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stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Well, after a pretty miserable, stressful week, I've finally persuaded OH to get some proper anti-depressants: the ones the PD nurse recommended last time we spoke to her. He went to the docs yesterday, so that's a start, but he says he won't take them until he's researched the potential side effects. I restrained him. Looked them up myself and gave him an edited version. As my doc so rightly said to me: "Don't LOOK for side effects or you'll find them!" Fingers crossed he will take them and they will help, with no untoward SEs.

The sun this last week has certainly helped my mental health; that, and spending most of Thursday evening on the CSL bench because, after a wonderful, peaceful afternoon pottering in the garden while OH was in the pub, he decided, just before dinner, to "have a talk" ie: blame anyone and everyone for all his ills - especially me! I think realising the state he'd got us both in finally prompted him to ask doc about anti ds. I'm sure the cry did me good too - along with swimming 1800m in 58 minutes; a new record! - and hopefully he'll feel less anxious and I might be able to leave him overnight and get away to see the girls again.

Been watching the red tennis and now the green from Halle and Queens, and wondering if you are too, FF. I'm pacing myself so I'm not sick of it before the proper green tennis in July. Smiley Very Happy

YD messaged me with a photo of their calendar: weekend of 27th July (when the 2 of us would normally be camping Smiley Sad) has got "visit Nana and Grandad" pencilled in. Smiley Happy Smiley Very Happy I think that means all of them. Yay! They've got 3 nights in a cottage in the Peak District booked for earlier in July, so I expect how GD copes with that will determine whether they can make the trek over this way. Fingers crossed. Oh they are already. Double crossed then. Hmmmm I wonder why I'm starting to get Arthur in my hands?! Smiley Tongue

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaaah JCJ, you are certainly having a "time of it" just now..............big hugs flying your way!

At least it is not "kooky crazy" but ****** mindedness, and then to top it off the van???

Oh my...............would have loved to have seen the deleted version, haha!

Maybe worth rethinking about the BB.

 

Been fairly busy, we were exhausted after Mon, ED built YD's tv unit and helped put up cot, she also did cleaning, I did a small bit of cleaning and entertained the two small babies while the Mums' were busy, we didn't arrive home until 8pm.

Was out for lunch to a nearby town next day, was really lovely so we are going there again soon.

Next day was up to see Mum who was just great, makes my heart happy! Then down to ED's, watched both GDs for a short time, then home.

Today, eyes tested, prescriptions needed, a little stronger, all else fine, pick up new ones next week.

YD and GS are home as in my house tonight, will have to get used to saying that haha. Bed, cot and all their clothing are the only things that have to go, which is pretty good going. Probably in the next couple of weeks things will be final.

Have been checking out how to get there, train and then a bus but where I would have to catch bus is not near the station so can imagine myself getting lost..........taxi is tad expensive so we will see............

Enjoy your time with your friend JCJ, eat cake, spoil yourself, wish I was nearer xx

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

After all that, I forgot to say why I wanted to share that with you: when we got to the supermarket car park, THAT van was there. Smiley Sad I know I should be grateful that it probably saved my life, but it still gets to me, even after 7 years, as it reminds me of such a sh** and scary time. It was just the final straw, on Saturday, but no-one else understands that, except you lovely ladies! 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

No more bizarre behaviour to report. Just the usual pig-headed bl**day-mindedness!

 

I nearly posted a full on rant on Saturday but calmed down and thought better of it. After the stress of Friday, most of which I spent worrying about OH's state of mind after the morning bedroom escapade, he announced on Saturday morning that he'd like to go out for lunch. I got dressed and we decided to go to local town to a cafe, so I could get some bits and he could get a new ferrule for his new walking stick because the one on it was too slippery. I dropped him outside the cobblers to sort his stick out and went to park the car. We arranged to meet at a cafe further along the street and he was adamant he could walk that far. I started to walk from car park to cafe but realised it was too far for him, so I returned to car and moved it to another car park, which took aaaages due to all the cars illegally parked on the double yellow lines blocking the narrow street. I bunged the car in one of 5 empty disabled spaces and went to the cafe. No OH. Walked up street to cobblers. No sign of him. Started to panic ever so slightly. Checked phone. Missed call. He'd decided he couldn't walk the 200 yards and had gone into a pub to use their phone (because, of course, he'd left his mobile at home! Smiley Mad) I went back to the car - again - to drive all round the one way system- again - to the pub carpark. Imagine my horror when I spot a carpark attendant standing right behind my car and there's a ******* fine stuck to the windscreen!! %*#£&*!! I was furious but she wouldn't let me off when I explained about the Blue Badge application. She just said that if I wrote a letter they MIGHT refund the fine. So cross.  The carparks in this little town are all free. The streets were clogged with illegally parked cars but I get fined for parking for FIVE MINUTES in one of several disabled spaces, because I didn't have a blue s***ing badge - thanks to THEIR incompetence . So much for not needing the BB anyway??!  GRRR! 

Then, when I finally collect OH from the pub and drive past all those parked cars, yet again, to the supermarket that has a cafe where I can park close by, he sees I'm upset, and when I tell him why, he says it's like when he got a speeding fine! No it isn't. You were speeding. I was just trying to park safely and considerately. AND WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE A ***** COMPETITION??

