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Community Champion
Posts: 1,557
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

How nice to see this thread brought back to life!

 

debbie_t, Congratulations!! We had our Civil Partnership back in 2007 but haven't done anything about marriage yet. Also pleased to hear you are showing no evidence of disease after three years and hope this will continue for you.

 

I'm now past my 5 year secondary dx and last lot of scans showed stable disease so just continue with current treatments and take each day as it comes....

 

If any of you other lovely ladies pop on to the thread I hope you are happy and as well as possible xx

Member
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎28-10-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi all you lovely ladies.just keeping the thread going..hope life is good for you all. I got married in December (officially) to my now Wife and it was majical so we're official married now as we were given the 'right 'last year, about time, to convert our civil partnership ☺. .I got 3 years all clear in June so all well at the moment however, that angst never leaves..The fear of recurrent BC or spread.. take care ladies.Debbie T
Member
Posts: 663
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hello and welcome Janeo13, and hi everyone;

so sorry to hear about your partner's diagnosis Janeo13 - it is such a shock, and I found Isimply didn't really have any experience of how to be with such shocking news, but you know what, you will both kind of find a way through it, maybe with support from here, or as Gus says elsewhere as well; and then I found we kind of settled to the task of dealing with whatever the treatment plan is - oh my goodness whatever the issues its SO MUCH EASIER when you have the treatment plan in place.

So glad to hear you are moving through the treatment phases Gus, good on you. My lymphodema is a bit rubbish at the moment cos I've had the flu so not taken much exercise - pretty sure I can get back on top of it soon.

 

with you in spirit everyone, all the best

N

Member
Posts: 105
Registered: ‎11-06-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi Janeo13. A quick hello to say how sorry I am your partner has been diagnosed. I found the stage you're at is the hardest ... waiting to understand the scale of the illness and to find out the treatment plan. Hopefully you won't need to wait too long for the MRI results. I'm not a pink / girly woman but have found great support here via the BCC forums and also locally via the Maggies Centre and on the chemo ward (etc). Take what you find useful and ignore the less applicable stuff.

I was dx with grade 3 primary breast cancer in April/May and have been on the treatment rollercoaster since, doing okay however, and definitely feeling better with only 2 out of the 5 treatment stages ahead of me now. All the best for your partner's treatment, feel free to pm me ( am at home recovering from 2nd surgery post-chemo, so plenty of time ATM).

Gus x
Member
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎26-11-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi - I hope you don't mind me joining you . My partner was diagnosed last week with grade 3 BC. , we don't know if it's spread yet (MRI on Thursday ) lump is huge (7cm - how did we not notice?). We know there's going to be chemo for 4-5 months , surgery , radio , herceptin etc . But it seems like we're entering the great unknown , one minute we are planning to get married (June 2014 on my 40th) , the next minute googling side effects & hat shopping ! Any help , reassurance would be great for both of us - it all seems so 'pink' out there if you know what I mean & not geared at us at all even though everyone we have encountered so far (I know, it's very early days) .
Member
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎28-10-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi everyone

Hope you're all enjoying yourselves as it's been quiet on here recently.  All looking forward to the jolly holidays?  I love christmas, especially since diagnosis, makes me appreciate it so much more nowadays. Hope everyone is okay. 

Xx

Member
Posts: 663
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi JulieD, Whimsy, and anyone else popping onto the thread,

hope you all reasonably good - hope your waiting, and your partner's is over Julie..waiting is the most irritating part of being involved with the NHS I think.

Its well chilly in newcastle , my OH is in Europe learning some clever new radiotherapy technique, and I am tucking up in front of the wood burner! I've found a cracking new swimsuit website - I hate all the flouncy multicoloured ones - and am now wondering where to find the money to pay for it - its an australian shop. let me know if you want the link and I'll PM you

all the best

Nicola

Community Champion
Posts: 1,557
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi Whimsy,

Nice to see your post.

 

How you all doing? Been a bit quiet on here lately so hoping thats coz everyone is out living thier lives.

 

I'm not too bad, bit fed-up chasing bone scan results and getting nowhere! Keep telling myself if there had been further spread my Onc would have contacted me .......My partner is still being messed around with her hip replacement so we're both a bit fed up with hospitals at the moment.

 

Best wishes xx

Member
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎19-02-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

You're not the only one. I thought I was! I haven't been on this site for a while but nice to see your post.
Member
Posts: 663
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

will do - thanks for highlighting it

Member
Posts: 105
Registered: ‎11-06-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hello all. If you have a moment, please complete BCC's survey about body image. I have been blunt abut the lack of support for lesbian/bi patients , would be great if others feel able to share their experience.
http://bcc.cx/17PrsCC
Member
Posts: 105
Registered: ‎11-06-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Love the idea of a prosthesis becoming a weapon. Maybe you should choose your superhero name? You're right, it would make great copy for the media.

