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February 2019 chemo starters

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Have a good night’s sleep Everyone.

 I woke up, got a drink ( Ribena) and read up on all the posts.

I also had to check the Forum. 

Feeling blessed to have you all out there.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Sisters is exactly right.....

 

When I was passing on to Connor all your best wishes about his new job, he was all "who exactly are all these women again?"  (he isn't used to me having lots of female pals as I am such a tomboy and mainly hang out with lads) ..... and I said to him that he now has 15 or so new aunties and he might as well get used to it as I think they are sticking around Smiley Happy

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

I’m reading the posts bit by bit as stinking headache still. 

The more I read the more I realise how truly blessed I am to know you all. So many life experiences shared good and bad. So many of you triumphing over adversity and proving how kickass awesome females can be. You make me feel like you are the sisters I never had, sharing so open and honestly. I really can’t wait to meet you all.......it will happen, I just know it. 

Might be back on in a few hours, “roids” 😉kicking in nicely. 

Night night for now. Xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Oh gosh - I've been too busy to even check on you lot today and I've missed you all so much! Heart

 

Apologies to those of you with work troubles, but I have to admit that I've had two super full on work days which I've enjoyed so incredibly much!! I've barely had enough spare seconds to grab a glass of water or take a pee break, it's been hard work, lots of meetings, lots of having to think on my feet, lots of problem solving, all delightfully stressful. It has made me feel more alive than I have in months Smiley Very Happy I was so annoyingly hyper in the weekly team meeting that my boss asked if he could have some of the drugs I'm on, I pointed out that this is me finally getting the drugs OUT of my system, and my natural vivaceousness working its way back to the surface Smiley Very Happy and then the big boss chimed in with "well personally I think you've sat around at home on your arse quite long enough", the cheek Smiley Happy

 

So - while I'm waiting for my tea to cook, let me catch up with you lot and your 30,000 posts since I was last here Smiley Happy

 

Better start with the heavy stuff to get it out of the way, I'm really touched that this is such a lovely, accepting group that people have been prepared to share stories about the last great big taboo that is domestic violence. I knew it had to have touched a good few of us as it is so insanely common, but it's a subject that still has so much stigma and shame attached to it that research shows it is one of the last things discussed even in groups of all female friends. I'd say that was crazy if I hadn't been there myself.

 

I'm not going to share my story in any great detail on here because, quite frankly I don't want to bring the mood down (because, you know, we've all already got cancer to worry about Smiley Very Happy), but I can say that it was extreme and was a daily occurrence for over 10 years, and it very nearly killed me, and in that time I never told a soul. Well, that's not strictly true, I attempted to involve the police on a number of occasions, eventually giving up when they consistently made things worse not better. And I also told my mother, who told me in no uncertain terms that if I was only a better wife, my husband wouldn't need to beat me and worse. So, yeah, I stopped trying to tell people. I became one of those "silly me I walked into the cupboard door again" people..... and that was largely because, thanks to being essentially brainwashed over many years I really did 100% believe my mum, I believed it was my fault..... And now I'm 20 years out of the situation, the shame is still there because unless people have been in the same situation, they simply can't understand why it took you so long to leave, and so you feel like an idiot for the rest of your life....

 

It's a nasty, complicated, messy thing. And in the years I worked for Refuge I saw a lot I'll never unsee. And my own experiences took a fair bit of therapy to recover from.

 

One thing, though, in the spirit of "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger", it has certainly helped me deal with subsequent difficulties throughout the rest of my life. I've not at ALL enjoyed the physical side effects of all this chemo nonsense, for example, and have had my down days of course, but generally I've been fairly positive throughout it all - and I totally put that down to the fact that I've been through way worse than this. And at least throughout this journey everyone I meet is on my side, you lot, family and friends, work (mainly Smiley Happy ), all the medical staff- I feel like I have a HUGE squad of cheerleaders. Throughout my marriage literally nobody was on my side. My husband was trying to kill me, people I turned to for help (police, mum) threw it back in my face. I've never felt so desperate or alone, and it went on for ever. Breast cancer is a flipping walk in the park compared to that.

 

So yes - I hear all your stories, and any yet untold, and you have all my love and all my sympathy and may none of us ever suffer at the hand of someone who pretends to love us, ever again.

 

Right - that's quite enough of that!!!!

 

Rosina - just wanted to say that you totally have my sympathy with the dive bombing parrot, not surprised you wanted him out of the room! My gran had a budgie (don't laugh!) who , by all accounts, hated my guts Smiley Very Happy One day when I was little he launched himself at me, and stuck his claws right into my skull, and then got stuck in there! He was flapping to get free, I was screaming the house down....in the end they had to get my cousin to run up the street to get the vet to come down and extract the bird from my head. I've been a little wary of house birds ever since, if a parrot flew at me full speed I think I would faint Smiley Very Happy

 

Glad you had a nice time today with your class and managed to hold in the farts Smiley Very Happy Those kids would have made so much fun of you if you had let a loud one go, they are merciless Smiley Very Happy My injection reminder is even more street - it says "jab yo'self" Smiley Very Happy That's a point - I don't have to do any of those any more!! yay!!!! hopefully your last one is soon too

 

Seaside - you mentioned a meet up - I definitely want a big meet up with all of us, but you know full well you won't be able to avoid bumping into me Smiley Very Happy I'll be at the first MKL away game next season for sure! Just try to stop me Smiley Happy

 

I bet your daughter must be so excited to go to work for Disney - does she know yet what she will be doing and where? A good friend of mine - also from Milton Keynes actually - was a cast member at Epcot for 3 years. She is originally from Mexico and was a ride attendant at the Mexican pavilion in the World Showcase - she met her hubby to be there, as he was a Brit working in the UK bit - hence her ending up in Milton Keynes Smiley Happy She still says they were the best 3 years of her life, she loved every second of it. I'm sure your daughter will also have a wonderful time. And hopefully she will be in touch with you often so you don't miss her tooooo much.

