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February 2019 chemo starters


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!



Hi ladies, 

sorry ive been a bit quite, but not had the best of weeks( when do I 🤪)  Monday I began to feel good, made a school meeting about sons trip, then the constipation went the other way and I’ve just been wiped out, not sleeping great. Made up my mind to go and get some shopping and felt like i’d Pass out.

I screamed at eldest for lazy before I left and told him he didn’t have to live here, then felt awful the whole time I was gone. 

Mind you it has worked as he’s offered to

cook tea, and presently power washing top of the garden. 


Marilyn, sorry to hear your suffering from vertigo, a lady in my office suffers from this, and I know it’s not nice. 


MJB, I hope you get everything done before your holiday, It doesn’t matter how prepared you are that last 48hrs are usually manic. 


Sarah, sorry you’ve had to work when your not feeling great, this time has really wore me out. Fingers crossed your on the up side now. 


Edinbird, I’m so glad the gremlin has shrunk, and now you have dates you can work with. 


Rosina Sarah and Ocean , thank you for sharing with us about your experiences, I’m glad you felt you could share with us xx 


seaside Sar, what an experience for your daughter, we give them the tools and then they fly off and use them. 


Ocean, I believe that if Bc has giving me anything it’s if I want to be in Pj at 10/11 then I will be 💕 your pictures are lovely as ever. 


Trixielady, it’s so hard being positive with all the other Barryness going on, but that’s what we are here for, a chat a rant or tears 💕💕


Daisydi, hope you aren’t suffering too badly this time round xx


Nettinoo, what a day you had, I hope you got some rest today. 


Susie, drownload made me chuckle, mine usually go to boardmasters and that’s usually a wet week too😂 the joys of English weather.

I hope you get to enjoy lunch out with hubby. 


Rosina, my daughter is itching to book a weekend away just the 2 of us, I think I will be lovely just to get away. 


Hope everyone is having a good day 💕💕













Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Just love these pics Ocean x


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

420BB23F-7543-4660-888A-A0F4859309B7.jpegThere’s a garden not far from us where the owner ‘s passion is bamboo. Amazing place.C1D38799-B186-4971-8205-B2F088232B62.jpegMy friend Lynda next to a clump of bamboo .just to give context to the height of the canes. Lynda Is about 5ft 6”396FC027-A87D-47C6-845F-8ABBBA63B269.jpeg068F4085-44E7-40AF-9D67-B2D18ED7A89A.jpegD924C335-AB87-4F5C-9D44-D61A41187A96.jpeg8B6E0308-FA23-46DD-A099-5457DAC5DB65.jpeg9A47C369-00BF-42BF-AD65-D93F686FF1F5.jpegFD3ED463-174D-4CAB-94E4-2E3B93CE8CA5.jpeg


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

7C6AD960-8BFC-44DB-8E24-D991B1A0DB23.jpegTeasel158CC403-5894-4976-ABA0-0E34168348AA.jpegArtichoke574C2258-545F-4816-8E16-C4BD95E5FBDE.jpegD7C6BC56-D9D5-4046-8BF7-DDF5A75D8A82.jpeg1B0B7CBD-BE9D-4BCA-8E99-EED584C1C7D7.jpegMargeurittes and fuschias, don’t know why the photo flipped on uploading.E76ACD3F-3148-4B52-BF3E-192276A18EE7.jpeg


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Ladies

So much going on as usual not sure if I will remember everything. Firstly great news for you Edinbird I am so pleased and that you have a plan in place. I love a plan and found the uncertainty of all this really hard to cope with.

Marlyn I hope you feel better soon. Vertigo is horrible I had it last week GP thought it was probably viral. It's gone now thank goodness but really Flores me for a few days.

Yes children go off soon enough to do their thing. Mine although of course are adults of 43, and 40 are both away. Well our daughter lives in Abu Dhabi as you all know and our son a lot closer in Bristol. He is coming down tomorrow. We see him every few weeks as he is always working he is a Manager with Morrisons and they really get value for money out of there staff. I rang him on Sunday as he is usual home in the evening and he was still in work as. The store is having a re fit he had been there for over 12 hours already!

