10-08-2016 06:15 PM
09-08-2016 11:39 PM
Sissy, I belatedly want to say that I agree with everything everyone else has said, especially that I agree with all the great advice to you and to agree that we all feel the same way at times with the dark thoughts. I don't think we'll every stop worrying that we'll get secondaries or some other horrible thing. This has been a wonderful group and a great comfort because no one else really gets it and our loved ones are having to deal with difficult feelings themselves so can't be expected to support us in the same way that we can help each other.
I'm over half way though the radiotherapy now. So far it's been fine. I'm only 5 minutes from the hospital and mostly have my appointment first thing in the morning. I have been surprised to feel really emotional during the treatment on some days and quite cheerful on other days with no apparent pattern!
I'm struggling a bit with the children all been on holiday it means there's much more cooking, washing and generally clearing up and also taxi ing them and their friends around TBH I'll be glad when they're all back at school and I can vegetate for a week and just gather myself together before I go back at work properly in September. Love to you all. Fiona XX
08-08-2016 07:25 AM
Hi everyone, I agree with you Kim, this is a good place to come to when we need support as we are all pretty much at the same stage in recovery and totally understand all the feelings we are experiencing.
My fingernails have nearly all broken halfway down, but are already growing back. I thought I had managed to keep hold of my toe nails but I tripped up the stairs, caught my big toe and the nail cracked and fell off. Not particularly attractive now when I wear my sparkly sandals!
Im also exercising daily and trying to eat as healthily as I can. I have had just had an indulgent weekend as I had family staying so it's back on the straight and narrow from today! It's a question of getting the balance right and enjoying life but doing everything possible to reduce recurrence odds.
Good luck with your op this week Sissy. My second mx was less traumatic than the first and less sore as they didn't take any nodes out. I'll. It will be good to get it over with.
i hope everyone else is ok,
07-08-2016 09:50 PM
Sissy, I hope your pre-op went well and you're all set for Thursday - sending you loads of love and good luck for a speedy recovery afterwards I definately have times when I feel like you do about re-occurance and whether they've managed to zap any stray cells. I was pretty shocked when my oncologist wanted me to take bisphosphates daily to guard against re-occurance in the bones - it brought back to me the seriousness of it all, but I guess I have to be thankful there are things I can take to help, and the majority of the time, I don't really think about it. I did send a request to join the facebook group, but nothing came of it, which is probably for the best. I'm on Facebook alot of the time and I try to use it as a positive thing - seeing photos and comments that make me laugh or smile - anyone who posts negative things all the time gets hidden!! So for me the best place to come for support is on here, plus I like to catch up with you guys to see how you're all getting on - I see you all as friends after what we've all gone through and the amazing support we gave each other. Plus I want to continue to support you all during our shaky times too! (Hope that makes sense!)
I think my hair must be the same length as your Mechele! I love the feel of it, but like you, wish it would speed up growing! I'm desperate to get it coloured and ditch the wig!!
2 of my nails have split and peeled off to about 1/3 the way down now. I'm surprised how much this didn't hurt!! I'm quite squeamish about my nails, but it hasn't been as bad as I imagined. My eyebrows are back - could do with having them neatened up now, and my eyelashes are definately thickening up now too
I bought a Nutribullet the other day and I'm blasting spinach, bananas and various other fruits to boost my vitamin intake which hopfully will work wonders on my energy levels and hair and nail growth!! Keeping up with my daily walking and I'm hoping to start yoga again in an attempt to reduce the stiffness and aches and pains the Anastrozole is causing!!
Off to Cardiff tomorrow with my son to see if the house he's renting with friends for the next year has been cleaned to a decent standard and the window that he opened last week (when he was supposed to move in) and fell out into the street below has been replaced - luckily it didn't land on anyone!! I have a feeling we're going to be disappointed!
Hope you've all had a good weekend
07-08-2016 02:01 PM
Hi everyone, such a glorious day and so good to see the sun shining, doors open etc.
Hope everyone doing ok and having a good weekend.
Claire, hope you've had an excellent weekend with the family over, despite lots of cooking, seeing the photo, your hair is looking good - certainly been worth 'cold capping' for you. Just wish mine would speed up a bit , it's about 1.1/2 cms now !!!!
Sending best wishes to everyone , Mechele x
05-08-2016 04:15 PM
Hi Sissy, just thinking about you and hope all went well with your pre op - sure it will have done. I'm sorry you're feeling so worried and anxious , I'm sure like others have said, that we all have some degree of the worry of the future - a lot of negative comments can certainly have an impact on us. Hopefully you may feel more positive after your surgery.
Sending best wishes and hugs
Love Mechele. X X
05-08-2016 02:01 PM
Hi sissy. Hope your appt went well. We have to find a way of dealing with the anxiety and it sounds as though you need someone to talk to. Could you access some counselling? I would think hubbie is clinging to what the professionals say because it's how he can deal with it. They are the ones who know what they're doing but I'm sure we all wonder if they have got it wrong sometimes. I would think it's harder for you to really move forward when you have more surgery ahead of you. At my last onc appt I asked whether it was really necessary for me to take tomoxifen because I want to get back to how I was before bc and I don't like the thought of taking it for the next 10 years. He said that I have to accept that this is the new normal for me. I expect we are all now trying to accept our new normal. Don't give yourself a hard time over feeling how you do. Ellie gave some good advice...and get help if you need it to manage your anxiety. Love and hugs. Elizabeth x
05-08-2016 08:41 AM
It is easier when you are busy and distracted from it, but I am also trying to live by the philosophy that I feel really well right now, I don't know what the future may hold, but I should enjoy every good day I have.