 

Susie - I hope you are as ready as you can be for Friday, we are all SO with you. You will wonder afterwards what you were so worried about, I promise x

 

At least you will be in a nice comfy dry hospital while your poor son is in a tent in the middle of a waterlogged field Smiley Very Happy I can joke on his behalf as I have been to more "drownloads" than I can count. My first was in 1986 when it was still called Monsters of Rock, and most recent was the year before last. Despite being in June, which you'd think would give at least a chance of half decent weather, it is wet there more often than it is nice. Yet we keep going back, gluttons for muddy punishment! (I'll confess though that I haven't actually camped there in years, too old for that now, I either just go up for the day or stay in a local hotel)

 

and for a totally different reason, MBJ I hope you are all ready for Friday too! Have a flipping WONDERFUL time on your cruise!!!

 

(I'm doing all the Friday best wishes early as tomorrow is likely to be another busy old work day and I might not get the chance to pop on)

 

Daisydi - congrats on post 5000 - yay! you definitely deserved it after chemo #6 Smiley Happy and I'm so happy to hear that your itchy spots are healing nicely. Such a relief - in every sense!

 

Edinbird I am so, so happy about your tiny shrunk lil' lump Smiley Happy 11mm is like a little fingernail, so small - great to hear that the chemo did its job shrinking it down, and in just a couple of weeks it will be gone for good. It's also nice that they are giving you a decent recovery period before rads so you will be able to celebrate your birthday in style feeling so much better. Great result all round!

 

Nettie - what a palaver with your chemo #5 Smiley Sad (oh heaven help me I've now got "chemo number 5" going round my head to the tune of "mambo number 5"!!! - at least it might finally dislodge "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" which has been stuck in there on a loop since I saw that Elton John movie...) - hope you have felt better as today progressed

I did laugh at the thought of all the nurses eyeing up your son Smiley Happy I don't suppose they get many handsome younger men visiting the unit! must have been like that Diet Coke break ad.....

 

Trixie - oh, your post made me want to give you - and everyone - a huge squeeze. I know what you mean, the whole ongoing prognosis thing is the elephant in the room, the thing none of us want to think about, let alone talk about. And to be honest it is easy to ignore it while we are going through the day to day barrage of treatment and side effects.... I can share what my doc has told me - that following surgery, if I hadn't had any further treatment, my chances of recurrence were around 34%. Chemo, rads, hormone treatment all bring that down to about 20%. That's ever. Can't remember the exact stats for 5, 10, 15 years but it was something like 4%, 9%, 12%..... The way I look at it, I've thrown everything I can at it (or will have done by the time the rest of the treatment is done), and that leaves me with pretty decent odds of not having to go through all this again, it is a lot more likely not to come back than come back, I'm happy with that. Worrying about it won't make a blind bit of difference to whether or not it recurs, so I might as well (try to) not worry.
And if it DOES come back? that's not the end either, I know a few people who have had BC 2 or 3 times, and recovered, and have been in remission living happy and healthy lives for a while. I'd really rather it doesn't come back because oh boy I don't ever want chemo again!!!! But what will be will be......

 

I know there are those of us in here with better stats and those with worse Smiley Sad but for all of us we have at least half-reasonable odds of still being here for a very, very long time yet. And I'm sure that once we feel better in ourselves once all the chemo fog has lifted and we have our energy back and we settle into our "new normal", that we will be able to enjoy life again without the dreaded cancer word taking up so much head space. At least most of the time....

 

And at least it's nice to have a good excuse for not cleaning out the cupboards! Smiley Happy I hope you are ok after your trip to hospital! I am a bugger for overdoing things as soon as I feel remotely better, I must heed your warning and try to take things a little easier.....

 

Ocean! just when I think you can't possibly have any more amazing photos for us, you outdo yourself!! And you stay in your dressing gown as long as you jolly well want Smiley Happy

I didn't know you were a therapist by trade, you always come across so calm and understanding on here, I think you must be an excellent one. And I totally agree with how life changing good therapy can be, but also that you sometimes have to kiss a few frogs before you find the right one Smiley Happy

 

Marlyn - so sorry you have had a bad day with the vertigo Smiley Sad That must be very unpleasant, especially since you couldn't just stay home and recover, but had to go to rads regardless. I'm glad they were gentle with you, and hope tomorrow is better x I feel sorry for your bleedy booby Smiley Sad

 

Sonia too - sounds like you are in the wars Smiley Sad Feet up, take it easy, and let that lazy child work Smiley Happy I always feel guilty when I snap and yell at mine too, but like you say, it works! And they finally pull their finger out. If only they would do that BEFORE we get to breaking point??
(having said that, mine has actually done the dishes unprompted for 3 days on the trot! what's that about??? he must be after something Smiley Happy )

 

Right - I think that's everyone who has been on over the last couple of days

Hope the quiet ones who aren't on that round up are ok xxx

I'm off to watch episode 5 of Years and Years which will no doubt be horribly depressing, and then hit the sack before round 3 at work tomorrow

Night all x

Sarah x

 

 

 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Marlyn,

rads sounds like a palaver!

Are you able to get your elbows flat at 180 degrees at either side of your head? How does this moving part keep knocking you. I think I will look up a clip on YouTube to get a better idea.

My school visit went well. I walked there, had lunch with colleagues, spent time with my class, stuck my Mighty Hike posters up in a central part of the school and left a collection box on my desk. 

I was there till about 4 and then I caught the bus back home.

Feeling very pleased as my energy levels have stayed up , my brain worked and no embarrassing gas 🤪

Have come home to stir fry made by H1. Kids are now doing the washing up.

Stir fry is my new favourite meal after soup. Just veggies, no protein or noodles.

 I can eat mustard straight off a spoon , same with horseradish. My taste buds are still all over the place.

Sonia28 porridge is always a good choice when the tummy is playing up.

What else, oh , more photos, thanks again Ocean21. Bamboo and water lilies.

Implausible , the kids loved it when I said that I had a reminder on my phone that said ‘ jab myself ‘ that’s actually one of your phrases- so thanks.

Hope everyone has a good evening,

Rosina

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Well, I'm finally back from rads, there was an hour delay and the waiting room was heaving! The radiology peeps were lovely with me, very patient....the experience wasn't pleasant but was topped off with the circular part hitting my elbow ( that blasted elbow again) so everything had to stop and I was realigned again.....tomorrow things change a bit as its targeted at the tumour bed.....a blessing as under my boob is now bleeding...they have reassured me they've seen worse(!) now....if the room can just stop spinning for a while that would be nice......xxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

 

 

Hi ladies, 

sorry ive been a bit quite, but not had the best of weeks( when do I 🤪)  Monday I began to feel good, made a school meeting about sons trip, then the constipation went the other way and I’ve just been wiped out, not sleeping great. Made up my mind to go and get some shopping and felt like i’d Pass out.