I was sorry to read about the domestic violence issues shared here with us. I am so glad you both felt this was a safe place to disclose. I have only experienced this from a professional perspective as a health visitor , but I do recognise the fear and emotional issues it causes and offer monetary and practical issues too. I can see you have both moved on from it all be it in different ways.

Trixielady again I know exactly where you are coming from, yes we need positive vibes but we can't be like that all the time. I will be on Letrozole for 10 years too (I hope), but will always worry about not completing chemo. 

Why do holidays creep  up on you and there always so much to do, cleaning (although why I am not sure), getting the cats ready for cattery = new beds, loads of food as they are too fussy to eat cattery food, packing deciding which kitchen sink to leave behind😄. Never mind all good easy to deal with issues. Tomorrow nails and eyebrows at 11am then visit from Son and some tea together, then Rock choir. Traveling to Southampton on Friday morning. Oh and dog being looked after by his favourite people our friends. He won't want to come home, but unfortunately his partner in crime there dog Ted is no longer with us.

Well I must wash the floor before hubby and dog get back from third walk and dirty it again. Love to all. X


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!


i haven't had the best start to the day, I woke up with a horrible episode of vertigo ( my last episode was last August) I can only guess it's an accumulation of everything iv been through since December, I won't be able to drive so my poor hubby is driving back from Cardiff to take me.....god knows how I will be able to lay on the table for rads! I bloody dreading it......xxxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Daisydi, Chemotherapy done. I think I remember now.

So envious. 

I wish I was done too 🤪


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

These are gorgeous photos  Ocean21,

thank you 🤗


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning beauties,

Edinbird, good news that the gremlin has shrunk and the fact that you have a surgery date. 


Nettie, I’m losing track of all our goings on, have you finished now ? Great that your son was with you , chemo buddy and eye candy ... can’t be bad sure there’s a market fo4 him if h3 decides to quit his day jobSmiley Happy 


SeasideSar , I’m sure your daughter will have a great time. It’ll be an adventure. My daughter first went to the States for 3 months when she went to there having won an internship , I had more of a wobble about her going than she did. She went to San Francisco, met loads of new people and had a lovely three months.


Still in my dressing gown and it’s well after 10. Tim is up and hovering. He gets up well early and always want to do things on his time and as quickly as possible. It’s one of the things I’ve had to rail back against in our relationship and I’m even more determined since diagnosis not to give into it. So being in my dressing at nearly 11 in the morning is an act of quiet rebellion in this house🤣🤣🤣


Rosina, thank you so much for sharing your story with H1. I children’s father was a bit of a bully, very emotionally manipulative.Physically, he attacked once.He’s a big bloke and use to physically intimidat me all the time but stopped short of hitting. 


 The only physical attack was after we split up , he’d come to collect the kids but wouldn’t tell me where he was taking them. I wouldn’t let them go in the car until he told me so he head butted me in front of them. When he had me by the scruff off the neck over a garden wall one of my neighbours ran out an intervened.


True to form took another man to bully him back. Got a restraining order . To the outside world my ex was the gentle giant, proper Mr Nice Guy but in the house, different story. As I’m pretty assertive , nobody in my family believed what I said he was doing in the house. Somehow, it was something I was doing . As luck would have it , my sister was visiting for a few days when the head butting incident happened. My daughter ran into the house to get her. 


Over the years he’s manipulated the kids to the extent that now as adults they rarely have anything to do with him. In fact my youngest is back in the same city as him now and actively chosen not to make contact. 


Therapy is a funny old game. It’s my day job or will be again when this bc treatment business is over with. I see couples or individuals. Even when couples come,on occasions  there can be one of them who says they don’t see the point of coming. Every therapist obviously has different ways of modalities working and interpreting things .


for me when I hear that’s , it’s one of my first pointers to trying to unravel and understand who controls the conversation about what’s said in the therapy room and outside of it. Lots of people think talking therapies are just about paying good money to waffle on so what’s the point? Obviously, I’m biased but therapy done well can be life changing. Not saying that there aren’t crap therapists about but do your homework and find a really good one who works in a way that suits you and a whole new world opens up.


Right , I’m off to waft into the shower.


Thinking of all of you. Love and big hugs.


