Ali sorry to hear that you were feeling bad. I hope you are feeling better today. I use an app called "Mindful" which a psychiatrist friend recommended; the logo looks like this (+). It only costs a couple of pounds and only takes a few minutes a day and is surprisingly effective at calming me down. Something like that might be worth a try. I find the "night reflection" bit really good. It basically reminds you that we have good days, bad days, amazing days, horrible days or whatever, and that however you are feeling, it was just one day and tomorrow will be another day. Very simple and yet reassuring! Hope everyone else is doing well. I went to work today. I think it was a bit too soon as my surger was less than 2 weeks ago. Also I had to stand up for an hour on the packed train as there were no seats. I'm going to stay at home for another week before I try again. Nice to be normal again for a day though. Even just for 1 day! Lots of love Fiona X
i had my last chemo session last Wednesday and I completely understand how you feel. I was expecting to feel euphoric and for the SEs to be minimised because I would feel so happy about finishing. In fact I have been feeling really down about it all. Psychologically it doesn't make sense. I think it's because I have been so focused on coping with getting through the treatment and dealing with omg I'm dying thoughts. Now I can see I've got to move forward and get on with life. I really didn't expect to feel like this but I guess that's why they have the moving forward course. My parents are in their 70s too and are fitter and healthier than me at the moment. We have only just finished the chemo so we still have a lot of build up of the nasties in our bodies. I am hoping that when I am a bit less tired and my hair stops falling out I will feel more positive. (I cold capped through treatment bot have had bald patches appear over the last few weeks). I hope that you do feel better soon. Take care.
Ali I am sure you are not alone. I found being so Ill for so long after the last dose incredibly hard. I agree that phoning your breast nurse might help. If this treatment has taught me anything it is that we all respond differently.i think I actually have it easier living on my own - although it was frightening at times, I don't have to cope with someone else's expectations and emotions as well as my own!
I really hope you find someone to help you move on quickly. I think sometimes when we realise the enormity of what we have gone through that's when the shock hits!
Ali, I know exactly how you feel. It's very hard to get over the changes to our bodies we have had to face and chemo ending does not mean life is suddenly back to normal. What you are feeling is natural and it will pass.
like you I was a fit, active healthy woman and I felt I looked good for my age (48 at diagnosis). I have had to come to terms with a double mastectomy and I am left with thin straggly brown hair after the cold cap. It's a far cry from the long blonde I had before but I am pleased to have some left! I have no eyelashes and hardly any eyebrows and I find it very difficult to look in the mirror. However, I have gone back to work and I am feeling positive about the future.
Breast cancer takes a huge toll on us emotionally and physically and it will take time. The last chemo is a tough one to bounce back from as your body has been through so much. I have also booked on a moving on course and it helps to talk to family and friends. As Mechele said your BCN mAy help or refer you to counseling. Don't beat yourself up for feeling down. You are a brave woman who has been through hell.
lots of love
Hi Ali , so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but not unusual I'm sure. You don't say if you're married/ partner etc to support you. I am now 6 wks post chemo, and felt good on the last one. However, I too had a down spell and felt guilty that I didn't feel happy. It is a very hard journey to get through, the evil effects of chemo - I too have no hair, eyebrows and the last of my eyelashes fell out only yesterday. Unless you have been on this journey, no one can fully understand the impact on the physical, psychological and emotional effects it has. Why shame / stripping of womanhood with the hormones- you obviously see yourself that way, but I'm sure others don't. Have you spoke with your BCNurse, or do you have an understanding GP. I'm sure you'll find all on this thread supportive and helpful. Some people may think that now chemo is over , with a good outcome etc , that we should feel incredibly happy , relieved etc etc - if only it was that simple !!! I'm sure you'll get through this, you're not on your own - sending positive thoughts, lots of hugs and good wishes ,Mechele. Please let us know how you're getting on. X X X
I am reaching out to you girls who might have already finished the majority of your treatments for some advice. I had my last chemo last week and I have been incredibly depressed since then. I was happy on the day of finishing but now I am struggling with feelings of failure and pathetic-ness since then. I am so angry and humilated all at the same time. Angry about my diagnosis and humiliated with everything I/we have had to go through. The indignity of hair loss, the addition of insult to injury with eyebrow/lashes loss. The loss of my breast and the compounded 'shame' of being on hormone therapy (to totally strip me of my womanhood) for the next 10 years. How can I come to terms with this? And why the hell should this have had to have happened?? How can I deal with it? I am in bits with all of this. My parents who are in their 70s are healthier than I am? I feel genuinely less of a person and even less of a woman.
