth sharing'?
I have lost my marbles courtesy of bc/treatment/depressive reaction to it - don't even know any more.
And guilt - oh sh*t don't get me started.... I'm a catholic too. My family is bored by the whole thing (sibs not OH and kids) so I don't burden them with it nowadays - am 2 years post second dx (recurrence)so really have had time to get over the nuisance that is bc. Brother called it an 'irritation' I could have hit him with a big stick but the guilt would have doubled!
Don't expect a response as my post seem to end most threads I contribute to. Add a 'paranoid that I'm tedious about it' bench - if no one else is on it I'll lie down and have a kip. Add chronic fatigue to the loss of marbles.
yours sincerely
postcard from laa laa land

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

GIJaneH, Like your style!! Which bench are you off to? I'm just wandering around at the moment not going near the smug b bench though! x

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I've enjoyed telling people that of course, if only I'd not allowed myself to put on weight, eaten more cauliflower and drunk less wine, I wouldn't have cancer now! They look at me in disbelief and it starts a good conversation (usually with THEM saying "what rubbish") I'd have wanted a cheese sauce on my cauli anyway, and isn't dairy bad for us too? Getting out of bed is bad for us... no wait.. my physio daughter says STAYING in bed is bad for us... I'm off to the benches!

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

sky2sea, it's alright because the smelly bench is way, way at the very back of " bench city". x

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hmm - dont think you have thought this through. If i'd eaten more cauliflower I'd spend half my time on the ginormous smells'r'us bench

* the bench is normal sized btw

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

sky2sea, a little too late methinks,if only you had eaten more cauliflower then you would have earned your place on the smug B**stard bench. X

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I'm putting water in my wine nowadays so can i sit on the smug b**tard bench or is it just way, way too late?

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Thank you Bobbin2, J, think we should have another bench "feeling really confused and don't know where to sit bench" as "guilty" and "it's my fault" are equally relevant here. So here's to the fat, alcoholic, non cauliflower eaters, perhaps we should tell GH about the yellow wellies too! X

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ha ha if I was as thin as I was when I was "high school" age people would think I was anorexic (around 8stone then and I am 5ft 8"), so it is definately therefore my fault that I have breast cancer as I was 10.5 stones before diagnosis .... somehow think I won't bother buying GH this month!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I have just received my copy of the latest GH mag, it has a nine page spread on the "Good News (that) We're beating cancer together" and "how the experience can be surprisingly positive". All under the pink ribbon banner.

I actually had to stop reading it, it p****d me off so much!

Don't buy the mag unless you would normally, it is not worth the money just to read the spread. Nothing new but gives the impression that once treatment is over you are OK and specifically advises to get plenty of plant (phyto) oestrogens, even though the evidence as to whether this is beneficial or not is still inconclusive.

I am still spitting feathers!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

DaisyGirl xx

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Well, well Bobbin2 now we all know what our problem is?????? Everyone leave your current benches and take up residence on the 'It's my fault' or 'Guilty' benches.....So have you got that girls ...cure for breast cancer.....lose weight, stop drinking and eat cauliflower!!!! Now I understand the point on diet and health and weight etc...but really how patronising for a good many of us...I for one rarely drink eat loads of veggies and certainly wasn't overweight when BC struck for the 1st time!! ( am now, 2 kids 14 years and one round of BC later)Not to mention the BRCA 1/2 gene carriers??? What next!!!!!... I'm off on me hols feeling better knowing that!!!! Choccie keep that bench warm,!!!!! Jeanette XX

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Maybe it was this article katytc. Nothing new there then!!

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/diseases/outsmart-breast-cancer?click=main_sr

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

DaisyGirl,my curiosity is getting the better of me, when you feel calmer and less ****ing furious can you please let me know what is in the article???

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh dear seems like I need to spend a while on the guilty bench for even considering joining the "my OH is an a***" bench, because of course it is all my fault that we are not going on the holiday that I wanted - - I "misunderstood" him, and he thought I didn't really want to go........No stuff that, will be joining the appropriate bench after all. And then will be jumping to the "absolutely f**king furious" bench until I calm down.

But then....actually the guilty bench is oddly where I feel I belong just now having finally finished chemo.

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Angielav, I think this is a great idea! Can you imagine the scene when we all go to bed and take off our wigs, pressure sleeves and prostheses? Or someone crawling to the toilet after their second TAX?

And would certainly give the general public a more realist view of breast cancer treatment and how we are all "beating" it. The article in this months Good Housekeeping has really made my blood boil, I think I need to go and sit on the "absolutely f***ing furious bench" until I calm down!

DaisyGirl xx

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

this bench idea is sounding so much better than Big Brother .. can you imagine what great tv it would make .. just waiting to go in and the chat on the catwalk .. us all fat and bald .. then going in and nobody having any appetite and days when some of us couldn't do the challenges cos we felt like s**t.. oh the visuals are fantastic.. all of us on our relative benches each day ...though doubt nobody would watch it!

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

In which case we should have a REALLY BIG bench paint it bright colours and call it 'the really silly' bench or perhaps 'the especially cheerful today' bench???? mind you we had better keep it away from the furious/sad/guilty benches dont you think????