More pics, they seem to make you happy . I have thousands 😅😘8EEB76A0-5BB6-4A38-A21D-65A5F17EA8AB.jpeg66443449-F3E2-4D61-B1C6-38037ED5436B.jpegF188B3BD-626D-413F-A821-9302F9A1D85B.jpeg6322B71C-5502-437F-AFD1-5FBAA3A2237B.jpegF78F0B73-7C01-49CB-B604-1F605EC0221A.jpegCA0B38AF-A5C3-40D6-B650-1130EAA299C2.jpeg








Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Trixie yes rads for me next planning on 12th July and then start about 2 weeks after and finish around middle of August.  Already feeling nervous about that and then will start hormone tabs for ? 10 years.  Its so hard not to worry about the future but we just have to think we are doing everything we possibly can.  What with changing to paraben free everything and cutting out processed meat there's not really much more I can do.  Need to lose a bit of weight but I will worry about that after.  I think the hormone tablets play a huge part in my oestrogen positive ca.  Mine was grade 2 also.  I had 24 nodes removed and 4 were  positive but the onc said he wanted me to have r/t to neck so now I am worrying that it is still in those and hope to god that the r/t will kill anything else off.  My original tumour was surrounded by DCIS which didnt show up on any imaging and is not killed off by chemo as it is pre cancer.  When they went back in to remove all that there was already another small tumour growing but that was taken away too and then the third surgery took even more tissue to give really clear margins.  The r/t will kill off the DCIS if there is any more there.  All we can do is hope that we have done enough and will continue to be healthy for many more years.  That's the difficult part isn't it.  Lots of love xx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning daisydi 

Glad thats number 6 out of the way and for now your feeling ok please don't over do it, I think we forget  and push ourselves on a good day and then end up suffering. I thought id be ok last week saying i haven't had chemo but ended up back at the hospital diagnosed with chemo toxicity and told off again for cleaning a cupboard out and told i still needed complete bed rest xx

Whats next for you was it rads?? Xx


lovely toRe: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning lovely ladies

So pleased we're all moving on to the next stage of this barry journey. 

I really can't explain what & why I'm feeling reading all your posts, I'm so scared for each and everyone of us some more than others and I feel guilty that my diagnosis and treatment gives me possibly a very good if not excellent prognosis compared to some, I've watched Lorraine this morning and was in tears watching Steve Bland the death of his wife Rachel last year really brought things home again, we're all here for each other but we know very little about each others struggle with personal prognosis and i feel terrified for you all because although we've talked about chemo and how the treatment has knocked everyone for six at times, I can't stop thinking of the what next and couldn't seem to find any right words to write, I do hope i haven't upset anyone but its so difficult and painful to move on and not understanding where really to and how xxx

My treatment continues on 3 weekly Herceptin injections for about a year and then possibly tamoxifen for 10 years. My next oncologist appointment is the 5 July. I'm hoping i would have known by now if it had metastasized although if I'd read and understood my pathology report it had mentioned something about an 8mm deposit in my lymph node that had metastasized and was a grade 2 but hopefully the chemo and herceptin injections and tablets will keep me going for at least the next 20 years. Sorry I've had to write all this but I couldn't stay on here with doing it and then i found it impossible to stay away xxx This is such a special forum each and everyone of you make it wonderful to be part of at this terrible time in my life so a deep and emotional thank you xx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning all I am still fine.  That was my last chemo Rosina.  It was number 6.  I think I overtook you when you had to wait for your blood to get better.  So thats me done with this chemo lark.  Will start injections today so this is usually when I start to have problems.  Fingers and everything else crossed.

Seaside what a lovely summer job for your daughter.  It will fly by though x

Hope everyone else ok.  Nettie I left home at 11.30 on Monday for my chemo and didnt get back till after 6 as there were problems with the drugs.  New staff in the pharmacy apparently.  Anyway its done and I hope you dont get too bad with this one.  My spots seem to be really healing up.  Maybe my body has got used to all this poison or maybe I am speaking too soon.

Love to all.  How are you getting on Maryln?


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning everyone 

Good news about your lump Edinbird. I know you were concerned that it may not have shrunk. Also good that you have a plan in place and you should be ok able to celebrate your birthday without being interupted by treatment.

Nettienoo, it sounds like yesterday was a looooooong day for you. Rest up now.

Seaside Sar, your daughter will have a great time in Disney. How exciting to have the opportunity to work there.