This is a considerably toned down version of what I wrote - and deleted - on Saturday. So be grateful. Smiley Very Happy

 

Friday is a training day (morning only for me) and I've booked Monday off as my "Well Being Day" that we all had due to the "good" OFSTED, so I've got a nice long weekend.  Let's just hope he doesn't spoil it!! Meeting a friend for coffee on Monday morning, so at least I'll get SOME "me" time!!

 

Hope it's not toooo quiet. KTC,, in your empty nest. Hope you're OK, FF. xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh dear JCJ, never a dull moment then?? Had to Dr Google cause I didn't know about that at all, hope all is ok now.

Can you not phone someone? A double check of what is happening?

 

Been oh so quiet, YD and GS left Fri night, furniture deliveries yesterday and tomorrow, she has paid extra so a person will come in and put things together. Well worth it Smiley Happy ED and I are going through tomorrow, have been sent lots of pictures but am excited to see everything.

My room was completely free of YD's things but is filling up again haha.

Did a massive clean up and tons of washing, so today would be quiet, exhausted myself but have had an afternoon nap, couldn't keep my eyes open...............

Rain rain and more rain here, yuck xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Good grief! That was close! It's rained most of every day for a week now, but this afternoon we had a bit of a ceasefire. Got a lineful of washing nearly dry before it started to rain again, briefly, then, having checked the forecast which predicted heavy rain around 6 to 7pm, I scuttled down to the village - bypassing the flooding in the park from the overflowing river - and got my chippies. Braved eating them in the church yard and then, seeing the black clouds gathering, I legged it back home. I had literally been in the house less than 2 minutes before the heavens opened! Phew! Soggy chippies avoided! Persisted it down for 10 minutes and the sun is out again now!

 

I think OH is starting to get the PD hallucinations that they keep asking him about. Either that or dementia.. Or both. Sitting eating my breakfast at 7:30 this morning, when he is usually fast asleep, I suddenly heard him shuffling to and fro from bedroom to landing. Went upstairs to see what on earth was going on and he was moving the bed-side cabinets out of the bedroom. He said something had bitten him in the night and he was declaring war on it. No mark whatsoever where he claimed to have been bitten, on his face, but he still insisted whatever it was was living under the bed. He'd managed to remove the matress and tip the King size bed base on its side, despite the fact he can normally barely walk anywhere without one or two sticks !! I'm afraid I left for work, leaving him to his madness. Dreaded coming back home in case all the furniture was on the front drive, or maybe OH buried in a heap of bedroom furniture, but he'd managed to hoover under the bed and put everything back (more - or-less) where it belonged. He still doesn't seem to think it was bizarre behaviour!! I'm kicking myself for suggesting to him that, as whatever it was had left no mark, it was more likely to be living IN the bed than UNDER it. I hope that remark didn't register and he'll be happy in the knowledge that he's won the war with the marauding beast!! 

What next??!! Smiley Indifferent

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

honestly have no idea where time is going at the moment.................blink and another day is gone...........

no new battery wouldn't work JCJ, asked about a year ago regarding a replacement, phone is one of those sealed ones but it did last another year so really can't complain. am liking new one, so all good!

Ordered a sofa for YD last night and was at final stages when it said there was an error, reordered all went through, checked YD's bank account and payment has been taken twice, grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, it's in pending and will go back to her account how blinkin' annoying after 5 days was furious, bank says they do not have a button to just cancel pending payment, am seriously thinking about complaining about that smart alec comment, will do if i have time..........

Just after that i dropped a cup of coffee all over the floor................

am away to sit on the " i give up " bench xx

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

It's a bit late to tell you now, but a simple battery replacement may have solved your phone problem, Katy. When my phone started refusing to hold charge, if it would charge at all, I bought a new battery for about a fiver from Mr Futon and it cured the problem. May still be worth doing, even though you have a new phone, so you've got a back up?

 

Took OH to a concert in our local church yesterday. Dropped him off and went to run some errands (by myself! Smiley Happy) and then parked as close to the church as possible  with tea, (yes, I remembered the teabag!) a bun and my knitting, to wait for him. He appeared immediately, having left the concert in the interval because he got into a state being there on his own. 🙄 He says he's not going to go to anything else unless someone goes with him. Hmmmm I wonder who that someone will be?! Grrrr

 

Don't know if you have any near you, Katy, but we have some brilliant charity shops selling good 2nd hand furniture and fridges, washing machines etc. It's a good way to start off and she can then replace things gradually, rather than having to buy everything new all at once. That's what YD did (although I bought her the washer drier as a birthday/housewarming present) and, 10 years on most of it has been replaced - some with better 2nd hand stuff from antique shops! Smiley Very Happy

 

Weather a bit better today: dry with some short spells of sunshine, but the forecast for the next few days is dreadful. We'll all have webbed feet at this rate!! 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Where has all the tea gone??? Did you have a tantrum??? Like a proper one hahahaSmiley Wink

I nearly had one on Fri, down with new and old phone, remember I said it would take 2 secs, well it didn't grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, the gadget they use wasn't working so manual tactics none of which worked..........came out of shop with sim in new phone, realised when I had a call there was no contacts so had to go back into shop and change back to old phone. old phoned charged fine that night, Sat wouldn't charge at all so just did transfer myself, hurrahSmiley Happy

Bedroom is full of YD's stuff, my bedroom............it's exciting though.

