OK - so we have a pile of fussy aunts, including at least one mad one, plus a super cool young cousin He will be delighted/terrified!
Edinbird, hope you have managed to get some rest today as tomorrow sounds like a crazy one!! I reckon if you do end up at the cinema at the end of all that, you'll end up falling asleep. Of the 4 films I've seen over the last month, I had a little doze off in 2 of them There is something about sitting in a comfy chair in the dark....
Seaside - you get some rest too! I am also absolutely wiped out today after a couple of days of doing way too much way too soon. We don't learn, do we?? Annoyingly I'm stuck in the office till 6, when all I want to do is lie down and sleeeeeeeeep. Thankfully no work tomorrow. I plan to do NOTHING.
So excited for your daughter, really, I'd live in the Disney parks if I could Until I was in my mid 20s I was so sneeringly cynical about the whole Disney thing but then my ex mother in law offered to bankroll us over to Orlando (this was about 1993, it was so much cheaper then!) as a treat for my big lads who were then pre-school age. Oh my goodness it was truly magical!! To the extent that we then went back for a month every autumn for the next 8 or so years (until the marriage ended and I couldn't afford it any more on my own money). I have managed to get back out there twice since, and once to California Disneyland, plus 4 or 5 trips to Paris along the way. I'd love to tick Tokyo off the list one day!
Sorry your doc was not very helpful re rads Sounds like you are having the same regime as me, 3 weeks zapping all the general area and lymph nodes and then a week of "boost" to where the tumour used to be. Which reminds me, my onco's letter about it made me laugh:
The type I'm having is called Surface Guided Radiotherapy (SGRT)
I wonder if that's another name for the same thing you are having?
This is the blurb on the hospital website:
SGRT uses sophisticated 3D camera technology to accurately target and kill cancer cells.
• During your treatment, cameras monitor your exact position to make sure the radiation is precisely targeted
• The treatment area receives the maximum dose of radiation therapy. The surrounding healthy tissue receives a much lower dose. This reduces the risk of side-effects
• SGRT is often used to enable DIBH treatment for left-sided breast cancer with the benefit of minimising dose to the heart
Unlike some other forms of radiotherapy, SGRT means you don’t need to have any permanent markings (tattoos) made on your body.
I hope they give you a start date soon. Do they not realise how important that is so we have something to focus on and plan around??
I've also got my season ticket sorted - see you in Sept/Oct!
Susie - oh no, sorry you are feeling under the weather I hope that start-of-a-sniffle buggers off in time for tomorrow! Hope all goes brilliantly. We are all cheering you on xx
Are you in early tomorrow? Most importantly, when can you eat/drink until? That is always the most important thing for me before surgery! The no food I'm ok with but I hate to be thirsty, so I drink lots of water right up until final drinking cut off.
And when you are back here chatting after, I'd love to hear more about that lymphodoema machine, I mentioned it to my doc the other day and he said he hadn't heard of anything that gives advance warning..... he was intrigued and so am I! I must admit I can really notice that I haven't done my arm exercises for the past 3 days as have been so busy with work, it is really feeling heavy and uncomfortable now I MUST do them tonight before bed and get back to twice a day from tomorrow.
Sonia, I really do love the mop slippers I think you might be one of the mad aunts too!
Rosina - the concept of kale being something that the whole family likes rather throws me I eat the stuff, and have found some ways to make it more tolerable than others. But I don't think I would ever claim to "like" it, and the thought of persuading anyone else in my family to eat it is, well, let's say it would be a non starter.....
I've always driven over to Eurodisney rather than go by rail - I do really like the sound of the band serenading you onto the train though!
Marlyn - I'm so annoyed for you that you literally basted yourself for days and got your rads off to such an unpleasant start. They really ought to advise better which types of creams are a yes and which a no, and which to put on before and which after. You can't be the first person this has happened to but it was so preventable!
Glad it is healing up though.... x
Nearly 5pm now..... 1 hour till I can go home. yaaaaawwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I did ponder showing you all said bleeding boob ( obvs a discreet pic) but thought it may be removed as inappropriate content??
I think we are all amazing ladies, I know we may not feel it some days but we are.....
i plausible....your son defo has a loads of new aunts......I bagsie being the mad one...lol xxxx
Just back from rads and I thought I would show you the gel and dressings I got today. Thenurse saw the bleeding boob today and said it's healing......( good to know)
so for me slathering on the E45 under the boob area was a no no.....as you already know I was basically basting myself.....
My elbow behaved today......I don't get a choice of where to put my arms, the rads people position me....
good luck tomorrow Susie love.....it will be done before you know it!
now....let's see if I am post me pic xxxx
Fingers crossed for you SusieB for tomorrow.
I have been for a walk with H1 to allotment and park.
Town later on.
Got kale from the allotment for a salad that we all like , see above.
I also like to throw in some raisins or toasted pistachio nuts.
Park was wet and blustery.
Walking in the rain is ok too. I like the sound on the leaves above my head.
I have only been to Eurodisney with the kids when they were little. Good memories right from the Disney band that plays at Kings Cross before you board the Eurostar train. It was a permanent sugar rush after that.
Florida must be amazing.
Corfu has lovely beaches and Corfu town is lovely all year round.
Seasidesar your kids are lucky.
Enjoy the peace and quiet 🤗
Thought you would like to see my new purchase, as I can’t do as much house work as I would like, I’ve bought myself a pair of mop slipper, my household think I’ve gone crazy, maybe I have.