My son set off with a couple of mates this morning to travel up to the Download music festival at Donnington Park, Derbyshire. On account of the wet weather he's renamed it Drownload🌨🌨🌨🌫🌨. Despite the weather I'm sure they'll enjoy it. As for me I've got to get up in a bit and wash my hair then do the Tesco shop later as I can't do it on Friday. Hubby has got the day off tomorrow so we'll have the day to ourselves☺. We'll probably go out out for a pub lunch and do anything that will distract  me to stop me dwelling on Friday, although to be honest now I just want it over and done with.

Hope the day goes well for everyone and that everything is ok for those if you that have been a bit quiet these past few days. xxxxxx   




Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning beauties, just a quick update as disturbed night and feel rough this morning. Chemo 5 went ahead finally. I had to wait two extra hours for my treatment as the staff had a couple of emergencies to deal with in the morning and it had set them back poor things. They were so frazzled and hadn’t had lunch breaks. Ended up not leaving until 6 and the drive home through all the floods was a nightmare for my son but he did a sterling job at being my chemo buddy and I think the nurses appreciated a bit of young male eye candy on the ward for a bit. 😂😂😂. 

Edinbird, mixed news from you as far as the extended timescale you weren’t expecting but what stood out the most was, the happy surgeon, gremlin only 11mm, and the fact you should be able to celebrate your birthday. 🙌🏻 Sweetie. Xxx

Seaside, your kids sound pretty adventurous like mine. It’s great to see them living their best lives isn’t it? How exciting for your daughter. I’m sure she will find the 2.5 months whizzing by as she will be so busy and will make some great new friends.xxx

Hope Daisydi is keeping ok and everyone is not getting too down about the weather. Lots of love and hugs to each and everyone of you. So proud of you all. Xx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning Everyone,

Edinbird first - so you are an August baby too 🤗

When is your birthday? Is it your 40 th ?

I turn 50 on August 19th.

Great news about July 4th. Such a good date for remembering 🤪

Daisydi well done for getting chemo done. That was #5 , one more to go.

My last chemo is next week 🤞

Seasidesar you’re daughter will have a great time - wow what an adventure.

Implausible that is a lot ( work/ shopping/ chores). 

I am pleased that I drove myself to the workshop yesterday and was able to remain focused throughout.

Today I am having lunch with my class ( walking in - last time it was April) and a quick catch up with my headmaster.

 I am defo going back in September, one way or another.

Re. Treats I have booked a Champneys Stay for myself and my daughter for the October half term. They currently have a sale on with good deals. Going back to Forest Mere, good healthy food, hikes, exercise classes, pool , spa etc. Heaven 🤗 It is my closest resort but they all sound fabulous.

 I took my daughter and Mum last year to Champneys Forest Mere - 1st time- in August ( again the summer sale deal) and we all loved it . Highly recommended it to anyone who needs a break.

Oh and if anyone’s wondering Bully Boy the parrot ended up in a Parrot Sanctuary up in Lincolnshire after he had ago at hacking bits off H1’s mum.

As I said he didn’t like women, that’s why his owner ( female) advertised him in the Friday ads after her husband passed away - hindsight always helpful 😬

Have a good day everyone 🌸🌼🌻



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning everyone,


Nice to have some light at the end of the tunnel, Edinbird. You've got a plan and hopefully you will feel well enough to celebrate your birthday. 😊


I've just said goodbye to my daughter who is off to work in Disney in Florida for 2 and a half months. She is so excited but was a bit scared this morning when reality set in. I'm sure she'll be fine once she's there and she'll have a great time but she's never been away from home for more than a month at a time. I'll be keeping busy today to distract myself. Son is having a lads break in Corfu, so it's just me and the cat until hubby returns from the airport run.


Hope you all have a good day.


Sar xxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Thats good Edinbird.  Glad the lump has shrunk and you now have a date for surgery.  That will be a breeze for you after all this chemo poo.  And you get to celebrate your big birthday.  You'll be well recovered by then.  Night night x


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Quick update as I’m exhausted long day...


Lump is now 11mm. It’s coming out on 4th July. Happy Cancer Independence Day!!


Also coming out are 4 lymph nodes. Hopefully they are clear and I get to keep the rest!