She is starting from scratch so needs everything, busy days indeed xx

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Rain all day but I managed to get down to the chippy without getting wet because it stopped just in time. Too wet to sit in the church yard or park to eat them, though, so I had to bring them home. Didn't have a cup of tea. Saved it until I was in car waiting for OH to have his swim. Otherwise I'd be dying for a call of nature - (never did master that Whizz devise!) Anyway, as soon as OH's friend arrived and they headed into the pool, I dived for the flask, my mug, the milk, a spoon and..... there's something missing. Oh No!! Forgot to bring the b***** teabag. 2 choices: just drink the hot water, with or without milk, or venture into leisure centre and see if there is a vending machine. Inner toddler begins tantrum meltdown: I WANT PROPER TEA! NOW! NOT VENDING MACHINE C*** Honestly, I was so tired and so gagging for tea, that I could have cried. Decided to venture off on foot to see if there was a shop nearby.  As luck would have it,  there was a garage just up the road with a S*** (not a health resort) attached. Bought box of 40 tea bags - and an accidental fruit & nut bar! - and scurried back to the car. Resulting mug.of tea was devoured with great relief, closely followed by a 2nd. I have now put some of the teabags in a little plastic box to keep in the car for next time I'm a forgetful plonker (only next time it will be the milk I forget?!)

 

Y6 off on their residential, until Monday, in Shropshire. I expect they got VERY wet today!! 

 

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

aaah boblets goneSmiley Sad, really good all was successful this year, you feel as though you are the proud parent too...........haha.

no, did not see new home, YD was far too hungover, haha, first time drinking and she is still paying for it, she says she will never drink again, we'll seeSmiley Wink

was having terrible bother with my phone over the weekend, which wasn't too handy and on tues morning it would not charge at all, grrrrrrrrrrrrr. asked ED to help find me a new one, ordered yesterday and delivered this morning hurrah, and guess what old one is working now............typical. so down to shop tomorrow to help me set up etc, could do myself but would take an age, they do it in 2 secsSmiley Happy xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Yesterday morning at 7:30 I switched on the TV to check on the boblets whilst I ate my breakfast. Oh no!! All gone! Just one solitary, unhatched egg left. I assume they all fledged successfully sometime between 8pm the night before and 7:30am, which is good news, but it came as a bit of a shock to suddenly see the empty nest, even though we knew their departure was imminent. I was disappointed not to see any of them go. I sat in the car, on Monday,  on the drive, watching one of the little heads poking out of the nest box, hoping to see them leave, but the little devil's waited until we weren't watching!

 

Glad you had lovely family time, Katy. Did you get to see YD's new place?

 

Had a good chuckle at the thought of ASBO boy taking impromptu part in the Roman re-enactments. I bet he improved them. Smiley Very Happy

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Am back home...........had a really lovely, lovely time, service was beautiful, baby gorgeous, surrounded by family, great timesSmiley Happy

 

Aaah glad your OH wasn't being moody, haha. Belated Happy AnniversarySmiley Happy

Have your boblets flown the nest??

Woo hoo for you grumpy, what's that bad boy like??

 

Pouring with rain here and I have to go out today grrrrrrrrrrrrr, once it starts it never stops..............

So can't be bothered, if it had been sunny would have been no problem.

The mirror at hotel gave me a real shock, it was just right height to see body, well, booby is distinctly smaller than other one, was like that at the beginning, then had a filler, remember JCJ?? Lynn must have dissippated, oh my.............haha!!!

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Just got back from Hadrian's Wall trip - it was great, and I'm so glad my legs are working better! I shall have to keep up the walks, hopefully my legs will get stronger. 

I didn't actually expect a BB, just wanted to find out what the rules are - with your OH experience, I think I may never bother, just get the mobility scooter when the time comes. Hope someone gets it sorted for you.

Asbo Joe is fast asleep after all the excitement. He joined in a Roman battle - he wasn't supposed to, he slipped his collar and ran onto the arena. Oh the shame....

 

grumpy

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oops. I take it back. Not sulking, (for once) just in need of a nap. Or he snapped out if it quickly, because he's just eaten his, thanked me profusely and said it was delicious. I'll away to the contrite bench. Smiley Embarassed

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Not sure why I bothered cooking Sunday dinner. Sitting here on my own eating it because he's sulking. Again. Don't know what I'm supposed to have done this time! Smiley Sad It's our 37th wedding anniversary today! How (why?) on earth have I put up with him so long? Grrrr! 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

glad all is going well with your treatment, grumpySmiley Happy and the walk, brilliant. as for asbo boy he has to represent benchland, tiara, ballgown, flashing lights etc haha.

also good news about oh JCJ he really can't sit around makes depression etc worse.

am still not convinced that you are only eating one chippie................

we are all off today, trains and automobiles, weather is meant to be torrential rain, yuck, it's been pouring for days now grrrr xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