Must admit I'm just waiting for someone to make a half assed comment when I'm out & about in my scarf so I can let rip my pent up rage . But all I get are a) studiously ignoring you b) outright staring (less frequent tbh) or c) the pitying smile.
Member
Posts: 663
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Morning all - how lovely that we are all sensitive to each other's possible crumple buttons; thought I might share a funny MX story - did you ever hear about me trying to throw my prosthesis at Nick Clegg? So the Lib Dems were having a conference in my home town, and were voting to support the privatisation of the NHS. I went along with a huge gang of folk to make a noise outside .....then it occurred to me - it would make the news if I threw my prosthesis and hit him.....I am a reasonable shot but could not guarantee  to hit him...then I wondered if it might really hurt which I wouldn't want to do to anyone...the organisers said I had better check the legal repercussions - so I asked a very lovely policeman whose wife had died of BC what they would be - he smiled and said just lots and lots of paperwork for me and a few hours at the station for you...well I thought why not?  Nick Clegg drew up - the car stopped about 100 yards further away from me than we had been informed it would and he walked away from me to a back door ....

me thinks they were tipped off

what a sight it would have been..

but you never know there is always the possibility of a next time as I don't ever intend a reconstruction!

Member
Posts: 105
Registered: ‎11-06-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Moorcow, your post caused me no distress at all! Thank you for sharing your take on this very difficult, personal topic. I was worried my response might unintentionally upset those who had mxs . If it has upset anyone I'm truly sorry.
Member
Posts: 663
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi again,

I've just messaged Gus - I think I was unintentionally insensitive going on about my partner after Gus's post about being widowed and its impact on her body image and the newness of cancer and widowhood. Sorry to you all too - I just got caught up in a sensitive spot of my own around body image,

best wishes and warm ones

N

Member
Posts: 663
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi everyone,

lovely to see this thread good and active. Body image - its the thing that got me most after I had got over the physical side effects of treatment. I had MX in March 2010 after lumpetcotmy not enough to clear disseminated cancers. My partner is wonderful, supportive, calm, but I found it very hard....to the point where at 2.5 years in I had to leave a party cos all my mates were stuffing things down each others cleavages and I couldn't bear it.....nearly lost a few mates when I rang each and everyone of them the following day to say I thought it was insensitive!

Anyway I've now changed out of swimming costumes on beaches, wandered around in firends houses in pjs without prosthesies, go to allotment without prosthesis - so I look like I am doing great, but really its very hard...even yesterday a friend came around with a lowish tshirt and I was just plain envious - I don't and never will dress like that anymore, I don't feel like that anymore. Its just a loss really, a grief, but a managable one.

 

to be positive and in perspective at the moment I consider myself disease free, and the lymphodema is harder than the lack of breast...but I am alive, fit enough, and working...can't complain really I can't

 

all the very best to you all, and great great news Debbie, well done you.,

NSmiley Very Happy

Member
Posts: 105
Registered: ‎11-06-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Re body image. Good question & I bet we do differ from straight women. Am only 3 months post-lumpectomy, and not in a relationship (some of you know my partner died last year) so those things affect how I feel re body image right now.

Losing my hair in chemo doesn't bother me at all . In fact I quite like the visible badge of what I'm going through. Unlike the invisibility of being a widow!

I was very upset at the prospect of losing a breast. It didn't come to that for me. I am a bit worried about how sensitive it will be but frankly sex with someone else seems so far away as a prospect it doesn't bother me too much. The whole body image / cancer thing is so bound up with being widowed - and both are so new for me - that I struggle to untangle them, I realise as I type ...

Gus x
Member
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎18-10-2012

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Thanks Debbie for starting this post. .. Yep I think being a LESBIAN going thru breast cancer is different to straight women... Our relationships are different, so too our lives and 90% of our experiance in general I would say. ..
Diagnoses last year I am still going thru my 2 year IV treatment plan ontop of chemo radio and surgery. . Fatigue is a big problem and for me, yep the old body image too. .. Who is body image affecting other womwn here, would love to know
Member
Posts: 105
Registered: ‎11-06-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hello Gennie. Sorry to hear your mx wound is giving you such grief. I had a lumpectomy so have no words of post-surgical wisdom to offer whatsoever but I guess others will elsewhere on the forum if not here. Must have been a bit of a gear change going to a CP as your first non-medical appt since the op! Gus x
Member
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎19-06-2013

Re: Are there any lesbian women out there diagnosed with bc? feel like I'm the only one!

Hi, I have had a mastectomy 5 weeks ago but having huge problemw iwth tehg woubd, Got a huge dressing and machine sucking at it 24hours a day... but it is getting better. i went out last fridqy for th firts thing that wasn't to a mediacl appointmnte to a civil partnership. I found myslef ooking at all the women's boobs! This is going to be hard...Not sure that talking agbout it with stright women wil be ok...