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Member
Posts: 20
Registered: ‎13-09-2018

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Nothing!  I just get on with feeling miserable and try not to take it out on others.  Why shouldn’t I feel down. I have incurable cancer.  If there’s anything that depresses me, it’s the current “cheer up and put sky-diving on your bucket list” mentality.  I read an in-depth interview recently with a well-known author who seemed to have a very similar condition to mine.  They included her detailed agenda for “not giving in”.  It included running on the spot for 30 minutes and a 30 minute walk every day.  Sorry?  It must just be me then - hobbling along and struggling to breathe.  Even my hospice team originally mentioned the benefits of exercise in spite of the fact that previous treatment had damaged my sciatic nerve and I now rely on a walking stick.  I have had to black list some acquaintances who repeatedly want to have the “have you tried this?” conversation.  

 

What I have done, however, is come to terms with not being here.  And it’s very peaceful.  And actually I don’t have miserable, frightened days.  Thankfully many people with cancer nowadays are either in remission or have a long-term quality of life.  But for those of us not in either category, we should be allowed to manage our loved ones expectations, not give them false hope, not consent to treatments that make us feel worse and just pull the duvet over ur heads if we want to. 

Member
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎28-12-2018

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Throughout my diagnosis and treatment (where physically possible) I have found excercise is the key for me. I walk with my dog and find this quiet time to clear you mind in the open fresh air and elements helps both physically and mentally. Looking around at the wonderful outdoors can make you feel lucky to be alive and realise how far you have come. It can also make you sad that this has happened to you and fearful of the future but I think reflecting like this can also be good as you are acknowledging and expressing your fears too (?). This is one big rollercoaster of emotions and these emotions can change a lot from day to day - I don’t think this will ever go away. No one way of coping is correct, it’s what you can find to do to help you through. I also attend (and always did pre diagnosis) an Indoor Cycling class - even on my darkest days I pushed myself to get out of bed and go. Being with another 20 cyclists or so (who were so supportive) was again so benefical for mental well being as well as physical well being. Don’t be fooled I struggled on many days when I could only focus on Cancer in my thoughts and just wanted to weep (I still have days like that but they are less). The fears and anxiety and the person you are now will, I feel never go away, we have changed. We just need to learn to live with this change as best we can day by day and find something that can make us feel good. We have to accept we can’t feel good all the time but we can’t feel bad either. For me, excercise has been my salvation.
Member
Posts: 35
Registered: ‎28-12-2014

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

I agree with you dellymuslcis my savior to I put in earphones and blast away I find listening to lyrics gives me clarity I forget what I’m thinking of before and sing along . I’ve been to watch the greatest showman and downloaded the soundtrack . I am also fulfilling my bucket list today I walked to the top of the mountain and went down on the sledge whoopee . I feel now I can do any challenge I want and not be scared faced breast cancer and nothing scared me more. So I’ve realized I have become an adrenaline junkie just thought I would share my thoughts on music it HELPS
Member
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎31-08-2016

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

I Have the same, and I suspect a lot of people here do too. I went to a therapist who encouraged me to be myself, find out what I love to do and do it. In my case it’s drawing. Mindfulness also helped.its just really jolly hard sometimes. I once went to a hypnotherapist and we imagined the little you in side of you and sent her love and support. That was ok, I might try that again actually. Just get very calm and daydream that you are going into yourself to meet the real you. She’s in there somewhere! Then have a chat. Ask her what she needs, give her lots of love. Sounds mad, but it’s fun if nothing else. Good luck I know it’s really hard. ..

Member
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎31-08-2016

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Hi ladies, hello delly. It is soooooooo nice to be asked after! I stopped reading the forums as I thought I needed to move on, but tonight I can’t sleep and my anxiety is HUGE. So I turned to this for friendly thoughts. And there was delly asking after me. Soooooooo nice! Thank you delly!

 

Am all of a wotsist because Second year scan coming up and husband has just had a brain heammorage. I thought he had flu and was just being a twat. We’d been arguing so much that I thought he was just moaning because I’d brought the wrong sort of Ribena or something. I’m such an idiot. A week later when he went to the doctors and they sent him to a and e it turned out he had had this thing and he could have dropped dead any moment. Well, he’s had an operation on brain and now, thank god he is alive and well though obviously as freaked out as we all are on here. Of course I’m relieved he is ok and I have to keep reminding myself that, but I’m soooo worried. I finally found a few hours a week in a shop, but we can hardly live off that. He doesn’t want to go back to work, he was being bullied by his boss and was really stressed which was affecting our relationship, but goodness knows what we will do for money. I’m finding it really hard to help him be positive, when I’m so scared. And of course it’s all muddled up in my head with the horrid emotions from my own chemo etc. Oh I hate being a grown up. 