I'm sure if they saw OH walking they would issue the blue badge, especially the state he'd be in after a 45 minute motorway/city drive, but I don't think it's worth putting him through it. It's not even as if it's going to save us any money, or for claiming benefits, we only want to be able to prove he's eligible for disabled parking spaces and occasionally, when absolutely necessary, parking on double yellow lines. YD says Grannie hasn't got a blue badge and they always park in disabled spaces when they take her anywhere, no problem at all. Everyone parks on the double yellows in our local town anyway, so there probably wouldn't be a space anyway! Smiley Tongue

 

Not surprised you can't have a BB, grumpy, if you can walk 5Km! In fancy dress! OH struggles to walk 5 metres! How about those leathers for ASBO's fancy dress? With a Red Barron helmet, like Snoopy, and goggles. Smiley Very Happy

 

We have just got back from a practice run with the wheelchair. Hurrah! Got there in the end. He survived. We went to a nearby village that is on top of a hill with a super view. It's surrounded by quiet country roads and he has often enjoyed walking there, in the past. There's a loop walk of about a mile which he hasn't been able to do for a long time - only managing about 50 yards up the road and back, very slowly and painfully. Anyway, today we went round the mile loop, mostly with me pushing, but he did some of it himself, with difficulty, so I'm glad we bought a self propelled chair, even if it is annoyingly big in my car boot! I made a point of saying how nice it was to be able to "walk" together, without me going off for a proper walk and leaving him to his 100yard hobble,  and pointing out how much more he can enjoy being out if he's not in agony. Not sure he's convinced yet, but it's a start. He's got to overcome his innate stubbornness and pride!

 

I'm cream crackered now (mowed the lawn, been to the farm shop and did 3 loads of washing, dried outside, today as well) but I'm just off for another mile walk to fetch my Friday night chippies. Will brave that stupid inflatable galleon in the churchyard again methinks, because it's a beautiful evening. 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

The Boblets are SO cute - showed them to Joey who wasn't impressed.....

 

Saw the assistant oncologist today, TALL DARK AND HANDSOME quite cheered me up. And he said the drugs are being very well tolerated according to blood results, AND I can use my H Back Bag across the front, AND I can use my walking poles with care, AND the fatigue should lessen over time. 

 

So tomorrow I am off to Hadrians Wall for a few days walking/camping.

 

Blue badges - I asked about one, but have been told I can't have one until the onc says I've only got 6 months to live!!! Plan B will be to purchase a mobility scooter (not yet....) and then I'll park where I want! I shall have to find one with a basket on the front for His Nibs. He would look cute with goggles and a leather jacket with studs.

 

Doing a Pink Walk in July, only 5k, and it's fancy dress. Any ideas for Joey???

 

Hope your OH picks himself up soon - does he use any support groups? My friend with PD goes to one and says it is really helpful.

grumpy

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oooh look at themSmiley Happy, just lovely to see them all thriving!!

Not good about badge.............grrrrrrrrrr, my Dad applied for one he had lung and brain mets at the time and he was refused, WHAT?? He didn't pursue it any further, too much going on with treatment etc. On a positive note friends daughter applied very recently and also had to go to a centre, she received badge without issue, so fingers crossed.

Popped up to see Mum today, she was in great spirits, so a good daySmiley Happy

Been raining non stop for 2 days here, yuck!! xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Oh didn't manage as well as I thought. I've not been in a happy place: feeling trapped as he won't travel and won't be left home alone and my girls are 3 hours away. Man Sad

 

Then, to add insult to injury, we get a letter today saying the Blue Badge application has been passed onto a mobility assessor at a clinic in bl***y Coventry - involving motorway AND city driving; both of which stress him out so much - even though he's not actually driving!! For goodness sake! Do they not realise that people who have mobility problems (never mind psychological ones!) find it hard to travel?  The appointment is for 14th August when we'll be away anyway, but I'm tempted to just forget it and park in disabled spaces and double yellow lines like everyone else does anyway! The trouble is they will take that as an admission that we don't really need it? Grrr! Clearly they don't consider PD to be a permanently debilitating condition (even though it automatically qualified us for VAT exemption when we bought the wheelchair - still unused in the garage)!!

In happier news: All 8 Boblets are fit, healthy and nearly ready to go. Lots of wing flexing. Cute, fluffy little bundles.20190530_123249.jpg

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Great news grumpy so glad your pain is under control now, will make such a differenceSmiley Happy, what's ASBO boy like???

Am glad you enjoyed your break with the girls JCJ and when you do it again if OH decides not to come you will be guilt free as he has proved he can manage quite well by himself haha! "magic" indeed!! I like the name a lotSmiley Happy

 

Arm has improved greatly, woo hoo, honestly what a mess, had canula in my arm and was feeling very cold so had a blanket around me, needed to take trip to the loo and it was only when I looked in the mirror, arrrrgh what's wrong with my arm??? Didn't feel any pain as lido is an anesthetic.........will still work as it dissolves, arm half the size it was yesterday and lots of black and blue marks, all ok though.

Woke up this morning at 4.20 am WHAT??? Just stayed up, house was tidied and breakfast was over by 8 haha.