What a wet and miserable morning🌧🌧☹. Well operation day for me tomorrow and I'm keeping everything crossed that it will go ahead🤞🤞. I woke up on Monday with a sore throat and swollen glands, the usual signs that I am fighting something. Ended up going to bed and sleeping yesterday afternoon. Anyway throat feels better although I've got a sniffle and ears feel a bit blocked. Taken meds for sinus etc. Temperature is normal so hoping I'll be good to go tomorrow.
Edinbird I had pre op stuff done a few weeks ago just before we went to Aix but I think stuff will be done tomorrow, blood pressure and heart rate. I think they'll get a reading done on the machine that will check for signs of lymphodeama in the future so that comparisons can be made.
Oooopps, got to go hubby has just come back from doing a bit of food shopping and wants me to check out what he's bought. Take care everyone xxxxxx
Good morning my beauties,
I am feeling absolutely pooped today. I've done that classic thing of running around on nervous energy, seeing my kids off on their travels and now I'm paying for it. Still, I can rest now as the house is empty. Daughter arrived safely in Florida and is spending a few days with her aunt, uncle and cousins in Jacksonville before heading to Disney. Once there, she gets a couple of weeks training and then she will be based in merchandise in Epcot. She may get to move around some different stores and parks depending on whether other people want to swap shifts at any time. She seems happy now that she has arrived and I couldn't be more pleased for her. She is Disney mad so she can totally induldge as she gets free park entry on her days off, as well as a staff discount on all the Disney goodies she wants to buy.
In other news, I had my rads meeting yesterday, which I actually found a bit frustrating as I didn't get the information I wanted. The doctor was effcient to the point of being abrupt and when I asked a question, he said I would have another meeting next week where I will get the answers. All I know at the moment is that I will have 20 sessions over 4 weeks at a private hospital in MK. The first 3 weeks of radiation will be on the left boob and the gland above it and the final week will concentrate on where the tumour was. I was told to practise holding my breath for 30 seconds, which I do find a real struggle, but I guess it saves a lot of time if I am able to do that straightaway in my appointments.
The doctor and BC nurse assured me that radiotherapy will be a walk in the park and all that might affect me is a bit of tiredness. Mmmm, we'll see. Having said that, the doctor then rattled off a list of side effects, such as soreness, cracking skin (Ouch, Marlyn you can vouch for this!), scarring, stabbing pains, numbness (in lymph node clearance zone)...Right, so a real walk in the park! My main frustration is that I wanted a start date but I don't even have that. They said worst case scenario 15th July but should be earlier. So I'll wait to hear more next week.
Oh and apparently they use the intensity modulated radiotherapy and image guided radiotherapy. Did you mention these are used where you are having yours, Sarah? Does that mean I don't need tattoos?
As for us meeting at an ice hockey game, too right! I've got my season ticket sorted and I've got family in Swindon so I will be there for the away games. Exciting!
Anyway, how are all you ladies doing today?
I've enjoyed looking at your photos, Ocean. Truly lovely.
Sonia, I hope you're feeling a bit better. It is annoying when it takes a meltdown to spur our nearest and dearest into action but at least it worked.
Rosina, it sounds like your school is a great supportive place and your visit did you good. That's lovely.
The rain today is not enticing me out of the house so I am going to sit and do a jig saw puzzle.
Have a good day everyone.
Aw Sarah tell Connor he has one auntie who is younger and more like a cousin (no offence to everyone but I’m the baby!!)
Need to get up and work but the plumber got here early so I’m stuck in bed with no access to hairbands! Hoping he is less than an hour and I can wing it but I need food and drink and I have a phone call at 10!! Might just have to brave it. Once I’m in the lounge it doesn’t matter but I need my dressing gown which is also elsewhere...
Have a spot in my left ear of all things which is making it ache too. Feel tired I just cannot sleep at the moment. Legs still ache a bit at night. Luckily husband is working from home so I can have a lazy day even if I’m working. Tomorrow is so busy... oncologist at 10.15, in to work and also collecting a present for my brother in law from a friend, CT scan at 1, then home and changed for a work leaving do at 5 and then might go to the cinema! Not sure if I’ll manage it all. It’s tiring me just to think about it!
Hope everyone has a lovely day - the horrible rain finally got us yesterday and it’s still tipping down now so maybe a few lazy days. Susie do you have any pre op stuff today or is it all done until tomorrow?
Yes Connor, we are all coming to meet you and give you a big sticky lipstick kiss on your cheek like Aunties do! 💋💋💋😂😂😂😂 ......bet that gets him hiding in his bedroom! X
Implausible, you've just made me cry??. I'll definitely be sticking around. Night night🌚🌛.
Have a good night’s sleep Everyone.
I woke up, got a drink ( Ribena) and read up on all the posts.
I also had to check the Forum.
Feeling blessed to have you all out there.
Sisters is exactly right.....
When I was passing on to Connor all your best wishes about his new job, he was all "who exactly are all these women again?" (he isn't used to me having lots of female pals as I am such a tomboy and mainly hang out with lads) ..... and I said to him that he now has 15 or so new aunties and he might as well get used to it as I think they are sticking around
I’m reading the posts bit by bit as stinking headache still.
The more I read the more I realise how truly blessed I am to know you all. So many life experiences shared good and bad. So many of you triumphing over adversity and proving how kickass awesome females can be. You make me feel like you are the sisters I never had, sharing so open and honestly. I really can’t wait to meet you all.......it will happen, I just know it.