I feel also so incredibly guilty that I should be happy that I have been treated successfully (so they say) and my prognosis is good. **WTFFF** is going on?
Great news Fiona. The chemo has done its job. Rads are a breeze compared to chemo. I'm 10 out of 15 done and no probs so far. I'm back at work too.
Onwards and upwards everyone!
Have a fab (and hopefully not too wet!) weekend
Hi I'm doing well thanks Debbie, started driving yesterday and just trying to not do too much now so that I don't set my recovery back. I hope you can take it a bit easier too, it's so hard with 3 children to look after. Mine are a bit older so they can help out in theory: I just got my 10 year old to take out the recycling, and you would think I was asking for the moon, she did it though after a protest!
i just had a phone call from the BC nurse telling me that the pathology report showed a complete response to chemo which is a huge relief as being triple negative, there's no targeted therapy I could take. I still need to go for my appt on Monday, to find out about the radiation plan, but that's great news for the weekend.
Hope everyone has a great weekend. XX
Hurrah Elizabeth you did it! It must have been hard work, I found my 6 x 3 weekly a real emotional strain and so I can't imagine what your regime felt like, it must've been really tiring. Thank goodness you will get 4 weeks off before radiation starts. I hope weather will kind and you will really have a good break. Fiona x
Great Kim and Elizabeth, another milestone passed! I bet you are pleased the daily hospital trips are over Kim.
ive got 6 rads left, but to be honest it's no hassle. I have late afternoon appointments so it's quiet and I'm normally straight in and out in ten minutes. The staff are all so lovely and kind too. I am overwhelmed by the kindness of all the hospital staff I have encountered along the way.
My skin is ok maybe a little red but nothing too bad. I've had 6 tamoxifen now and so far so good. Next appointment with onc 1st August then I see the surgeon in September to start talking about reconstruction.
I hope we all continue to dip into this thread as time passes and we start to move on with lfe. It would be good to hear how everyone is getting on.
love and hugs to all
I had my last chemo yesterday. Yippee!! It couldn't come soon enough. I've been shedding much more hair over the last few session. I start my rads mid July so I have a four week break from being messed with!
Actually, my celebrations were very quiet! Went out for lunch, updated my facebook status and watched TV!! A friend made me an amazing cake, which I'd like to put a photo of on here to show you all, but I'm not sure if I can work out how to do it!
Mechele, my lymphoedema started just before my second cycle of chemo I think. I was referrered to a therapist really quickly and given compression sleeves to wear which I did most days, but not if my arm was OK (don't know if it was the right thing to do or not!) Got progressively worse as chemotherapy progressed and I wear the sleeve every day now - this new one is very comfortable, I just don't like the general look of wearing one. I'm quite confident that it will improve as my body stops having to fight the effects of chemicals and radiotherphy and can concentrate on draining the lymphatic fluid!
I have started to notice my legs ache more than they probably should. I'm wondering if this is the side effect of my hormone therapy tablets or just because my body is still trying to get back to normal. It's definately manageable at the moment though and I think I should just try to ignore it. I'm trying hard not to find side effects when there aren't any!!!
Lots of love to you all, I'll still be hanging around the forum, but would like to say you've been a great bunch of ladies and I've felt so well supported by you all. So pleased I found this forum all those months ago
Hi Kim, many congratulations on having your last rads and hope you celebrated last night , I know I certainly will on Tuesday when I have my last one, also my 66th 😨 Birthday as well. At my hospital there is a big bell with a notice , telling you to ring it 3 times on last treatment - always makes me smile when I hear it and everyone in the waiting room claps. Hubby says he's going to give it a good ring for sure. How is your skin bearing up ? , mine is quite red with 4 to go, a friend of mine blistered quite badly, hoping mine just stays red !