Surgeon was very happy. I thought I’d be the one to have last surgery but that’s Deano - only a few days between us. Two weeks signed off and then radiotherapy will be two months after!! That’s ages! So on the one hand I won’t be done by my birthday in August but on the other hand I should have August to be normal. Gotta think about going back to work, back to the job I never thought I’d do again. Need to ask the oncologist more on Friday but it’s a longer timescale than I expected.


Anyway I need to sleep now, I’m exhausted and I do need to do some work tomorrow! I know it’s been a pretty emotional day on here I’ve seen everything but had stuff to sort out myself. I now have some sort of temporary light at the end of the tunnel which is both exciting and scary at the same time. Sleep well everyone xx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

As I was a very good girl and had my last chemo yesterday I am claiming post 5000. 

Sarah you need to relax, although saying that I have done loads of housework today and had a decent walk with the dogs.  Oh the joys of steroids xxxxxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi all


Going to get in quick on post 4999 and leave the big 5k for whoever comes after me! Smiley Very Happy


I'm totally exhausted after working a full day on my day off plus doing a ton of housework and just now heading to Tesco for a big shop.  Think I got a little carried away on my first day feeling a little less dead as I have definitely overdone things!!!


Taste buds are still totally all over the place.  All I can currently tolerate is fruit, hence all day I've eaten fruit and now I've got the runs.  Should have seen that coming!!  Luckily it isn't tooooo bad.  Just not right for me....  will have to try to eat some normal food tomorrow.


I remember doing one of those Colour Me Beautiful things ages ago.  I seem to remember them telling me I definitely shouldn't wear black, and should instead wear autumnal colours like reds and oranges.  1990s punk rock me was NOT ready to hear that Smiley Very Happy


I will catch up properly with everyone tomorrow.  Really sorry, I'm beat.  Been a crazy day.


Sarah x


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Thanks for the Colour me Beautiful information Rosina. I need all the help I can get sometimes as the wrong colour can make me look completely washed out .xxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi SusieB

here is the answer to your question:


It is a colour analysis workshop.

 I was with a bunch of ladies- all cancer patients- and we had our most flattering colours ( for wearing close to our face) matched to us. 

I had had this done privately (1-1 session, Birthday gift, makeup also a year ago, you also get a booklet with fabric swatches ) so I did it again to check if anything  ( because of chemotherapy) has changed but I still suit soft colours .

 It is a fun workshop and I enjoy seeing how other ladies ( they can do men too but there weren’t any) look amazing when they have the most flattering colours close to their faces.

No makeup though or fabric swatches were given out - the workshop was free.🌈



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Right, wig now rinsed and drying. Now where was I?

Oh that's it, I was going to ask Rosina, what is the Colour me Beautiful course/session? Your anecdote about your daughter made me smile. One of my work colleagues in Basingstoke had a son a little younger than my son. She had a similar experience. She was of oriental extraction her husband white American. Their son was a blue eyed blonde and bore no resemblance to her at all.   

Daisydi, is that really you under that cold cap! Know what you mean about the cold ears and ouch! as they warm up☹. 

Edinbird I went to my surgeon's appt too by myself but made sure I was armed with relevant questions, some of which came via this forum. I think I'll have hubby with me though when I go for my post operation results as I thing there'll be quite alot of information for me to take on-board.    

Right, must go now and get on with a few things that need sorting before Friday. And yes Seaside Sar we definitely all need to meet up when we feel up to it. Hope the rest of of the day goes ok for all of you, just wish the sun would shine🌝. xxxx  






Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi everyone 

Just a very quick pop in. Spent over half an hour catching up with all the posts was just about to reply then remembered I'm supposed to be washing the second of my two wigs. It's in soak at the moment. Anyway just wanted to let you know that I am feeling much better today after my couple of days meltdown.

Rosina and Sarah thank you both for sharing your stories and experiences.     

Seaside Sar hope your rads meeting is ok tomorrow.

MJB, not long 'til your cruise now. While you're sailing off into the sunset I'll be drifting off to the land of nod with the help of my aneathatist..

Must pop back to deal with my wig. Love to you all. Will finish this post later. xxxx 



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

My beautiful friends,


I am welling up reading all of your posts. You are all amazing and strong.