Might be back on in a few hours, “roids” 😉kicking in nicely.
Night night for now. Xx
Oh gosh - I've been too busy to even check on you lot today and I've missed you all so much!
Apologies to those of you with work troubles, but I have to admit that I've had two super full on work days which I've enjoyed so incredibly much!! I've barely had enough spare seconds to grab a glass of water or take a pee break, it's been hard work, lots of meetings, lots of having to think on my feet, lots of problem solving, all delightfully stressful. It has made me feel more alive than I have in months I was so annoyingly hyper in the weekly team meeting that my boss asked if he could have some of the drugs I'm on, I pointed out that this is me finally getting the drugs OUT of my system, and my natural vivaceousness working its way back to the surface and then the big boss chimed in with "well personally I think you've sat around at home on your arse quite long enough", the cheek
So - while I'm waiting for my tea to cook, let me catch up with you lot and your 30,000 posts since I was last here
Better start with the heavy stuff to get it out of the way, I'm really touched that this is such a lovely, accepting group that people have been prepared to share stories about the last great big taboo that is domestic violence. I knew it had to have touched a good few of us as it is so insanely common, but it's a subject that still has so much stigma and shame attached to it that research shows it is one of the last things discussed even in groups of all female friends. I'd say that was crazy if I hadn't been there myself.
I'm not going to share my story in any great detail on here because, quite frankly I don't want to bring the mood down (because, you know, we've all already got cancer to worry about ), but I can say that it was extreme and was a daily occurrence for over 10 years, and it very nearly killed me, and in that time I never told a soul. Well, that's not strictly true, I attempted to involve the police on a number of occasions, eventually giving up when they consistently made things worse not better. And I also told my mother, who told me in no uncertain terms that if I was only a better wife, my husband wouldn't need to beat me and worse. So, yeah, I stopped trying to tell people. I became one of those "silly me I walked into the cupboard door again" people..... and that was largely because, thanks to being essentially brainwashed over many years I really did 100% believe my mum, I believed it was my fault..... And now I'm 20 years out of the situation, the shame is still there because unless people have been in the same situation, they simply can't understand why it took you so long to leave, and so you feel like an idiot for the rest of your life....
It's a nasty, complicated, messy thing. And in the years I worked for Refuge I saw a lot I'll never unsee. And my own experiences took a fair bit of therapy to recover from.
One thing, though, in the spirit of "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger", it has certainly helped me deal with subsequent difficulties throughout the rest of my life. I've not at ALL enjoyed the physical side effects of all this chemo nonsense, for example, and have had my down days of course, but generally I've been fairly positive throughout it all - and I totally put that down to the fact that I've been through way worse than this. And at least throughout this journey everyone I meet is on my side, you lot, family and friends, work (mainly ), all the medical staff- I feel like I have a HUGE squad of cheerleaders. Throughout my marriage literally nobody was on my side. My husband was trying to kill me, people I turned to for help (police, mum) threw it back in my face. I've never felt so desperate or alone, and it went on for ever. Breast cancer is a flipping walk in the park compared to that.
So yes - I hear all your stories, and any yet untold, and you have all my love and all my sympathy and may none of us ever suffer at the hand of someone who pretends to love us, ever again.
Right - that's quite enough of that!!!!
Rosina - just wanted to say that you totally have my sympathy with the dive bombing parrot, not surprised you wanted him out of the room! My gran had a budgie (don't laugh!) who , by all accounts, hated my guts One day when I was little he launched himself at me, and stuck his claws right into my skull, and then got stuck in there! He was flapping to get free, I was screaming the house down....in the end they had to get my cousin to run up the street to get the vet to come down and extract the bird from my head. I've been a little wary of house birds ever since, if a parrot flew at me full speed I think I would faint
Glad you had a nice time today with your class and managed to hold in the farts Those kids would have made so much fun of you if you had let a loud one go, they are merciless My injection reminder is even more street - it says "jab yo'self" That's a point - I don't have to do any of those any more!! yay!!!! hopefully your last one is soon too
Seaside - you mentioned a meet up - I definitely want a big meet up with all of us, but you know full well you won't be able to avoid bumping into me I'll be at the first MKL away game next season for sure! Just try to stop me
I bet your daughter must be so excited to go to work for Disney - does she know yet what she will be doing and where? A good friend of mine - also from Milton Keynes actually - was a cast member at Epcot for 3 years. She is originally from Mexico and was a ride attendant at the Mexican pavilion in the World Showcase - she met her hubby to be there, as he was a Brit working in the UK bit - hence her ending up in Milton Keynes She still says they were the best 3 years of her life, she loved every second of it. I'm sure your daughter will also have a wonderful time. And hopefully she will be in touch with you often so you don't miss her tooooo much.
Susie - I hope you are as ready as you can be for Friday, we are all SO with you. You will wonder afterwards what you were so worried about, I promise x
At least you will be in a nice comfy dry hospital while your poor son is in a tent in the middle of a waterlogged field I can joke on his behalf as I have been to more "drownloads" than I can count. My first was in 1986 when it was still called Monsters of Rock, and most recent was the year before last. Despite being in June, which you'd think would give at least a chance of half decent weather, it is wet there more often than it is nice. Yet we keep going back, gluttons for muddy punishment! (I'll confess though that I haven't actually camped there in years, too old for that now, I either just go up for the day or stay in a local hotel)
and for a totally different reason, MBJ I hope you are all ready for Friday too! Have a flipping WONDERFUL time on your cruise!!!