When did your lymphodema start - do hope it improves for you. We are all mostly coming to an end - what a journey for sure. I would like to thank each and everyone of you for the messages of support and best wishes, such lovely kind people on this site and such a huge help - thank you all and sending love and best wishes, Mechele. X X
Ps If anyone has any experience of travel insurance re companies / how much increase in cost etc, would be very grateful X
Kim congratulations! It's fantastic that we are starting to get back to normal life again. You've been such a great support to everyone here while we've been going through this too. I hope you are celebrating tonight. XX
Hi Tina, I would not have managed going away then,but we are all different! I could hardly walk at that stage and you have still got to be careful about infection. When I could walk I got out of breath so was very limited in what I could do.
Good point about not being covered by insurance too.
Sorry, damp blanket here!
Hi Tina - difficult question really, we had planned to go away for a week but one oncologist said should be ok, the other saying that immunity can still be compromised etc, so didn't think it would be a good idea and wait a while. If booking prior to going, if you found you were not fit enough, then would lose all your money and insurance wouldn't cover knowing you still having active treatment. Better waiting to see how you are, we all react so differently , just my opinion. We had planned to book something last min , after I finish rads on 21/6/16, but at the moment just waiting to see how skin is after rads , which I've been told that rads still affective for about 10 days after - wouldn't want to go away then find skin breaking down. Do hope your chemo goes well , sending best wishes , Mechele. X
I hope this his link works (might need to copy and paste it into your browser, I loved this story, it made me smile, and sums it up so well. X
Evening all and hurrah for finishing Sissy, fabulous news, you're through the tunnel and back in the sunshine! We're all getting close now, can't wait until we all get there.
Daisy, it was nearly 4 weeks until I got my taste buds back too, I celebrated by going out to a lovely restaurant in Edinburgh and staying the night in a posh hotel, it was a real treat and well worth celebrating, that horrible taste is just a nasty memory now. The downside is I've put on 4 lbs since finishing docetaxl lol, despite breast reduction surgery! Must get back on track....
Spent nearly all day on the sofa today as I'm determined not to do too much while I recover. It's really difficult for me to take it easy but I'm doing well.
Claire I'm sure your hair is perfectly lovely.
If you East Kent ladies decide to meet up on a week day evening do let me know and I'd love to come and say hello. Although I live in Scotland I work in London during the week (when I get back to work), and my mum and aunt are from Wye, where my aunt still lives so I could take the train to Ashford and pay her a visit too, which would be really nice. XX
I'm 5.45 tomorrow so may well see you Ellie I've got horrible brown wispy hair!! I'll keep a look out for you xxx
Hi Daisy - mine took a few weeks and isn't that so annoying?! But now absolutely fine - it will come back to normal!
Hi ladies Feb starter here, has your taste buds kicked in yet, my last T was on the 2nd June my mouth still tastes bad. Bitter.
Hope your all doing well.
X X X
Hi everyone, hope all doing ok and you are feeling a little better Fiona. Gosh, that's annoying having rad times changed - I was given a print out at the planning appt to show dates and times, every day 12.40, apart from Monday's which is 12.30, due to review with consultant prior to rads. Why is it that the second your hands are above your head holding the 'handles' etc you ALWAYS get an itch to face, ear, etc and desperate to scratch it!! On the ceiling above is 2 ceiling tiles that has a picture of daffodils / flowers and I try to focus my brain on counting the leaves etc as distraction. Think daffodils will remind me in the future . No 10 for me today .
Has anyone arranged travel insurance yet ? What company , much increase in cost ? ( hate to think what it's going to jump up to ) Can anyone give their experience please - Thankyou . Hope everyone has a good day .
Hi Clare- I keep hoping to run into you at rads but don't know if I have yet! They change the times so much it's possible we haven't yet met. A reallynicelady smiled at me yesterday - I doubt it was you as that was gone 5pm!