I screamed at eldest for lazy before I left and told him he didn’t have to live here, then felt awful the whole time I was gone. 

Mind you it has worked as he’s offered to

cook tea, and presently power washing top of the garden. 

 

Marilyn, sorry to hear your suffering from vertigo, a lady in my office suffers from this, and I know it’s not nice. 

 

MJB, I hope you get everything done before your holiday, It doesn’t matter how prepared you are that last 48hrs are usually manic. 

 

Sarah, sorry you’ve had to work when your not feeling great, this time has really wore me out. Fingers crossed your on the up side now. 

 

Edinbird, I’m so glad the gremlin has shrunk, and now you have dates you can work with. 

 

Rosina Sarah and Ocean , thank you for sharing with us about your experiences, I’m glad you felt you could share with us xx 

 

seaside Sar, what an experience for your daughter, we give them the tools and then they fly off and use them. 

 

Ocean, I believe that if Bc has giving me anything it’s if I want to be in Pj at 10/11 then I will be 💕 your pictures are lovely as ever. 

 

Trixielady, it’s so hard being positive with all the other Barryness going on, but that’s what we are here for, a chat a rant or tears 💕💕

 

Daisydi, hope you aren’t suffering too badly this time round xx

 

Nettinoo, what a day you had, I hope you got some rest today. 

 

Susie, drownload made me chuckle, mine usually go to boardmasters and that’s usually a wet week too😂 the joys of English weather.

I hope you get to enjoy lunch out with hubby. 

 

Rosina, my daughter is itching to book a weekend away just the 2 of us, I think I will be lovely just to get away. 

 

Hope everyone is having a good day 💕💕

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Just love these pics Ocean x

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

420BB23F-7543-4660-888A-A0F4859309B7.jpegThere’s a garden not far from us where the owner ‘s passion is bamboo. Amazing place.C1D38799-B186-4971-8205-B2F088232B62.jpegMy friend Lynda next to a clump of bamboo .just to give context to the height of the canes. Lynda Is about 5ft 6”396FC027-A87D-47C6-845F-8ABBBA63B269.jpeg068F4085-44E7-40AF-9D67-B2D18ED7A89A.jpegD924C335-AB87-4F5C-9D44-D61A41187A96.jpeg8B6E0308-FA23-46DD-A099-5457DAC5DB65.jpeg9A47C369-00BF-42BF-AD65-D93F686FF1F5.jpegFD3ED463-174D-4CAB-94E4-2E3B93CE8CA5.jpeg

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

7C6AD960-8BFC-44DB-8E24-D991B1A0DB23.jpegTeasel158CC403-5894-4976-ABA0-0E34168348AA.jpegArtichoke574C2258-545F-4816-8E16-C4BD95E5FBDE.jpegD7C6BC56-D9D5-4046-8BF7-DDF5A75D8A82.jpeg1B0B7CBD-BE9D-4BCA-8E99-EED584C1C7D7.jpegMargeurittes and fuschias, don’t know why the photo flipped on uploading.E76ACD3F-3148-4B52-BF3E-192276A18EE7.jpeg

MBJ
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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Ladies

So much going on as usual not sure if I will remember everything. Firstly great news for you Edinbird I am so pleased and that you have a plan in place. I love a plan and found the uncertainty of all this really hard to cope with.

Marlyn I hope you feel better soon. Vertigo is horrible I had it last week GP thought it was probably viral. It's gone now thank goodness but really Flores me for a few days.

Yes children go off soon enough to do their thing. Mine although of course are adults of 43, and 40 are both away. Well our daughter lives in Abu Dhabi as you all know and our son a lot closer in Bristol. He is coming down tomorrow. We see him every few weeks as he is always working he is a Manager with Morrisons and they really get value for money out of there staff. I rang him on Sunday as he is usual home in the evening and he was still in work as. The store is having a re fit he had been there for over 12 hours already!

I was sorry to read about the domestic violence issues shared here with us. I am so glad you both felt this was a safe place to disclose. I have only experienced this from a professional perspective as a health visitor , but I do recognise the fear and emotional issues it causes and offer monetary and practical issues too. I can see you have both moved on from it all be it in different ways.

Trixielady again I know exactly where you are coming from, yes we need positive vibes but we can't be like that all the time. I will be on Letrozole for 10 years too (I hope), but will always worry about not completing chemo. 

Why do holidays creep  up on you and there always so much to do, cleaning (although why I am not sure), getting the cats ready for cattery = new beds, loads of food as they are too fussy to eat cattery food, packing deciding which kitchen sink to leave behind😄. Never mind all good easy to deal with issues. Tomorrow nails and eyebrows at 11am then visit from Son and some tea together, then Rock choir. Traveling to Southampton on Friday morning. Oh and dog being looked after by his favourite people our friends. He won't want to come home, but unfortunately his partner in crime there dog Ted is no longer with us.

Well I must wash the floor before hubby and dog get back from third walk and dirty it again. Love to all. X

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning,

i haven't had the best start to the day, I woke up with a horrible episode of vertigo ( my last episode was last August) I can only guess it's an accumulation of everything iv been through since December, I won't be able to drive so my poor hubby is driving back from Cardiff to take me.....god knows how I will be able to lay on the table for rads! I bloody dreading it......xxxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Daisydi, Chemotherapy done. I think I remember now.

So envious. 

I wish I was done too 🤪

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

These are gorgeous photos  Ocean21,

thank you 🤗

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning beauties,

Edinbird, good news that the gremlin has shrunk and the fact that you have a surgery date. 

 

Nettie, I’m losing track of all our goings on, have you finished now ? Great that your son was with you , chemo buddy and eye candy ... can’t be bad sure there’s a market fo4 him if h3 decides to quit his day jobSmiley Happy 

 

SeasideSar , I’m sure your daughter will have a great time. It’ll be an adventure. My daughter first went to the States for 3 months when she went to there having won an internship , I had more of a wobble about her going than she did. She went to San Francisco, met loads of new people and had a lovely three months.