Dr M copied me onto her letter after my appointment on Mobday and it was really positive saying I looked really well and there were " no clinical signs of recurrence" I'm going to try to think of that when I have a wobble!
i hope everyone else is doing ok. It's good to have this to come to when we need to touch base with others who really understand.
ive got the in laws staying this weekend do lots of cooking!
enjoy the warm weather,
04-08-2016 07:01 PM
04-08-2016 06:07 PM
i certainly have moments like that! I don't think we would be human if we didn't. I have stayed away from things on the internet that pull me down! It's very easy to find them! We have a cancer support group at work but the leader told me not to come - I was doing so well that I would come off worse if I mixed with that group!!
I like to to think I am a strong person but when the breast surgeon said I was okay yesterday I cried! It was obviously on my mind more than I would admit.
Sissy I think your anxiety is all connected to it coming back? These thoughts might not help at all, but if one helps a little bit I will be glad!
What can you do to reduce the chances? Personally I could lose weight and take more exercise but the rest of my lifestyle is pretty good eg loads of fruit and veg, no smoking.... Can you throw your energy into something positive? I have one friend who decided raw food was the way forward for her and threw everything at doing that. Drove her family mad but it was positive energy!
If if you can't reduce the chances then does worrying do any good? It is good if it makes you turn up for check ups!
Share your worries. Talk to a counsellor or a friend. Sometimes a partner is too close and also desperately worried about you. Your gp should be able to help. I give myself good advice all the time and sometimes it helps and some times I'm too worried to take it!
Do you believe in God? I know some people find it a help when they are pushed beyond their limits to take it to the Lord in prayer. Sometimes that can bring peace.
I wish I could do something to help but I know in my moments when I haven't thought I could cope just knowing there are people on this site who understand and send sympathy has really helped.
I hope you find something that works for youso you can start enjoying things again. Lots of love.
04-08-2016 12:25 PM
04-08-2016 12:16 PM
01-08-2016 05:27 PM
I see the breast surgeon on Wednesday and then the oncologist in September. Bit worried I am still so out of breath it stops me doing things but probably still getting better. I tried some decorating this week - first time this year I have felt motivated!
Thanks fir for the good wishes about my work situation folks. I am writing applications but don't really want to leave! I am sure it will all work out in the end.
01-08-2016 03:49 PM
Sorry to hear you have to take more medication Kim, but as you say, if it stops the damn thing from returning it's worth it!
my nails have nearly all broken off too, but they are already growing back and quite honestly Im not that bothered about my nails. I'm really happy to have eyelashes again and love being able to use mascara!
I hope everyone else's follow up appointments go ok. I've got surgeon in September and the onc said she or him will see me every three months for two years, then it will be six monthly until I'm signed off completely. Fingers crossed that's what happens! I will also be referred to the plastic surgeon and hopefully have reconstruction next summer.
01-08-2016 02:27 PM
01-08-2016 01:38 PM
01-08-2016 10:19 AM
Hi everyone , good to hear from you Fiona and hope rads progress uneventfully. Good re just arthritis ( presumably osteo ).
Claire - look forward to hear your review went well.
Debbie - wonder if you too have braved being without your wig. My two are in the cupboard for now, however, think I may take then on hols for evenings when out for dinner, but may be too hot and won't bother !!
Hope everyone else ok, and work situation settles for you Ellie
love and best wishes to all, Mechele.
Ps - having a restful day today. Yesterday, had my sons little boy aged 2 and my daughters little girl aged 2.1/2. Although they play well together, oh boy, wish I had their energy for sure. They left at 7pm, having had tea, bathed and in pjs ready to go straight to bed - ha I too felt like going straight to bed too 😂
01-08-2016 09:44 AM
I am really sorry to hear that you're having a tough time at work. I have been fortunate to able to work from home quite a bit, but when I do go in the office, it does feel a bit different, when you haven't been around for quite a while...so I understand what you mean, I think we must be less resilient.
No matter how many nice supportive people there are around you it only takes one person to make you feel less confident and miserable. I think that's why I got into a whirlwind of worry over my tablets. I think we have been through enough without people being awkward or nasty, I am sure others will see what is happening at work and be supportive to you. I hope things improve for you soon xxxxx
From Cassy x
01-08-2016 08:57 AM
Morning all. I've been off for a while, had a lovely holiday in Tenerife, and have started radiotherapy. I have to have four weeks of treatment, and have only just started. Ellie I'm so very sorry to hear about your work situation. It sounds awful. I hope you can find a way to handle it. I think I would just want to leave if it didn't get better quickly. I haven't got much patience any more and only want to have positive experiences!
Lovely picture Cassy. Nice to hear that everyone seems to be recovering well. Hope the lymphoedema is under control in this hot weather.
I still ill have pain in my hips and back. I'm still worrying that I've got bone mets but don't see the Dr again until 18th August. On the phone they said my X Ray showed arthritis so hopefully that's all it is. Never thought I'd be pleased to get arthritis!
lots of love to you all. X