ED and her family, YD, GS and me are all staying at the same hotel as christening is in another city, that will be an adventure, we are there for 4 days, ED is feeling a little crazed at the thought of being in one room all weekend and it's meant to be raining..............YD is getting keys for her new home next week, we might get to see where it is etc when we are through xx

PS

Leg is looking greatSmiley Happy xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Home.  Firmly ensconced on the kn******* bench. Lovely couple of days with the girls. YD said having me there without OH went a little way to make up for the fact that we won't get our girly holiday this year. I was feeling a tad guilty that I'd enjoyed my break but when I got home I discovered he'd booked himself into a hotel, in a nearby town, last night! 

The journey home just reinforces how far away they live. Even YD commented that she wished "Magic Nana" was nearer. Smiley Sad

 

Sounds like you had an horrendous time with the lido this time, Katy. I hope it's settled down a bit now? I don't suppose it'll work properly if it's gone in the wrong place? Smiley Sad Smiley Sad

Great news about your lack of pain, though, grumpy. I hope that continues for a long, long time. ASBO asleep on the bus?! Hehehe. There was a guy snoring loudly on my train today. He eventually snored so loud he woke himself up. His face was a picture when he realised it was HIS snore. I struggled not to laugh out loud.

Hope you're OK, FF - (and any other silent Benchlanders.) xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Ooo-er, you are having a bit of a rough time....hope things improve soon.

 

I've got progress to report - the rads to upper spine seem to have killed the pain on T4 and T9, and the patches kill the pain on lumbar spine!!! How good is that! So no more paracetamol/ibuprofen, and hopefully no more constipation....

 

Seeing the onc on Thursday, next denosumab jab and next pack of palbociclib, so fingers crossed.

 

grumpy  

 

PS the Asbo Boy fell asleep ON THE BUS after our walk at weekend - how did he do that?

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Will be back tomorrow, had a disaster today!

Lido day instead of flowing into my vein it went into my tissue result massively swollen arm.....lying down with packet of sweets to console myself x

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Journey fine. By myself so sooo much less stressful.. OH in a bit of an anxious state when I left but hopefully he will have settled down. The waiting room at Nuneaton was closed due to vandalism and there was nowhere to sit down so it was a good job he wasn't with me! 

 

Had a lovely evening with my girls, although GD a bit grouchy today - possibly because she had 3 injections immunising against 5 different diseases plus an oral one, on Monday. YD put her in the baby back (front) pack and walked me back to my hotel (pub with rooms!) she was fast asleep by the time we got here and will probably stay asleep for the night when they get back.

 

I'm attempting to spread myself over 2 double beds and there are FAR too many mirrors in this room - one of them just opposite the bed I'm sitting on, in my nightie; just caught a very unseemly view of myself!! 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hope your journey went well and you have seen your girls x Have a fabulous time and enjoy the 2 breakfasts haha x x

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Looking at holiday cottage booking, we have to pay the full amount anyway as we didn't take out cancellation insurance (too expensive with PD and knee problem under investigation!) . We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

It looks like I'm going on my own tomorrow, and OH seems to be better now the pressure is off. He can still change his mind in the morning. I've just been down to the village to get him milk and other essentials for the next few days. The Red tennis is on TV, so he'll be happy watching that,  and, to be honest, YD and I are quite excited to be seeing each other without him around. Smiley Tongue He obviously listened to my warning about "rotting at home" because he says he's going to eat out at least once. (Hmmmm! Will he bother? Not my problem. He can afford taxis.) I'm looking forward to travelling on my own without having to worry about him - or how long he takes to do everything! Breakfast on my own will be weird though! You watch, he'll change his mind now I've got used to the idea?!

I'll keep you posted. 

Horrace, our friendly garden hedgehog has just been on our rockery. I went out to give him some nuts and mealworm and he didn't even curl up just sniffed the air and came and munched. Smiley Very Happy while we were outside (me in my nightie - what a hussy!!) watching him, two bats did an aerial display for us. So lucky. All 8 boblets are thriving too and getting their wing feathers now. I hope they don't fledge before I get home on Tuesday! 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Aaaah JCJSmiley Sad sending you big, big hugs. Would def make sure before you make payment for holiday, it's a lot of money to waste and worry about...........

You said all the right things hopefully it will make OH think, it's very difficult, is there anyone he can speak to about his fears?? PD nurse, group or helpline? Maybe not any use as doesn't suit everyone. You can ask for assistance on the day so just train tickets to sort, give him a deadline and say you would much rather he was with you. Fingers crossed it can be worked out.

Glitterberry juice and large glasses in the shed, come off the CSL bench and join me on the "tomorrow is another day" bench. PS, it's a barrelSmiley Happy xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Warning emotional meltdown in progress. I've got to vent. 