(I'm doing all the Friday best wishes early as tomorrow is likely to be another busy old work day and I might not get the chance to pop on)
Daisydi - congrats on post 5000 - yay! you definitely deserved it after chemo #6 and I'm so happy to hear that your itchy spots are healing nicely. Such a relief - in every sense!
Edinbird I am so, so happy about your tiny shrunk lil' lump 11mm is like a little fingernail, so small - great to hear that the chemo did its job shrinking it down, and in just a couple of weeks it will be gone for good. It's also nice that they are giving you a decent recovery period before rads so you will be able to celebrate your birthday in style feeling so much better. Great result all round!
Nettie - what a palaver with your chemo #5 (oh heaven help me I've now got "chemo number 5" going round my head to the tune of "mambo number 5"!!! - at least it might finally dislodge "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" which has been stuck in there on a loop since I saw that Elton John movie...) - hope you have felt better as today progressed
I did laugh at the thought of all the nurses eyeing up your son I don't suppose they get many handsome younger men visiting the unit! must have been like that Diet Coke break ad.....
Trixie - oh, your post made me want to give you - and everyone - a huge squeeze. I know what you mean, the whole ongoing prognosis thing is the elephant in the room, the thing none of us want to think about, let alone talk about. And to be honest it is easy to ignore it while we are going through the day to day barrage of treatment and side effects.... I can share what my doc has told me - that following surgery, if I hadn't had any further treatment, my chances of recurrence were around 34%. Chemo, rads, hormone treatment all bring that down to about 20%. That's ever. Can't remember the exact stats for 5, 10, 15 years but it was something like 4%, 9%, 12%..... The way I look at it, I've thrown everything I can at it (or will have done by the time the rest of the treatment is done), and that leaves me with pretty decent odds of not having to go through all this again, it is a lot more likely not to come back than come back, I'm happy with that. Worrying about it won't make a blind bit of difference to whether or not it recurs, so I might as well (try to) not worry.
And if it DOES come back? that's not the end either, I know a few people who have had BC 2 or 3 times, and recovered, and have been in remission living happy and healthy lives for a while. I'd really rather it doesn't come back because oh boy I don't ever want chemo again!!!! But what will be will be......
I know there are those of us in here with better stats and those with worse but for all of us we have at least half-reasonable odds of still being here for a very, very long time yet. And I'm sure that once we feel better in ourselves once all the chemo fog has lifted and we have our energy back and we settle into our "new normal", that we will be able to enjoy life again without the dreaded cancer word taking up so much head space. At least most of the time....
And at least it's nice to have a good excuse for not cleaning out the cupboards! I hope you are ok after your trip to hospital! I am a bugger for overdoing things as soon as I feel remotely better, I must heed your warning and try to take things a little easier.....
Ocean! just when I think you can't possibly have any more amazing photos for us, you outdo yourself!! And you stay in your dressing gown as long as you jolly well want
I didn't know you were a therapist by trade, you always come across so calm and understanding on here, I think you must be an excellent one. And I totally agree with how life changing good therapy can be, but also that you sometimes have to kiss a few frogs before you find the right one
Marlyn - so sorry you have had a bad day with the vertigo That must be very unpleasant, especially since you couldn't just stay home and recover, but had to go to rads regardless. I'm glad they were gentle with you, and hope tomorrow is better x I feel sorry for your bleedy booby
Sonia too - sounds like you are in the wars Feet up, take it easy, and let that lazy child work I always feel guilty when I snap and yell at mine too, but like you say, it works! And they finally pull their finger out. If only they would do that BEFORE we get to breaking point??
(having said that, mine has actually done the dishes unprompted for 3 days on the trot! what's that about??? he must be after something )
Right - I think that's everyone who has been on over the last couple of days
Hope the quiet ones who aren't on that round up are ok xxx
I'm off to watch episode 5 of Years and Years which will no doubt be horribly depressing, and then hit the sack before round 3 at work tomorrow
Night all x
rads sounds like a palaver!
Are you able to get your elbows flat at 180 degrees at either side of your head? How does this moving part keep knocking you. I think I will look up a clip on YouTube to get a better idea.
My school visit went well. I walked there, had lunch with colleagues, spent time with my class, stuck my Mighty Hike posters up in a central part of the school and left a collection box on my desk.
I was there till about 4 and then I caught the bus back home.
Feeling very pleased as my energy levels have stayed up , my brain worked and no embarrassing gas 🤪
Have come home to stir fry made by H1. Kids are now doing the washing up.
Stir fry is my new favourite meal after soup. Just veggies, no protein or noodles.
I can eat mustard straight off a spoon , same with horseradish. My taste buds are still all over the place.
Sonia28 porridge is always a good choice when the tummy is playing up.
What else, oh , more photos, thanks again Ocean21. Bamboo and water lilies.
Implausible , the kids loved it when I said that I had a reminder on my phone that said ‘ jab myself ‘ that’s actually one of your phrases- so thanks.
Hope everyone has a good evening,
Well, I'm finally back from rads, there was an hour delay and the waiting room was heaving! The radiology peeps were lovely with me, very patient....the experience wasn't pleasant but was topped off with the circular part hitting my elbow ( that blasted elbow again) so everything had to stop and I was realigned again.....tomorrow things change a bit as its targeted at the tumour bed.....a blessing as under my boob is now bleeding...they have reassured me they've seen worse(!) now....if the room can just stop spinning for a while that would be nice......xxx
sorry ive been a bit quite, but not had the best of weeks( when do I 🤪) Monday I began to feel good, made a school meeting about sons trip, then the constipation went the other way and I’ve just been wiped out, not sleeping great. Made up my mind to go and get some shopping and felt like i’d Pass out.