 Sorry, I know everyone here has serious stuff to deal with. I guess this is too, just nice to see all you familiar names and new ones too. Hope everyone ok as can be xxx

Member
Posts: 1,989
Registered: ‎03-09-2014

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Clarence, where are you? Come and speak when you get this. Let us all know how you are - good or bad. Umph Smiley Sad

 

Just wanted to send a huge hug to all of yers on here. Hope it's a "what helps you feel better on more difficult days" today xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You all get those kisses!!!

Member
Posts: 125
Registered: ‎05-10-2017

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

hi ladies this is a good thread that i can really relate to! im a week off finishig rads and i know what you mean about how it can give you so many good days then your totaly overwhelmed and it feels like grief pain to me it hurts thats when its building up a bit ,i have found to not fight the emotions that come over me as it makes it worse being nice to yourself which is hard to keep up but learning to ,and just let yourself feel the emotions and know they are normal allow yourself to cry and dont feel guilty for doing it ,comfort myself by cuddling a pillow which may seem funny but it really works treat it as you ,listening to music the more you try to get it off your mind the harder it is just allow yourself to feel what you feel ,the emotional bit is the hardest i know so i send you all hugs ladies and hope you are haveing a better day little fairy xxxxxx

Member
Posts: 300
Registered: ‎21-08-2017

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Hi Delly
When my downer come they are debiliertating too.
But my fears are always of recurrence.
It's not logical really is it? What will be will be, but some days it just won't go away.
Onc days 80 percent of ladies with my results will not get recurrence..i know they quite good odds but it is still so real and scarey for me.
To get back to life pre BC hey!..a magic wand x
Member
Posts: 1,989
Registered: ‎03-09-2014

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Hi  to all you Lovies,

 

Hi to my dear Rachy and to you Clarence. What are you meaning "check your mastectomy scars", that you're 3 x BC were around those?? Awwww, girl, I'm so with you on depression. Yours being pre BC, my being post, but not just from the BC, loada other losses traumas since. In fact the BC, or chances of it coming back, isn't a prob to me these days. I can't do ANYthing about it if it does, so no longer worry. My depression is more life threatening in fact. I can think to do all sorts of stuff the evening/night before, but wake up to emptiness and despondency again, so often end up doing none of them. Often nothing in fact, staying in bed. Nastily debilitating. Sometimes think dealing with physical stuff is easier. Easier to treat, that is.

I've posted all sorts of things/suggestions on here, when I've been in a more "up" state. All of them fail me when I'm in a massive "downer".

However, it's still a help to come on here and read others suggestions and share struggles. So that in itself can "Make you (me) feel Better".

Keep posting Hun, even if you're feeling miz. Loadsa lovely ladies on here and elsewhere on this lovely Forum - group sympathy. Just a small lift in a day can make a diff - yeh?? 

 

Leigh - You still lookin in here? How you doin? Better I hope?

Hope ALL of you are feeling better soon.

 

Loadsa love, DoolallierbythedayDelly xxxxxxx

Member
Posts: 300
Registered: ‎21-08-2017

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Aww Clarence,
It's a hard battle isn't it...thinking of you xx
Member
Posts: 21
Registered: ‎16-06-2017

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

I wish I could do as others do when down. I had severe depression before diagnosed with BC and have to get more scans. Today I can’t cope anymore and I know tomorrow is another day. I don’t know where I have gone . I have forgotten I once enjoyed life. This is the 3rd time I’ve had BC. Remember ladies to check your scar if you’ve had a mastectomy .
Member
Posts: 1,989
Registered: ‎03-09-2014

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

The Amazon Prime advert where they put a lions mane on the sad faced retriever. Makes me awwww and chuckle every time. Plus the cute little girl on the AA ad who's singing "Rolling on the River"
Loadsa love xxxxxxxx
Member
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎30-04-2017

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

I would like to have a copy. i an 10 months after surgery, radiation on anestrozole. i had depression and am trying to moce on. going to support groups anxiety classes therapist anything I can think of. i just dont seem to be able to.get back. anyone had same and what made the difference. i.want to be back to myself. thank you peole say it must come from inside you.
Member
Posts: 300
Registered: ‎21-08-2017

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Aww I love this hun..I sometimes feel like it's just living one continual nightmare that I wake up to everymorning.It has only been 3 mo the for me but people don't understand when I say I feel I still feel like I have it as it never goes away..dont want to feel like this for thr rest of my life xx Rachael
Member
Posts: 208
Registered: ‎23-01-2017