 

Still in my dressing gown and it’s well after 10. Tim is up and hovering. He gets up well early and always want to do things on his time and as quickly as possible. It’s one of the things I’ve had to rail back against in our relationship and I’m even more determined since diagnosis not to give into it. So being in my dressing at nearly 11 in the morning is an act of quiet rebellion in this house🤣🤣🤣

 

Rosina, thank you so much for sharing your story with H1. I children’s father was a bit of a bully, very emotionally manipulative.Physically, he attacked once.He’s a big bloke and use to physically intimidat me all the time but stopped short of hitting. 

 

 The only physical attack was after we split up , he’d come to collect the kids but wouldn’t tell me where he was taking them. I wouldn’t let them go in the car until he told me so he head butted me in front of them. When he had me by the scruff off the neck over a garden wall one of my neighbours ran out an intervened.

 

True to form took another man to bully him back. Got a restraining order . To the outside world my ex was the gentle giant, proper Mr Nice Guy but in the house, different story. As I’m pretty assertive , nobody in my family believed what I said he was doing in the house. Somehow, it was something I was doing . As luck would have it , my sister was visiting for a few days when the head butting incident happened. My daughter ran into the house to get her. 

 

Over the years he’s manipulated the kids to the extent that now as adults they rarely have anything to do with him. In fact my youngest is back in the same city as him now and actively chosen not to make contact. 

 

Therapy is a funny old game. It’s my day job or will be again when this bc treatment business is over with. I see couples or individuals. Even when couples come,on occasions  there can be one of them who says they don’t see the point of coming. Every therapist obviously has different ways of modalities working and interpreting things .

 

for me when I hear that’s , it’s one of my first pointers to trying to unravel and understand who controls the conversation about what’s said in the therapy room and outside of it. Lots of people think talking therapies are just about paying good money to waffle on so what’s the point? Obviously, I’m biased but therapy done well can be life changing. Not saying that there aren’t crap therapists about but do your homework and find a really good one who works in a way that suits you and a whole new world opens up.

 

Right , I’m off to waft into the shower.

 

Thinking of all of you. Love and big hugs.

 

More pics, they seem to make you happy . I have thousands 😅😘8EEB76A0-5BB6-4A38-A21D-65A5F17EA8AB.jpeg66443449-F3E2-4D61-B1C6-38037ED5436B.jpegF188B3BD-626D-413F-A821-9302F9A1D85B.jpeg6322B71C-5502-437F-AFD1-5FBAA3A2237B.jpegF78F0B73-7C01-49CB-B604-1F605EC0221A.jpegCA0B38AF-A5C3-40D6-B650-1130EAA299C2.jpeg

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Trixie yes rads for me next planning on 12th July and then start about 2 weeks after and finish around middle of August.  Already feeling nervous about that and then will start hormone tabs for ? 10 years.  Its so hard not to worry about the future but we just have to think we are doing everything we possibly can.  What with changing to paraben free everything and cutting out processed meat there's not really much more I can do.  Need to lose a bit of weight but I will worry about that after.  I think the hormone tablets play a huge part in my oestrogen positive ca.  Mine was grade 2 also.  I had 24 nodes removed and 4 were  positive but the onc said he wanted me to have r/t to neck so now I am worrying that it is still in those and hope to god that the r/t will kill anything else off.  My original tumour was surrounded by DCIS which didnt show up on any imaging and is not killed off by chemo as it is pre cancer.  When they went back in to remove all that there was already another small tumour growing but that was taken away too and then the third surgery took even more tissue to give really clear margins.  The r/t will kill off the DCIS if there is any more there.  All we can do is hope that we have done enough and will continue to be healthy for many more years.  That's the difficult part isn't it.  Lots of love xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning daisydi 

Glad thats number 6 out of the way and for now your feeling ok please don't over do it, I think we forget  and push ourselves on a good day and then end up suffering. I thought id be ok last week saying i haven't had chemo but ended up back at the hospital diagnosed with chemo toxicity and told off again for cleaning a cupboard out and told i still needed complete bed rest xx

Whats next for you was it rads?? Xx

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lovely toRe: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning lovely ladies

So pleased we're all moving on to the next stage of this barry journey. 

I really can't explain what & why I'm feeling reading all your posts, I'm so scared for each and everyone of us some more than others and I feel guilty that my diagnosis and treatment gives me possibly a very good if not excellent prognosis compared to some, I've watched Lorraine this morning and was in tears watching Steve Bland the death of his wife Rachel last year really brought things home again, we're all here for each other but we know very little about each others struggle with personal prognosis and i feel terrified for you all because although we've talked about chemo and how the treatment has knocked everyone for six at times, I can't stop thinking of the what next and couldn't seem to find any right words to write, I do hope i haven't upset anyone but its so difficult and painful to move on and not understanding where really to and how xxx

My treatment continues on 3 weekly Herceptin injections for about a year and then possibly tamoxifen for 10 years. My next oncologist appointment is the 5 July. I'm hoping i would have known by now if it had metastasized although if I'd read and understood my pathology report it had mentioned something about an 8mm deposit in my lymph node that had metastasized and was a grade 2 but hopefully the chemo and herceptin injections and tablets will keep me going for at least the next 20 years. Sorry I've had to write all this but I couldn't stay on here with doing it and then i found it impossible to stay away xxx This is such a special forum each and everyone of you make it wonderful to be part of at this terrible time in my life so a deep and emotional thank you xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning all I am still fine.  That was my last chemo Rosina.  It was number 6.  I think I overtook you when you had to wait for your blood to get better.  So thats me done with this chemo lark.  Will start injections today so this is usually when I start to have problems.  Fingers and everything else crossed.

Seaside what a lovely summer job for your daughter.  It will fly by though x

Hope everyone else ok.  Nettie I left home at 11.30 on Monday for my chemo and didnt get back till after 6 as there were problems with the drugs.  New staff in the pharmacy apparently.  Anyway its done and I hope you dont get too bad with this one.  My spots seem to be really healing up.  Maybe my body has got used to all this poison or maybe I am speaking too soon.

Love to all.  How are you getting on Maryln?

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning everyone 

Good news about your lump Edinbird. I know you were concerned that it may not have shrunk. Also good that you have a plan in place and you should be ok able to celebrate your birthday without being interupted by treatment.

Nettienoo, it sounds like yesterday was a looooooong day for you. Rest up now.

Seaside Sar, your daughter will have a great time in Disney. How exciting to have the opportunity to work there.