I screamed at eldest for lazy before I left and told him he didn’t have to live here, then felt awful the whole time I was gone.
Mind you it has worked as he’s offered to
cook tea, and presently power washing top of the garden.
Marilyn, sorry to hear your suffering from vertigo, a lady in my office suffers from this, and I know it’s not nice.
MJB, I hope you get everything done before your holiday, It doesn’t matter how prepared you are that last 48hrs are usually manic.
Sarah, sorry you’ve had to work when your not feeling great, this time has really wore me out. Fingers crossed your on the up side now.
Edinbird, I’m so glad the gremlin has shrunk, and now you have dates you can work with.
Rosina Sarah and Ocean , thank you for sharing with us about your experiences, I’m glad you felt you could share with us xx
seaside Sar, what an experience for your daughter, we give them the tools and then they fly off and use them.
Ocean, I believe that if Bc has giving me anything it’s if I want to be in Pj at 10/11 then I will be 💕 your pictures are lovely as ever.
Trixielady, it’s so hard being positive with all the other Barryness going on, but that’s what we are here for, a chat a rant or tears 💕💕
Daisydi, hope you aren’t suffering too badly this time round xx
Nettinoo, what a day you had, I hope you got some rest today.
Susie, drownload made me chuckle, mine usually go to boardmasters and that’s usually a wet week too😂 the joys of English weather.
I hope you get to enjoy lunch out with hubby.
Rosina, my daughter is itching to book a weekend away just the 2 of us, I think I will be lovely just to get away.
Hope everyone is having a good day 💕💕
So much going on as usual not sure if I will remember everything. Firstly great news for you Edinbird I am so pleased and that you have a plan in place. I love a plan and found the uncertainty of all this really hard to cope with.
Marlyn I hope you feel better soon. Vertigo is horrible I had it last week GP thought it was probably viral. It's gone now thank goodness but really Flores me for a few days.
Yes children go off soon enough to do their thing. Mine although of course are adults of 43, and 40 are both away. Well our daughter lives in Abu Dhabi as you all know and our son a lot closer in Bristol. He is coming down tomorrow. We see him every few weeks as he is always working he is a Manager with Morrisons and they really get value for money out of there staff. I rang him on Sunday as he is usual home in the evening and he was still in work as. The store is having a re fit he had been there for over 12 hours already!
I was sorry to read about the domestic violence issues shared here with us. I am so glad you both felt this was a safe place to disclose. I have only experienced this from a professional perspective as a health visitor , but I do recognise the fear and emotional issues it causes and offer monetary and practical issues too. I can see you have both moved on from it all be it in different ways.
Trixielady again I know exactly where you are coming from, yes we need positive vibes but we can't be like that all the time. I will be on Letrozole for 10 years too (I hope), but will always worry about not completing chemo.
Why do holidays creep up on you and there always so much to do, cleaning (although why I am not sure), getting the cats ready for cattery = new beds, loads of food as they are too fussy to eat cattery food, packing deciding which kitchen sink to leave behind😄. Never mind all good easy to deal with issues. Tomorrow nails and eyebrows at 11am then visit from Son and some tea together, then Rock choir. Traveling to Southampton on Friday morning. Oh and dog being looked after by his favourite people our friends. He won't want to come home, but unfortunately his partner in crime there dog Ted is no longer with us.
Well I must wash the floor before hubby and dog get back from third walk and dirty it again. Love to all. X
i haven't had the best start to the day, I woke up with a horrible episode of vertigo ( my last episode was last August) I can only guess it's an accumulation of everything iv been through since December, I won't be able to drive so my poor hubby is driving back from Cardiff to take me.....god knows how I will be able to lay on the table for rads! I bloody dreading it......xxxx
Edinbird, good news that the gremlin has shrunk and the fact that you have a surgery date.
Nettie, I’m losing track of all our goings on, have you finished now ? Great that your son was with you , chemo buddy and eye candy ... can’t be bad sure there’s a market fo4 him if h3 decides to quit his day job
SeasideSar , I’m sure your daughter will have a great time. It’ll be an adventure. My daughter first went to the States for 3 months when she went to there having won an internship , I had more of a wobble about her going than she did. She went to San Francisco, met loads of new people and had a lovely three months.
Still in my dressing gown and it’s well after 10. Tim is up and hovering. He gets up well early and always want to do things on his time and as quickly as possible. It’s one of the things I’ve had to rail back against in our relationship and I’m even more determined since diagnosis not to give into it. So being in my dressing at nearly 11 in the morning is an act of quiet rebellion in this house🤣🤣🤣
Rosina, thank you so much for sharing your story with H1. I children’s father was a bit of a bully, very emotionally manipulative.Physically, he attacked once.He’s a big bloke and use to physically intimidat me all the time but stopped short of hitting.
The only physical attack was after we split up , he’d come to collect the kids but wouldn’t tell me where he was taking them. I wouldn’t let them go in the car until he told me so he head butted me in front of them. When he had me by the scruff off the neck over a garden wall one of my neighbours ran out an intervened.
True to form took another man to bully him back. Got a restraining order . To the outside world my ex was the gentle giant, proper Mr Nice Guy but in the house, different story. As I’m pretty assertive , nobody in my family believed what I said he was doing in the house. Somehow, it was something I was doing . As luck would have it , my sister was visiting for a few days when the head butting incident happened. My daughter ran into the house to get her.