Daisy, I really hope the cold cap did its job for you, poor love! Freezing ears are painful. At least that part is done now. Take care and rest lots.


Good luck today, Nettienoo. Completely understand your fears. Wish I could come and give you a big hug.


Rosina, thank you for sharing your story. So very sad for you to have gone through this. You are remarkable and a very special lady. Great big hugs to you.


Edinbird, it really sounds like your work do need that protocol. You have been so amazing carrying on working, the least they can do is make the necessary adjustments and show kindness and understanding.


Sonia, hope you're able to catch up on some sleep today. If the weather where you are is as awful as it is here, you are better off in bed.


Marlyn, hope today's rads go well and the soreness is bearable.


Sarah, going back to feeling down (which is still the case for me) I think you're right - much of that must be down to that sense of unknown again and the start of the next lot of treatment.


On that note, I am having my radiotherapy meeting tomorrow so I will hopefully get a start date.


Hope all the rest of you lovely ladies are OK today.


More than ever I feel we need to meet up when we're all feeling well enough. Gonna be emotional!


Loads of love 


Sar xxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

 Going to ‘Colour Me Beautiful ‘ this afternoon at the Macmillan Cancer Support Center. Next week is the ‘Look Good Feel Better ‘.

 Just to add , I had also been to mothers and toddlers at other church halls. I got asked if my daughter was a foster child by the pastor at one of them as Kalinda has a darker colour ( duh- like her Dad) I never went back to that one. Really hurtful remark 😳 the heart does get a bashing. 



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Thanks Implausible,

When I spoke to the police that Friday night I repeatedly said he H1 needed help and counselling. I now know that the police don’t do this. 

Peter, who married us knew both myself and H1. I met Peter through the mother’s and toddlers group that ran at his church ( Baptist - you choose if you wish to be Baptised, neither of my kids are) and he had said to me if H1 and I ever decided to get hitched he would be happy to do the service.

When the police took H1 away that evening I thought he would return later. When he didn’t , I took the kids up to London for the ice skating ( as planned)  on Saturday and when H1 still didn’t show up I was really upset because I didn’t know what was happening. So I went to Peter at his Church on Sunday morning and spoke to him after the service.

He did not advise me on the spot ( as he didn’t know what to say either, he listened). He checked in with me for the whole week I was alone with the kids. He asked a friend of his ex-police to find out what would happen next. He also spoke to H1 separately.

Peter was amazing.

 I am forever grateful for how he helped us. 

He passed away on his 65th birthday just as he retired. I am welling up writing this.

Peter was a good man.

On the odd occasion that I do go to church I always think of him and his kindness.

H1 also remembers him as a good man and so do the kids.





Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Rosina Heart


I've been thrown into the middle of a work crisis this morning (not actually back on roster till tomorrow but that seems to have been overlooked!) and therefore can't yet reply in full but I can't read and run!

You are brave to share!  And I am glad it has helped.


Usually I would bristle at the part where the vicar talked you into dropping the charges but given that you got a fairly unusually strong police response which clearly served as a short sharp shock, and you guys are still together and happy years down the line, I'd say it all worked out well.


I worked with Refuge for a number of years and had to stand down in the end because I couldn't handle seeing so many woman return to their abusers for what almost inevitably turned out to be more of the same.  Happy results like yours were rarer but I am so glad that they do happen.

I'm also glad you took action swiftly and got a good response from the authorities.  Well - a slightly frightening response but at least they didn't side against you which is also unfortunately often the case.


I'll reply better properly later!


Sarah x




Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

47B67AC4-289F-490A-93F7-E59D502A4473.jpegChakra 4



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Rosina, oh my goodness how brave you are to have shared your past trauma with us. As Marlyn has said, no judgement here. I’m so glad you feel better for having done so. Lots of love and hugs. Xx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Edinbird, yes please update us when you can. 

Such a good idea about getting some kind of protocol put in place at work. I think the court service could do with an overhaul of theirs too. When I first had bc 5 years ago it was all pretty shocking the way I was treated by management. It made the experience a lot more traumatic than it should have been. 

I would be quite happy going to chemo on my own but it’s a distance away and I don’t drive so someone always has to take me (usually my friend Sharon as she seems to enjoy coming with me, weird lady. Lol). X



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Edinbird, yes please update us when you can. 