My son set off with a couple of mates this morning to travel up to the Download music festival at Donnington Park, Derbyshire. On account of the wet weather he's renamed it Drownload🌨🌨🌨🌫🌨. Despite the weather I'm sure they'll enjoy it. As for me I've got to get up in a bit and wash my hair then do the Tesco shop later as I can't do it on Friday. Hubby has got the day off tomorrow so we'll have the day to ourselves☺. We'll probably go out out for a pub lunch and do anything that will distract  me to stop me dwelling on Friday, although to be honest now I just want it over and done with.

Hope the day goes well for everyone and that everything is ok for those if you that have been a bit quiet these past few days. xxxxxx   

 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning beauties, just a quick update as disturbed night and feel rough this morning. Chemo 5 went ahead finally. I had to wait two extra hours for my treatment as the staff had a couple of emergencies to deal with in the morning and it had set them back poor things. They were so frazzled and hadn’t had lunch breaks. Ended up not leaving until 6 and the drive home through all the floods was a nightmare for my son but he did a sterling job at being my chemo buddy and I think the nurses appreciated a bit of young male eye candy on the ward for a bit. 😂😂😂. 

Edinbird, mixed news from you as far as the extended timescale you weren’t expecting but what stood out the most was, the happy surgeon, gremlin only 11mm, and the fact you should be able to celebrate your birthday. 🙌🏻 Sweetie. Xxx

Seaside, your kids sound pretty adventurous like mine. It’s great to see them living their best lives isn’t it? How exciting for your daughter. I’m sure she will find the 2.5 months whizzing by as she will be so busy and will make some great new friends.xxx

Hope Daisydi is keeping ok and everyone is not getting too down about the weather. Lots of love and hugs to each and everyone of you. So proud of you all. Xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning Everyone,

Edinbird first - so you are an August baby too 🤗

When is your birthday? Is it your 40 th ?

I turn 50 on August 19th.

Great news about July 4th. Such a good date for remembering 🤪

Daisydi well done for getting chemo done. That was #5 , one more to go.

My last chemo is next week 🤞

Seasidesar you’re daughter will have a great time - wow what an adventure.

Implausible that is a lot ( work/ shopping/ chores). 

I am pleased that I drove myself to the workshop yesterday and was able to remain focused throughout.

Today I am having lunch with my class ( walking in - last time it was April) and a quick catch up with my headmaster.

 I am defo going back in September, one way or another.

Re. Treats I have booked a Champneys Stay for myself and my daughter for the October half term. They currently have a sale on with good deals. Going back to Forest Mere, good healthy food, hikes, exercise classes, pool , spa etc. Heaven 🤗 It is my closest resort but they all sound fabulous.

 I took my daughter and Mum last year to Champneys Forest Mere - 1st time- in August ( again the summer sale deal) and we all loved it . Highly recommended it to anyone who needs a break.

Oh and if anyone’s wondering Bully Boy the parrot ended up in a Parrot Sanctuary up in Lincolnshire after he had ago at hacking bits off H1’s mum.

As I said he didn’t like women, that’s why his owner ( female) advertised him in the Friday ads after her husband passed away - hindsight always helpful 😬

Have a good day everyone 🌸🌼🌻

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning everyone,

 

Nice to have some light at the end of the tunnel, Edinbird. You've got a plan and hopefully you will feel well enough to celebrate your birthday. 😊

 

I've just said goodbye to my daughter who is off to work in Disney in Florida for 2 and a half months. She is so excited but was a bit scared this morning when reality set in. I'm sure she'll be fine once she's there and she'll have a great time but she's never been away from home for more than a month at a time. I'll be keeping busy today to distract myself. Son is having a lads break in Corfu, so it's just me and the cat until hubby returns from the airport run.

 

Hope you all have a good day.

 

Sar xxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Thats good Edinbird.  Glad the lump has shrunk and you now have a date for surgery.  That will be a breeze for you after all this chemo poo.  And you get to celebrate your big birthday.  You'll be well recovered by then.  Night night x

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Quick update as I’m exhausted long day...

 

Lump is now 11mm. It’s coming out on 4th July. Happy Cancer Independence Day!!

 

Also coming out are 4 lymph nodes. Hopefully they are clear and I get to keep the rest!

 

Surgeon was very happy. I thought I’d be the one to have last surgery but that’s Deano - only a few days between us. Two weeks signed off and then radiotherapy will be two months after!! That’s ages! So on the one hand I won’t be done by my birthday in August but on the other hand I should have August to be normal. Gotta think about going back to work, back to the job I never thought I’d do again. Need to ask the oncologist more on Friday but it’s a longer timescale than I expected.

 

Anyway I need to sleep now, I’m exhausted and I do need to do some work tomorrow! I know it’s been a pretty emotional day on here I’ve seen everything but had stuff to sort out myself. I now have some sort of temporary light at the end of the tunnel which is both exciting and scary at the same time. Sleep well everyone xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

As I was a very good girl and had my last chemo yesterday I am claiming post 5000. 

Sarah you need to relax, although saying that I have done loads of housework today and had a decent walk with the dogs.  Oh the joys of steroids xxxxxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi all

 

Going to get in quick on post 4999 and leave the big 5k for whoever comes after me! Smiley Very Happy

 

I'm totally exhausted after working a full day on my day off plus doing a ton of housework and just now heading to Tesco for a big shop.  Think I got a little carried away on my first day feeling a little less dead as I have definitely overdone things!!!

 

Taste buds are still totally all over the place.  All I can currently tolerate is fruit, hence all day I've eaten fruit and now I've got the runs.  Should have seen that coming!!  Luckily it isn't tooooo bad.  Just not right for me....  will have to try to eat some normal food tomorrow.

 

I remember doing one of those Colour Me Beautiful things ages ago.  I seem to remember them telling me I definitely shouldn't wear black, and should instead wear autumnal colours like reds and oranges.  1990s punk rock me was NOT ready to hear that Smiley Very Happy

 

I will catch up properly with everyone tomorrow.  Really sorry, I'm beat.  Been a crazy day.

 

Sarah x

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Thanks for the Colour me Beautiful information Rosina. I need all the help I can get sometimes as the wrong colour can make me look completely washed out .xxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi SusieB

here is the answer to your question:

https://www.colourmebeautiful.co.uk/

It is a colour analysis workshop.