Over the years he’s manipulated the kids to the extent that now as adults they rarely have anything to do with him. In fact my youngest is back in the same city as him now and actively chosen not to make contact.
Therapy is a funny old game. It’s my day job or will be again when this bc treatment business is over with. I see couples or individuals. Even when couples come,on occasions there can be one of them who says they don’t see the point of coming. Every therapist obviously has different ways of modalities working and interpreting things .
for me when I hear that’s , it’s one of my first pointers to trying to unravel and understand who controls the conversation about what’s said in the therapy room and outside of it. Lots of people think talking therapies are just about paying good money to waffle on so what’s the point? Obviously, I’m biased but therapy done well can be life changing. Not saying that there aren’t crap therapists about but do your homework and find a really good one who works in a way that suits you and a whole new world opens up.
Right , I’m off to waft into the shower.
Thinking of all of you. Love and big hugs.
More pics, they seem to make you happy . I have thousands 😅😘
Hi Trixie yes rads for me next planning on 12th July and then start about 2 weeks after and finish around middle of August. Already feeling nervous about that and then will start hormone tabs for ? 10 years. Its so hard not to worry about the future but we just have to think we are doing everything we possibly can. What with changing to paraben free everything and cutting out processed meat there's not really much more I can do. Need to lose a bit of weight but I will worry about that after. I think the hormone tablets play a huge part in my oestrogen positive ca. Mine was grade 2 also. I had 24 nodes removed and 4 were positive but the onc said he wanted me to have r/t to neck so now I am worrying that it is still in those and hope to god that the r/t will kill anything else off. My original tumour was surrounded by DCIS which didnt show up on any imaging and is not killed off by chemo as it is pre cancer. When they went back in to remove all that there was already another small tumour growing but that was taken away too and then the third surgery took even more tissue to give really clear margins. The r/t will kill off the DCIS if there is any more there. All we can do is hope that we have done enough and will continue to be healthy for many more years. That's the difficult part isn't it. Lots of love xx
Glad thats number 6 out of the way and for now your feeling ok please don't over do it, I think we forget and push ourselves on a good day and then end up suffering. I thought id be ok last week saying i haven't had chemo but ended up back at the hospital diagnosed with chemo toxicity and told off again for cleaning a cupboard out and told i still needed complete bed rest xx
Whats next for you was it rads?? Xx
Morning lovely ladies
So pleased we're all moving on to the next stage of this barry journey.
I really can't explain what & why I'm feeling reading all your posts, I'm so scared for each and everyone of us some more than others and I feel guilty that my diagnosis and treatment gives me possibly a very good if not excellent prognosis compared to some, I've watched Lorraine this morning and was in tears watching Steve Bland the death of his wife Rachel last year really brought things home again, we're all here for each other but we know very little about each others struggle with personal prognosis and i feel terrified for you all because although we've talked about chemo and how the treatment has knocked everyone for six at times, I can't stop thinking of the what next and couldn't seem to find any right words to write, I do hope i haven't upset anyone but its so difficult and painful to move on and not understanding where really to and how xxx
My treatment continues on 3 weekly Herceptin injections for about a year and then possibly tamoxifen for 10 years. My next oncologist appointment is the 5 July. I'm hoping i would have known by now if it had metastasized although if I'd read and understood my pathology report it had mentioned something about an 8mm deposit in my lymph node that had metastasized and was a grade 2 but hopefully the chemo and herceptin injections and tablets will keep me going for at least the next 20 years. Sorry I've had to write all this but I couldn't stay on here with doing it and then i found it impossible to stay away xxx This is such a special forum each and everyone of you make it wonderful to be part of at this terrible time in my life so a deep and emotional thank you xx
Morning all I am still fine. That was my last chemo Rosina. It was number 6. I think I overtook you when you had to wait for your blood to get better. So thats me done with this chemo lark. Will start injections today so this is usually when I start to have problems. Fingers and everything else crossed.
Seaside what a lovely summer job for your daughter. It will fly by though x
Hope everyone else ok. Nettie I left home at 11.30 on Monday for my chemo and didnt get back till after 6 as there were problems with the drugs. New staff in the pharmacy apparently. Anyway its done and I hope you dont get too bad with this one. My spots seem to be really healing up. Maybe my body has got used to all this poison or maybe I am speaking too soon.
Love to all. How are you getting on Maryln?
Good news about your lump Edinbird. I know you were concerned that it may not have shrunk. Also good that you have a plan in place and you should be ok able to celebrate your birthday without being interupted by treatment.
Nettienoo, it sounds like yesterday was a looooooong day for you. Rest up now.
Seaside Sar, your daughter will have a great time in Disney. How exciting to have the opportunity to work there.
My son set off with a couple of mates this morning to travel up to the Download music festival at Donnington Park, Derbyshire. On account of the wet weather he's renamed it Drownload🌨🌨🌨🌫🌨. Despite the weather I'm sure they'll enjoy it. As for me I've got to get up in a bit and wash my hair then do the Tesco shop later as I can't do it on Friday. Hubby has got the day off tomorrow so we'll have the day to ourselves☺. We'll probably go out out for a pub lunch and do anything that will distract me to stop me dwelling on Friday, although to be honest now I just want it over and done with.