Spent the week stressing about going to Norwich on Sunday with HIM.  I really want to get the train tickets - and assistance - booked and collected before we travel to have one less thing to worry about.  He seemed in a good mood today, so we had a long, calm discussion about travel arrangements, agreed we'll take the wheelchair (still unused in the garage Smiley Sad) and book assistance. He even said he'd be OK in the lifts at the station. Great. Sorted. So I went online to buy the tickets and book the assistance, but my normal ticket provider wasn't letting me select the trains we wanted on an off-peak return. Wanted to charge me nearly £100 more. Tried another site. Then turned on the big computer and went to national rail itself to confirm that our trains ARE off peak. Finally got the trains selected, after over an hour of faffing, and was just about to complete the booking when he comes and says he doesn't think he will be able to go. Smiley Mad (breathe. Stay calm) "Why not?" "Because I don't feel well" (arghhhhh! Stay calm) "You ALWAYS feel ill when we're going away, but you're always OK once we get going" I abandoned the ticket booking. I won't get a refund if he does refuse to come. I'm going, even though I shall be worrying if he's ok so it will spoil it for me (maybe not as much as if he comes??!) A twin double all to myself! And 2 x2 breakfasts! Smiley Happy 

 

I told him that if he gives into this "I can't do it" panic he will never go anywhere and will just rot at home. I'm already dreading the summer holiday - which has to be paid for tomorrow - or should I cancel and lose the deposit but at least not all £1500!?! That holiday is further to drive than I suggested, or than I think he can cope with, but he was adamant he would be ok and insisted we book it. 

I am so angry and frustrated that I just feel like beating him to a pulp. Hence venting on here. It has got to the stage where he's got me dreading holidays too, and I used to look forward to them so much.

Temporarily on the CSL bench. :'(

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Of course I will be wearing themSmiley LOL

Isn't it great that you loved all of them woo hoo!! And shoes??? Well why not?? Enjoy them all, you will have to be superly smart meeting little GD again, well it's a good excuse anyway.

 

Woke up at 5am this morning, WHAT??? Couldn't get back to sleep again, grrrrrrrrrrr! 

Out for tea last night, was really yummy so that was good after yucky tea night before.

Up to see Mum, then down to ED's today, it's pretty cold here at the moment.........brrr.

Just waiting for YD to arrive home, she's excited about new house but overwhelmed by all the stuff she will need to buy, so we have all been searching. She only wants to move in when everything is in place, think it's a great idea xx

 

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Will you be wearing your stripey knee highs, tiara and purple doc Martins with your sparkly Christening dress? Smiley Happy

 

We are just waiting for the orthopaedic consultant appointment - will probably be weeks away, if not months. By then the consultant should already have the X-rays OH had taken when we went last time. OH having a bit of a set back today after buying the wheelchair yesterday. He'll come round again. He did this with both the knee and ankle braces - refused to wear them for several days and he has them on nearly all day now. It's a lovely evening, so I was going to offer to push him around the park, but I think I'll hold off on that for a while - don't want to be sworn at! Smiley Tongue

 

Did the supermarket shop on my own this afternoon and bought a fresh mushroom pasta,  a tub of sauce and some salad so I could throw dinner together in 10 minutes, instead of eating in the café. It was sooo much quicker and less stressful than taking him with me! Might try to push for that every time. 

 

I'm on the bad behaviour Bench. I ordered 4 tops online from the famous underwear store to make the order over £50 to qualify for free postage - tight **** that I am - thinking at least a couple of them would be useless and would be returned free of charge for a refund. Anyway, they arrived today and I love them all! Oops! £60 worth of tops. And me earning half what I was. Oops! Ah well, that's probably the last splurge on work clothes before I retire. Went through the wardrobe to throw some tops out for the charity shop but struggled to find any I didn't want to keep! (Yet I was desperate for new ones because I'd got no decent ones for work??!!) What am I like? 

 

Also bought some new shoes - cheap ones from the cheapy Shoe shop that was closing down - because I needed something I could wear without socks when it's not quite warm (or dry) enough for sandals. I'd better spend the next few weeks on the frugal bench. Oh dear. I can't. Got to pay for the summer holiday cottage next week! Ah well. That's what savings are for?? Smiley Very Happy

 

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Woo hoo grumpy, well done to you!!!Smiley Happy

 

If it's going to help JCJ, then all the betterSmiley Happy, may only be temporary if it has nothing to do with PD, what happens next?? Are you just waiting for an appointment?

Assistance is great because it's so very helpful and it makes journeys a breeze, less fear of missing trains etc...........

 

Well have just done it again arrrrrrrrrgh, you have to keep dressing off so it scabs, so am assuming that's just what happens.

Have had my hair chopped, mirror was awful...........

Then went for tea with eldest GD, we went to a new place that has just opened, it was ok, she enjoyed food so that's what mattersSmiley Happy and am out with friends tomorrow, woo hoo!! No cooking, brilliant stuff.

Youngest GS is being christened soon so have purchased new dress, it's very shiny, sparkly and extremely Benchland if you know what I meanSmiley LOL, think I will be amazing with my Lynn stuff and knee highs, there will be no stopping me....................xx

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hurrah! Grumpy. Well done. Hope you didn't suffer any after effects from your walk - or the G&Ts Smiley Tongue

 

Scary leg behaviour,  Katy, hope it's OK now. 

 

We've just got back from buying a self propelled folding wheelchair for OH. Very mixed emotions. It just fits in the boot of my Fiesta if I take the parcel shelf out. He had a little go with it near the shop and again at home on our drive but our drive is sloping and it's tricky to wheel himself uphill and risky downhill towards the road. Hopefully,  when he gets used to this chair, he will want a motor scooter too, but this set of wheels will mean we can do more when we go out in the car to places. I'm hoping we can push it down the grassy track from the allotment carpark to the volunteer plot as that will make it so much less painful for him. He's talking of bringing it to Norwich at the weekend - that'll present a whole new set of challenges. Will definitely need to book assistance!

