22-08-2018 04:13 PM
21-08-2018 07:25 PM
20-08-2018 09:59 PM
Thanks for all your support and to Sue for putting my message on the forum. I had a lovely weekend and travelling 1st Class was a bonus! (Had to rough it on the way home though! ) Still felt a bit teary a couple of times, but I had a nice time, despite the roof leaking over my bed at the hotel on Sat night!
Good news-my mammogram was clear xx
18-08-2018 09:52 PM
Good to hear that Jencats ok on the train and on her way to see her friends. I'm glad she pulled her Wonder Woman pants up high and was very brave. I wouldn't want any of us to be missing out on stuff now. Just back from a lovely day in Essex with my family. Had a little too much to drink and slept all the way home 😂
Buddyfan, hope you're ok and enjoyed your holiday in Cornwall!
17-08-2018 01:27 PM
16-08-2018 10:48 PM
16-08-2018 06:34 PM
16-08-2018 05:35 PM
Thank you Jill x No, my friend couldn't meet me because she's already booked onto an earlier train. Feeling a little calmer now and not so tearful, so I'm going to hopefully go as I think I will regret it if I don't. Both my girls have been great and have spoken to my friend for me and explained my anxiety further. YD is going to come up to London with me and then all I've got to do is sit on one train!
I think part of my upset (subconsciously) is that I was with these friends last year when I found my lump. It was my friend from Wales daughter's wedding and my other friends were there too and the morning of the wedding I found the lump whilst in the shower. I didn't mention it to anyone because I didn't want to spoil the wedding and weekend, but because I was there by myself, I told no-one the whole weekend and then travelled home by myself and as YD pointed out to me, we haven't all been together since and the memories have resurfaced and knowing I'm coming home to my yearly appointment with my consultant and to get my mammogram results hasn't helped either x
16-08-2018 12:02 PM
16-08-2018 11:47 AM
Thank you Mishy for your reassuring words and understanding x I think I am too hard on myself and also trying to be strong for my YD and elderly dad. I don't know where all the tears have suddenly come from and now I've started, finding it hard to stop! I don't even know what I'm crying about! And the anxiety-I was fine catching a train to London on Monday, but now I feel anxious about it.
ED has offered to come down from Oxford and meet me off my train from Kent, take me for a coffee and then put me on the train to Carlisle! (My friends will meet me there) Really kind of her, but I feel a bit stupid that I might need her to do that. A big part of me wants to go and I'm sure it would be good for me to get away, but I'm also worried that I will spoil everything for everybody else if I get tearful or can't cope.
The hospital where I had my radiotherapy phoned me this morning to say my counselling can begin next Thursday-funnily I was going to phone them myself this morning to see how soon it would be before I could start as I really want to have had some before I return to work in Sept (another anxiety!) x
16-08-2018 10:12 AM
16-08-2018 08:28 AM
Thank you Cassie xx Unfortunately we can't meet half way this time because my friend from Wales and I are staying with my friend at Carlisle on Friday night and unbeknown to my Welsh friend, her daughter in Scotland is joining us and then a B&B is already booked at the Lake District for the weekend.
I don't know where the tears all came from last night, but I think I'm still vulnerable and I can't cope with too much pressure. I'm probably expecting too much of myself a little too soon xx
16-08-2018 06:20 AM
15-08-2018 10:37 PM
Feeling weepy this evening, it's a bit like the floodgates have opened and now it's a bit difficult to stop! I'm meant to be staying with my friend in Carlisle this weekend to celebrate another close friend's birthday (going Fri-Mon) but it's a long journey from Kent. When we arranged it 6mths ago I was still having chemo and I thought I'd be fine by now. I've still got neuropathy in my feet and fingers and not much stamina and I'm not sure I can do the journey, just the thought of it makes me feel tired! My friend was sweet and said she didn't think I was up to coming and I'll find the weekend tiring as it will be busy, but we'll get together another time and I need to put my health first. I don't think it has helped me mentally that I would be coming back to a consultant's app and my mammogram results. (Had a bit of a scare this morning because the hospital phoned and immediately I thought it must be because of last week's mammogram. My consultant isn't going to be there next Tues now, so the call was to change my app to Monday eve) My head is telling me it's a long way to go, but my heart is telling me that I want to go and see my friends.
ED has offered to drive me some of the way, which is kind of her. If I don't go, she's going to spend some of the weekend with me and said we'll do some nice things together.
Sorry to go on, just feeling a bit sorry for myself and frustrated that I'm not back to how I was pre-bc yet xx