Hope the day goes well for everyone and that everything is ok for those if you that have been a bit quiet these past few days. xxxxxx
Morning beauties, just a quick update as disturbed night and feel rough this morning. Chemo 5 went ahead finally. I had to wait two extra hours for my treatment as the staff had a couple of emergencies to deal with in the morning and it had set them back poor things. They were so frazzled and hadn’t had lunch breaks. Ended up not leaving until 6 and the drive home through all the floods was a nightmare for my son but he did a sterling job at being my chemo buddy and I think the nurses appreciated a bit of young male eye candy on the ward for a bit. 😂😂😂.
Edinbird, mixed news from you as far as the extended timescale you weren’t expecting but what stood out the most was, the happy surgeon, gremlin only 11mm, and the fact you should be able to celebrate your birthday. 🙌🏻 Sweetie. Xxx
Seaside, your kids sound pretty adventurous like mine. It’s great to see them living their best lives isn’t it? How exciting for your daughter. I’m sure she will find the 2.5 months whizzing by as she will be so busy and will make some great new friends.xxx
Hope Daisydi is keeping ok and everyone is not getting too down about the weather. Lots of love and hugs to each and everyone of you. So proud of you all. Xx
Edinbird first - so you are an August baby too 🤗
When is your birthday? Is it your 40 th ?
I turn 50 on August 19th.
Great news about July 4th. Such a good date for remembering 🤪
Daisydi well done for getting chemo done. That was #5 , one more to go.
My last chemo is next week 🤞
Seasidesar you’re daughter will have a great time - wow what an adventure.
Implausible that is a lot ( work/ shopping/ chores).
I am pleased that I drove myself to the workshop yesterday and was able to remain focused throughout.
Today I am having lunch with my class ( walking in - last time it was April) and a quick catch up with my headmaster.
I am defo going back in September, one way or another.
Re. Treats I have booked a Champneys Stay for myself and my daughter for the October half term. They currently have a sale on with good deals. Going back to Forest Mere, good healthy food, hikes, exercise classes, pool , spa etc. Heaven 🤗 It is my closest resort but they all sound fabulous.
I took my daughter and Mum last year to Champneys Forest Mere - 1st time- in August ( again the summer sale deal) and we all loved it . Highly recommended it to anyone who needs a break.
Oh and if anyone’s wondering Bully Boy the parrot ended up in a Parrot Sanctuary up in Lincolnshire after he had ago at hacking bits off H1’s mum.
As I said he didn’t like women, that’s why his owner ( female) advertised him in the Friday ads after her husband passed away - hindsight always helpful 😬
Have a good day everyone 🌸🌼🌻
Nice to have some light at the end of the tunnel, Edinbird. You've got a plan and hopefully you will feel well enough to celebrate your birthday. 😊
I've just said goodbye to my daughter who is off to work in Disney in Florida for 2 and a half months. She is so excited but was a bit scared this morning when reality set in. I'm sure she'll be fine once she's there and she'll have a great time but she's never been away from home for more than a month at a time. I'll be keeping busy today to distract myself. Son is having a lads break in Corfu, so it's just me and the cat until hubby returns from the airport run.
Hope you all have a good day.
Thats good Edinbird. Glad the lump has shrunk and you now have a date for surgery. That will be a breeze for you after all this chemo poo. And you get to celebrate your big birthday. You'll be well recovered by then. Night night x
Quick update as I’m exhausted long day...
Lump is now 11mm. It’s coming out on 4th July. Happy Cancer Independence Day!!
Also coming out are 4 lymph nodes. Hopefully they are clear and I get to keep the rest!
Surgeon was very happy. I thought I’d be the one to have last surgery but that’s Deano - only a few days between us. Two weeks signed off and then radiotherapy will be two months after!! That’s ages! So on the one hand I won’t be done by my birthday in August but on the other hand I should have August to be normal. Gotta think about going back to work, back to the job I never thought I’d do again. Need to ask the oncologist more on Friday but it’s a longer timescale than I expected.
Anyway I need to sleep now, I’m exhausted and I do need to do some work tomorrow! I know it’s been a pretty emotional day on here I’ve seen everything but had stuff to sort out myself. I now have some sort of temporary light at the end of the tunnel which is both exciting and scary at the same time. Sleep well everyone xx
As I was a very good girl and had my last chemo yesterday I am claiming post 5000.
Sarah you need to relax, although saying that I have done loads of housework today and had a decent walk with the dogs. Oh the joys of steroids xxxxxx
Going to get in quick on post 4999 and leave the big 5k for whoever comes after me!
I'm totally exhausted after working a full day on my day off plus doing a ton of housework and just now heading to Tesco for a big shop. Think I got a little carried away on my first day feeling a little less dead as I have definitely overdone things!!!
Taste buds are still totally all over the place. All I can currently tolerate is fruit, hence all day I've eaten fruit and now I've got the runs. Should have seen that coming!! Luckily it isn't tooooo bad. Just not right for me.... will have to try to eat some normal food tomorrow.
I remember doing one of those Colour Me Beautiful things ages ago. I seem to remember them telling me I definitely shouldn't wear black, and should instead wear autumnal colours like reds and oranges. 1990s punk rock me was NOT ready to hear that
I will catch up properly with everyone tomorrow. Really sorry, I'm beat. Been a crazy day.
Thanks for the Colour me Beautiful information Rosina. I need all the help I can get sometimes as the wrong colour can make me look completely washed out .xxx
here is the answer to your question:
It is a colour analysis workshop.