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Walking, music,seeing friends ,yoga,or sometimes just pottering in the house doing some housework then resting as when Im feeling tired need to pace myself , so getting into my Pj's and getting my pillow and lazing on the settee reading a mag or watching tv can help.Being kind to myself and being patient with myself also helps xx

Member
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎31-08-2016

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

hello wavylocks just been reading all the tips again and see you are struggling after 18 months. I know it's daft, but thanks for writing that - I am still finding it hard 11 months after, and still feeling guilty cos I should be better by now, surely. So thank you for sharing and good tips too x

Member
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎31-08-2016

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Go delly! You are a tonic and I shall think of you when I head bang my way round the living room tomorrow.

i guess we are all older and wiser, and more characterful, and it seems the most surprising people go through hells that are impossible to imagine. Go us!

Member
Posts: 1,989
Registered: ‎03-09-2014

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Leigh - Hey, come on. You used to get the odd bad day before BC (Bas**rd. Cr*p,) SURELY??!!! BTW., I'm being teasing with you. My darlin Leigh - Keep up and on with the music, preferably with obligatory silly Delly dancin round the lounge, kitchen table, toilet!! etc.

I only said to my mental support worker, 2 days ago, "Do you know what is one of the BEST drugs for me?? Better than ANY drug, anti-depressant or tranquiliser??    MUSIC!!!!!! 

I've barely watched ANY tv, the last 3-4 weeks. I've literally been sucking, eating, chewing, soaking in my most favourite healing treatment.

Just spent the whole of 5 hrs or even more, listening to Joni Mitchell cds (I have 11 in all and that's not all of her releases). I only put on her soft and lilting, sometimes soulfully jazzy tracks. Yeh, Joni Mitchell - soulful and jazzy, but with a difference. That's modern jazzy, not trad jazzy, as of her last 40yrs. 

I have a direct connectionof Joni Mitchell to my brother, a fellow huge fan, (and of many other shared musical tastes and art and architecture) who sadly committed suicide 3 yrs ago. So, although I know I'm gonna get upset when I listen to certain tracks, I listen to them. And I break down and sob, wrap my own arms around myself and have a bloody good SOB. It goes on and on, sob, sob, sob - such dreadfully deep flippin PAIN - can't tell ya. Feel it the same still for my Mum and Dad.  I relate certain music to all of them.

 

None of what I'm saying is to provoke sympathy for ME. I'm purely keeping my content to the theme of the thread. 

BUT . . and this is the BIG BUT (or BUTT may be more appropriate !!) or reason I'm saying all of this, . . . . . I felt SOOOO much better after!!!!    That's THE point.  I'm still massively grieving. But, and I've only just realised this so it's an "also", literally as I'm typing this now. It's now only the loss of my family, NOT the loss of my breasts.  Much, no MOST, no ALLLL of that, is because they're being REbuilt!!!!. Jeez, what a huge, massive difference it made to me, a still single woman at 46/47 when I lost BOTH my boobs - 2nd one? Well, you may as well have crucified me, to be perfectly honest.

 

Some of you will be, and are, grieving that bodily loss of yourself, be that a lumpectomy, one full breast or two, and with or without my own extra added losses.

Fact is, IT/LIFE isn't all about "light, giggly. Much of it is seriously about learning how to CARE, TREASURE, NURTURE, LOVE, GRIEVE (NO one teaches you that one!!). ALL of those have only been deepened by what I've been through in the last 10-12 yrs. I also lost my capacity to "Hate" anyONE or antTHING, I turn it around to something else. Love conquers hate, after all. It's true.  So, my own philosophy for myself is :- Don't expect it to be light and gigly - then it'll so much more wonderfully surprise you and knock your flippin socks off with smiles and laughter when you sometimes least expect it to.

But you've got to keep feeding it/your self or essence, on or with your pleasing passions. Music, art, architecture, theatre and live music/concerts, lovely smells, touching textures and pleasing tastes are my "fodder" for "What helps me feel better".

I have my occasional lapses, but I'm learning, like Corinne Bailey-Rae, "To put a record on"

Here endeth . . . bloomin 'eck Delly, you do go on sometimes.

Sorry girls

Dellywellydingdong xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Member
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎31-08-2016

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

Thanks waveylocks! And all.

good to re read this when having a wobble. Why do we suddenly get well crap days? Trying all things, music walks..sooo hard it's bollocks. Remember MUST BE NICE TO SELF. In fact am gonna write a list of all these ideas and stick it by the kettle.

what happened to the app?!

Member
Posts: 1,989
Registered: ‎03-09-2014

Re: What helps you feel better on more difficult days?

So are you going to keep us in suspenders about that, or what, sweetpea !! xxxx