Hello again Fenni,
Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you as a couple. I know it can be hard for partners but if your hubby can't or won't adjust then there is no point in bringing yourself down as well.
As said before, I hope you do not lose that confidence and self belief that seemed to shine through in your original post.
Wishing you all the best for the future,
I Hi Fenni11
What a first courageous step you took and you should be very proud of yourself to have made that first big decision and asked him to move out!! Making decisions to the benefit of your own personal wellbeing will hopefully be easier now going forward, you need to put yourself as priority number one. You shouldn’t be drained of the energy you have to be channelled to someone who thinks they are more deserving of this. You need what energy you have for your own benefit to get through what you need to get through. By the sounds of it you have taken all the right steps and underwent counselling etc, you have tried and you have not failed. Be nice and kind to yourself, wounds and scars heal and settle and will be part of who you are. My OH underwent a permanent ileostomy in his mid thirties (we are in our mid fifties now) which badly knocked his confidence and it was a hart struggle to get through, he struggled psychological with his changed body appearance for a long time, had counselling etc and I had to assure him often that it didn’t matter what he looked like, it’s the person inside I fell in love with and still love.
I just had a single mx and Diep reconstruction so we are a right matched pair! If people can’t take us for what we are then that’s their loss.
I wish you lot of positive thoughts, it may hurt and sting at the moment and you may wonder if you find happiness again, I am a strong believer that if you have a positive view then positivity will come back to you, sending you hugs of encouragement to continue on your journey and one word of advice - be selfish xx
His response to what you've been through, is his problem & it sounds like he's looking for an excuse for his behaviour, as you say.
Sadly, going through this can expose weaknesses in others, but so glad to hear you've acted on it, it can only make you stronger going forward.
In time, there's no reason there isn't someone else out there who deserves you, if that's what you want.
You go girl!
Thanks for replying!! It’s good to know that my thoughts on this aren’t unreasonable...
He’s now moved out (my request), which has helped me feel better in one way, but in another I’m not sure my confidence can ever really recover after his rejection.
He thinks he has PTSD, which I hear is pretty common after cancer treatment. But he sees that as an excuse for his behaviour (which I need to accept) rather than as an explanation of how he’s reacted so that HE can change.
Anyway, I’m now resolved to moving forward on my own, which is daunting..
Thanks for your support,
Fenni maybe get a new husband!!
How thoughtless and selfish of him to say these things to you!
YOU have been through all of this! YOU have lost your breasts. YOU are getting on with this. YOU have battled to stay. YOU are the one who should be receiving treats!
I am sorry if my comments are too forceful but after chemo, mastectomy and everything else that goes with this dreadful disease you deserve nothing but love and support xxx
Thank you for posting in our Forum, I;m sorry you haven't yet received a reply. Hopefully you will receive a response soon from one of our members. In the meantime you may like to join the sex and relationship private group and post there as well. We also have an Ask Our Nurses board where you can receive expert advice from our team or you can call our free Helpline number 0808 800 6000.
All the best,
Helena at Breast Cancer Care