 

Pleased it will open up new options for us and cause him less pain but it did choke me up a bit to see him sitting in it. Made me think of what might be  coming in the future. Still, face each day at a time and meet each new challenge as they arise. 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hey everyone, I've reached a milestone today!!! I walked 5 miles today with the Asbo boy and a friend. It took me nearly 5 hours (new meds make me tired) which almost twice as long as usual, but there was no pain...... I'm getting to grips with pain management  which is really encouraging. We did indulge in a G&T at the end of the walk, and I came home on the bus while my friend decided to walk back. I'm supposed to be sorting out our tea but frankly I've decided another G&T is more appropriate.

Watching the Chelsea Flower Show and decided to put it on my Bucket List.

What's all this about chips? are chips essential for membership of Benchland? if so, count me in!!

Grumpy (and squiffy....)

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

How very dare you,  Katy. Me? Secretly eating extra chips??! (You know me too well!) No, on Fridays OH gets his own out-of-the-freezer tea and has his chips later, after swimming. I make myself walk the 1/2 mile to get my chippies and if it's a nice day, I'll eat them in the village to save them having to be reheated by the time I've walked home. Method in my madness.

 

All the Sunday chores to do: showering,  dressing, stripping beds, ironing, cooking dinner, taming the wilderness we call a garden.  Exhausted just thinking about it so I'll sit here on the CBA bench, in my nightie, for a bit longer! 

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Hahaha............or scary stuff???

Always be prepared for emergencies, as in take your pee wee hee hee machine with you at all timesSmiley Very Happy

Are you munching your chips there because you buy double and pretend to OH there was a queue in the chippie??

Am away to sit on the "bad behaviour" bench JCJ!!!

 

Babysitting for my youngest GD today/night, she has been a little challenging so far, we have been for a walk, she has had a nap and a bottle. She was a little grumpy earlier but is ok at the moment, she is swinging and making happy noises in the bouncer.

Leg gave me a fright the other day, rolled up my trousers and scabby bit came off with the movement, sorry, yucketty yuck! Made my tummy whirl.................dressing on and knee high, all ok next day xx

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Had the fright of my life today. Sitting in the church yard with my mini fish & chips, as usual feeling slightly sacrilegious and sincerely hoping I wasn't giving offence to a couple who were tending a grave. I was quietly enjoying the chips, the beautiful trees and the evening birdsong, when suddenly, from behind a gravestone, up popped up a weird thing that seemed to hover in a most unhuman way. Arghhh!! What is that?? On closer inspection it turned out to be an inflatable galleon about 3 foot high. Goodness only knows why. Who thought that was an appropriate thing to tether to a grave??! It must have been lying down and just caught a breeze and bobbed up. I'm surprised I didn't choke on my chip - or wet myself!!

 

Glad it's the weekend. Don't know why I'm so tired. It's only the 3rd week of term - and one of those was a short one! This time next week will have another holiday. Crazy. 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Fingers crossed your pain will be a lot less when meds really kick in grumpy, glad you are meeting up with people always good to talk.

 

Birthday cake and lots of it, yummy yum............

Weather is gorgeous here too, am using avoidance tactics though, forgot to buy sun cream yesterday, grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Leg is not sore at all just incredibly itchy, looks very ugly, face is doing much better, just faded blotches so all good.

Am wearing skin coloured knee highs, very fetching, which means I only have ONE bare arm, the rest of limbs are covered, not sure about all of this ????hahaha. If they had been green I would have ran for the hills.................

You can give up your job JCJ and make mobiles, think it was fabulous.

Been a little busy, tomorrow will be less so, thank goodness.

YD has just popped over to shops and GS has just pooped his nappy, specially for me, what's he like?? xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

PS. The eggs are starting to hatch - 4 so far - and both Bob & Babs are bringing in food regularly!! Met a hedgehog in the garden tonight too. Who needs the TV to see Springwatch?! Smiley Very Happy

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Cake? What cake? Where? *wipes crumbs from round mouth*. There's also some black forest gateau in the shed because OH requested it for his birthday and I didn't have any black cherries - or cream. Rectified that situation when I did the S********s shop, and made it at the weekend.

 

Weather glorious here too. Testing week at school so all out of routine. I've finished knitting the second farm mobile and have started a safari one. Lion and half an elephant done so far, giraffe,  monkey and zebra to follow. Smiley Happy

 

Laughing at your sartorial elegance, KTC. What colour are your compression socks? After my gallstone op, I had very fetching duck **** green ones - and I'd taken shorts and sandals to wear. Beautiful! Smiley Tongue Hope you're not too ouchy. 

 

Glad you are mostly managing the pain, grumpy and have a plan for ASBO boy. The bags look lovely. 

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Another Birthday, more cake in the shed.  Third GD now 9 yrs old.  Where does time go?

 

Lovely weather down here, school much as usual, nothing to complain about down here.

 

Perhaps if OH's knees can be sorted and mobility improved he wouldn't need a scooter?

Member

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

If you Google Healthy B#ck Bag, you will find these bags in a range of lovely colours. I wear mine across the front to reduce strain on the spine as long as I don't put too much in it.