Yay Sissy you've done it!! When I think back to how we all were at the start of this it's incredible to think we have got to the end of active treatment and survived some pretty tough times. It will be good not having to go to the hospital everyday! Nine rads left for me now.
Have you got your tamoxifen yet? I've taken three so far and no side effects yet but I realise its early days. I'm pleased though that last week I went back on the Slimmimg world plan and I've dropped a few pounds already. It could be due to the steroids finally getting out of my system.
I hope you feel better Cassy. Chest infections are awful. Every time I get on the rads machine I get an itch or the urge to cough, so I can imagine how hard it was for you to keep still!
Have a good day everyone
It is good to read that everyone is doing so well. Fiona you have been really brave and coped very well, I think I would have gone to pieces! I hope your recovery goes smoothly from now.
I am feeling fed-up! After taking great care not to pick up any illnesses while having chemo, now almost 5 weeks after having my last chemo, I have a chest infection. Felt pretty awful over the weekend and had to visit a walk in centre on Sunday morning to see a GP. I was prescribed 2 different types of antibiotics to make sure it goes. The radiotherapy today and the sessions at the back end of last week were difficult trying not to cough/move too much!
love to everybody,
from Cassy xxx
Well done Claire that's great, did you walk it or did you run? I just managed a short dog walk round the park today after getting out of hospital yesterday. My husband cooked a fantastic Sunday dinner and my teenaged daughter did all the ironing so I felt really relaxed and looked after. Had a good night's sleep but this morning I had weird vivid dreams about driving in dangerous car parks which was very peculiar as I've had no dreams at all for the last 6 months.
I have my appointment to get my results next Monday, then just have to do the radiation and hopefully that will be the end of the story.
Hope everyone else is staying cheerful, nearly there! Fiona x
Well done Claire, you really should be proud of yourself.
Isnt it so good to start feeling more normal 😊, despite eyelashes STILL dropping out - can't believe that when now 5 1/2 wks post chemo , or is it the joy of having had 6 of the tax.
Ellie, I've got seven to go, going a bit reddish but doesn't feel sore - is going very hard tho and when arm down by my side, feels like I've got a brick tucked under my armpit. Asked on Friday the dose of rads - having 43 Grays ( gy ) divided into the 15 fractions, and have got a rads review today with Consultant Oncologist . Ahh sweetcorn , understand to be quite nutritious, but am allergic to it ( react with only 3-4 grains as tho having food poisoning !).
Wet, dark and damp day - forecast not the best . Best wishes to everyone , Mechele X X
Claire you are amazing! I do t think I could have done it yet.
i have a sore sore breast today and still 6 sessions to go the nipple area is going hard. I don't like it!
Actually managed to get the sweet corn planted out thank goodness.
i hope everyone has had a good weekend and we are all getting stronger and further along the road to recovery.
i did the Race for Life today. I'm so pleased I was able to do it and have energy to spare, as a couple of weeks ago I could barely walk up the stairs. Our bodies are incredible with what they can get through and recover from! I managed to raise over £600 and my school team have raised nearly 3k. It was so lovely that so many staff and children took part to support me. I managed to hold it together until I saw my husband and son at the end. It was an emotional day!
I also took my first tamoxifen last night. I was reluctant but it's a way to make sure this damn disease never comes back. I definitely do not want my life turned upside down by it again. I find it scary to think long term in case I'm tempting fate!
So back to work tomorrow and rads number 6 in the afternoon. No soreness yet. How is everyone else doing?
love to all
That's excellent news Fiona and so pleased you're feeling much better. Hope your hubby is good at cooking Sunday dinner - Philip's cooking skill would be a sarnie or perhaps, under instruction , a boiled egg 😂 !!!
I'm feeling tons better today and have started the post surgery exercises. The drains are still in, but should be coming out tomorrow and hopefully I'll be going home in time for Sunday dinner. XX
I hope you are feeling better today Fiona and are able to go home tomorrow.
Love to all,