 I was with a bunch of ladies- all cancer patients- and we had our most flattering colours ( for wearing close to our face) matched to us. 

I had had this done privately (1-1 session, Birthday gift, makeup also a year ago, you also get a booklet with fabric swatches ) so I did it again to check if anything  ( because of chemotherapy) has changed but I still suit soft colours .

 It is a fun workshop and I enjoy seeing how other ladies ( they can do men too but there weren’t any) look amazing when they have the most flattering colours close to their faces.

No makeup though or fabric swatches were given out - the workshop was free.🌈

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Right, wig now rinsed and drying. Now where was I?

Oh that's it, I was going to ask Rosina, what is the Colour me Beautiful course/session? Your anecdote about your daughter made me smile. One of my work colleagues in Basingstoke had a son a little younger than my son. She had a similar experience. She was of oriental extraction her husband white American. Their son was a blue eyed blonde and bore no resemblance to her at all.   

Daisydi, is that really you under that cold cap! Know what you mean about the cold ears and ouch! as they warm up☹. 

Edinbird I went to my surgeon's appt too by myself but made sure I was armed with relevant questions, some of which came via this forum. I think I'll have hubby with me though when I go for my post operation results as I thing there'll be quite alot of information for me to take on-board.    

Right, must go now and get on with a few things that need sorting before Friday. And yes Seaside Sar we definitely all need to meet up when we feel up to it. Hope the rest of of the day goes ok for all of you, just wish the sun would shine🌝. xxxx  

 

 

 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi everyone 

Just a very quick pop in. Spent over half an hour catching up with all the posts was just about to reply then remembered I'm supposed to be washing the second of my two wigs. It's in soak at the moment. Anyway just wanted to let you know that I am feeling much better today after my couple of days meltdown.

Rosina and Sarah thank you both for sharing your stories and experiences.     

Seaside Sar hope your rads meeting is ok tomorrow.

MJB, not long 'til your cruise now. While you're sailing off into the sunset I'll be drifting off to the land of nod with the help of my aneathatist..

Must pop back to deal with my wig. Love to you all. Will finish this post later. xxxx 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

My beautiful friends,

 

I am welling up reading all of your posts. You are all amazing and strong.

 

Daisy, I really hope the cold cap did its job for you, poor love! Freezing ears are painful. At least that part is done now. Take care and rest lots.

 

Good luck today, Nettienoo. Completely understand your fears. Wish I could come and give you a big hug.

 

Rosina, thank you for sharing your story. So very sad for you to have gone through this. You are remarkable and a very special lady. Great big hugs to you.

 

Edinbird, it really sounds like your work do need that protocol. You have been so amazing carrying on working, the least they can do is make the necessary adjustments and show kindness and understanding.

 

Sonia, hope you're able to catch up on some sleep today. If the weather where you are is as awful as it is here, you are better off in bed.

 

Marlyn, hope today's rads go well and the soreness is bearable.

 

Sarah, going back to feeling down (which is still the case for me) I think you're right - much of that must be down to that sense of unknown again and the start of the next lot of treatment.

 

On that note, I am having my radiotherapy meeting tomorrow so I will hopefully get a start date.

 

Hope all the rest of you lovely ladies are OK today.

 

More than ever I feel we need to meet up when we're all feeling well enough. Gonna be emotional!

 

Loads of love 

 

Sar xxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

 Going to ‘Colour Me Beautiful ‘ this afternoon at the Macmillan Cancer Support Center. Next week is the ‘Look Good Feel Better ‘.

 Just to add , I had also been to mothers and toddlers at other church halls. I got asked if my daughter was a foster child by the pastor at one of them as Kalinda has a darker colour ( duh- like her Dad) I never went back to that one. Really hurtful remark 😳 the heart does get a bashing. 

Rosina

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Thanks Implausible,

When I spoke to the police that Friday night I repeatedly said he H1 needed help and counselling. I now know that the police don’t do this. 

Peter, who married us knew both myself and H1. I met Peter through the mother’s and toddlers group that ran at his church ( Baptist - you choose if you wish to be Baptised, neither of my kids are) and he had said to me if H1 and I ever decided to get hitched he would be happy to do the service.

When the police took H1 away that evening I thought he would return later. When he didn’t , I took the kids up to London for the ice skating ( as planned)  on Saturday and when H1 still didn’t show up I was really upset because I didn’t know what was happening. So I went to Peter at his Church on Sunday morning and spoke to him after the service.

He did not advise me on the spot ( as he didn’t know what to say either, he listened). He checked in with me for the whole week I was alone with the kids. He asked a friend of his ex-police to find out what would happen next. He also spoke to H1 separately.

Peter was amazing.

 I am forever grateful for how he helped us. 

He passed away on his 65th birthday just as he retired. I am welling up writing this.

Peter was a good man.

On the odd occasion that I do go to church I always think of him and his kindness.

H1 also remembers him as a good man and so do the kids.

Hugs,

Rosina

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Rosina Heart

 

I've been thrown into the middle of a work crisis this morning (not actually back on roster till tomorrow but that seems to have been overlooked!) and therefore can't yet reply in full but I can't read and run!

You are brave to share!  And I am glad it has helped.

 

Usually I would bristle at the part where the vicar talked you into dropping the charges but given that you got a fairly unusually strong police response which clearly served as a short sharp shock, and you guys are still together and happy years down the line, I'd say it all worked out well.

 

I worked with Refuge for a number of years and had to stand down in the end because I couldn't handle seeing so many woman return to their abusers for what almost inevitably turned out to be more of the same.  Happy results like yours were rarer but I am so glad that they do happen.

I'm also glad you took action swiftly and got a good response from the authorities.  Well - a slightly frightening response but at least they didn't side against you which is also unfortunately often the case.

 

I'll reply better properly later!

 

Sarah x

 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

47B67AC4-289F-490A-93F7-E59D502A4473.jpegChakra 4

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Rosina, oh my goodness how brave you are to have shared your past trauma with us. As Marlyn has said, no judgement here. I’m so glad you feel better for having done so. Lots of love and hugs. Xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Edinbird, yes please update us when you can. 

Such a good idea about getting some kind of protocol put in place at work. I think the court service could do with an overhaul of theirs too. When I first had bc 5 years ago it was all pretty shocking the way I was treated by management. It made the experience a lot more traumatic than it should have been. 