It seems to work OK.

pain is sort of under control, but gets worse now and again. I'm still getting to grips with the meds.....oh deary me.

Joey doing fine, and I know there are 2 friends who will give him a home if it comes to that.

There's a new secondary group starting locally so I shall join in.

Now I'm going to locate the bone Mets thread on the forum.

 Grumpy

 

Community Champion

Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

just saw your post JCJ, it will be great for your OH if something can be done, he must feel so much better that it's nothing to do with the PD, give him a little more confidence.

hissing child, smug mother, that'll teach you not to chat to strangersSmiley Very Happy xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

glad your plan has started grumpy, hopefully pain will be kept under control now, also glad asbo boy is losing weight and is happy. 

hope you had fun FF, all these birthdays............couldn't believe your son is the same age as me, haha.

happy JCJ, that you will be with your girls soon and staying somewhere posh, what are you like?

 

treatment went very well yesterday, was not sore at all, had imagined it would be ouchy as skin was quite raw looking, so all good. 3 months till next appt, will be checked over if bits still remain treatment is organised for that same day. have to wear compression socks for months on both legs, WHAT????? so between lynn and both my legs am feeling special NOT??

YD is moving next month or early july, it's defSmiley Sad xx

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

What's a back b#g? Lime green though! That will go brilliantly with the BENCHLAND attire! Can we all have them? Smiley Very Happy

 

Just got back from OH's PD consultant appointment.  OH has decided to keep meds as they are because he claims he is managing OK (I beg to differ, but it's not me taking the meds or risking side effects.) However,  we did ask the direct question: is his severe knee pain likely to be PD related? (because in all my PD research, I've not heard pain mentioned. Slowness, yes; stiffness, sometimes; 'freezing', yes, tremor, yes; but never pain.) For 3 years, it has been treated as just another part of the PD,  but today the (acting) consultant - it's a different person every time! - said it's most unlikely to be anything to do with PD (possibly arthritis?) and has put in a referral to an orthopaedic consultant and sent OH for X-rays today so that they'll be available for the OC to see when the appointment comes through. We had to wait 2 hours in the X-ray dept (and outside in the peace Garden - before it rained) but at least it saved faffing to and fro to the hospital. As his knee pain is the most debilitating of his problems, I really hope there is something they can do to improve things for him. Having just gone through all the faff of applying for a Blue Badge knowing my luck, they will fix the knee and he will be able to walk again!! Smiley Very Happy

 

In the X-ray waiting room was a young - 7 or 8?-child (boy? Hard to tell.) with his mother. They had already been seen but were waiting for husband/dad to finish work and come and pick them up. It was a long time and the child was so well behaved that when we eventually were able to leave, I turned to them and congratulated them on his behaviour. I realised that might seem a bit creepy so I added, "If you were in my school, I'd be giving you loads of housepoints," in the hope they'd realise I wasn't a paedophile! The child actually narrowed his eyes and hissed at me at the mention of 'school' and his mum smiled smugly and said "Home schooled" I wished I'd not said anything because I now wanted to slap the pair of them. I said "Well done" or something equally inane and non-committal and beat a hasty retreat - Well as hasty as possible with OH! The child actually hissed at me!! 😠

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

Joey the ASBO Boy has got a waist again!!!

We've spent a few days with friends who would have him if and when. He had wonderful time with their dog Elder and was so happy running on the beach. He doesn't like Big Waves...... wuss. That has put my mind at rest.

My Healthy Back B#g has arrived in lime green (!!!!!) So off for a walk tomorrow to see how comfy it is.  Review will be posted....g

Grumpy

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

My sympathy, FF, I know when my baby got to 30 it made me feel old - and the fact that I work with a (brilliant) teacher who is younger than her! - but 40!!??

 

YD and DIL both sent me pics/video of GD admiring her mobile. Smiley Very Happy She's definitely looking at it and squealing. 

 

Plans to get some tidying done in the garden but it's raining. Again. *Puts kettle on again, picks up tablet*

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

So my youngest baby turned 40 today.  I know I had a birthday last week and I know how old I am , but my baby is 40?!  How the heck is that possible and my goodness that makes me feel even older.  

 

Family dinner out tomorrow to celebrate (SIL couldn't make tonight).DIL also 36 today so a double celebration.

 

Glad you've got a B and B booked JCJ . I still have the image in my mind of you flying horizontally behind the mower, glad you have mastered it.

 

Grumpy, I hope the rads blast the pain into oblivion and that meds keep you going for many years.

 

 

 

 

 

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Re: stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND)

B&B in a pub booked for Sunday/Monday of Bank Holiday weekend. 4 minutes drive from the girls' house or 27 minute walk according to Google. DIL says they can walk it. Maybe they'll meet us there for a meal. It has a large conservatory and beer garden. The room is a twin double (ie Two double beds!! Loads of space and escape from OH's twitching and snoring!! Smiley Very Happy) and has 2 sofas as well. Well posh. It's the sister pub to the one we've stayed in many times; the one that leaves breakfast in the rooms because there is no kitchen. This one does do full breakfasts though - when we stayed at the other place we could have come to this one for  breakfast. Persuaded OH then booked it quick before he changed his mind. Hehehe.

 

Been on the allotment again today and I mastered the mower without nearly killing myself this time. Smiley Happy