I agree DG gotta have lighter moments!!!
JXX

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

OH was off last week and so just caught up with this today and couldn't stop laughing, best thread we have had for ages! Good to lighten the mood! In fact I think it would make a good sitcom!

DaisyGirl xx

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Thank you DaisyGirl for making me laugh out loud, good bench!!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Or perhaps the "thanks a f***ing bunch" bench?!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Not too sure if this is music for the 'feeling guilty' bench, or the'f*****g furious' bench - but Alanis Morissette does a good line in angst!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXZj4O5T25I

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

norberte - maybe your right, though Im not sure 2 weeks with 2 kids to walt disney in florida will allow for much rest!!!!! Im sure I be ok when we get there...perhaps it's abit of ity's been hanging on a string for so long that I don't really believe it will happen????

Yes please ask Choccie to keep the guilty bench warm Im sure I will need it when I come back and disrupt the kids again with more treatment.... they have found chemo tuff!!!!!

Tina... soon be firework season.... X JXXX

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Which bench can we play 'firework' by katy perry for? Makes me feel better for a bit....

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

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J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Not yet got mx/recon oct 3rd, will have to have tamoxifen but oncy said to wait til after my hols!!!!! maybe its post chemo blues??? pre op blues??? Who knows??
XXXX Jeanette

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

J, are you taking tamoxifen??? x

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Another bench suggestion... 'I Know I should be grateful..but...'?? posted my woes on the post I put up asking if anyone ached more after chemo??? Cant explain again...I havent any energy today..feeling super miz...can you believe it when it's my 13th wedding anniv, bank hol and I go on my holiday of a lifetime this week???????? Wots up with me???JX

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Don't know so much about "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?", more like "If YOU said I had a beautiful body I'd take you to Specsavers"!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

W-O-M-A-N. I'll say it again..............
Lay your blanket on the the Ground
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
!!!!

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

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J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

And 'stand by your man' also by Tammy W for the 'OH is a diamond' bench?? or does having a diamond OH put us right back on the guilty bench??? ...And so it begins again...... XX

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

How about Tammy Wynette's D.I.V.O.R.C.E. for the "my oh's an a**e" bench...?

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Definitely stop all your sobbing- the pretenders- for katytc's sobbing bench....barbara striesand guilty?? for the guilty bench...or are they also too obvious??X J

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ok move over Chocciemuffin I am back again on the crazy lady sobbing bench, my breakdowns are always very public (only had 3 but feels a lot more) so feel a bit guilty about that. I was in town yesterday and there was a small show taking place by a childrens dance company, as I stood watching the kids I started to feel very tearful and before I knew it the tears began to fall. OMG what's wrong with me???? I did not know anyone in the show, what was I blubbering for??? Beat a hasty retreat. Then was reading the posts about the music and thought straight away about Abba's Dancing Queen, started blubbering once more. This tamoxifen has a lot to answer for. X

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Don't get me started! Unfortunately, all the cheesy/obvious ones immediately spring to mind..

I will survive - GG
Always look on the bright side of life! Monty Python
Reasons to cheerful (part 3) - Ian drury et al

lol

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

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J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ah yes good point...that impression of an elephant is me lumbering off to the 'there,there feel better' bench....Aaah!!!...but the snack bench is still calling..????!!! pass the earplugs!! XX

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

J - and don't forget these are turning into musical benches, so we'll all get lots of exercise! And because everyone will be moving about so much, we'll all make new friends and never get bored of the old ones.
Dx

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Choccie, I'M ON THE GUILTY BENCH!!!!!! or is it the furious bench??? Is there a 'time for a snack bench' with those plastic boxes underneath full of goodies???? ...perhaps not or the guilty bench will collapse under the weight!!!

Im just happy to have my tastebuds return, and keep eating to make sure???? Oh no now I feel guilty for having tastebuds (after 9 weeks of everything tasting YUK)

I AM CONFUSED... Will it be the snack or guilty bench , the fat bench?? now I feel like crying...the sad one ..Choccie....HELP, send me to a bench...I need to sit down!!!!!!!!JX

Edited to say Phew! D, you have just added a'there, there feel better' bench XX

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Starting to sound like these benches are made out trees that have come down in the 'dark, dark woods'! Nothing wrong with that - the recycling lowers our carbon footprint and gives us less to feel guilty about.
Dx

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Just want to know .. on the 'its my fault I got cancer bench' .. do you have to be wearing yellow wellies? Cos it is my fault but dont have yellow wellies??

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

J, you're not allowed on there. I'm on the guilty bench! It's all my fault, I edited the post because I couldn't remember all the benches, so I'm guilty because I couldn't remember, and because I edited the post, and because it made you feel guilty and, well, just BECAUSE!!!

Oh. I think I moved onto the ******g furious bench without noticing! Ooops!

J01
Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

crossed posts with choccie??!!

Edited to say just read properly choccies post and now I think we should have a hysterical bench, perhaps with one of choccies spare buckets in case we don;t make the loo...sorry TMI but the old crock impressions mean it's tough to get up the stairs in a hurry!!?? XX

Edited again to say I am heading back to the guilty bench for not reading choccies post properly first time!!!