I was with a bunch of ladies- all cancer patients- and we had our most flattering colours ( for wearing close to our face) matched to us.
I had had this done privately (1-1 session, Birthday gift, makeup also a year ago, you also get a booklet with fabric swatches ) so I did it again to check if anything ( because of chemotherapy) has changed but I still suit soft colours .
It is a fun workshop and I enjoy seeing how other ladies ( they can do men too but there weren’t any) look amazing when they have the most flattering colours close to their faces.
No makeup though or fabric swatches were given out - the workshop was free.🌈
Right, wig now rinsed and drying. Now where was I?
Oh that's it, I was going to ask Rosina, what is the Colour me Beautiful course/session? Your anecdote about your daughter made me smile. One of my work colleagues in Basingstoke had a son a little younger than my son. She had a similar experience. She was of oriental extraction her husband white American. Their son was a blue eyed blonde and bore no resemblance to her at all.
Daisydi, is that really you under that cold cap! Know what you mean about the cold ears and ouch! as they warm up☹.
Edinbird I went to my surgeon's appt too by myself but made sure I was armed with relevant questions, some of which came via this forum. I think I'll have hubby with me though when I go for my post operation results as I thing there'll be quite alot of information for me to take on-board.
Right, must go now and get on with a few things that need sorting before Friday. And yes Seaside Sar we definitely all need to meet up when we feel up to it. Hope the rest of of the day goes ok for all of you, just wish the sun would shine🌝. xxxx
Just a very quick pop in. Spent over half an hour catching up with all the posts was just about to reply then remembered I'm supposed to be washing the second of my two wigs. It's in soak at the moment. Anyway just wanted to let you know that I am feeling much better today after my couple of days meltdown.
Rosina and Sarah thank you both for sharing your stories and experiences.
Seaside Sar hope your rads meeting is ok tomorrow.
MJB, not long 'til your cruise now. While you're sailing off into the sunset I'll be drifting off to the land of nod with the help of my aneathatist..
Must pop back to deal with my wig. Love to you all. Will finish this post later. xxxx
My beautiful friends,
I am welling up reading all of your posts. You are all amazing and strong.
Daisy, I really hope the cold cap did its job for you, poor love! Freezing ears are painful. At least that part is done now. Take care and rest lots.
Good luck today, Nettienoo. Completely understand your fears. Wish I could come and give you a big hug.
Rosina, thank you for sharing your story. So very sad for you to have gone through this. You are remarkable and a very special lady. Great big hugs to you.
Edinbird, it really sounds like your work do need that protocol. You have been so amazing carrying on working, the least they can do is make the necessary adjustments and show kindness and understanding.
Sonia, hope you're able to catch up on some sleep today. If the weather where you are is as awful as it is here, you are better off in bed.
Marlyn, hope today's rads go well and the soreness is bearable.
Sarah, going back to feeling down (which is still the case for me) I think you're right - much of that must be down to that sense of unknown again and the start of the next lot of treatment.
On that note, I am having my radiotherapy meeting tomorrow so I will hopefully get a start date.
Hope all the rest of you lovely ladies are OK today.
More than ever I feel we need to meet up when we're all feeling well enough. Gonna be emotional!
Loads of love
Going to ‘Colour Me Beautiful ‘ this afternoon at the Macmillan Cancer Support Center. Next week is the ‘Look Good Feel Better ‘.
Just to add , I had also been to mothers and toddlers at other church halls. I got asked if my daughter was a foster child by the pastor at one of them as Kalinda has a darker colour ( duh- like her Dad) I never went back to that one. Really hurtful remark 😳 the heart does get a bashing.
When I spoke to the police that Friday night I repeatedly said he H1 needed help and counselling. I now know that the police don’t do this.
Peter, who married us knew both myself and H1. I met Peter through the mother’s and toddlers group that ran at his church ( Baptist - you choose if you wish to be Baptised, neither of my kids are) and he had said to me if H1 and I ever decided to get hitched he would be happy to do the service.
When the police took H1 away that evening I thought he would return later. When he didn’t , I took the kids up to London for the ice skating ( as planned) on Saturday and when H1 still didn’t show up I was really upset because I didn’t know what was happening. So I went to Peter at his Church on Sunday morning and spoke to him after the service.
He did not advise me on the spot ( as he didn’t know what to say either, he listened). He checked in with me for the whole week I was alone with the kids. He asked a friend of his ex-police to find out what would happen next. He also spoke to H1 separately.
Peter was amazing.
I am forever grateful for how he helped us.
He passed away on his 65th birthday just as he retired. I am welling up writing this.
Peter was a good man.
On the odd occasion that I do go to church I always think of him and his kindness.
H1 also remembers him as a good man and so do the kids.
I've been thrown into the middle of a work crisis this morning (not actually back on roster till tomorrow but that seems to have been overlooked!) and therefore can't yet reply in full but I can't read and run!
You are brave to share! And I am glad it has helped.
Usually I would bristle at the part where the vicar talked you into dropping the charges but given that you got a fairly unusually strong police response which clearly served as a short sharp shock, and you guys are still together and happy years down the line, I'd say it all worked out well.
I worked with Refuge for a number of years and had to stand down in the end because I couldn't handle seeing so many woman return to their abusers for what almost inevitably turned out to be more of the same. Happy results like yours were rarer but I am so glad that they do happen.
I'm also glad you took action swiftly and got a good response from the authorities. Well - a slightly frightening response but at least they didn't side against you which is also unfortunately often the case.
I'll reply better properly later!