I would be quite happy going to chemo on my own but it’s a distance away and I don’t drive so someone always has to take me (usually my friend Sharon as she seems to enjoy coming with me, weird lady. Lol). X

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Edinbird, yes please update us when you can. 

Such a good idea about getting some kind of protocol put in place at work. I think the court service could do with an overhaul of theirs too. When I first had bc 5 years ago it was all pretty shocking the way I was treated by management. It made the experience a lot more traumatic than it should have been. 

I would be quite happy going to chemo on my own but it’s a distance away and I don’t drive so someone always has to take me (usually my friend Sharon as she seems to enjoy coming with me, weird lady. Lol). X

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Marlyn,

thank you. I feel lighter for sharing. I shared in art therapy last week too. 

We all carry ‘stuff’ inside of us that we think we have ‘dealt’ with.

Ocean21 I love your Nigella photos. Nigellas look like mandalas to me.

They are also known as ‘ love in a  mist’.

Rosina 🌸

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Rosina 

Thank you for sharing your story, there are no judgments here, only unconditional love. Sending you healing pure energy and a tight hug... xxxxxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Good luck with dose #5 today Nettinoo.

All done Daisydi, you will get through this bit now and out the other side. 

Implausible yes I did go for a good walk on Sunday. It was a relief to have  ‘me’ back. Horse tranquiliser drug has been so strong that  I have been in tears  sitting on my sofa thinking I won’t be able to complete my Macmillan Hike in July . H1 says I don’t have to and my walking buddy says we can always catch an Uber if we feel awful but I so want to get to the finish line 🤪

So it was lovely to feel light and free and walk instead of shuffle. Actually it was exhilarating!!! I am convinced my legs are stronger- no aches or pains at the end of the 16 miles. No aches or pains the next day either. I caught the bus back from Hartfield ( £6.20 😳). I am aiming to get to 20 miles before the big event. H1 will be joining me on this training.

 I think this walking is becoming something of a pilgrimage dedicated to the heart.

On Sunday morning I was out and walking at 8.30 am ( so glad to have my body and brain back) that by the time I was at the start of the Worth Way the bells were ringing at St. Nicholas ( I mean peeling away) that I got all choked up. It’s like they were ringing for me 🤗

I too have experienced domestic violence x2  ( I shared this in my most recent art therapy) so it was very good to get it ‘off my chest ‘. If you are wondering it was with H1.

The second time ( about 10 years after the first incident) I called the police and H1 spent the night in a prison cell. 

We have managed to forgive each other but I have not forgotten.

We had only known each other for like 40 days or so before I fell pregnant.

 I was at the time teaching in Istanbul. I told H1 over the phone and he let me decide whether I wanted to keep the child ( my daughter) or not.

 I continued to work at the school in Istanbul until I was 6 months pregnant and then I came over to the UK and moved in with him. We had never lived together.

H1 had been married before and his marriage had ended after 4 years ( no kids) and the lady had gone with money . When I met him back packing in Thailand I liked that he never said anything bad about her.

Anyway our first bust up was when my daughter was 11months . It was over our pet parrot ( which I had bought from the Friday ads for a Valentines gift) anyway the parrot hated females ( it loved H1 it would feed from his mouth)  and it would dive bomb me when it was let out of its cage.

 I used to watch him like a hawk but he never went for my daughter. One day I had had enough, rowed with H1 and stuck bully boy ( that’s what I had named him) out in his cage in the back garden.  H1 went mental.

 I packed and left ( back home to my parents in Greece).

The second incident was just before Christmas, I had bought tickets to take my kids ice skating in London. H1 and I had got married by this point ( we got married when my daughter was 6 and my son 3 I wanted to get married but he was a lot more reserved seeing he had been ‘burnt’ first time around) and I was teaching at a Pupil Referral Unit for children who have been permanent lay excluded from mainstream education. I had 2 awful weeks at work ( and I mean ‘flight or fight’ situations - these kids project all their ‘stuff’ on you) and I came home tired and an argument over the dinner that H1 had prepared for me ( I said something like ‘I am not eating this **bleep**’) and I cannot remember what else but I do remember being shoved outside . I could hear my daughter upset inside and I went back in got both the kids and called the police on my mobile phone because I wanted my kids to know that it is not ok to behave like this. 

H1 got pepper sprayed and handcuffed and I didn’t see him for more than a week. I didn’t know what had happened to him and the police wouldn’t tell me . It was awful. 

Thanks to advice from the vicar that married us I went back and retracted my statement at Crawley police station. 

That was 7 years ago. 

H1 doesn’t believe in counselling (I have suggested it) .

H1 found the lump in my boob.

I am working on myself and my own demons.

H1 loves all of us. I don’t think my Mum has let stuff go but she should.

Hence all the heart chakra work.

Love and forgiveness,

Rosina

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Edinbird if it helps, you can tell your sis etc that I've never taken anyone in with me to any of my consultant appointments.   

 

I've never wanted to, and to be fair nobody has offered to come with me Smiley Happy  but I would have said no thanks if they did... I feel like I need to concentrate at the appts without the distraction of someone with me, and if someone else was in there with me hearing possibly bad news at the same time as I heard it, then I would be too busy worrying about them when I should be thinking about me....

 

My other half did take me to all my chemo appts however, but that's because I was advised I shouldn't drive myself home after them.  And the hospital is in the middle of nowhere.   To be honest I reckon I would have been fine as usually felt ok on actual treatment day, and I just ended up feeling guilty that I used up 6 days of his annual leave.  

Especially given all he ended up doing each time was sit there playing games on his phone while I talked to the chatty lady in the next bed!

 

Daisydi don't worry you didn't scare me, I know all these drugs have their side effects and we need to find our own cocktails that work.  I'm putting hormone regime worries firmly on the backburner for now

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning, well the steroids have done their job and kept me awake most of the night again. Will prob have to take a sleeping tab tonight and this is going to be a long haul on steroids this time.  No other probs so far but then Im not expecting them yet.

Sarah didnt mean to scare you about Letrozole.  Everyone is different and some people are fine.  We just have to find the drug that suits us best but make sure we dont suffer in silence.  Apparently even different brands can give different effects but hey we dont have to think about that until the radiotherapy is over.  One step at a time.

Edinbird good luck with the surgeon.  Let us know how you get on later.

Praying for you Nettienoo.  Know exactly how you feel but I did it so so can you.  Take care x

Hope everyone else is ok xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

🍀🍀Good luck Nettinoo, 🍀🍀

you’ve got this 🤞.

It will be lovely to have you son with you today, even if not in the nicest situations. 

 

Ive had a rubbish nights sleep, serves me right thinking I was coming out the other end early 🤪🤪🤪 hopefully I’ll catch up on sleep later xx

 

I’ll pop back later when brain has engaged    

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Good luck Nettie xx I’m having the kinda opposite issue whereby I’m going on my own to my surgeon appointment and I can tell my mum and sister are a bit weirded out by that. I just figure whatever needs to be done needs to be done and there’s no point disrupting anyone else’s day by it. I never went to any of my husband’s surgical appointments unless we had to travel a long way together (he used to get seen for his shoulder at National Orthapaedic Hospital in London so that was always a bit of a trek). Doesn’t help that I still feel rough though. Sat in bed with sore ears and feeling a bit strange, went to bed early as I came over dizzy and sick but then couldn’t sleep until about midnight. My legs are still aching just laid here and I’ll have to walk from work to the hospital and back. I understand that these appointments need doing and I need to get scheduled ASAP but why can’t they make them when side effects are likely to have worn off a bit more?

 

Oh and it’s my first day back working after the last treatment... although my boss doesn’t expect me to do much. Starting to think I should have gone sick now... I’m sure I can get through a few more days. I really want to speak to the Chief Constable and Head of Wellbeing about my experiences and see if some kind of cancer protocol can be put in place. I’m astounded still by the lack of understanding that there’s been of my treatment and how I might be feeling. It’s easy if you like if someone is diagnosed and then just goes sick but I was truly made to feel like I was strange wanting to work and my needs on chemotherapy - and this is with the DDA protection! I guess I’ll get round to that soon enough. Need to focus on getting out of bed first.

 

Will let you know what the surgery decision is later xx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Nettie all the very best for today.... both for the chemo and with oh so gently agony aunting your son a little! 

 

My 2 older boys are coming up to the same age as yours and I know that they are both adamant in not wanting kids.  Luckily (for them, not for my grandchild prospects!) their respective girlfriends seem to be in agreement for now.  But if that were to change I could see it causing trouble in paradise, for sure Smiley Sad

 

Totally understand why you are dreading the side effect stage of this next chemo btw, I've been the same since my hospital trip, and I didn't even have sepsis!  I've been so determined not to end up back at the hellhole hospital that I pretty much took chances I shouldn't have last time around and refused to go in even though i couldn't get my telp down under 38 for ages.  I got away with it, but with hindsight that was silly of me.  Ignoring the high temp and just heading to bed and hoping for the best was daft.

 

But this cycle, I'm delighted to say that I seem (fingers crossed and touch all the wood!!) to have got through the danger zone without even having to lie to myself!  I had one spike at 37.7 yesterday but half an hour later that had gone back down to 37.0.  Result!

 

So here's hoping that you also get a hospital free cycle this time, boy do you deserve it!!!

 

Daisydi I love the photoSmiley Happy  a fitting souvenir of your last chemo.  And as Nettie says, if it was turning your ears to icicles then it must have been freezing your follicles too Smiley Happy

 

Not so in love with your words of wisdom about Letrazole (sp?) though!  There was me all pleased with my "post menopausal" diagnosis as the doc had told me that letrazole was easier side effect wise than tamoxifen....  but it sounds like it still ain't a walk in the park (literally!!)

 

I guess I will try whatever they give me and if it really doesn't work for me then we either try something else or I weigh up the risk/benefit of continuing to take the drugs.....  will worry about that later, got rads to get through first Smiley Happy

 

Hope everyone has as good as a day as possible, despite the lousy weather x

 

Sarah x

 

 

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Just realised we are approaching 5,000 posts girls. I reckon we’ll get there in the next day or two. How fabulously chatty are we? Xxx

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Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Daisydi, big hugs for getting to the end of this absolutely Barrying 💩 stage of treatment my darling. I’m sure if that cold cap was freezing your ears off it would have been doing it’s job in protecting those hair follicles. Great news about the doc too. I am hoping things will be different for you this time as far as side effects as he seems to be trying to cover everything. I bet you wanted to hug him for giving you a bit of hope in that department. Such a shame not all drs are like that. 

Implausible so sorry you have been suffering so much the last couple of days honey. Sounds like you are starting to improve a bit now if you managed to get clean. The days when you can’t even be bothered to have a wash/brush teeth or peep out from under the duvet are just awful aren’t they? I think you are right about PTSD and cancer treatment though. Our previous army life has obviously made us very aware of it. My cousin has been treated for years since being injured by a roadside land mine in Iraq but thankfully doing well now and sings in the Invicta choir amongst other things. I have watched my husband like a hawk over the years for signs as he was in N.Ireland for a bit and Gulf War. Thankfully, he seems to have been able to cope. 

Cancer treatment is a prolonged period of extreme stress and anxiety and there will be people who need help with PTSD afterwards. I hope that help is there for us all if we need it. 

I have been awake since 5am worrying about chemo 5 this afternoon. I want to have it and get it out of the way but the thought of what the outcome will be this time terrifies me to be honest. I don’t think I can stand one more day lying in a hospital bed feeling dire and the ensuing delay of next cycle etc.The fact is that I felt like this pre chemo 4 and yes I did end up in hospital again but it was only 2 days and it wasn’t sepsis this time so I am trying to hold onto that. 

We all need this rain to Barry off don’t we? It’s not helping with low mood issues. 

My youngest turned up here just before midnight straight from his boat in Norway and wants to take me to treatment today bless him. It will be nice to have him “captive” with me for a few hours so we can have a good catch up. (That’s if I can manage a conversation as the FEC going in makes my head really fuzzy and I often go into my own little world.) My Tom is having relationship issues so I think that’s why he’s come straight here rather than to his girlfriend in London. It’s the age old thing, after 7 years together, she wants commitment, babies (totally understandable) and he isn’t ready yet.Not sure he ever will be as he is 31! Kids eh? You think when they grow up and leave home you won’t worry so much but you seem to end up worrying even more! 

Anyway, I’ll shut up now and start getting on with the day. I’ll update later just to let you know mission accomplished. 

Love you all, each and every one of you. I would never have got this far without your support you beauts. 😘😘😘.