Such a good idea about getting some kind of protocol put in place at work. I think the court service could do with an overhaul of theirs too. When I first had bc 5 years ago it was all pretty shocking the way I was treated by management. It made the experience a lot more traumatic than it should have been. 

I would be quite happy going to chemo on my own but it’s a distance away and I don’t drive so someone always has to take me (usually my friend Sharon as she seems to enjoy coming with me, weird lady. Lol). X



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi Marlyn,

thank you. I feel lighter for sharing. I shared in art therapy last week too. 

We all carry ‘stuff’ inside of us that we think we have ‘dealt’ with.

Ocean21 I love your Nigella photos. Nigellas look like mandalas to me.

They are also known as ‘ love in a  mist’.

Rosina 🌸


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!


Thank you for sharing your story, there are no judgments here, only unconditional love. Sending you healing pure energy and a tight hug... xxxxxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Good luck with dose #5 today Nettinoo.

All done Daisydi, you will get through this bit now and out the other side. 

Implausible yes I did go for a good walk on Sunday. It was a relief to have  ‘me’ back. Horse tranquiliser drug has been so strong that  I have been in tears  sitting on my sofa thinking I won’t be able to complete my Macmillan Hike in July . H1 says I don’t have to and my walking buddy says we can always catch an Uber if we feel awful but I so want to get to the finish line 🤪

So it was lovely to feel light and free and walk instead of shuffle. Actually it was exhilarating!!! I am convinced my legs are stronger- no aches or pains at the end of the 16 miles. No aches or pains the next day either. I caught the bus back from Hartfield ( £6.20 😳). I am aiming to get to 20 miles before the big event. H1 will be joining me on this training.

 I think this walking is becoming something of a pilgrimage dedicated to the heart.

On Sunday morning I was out and walking at 8.30 am ( so glad to have my body and brain back) that by the time I was at the start of the Worth Way the bells were ringing at St. Nicholas ( I mean peeling away) that I got all choked up. It’s like they were ringing for me 🤗

I too have experienced domestic violence x2  ( I shared this in my most recent art therapy) so it was very good to get it ‘off my chest ‘. If you are wondering it was with H1.

The second time ( about 10 years after the first incident) I called the police and H1 spent the night in a prison cell. 

We have managed to forgive each other but I have not forgotten.

We had only known each other for like 40 days or so before I fell pregnant.

 I was at the time teaching in Istanbul. I told H1 over the phone and he let me decide whether I wanted to keep the child ( my daughter) or not.

 I continued to work at the school in Istanbul until I was 6 months pregnant and then I came over to the UK and moved in with him. We had never lived together.

H1 had been married before and his marriage had ended after 4 years ( no kids) and the lady had gone with money . When I met him back packing in Thailand I liked that he never said anything bad about her.

Anyway our first bust up was when my daughter was 11months . It was over our pet parrot ( which I had bought from the Friday ads for a Valentines gift) anyway the parrot hated females ( it loved H1 it would feed from his mouth)  and it would dive bomb me when it was let out of its cage.

 I used to watch him like a hawk but he never went for my daughter. One day I had had enough, rowed with H1 and stuck bully boy ( that’s what I had named him) out in his cage in the back garden.  H1 went mental.

 I packed and left ( back home to my parents in Greece).

The second incident was just before Christmas, I had bought tickets to take my kids ice skating in London. H1 and I had got married by this point ( we got married when my daughter was 6 and my son 3 I wanted to get married but he was a lot more reserved seeing he had been ‘burnt’ first time around) and I was teaching at a Pupil Referral Unit for children who have been permanent lay excluded from mainstream education. I had 2 awful weeks at work ( and I mean ‘flight or fight’ situations - these kids project all their ‘stuff’ on you) and I came home tired and an argument over the dinner that H1 had prepared for me ( I said something like ‘I am not eating this **bleep**’) and I cannot remember what else but I do remember being shoved outside . I could hear my daughter upset inside and I went back in got both the kids and called the police on my mobile phone because I wanted my kids to know that it is not ok to behave like this. 

H1 got pepper sprayed and handcuffed and I didn’t see him for more than a week. I didn’t know what had happened to him and the police wouldn’t tell me . It was awful. 

Thanks to advice from the vicar that married us I went back and retracted my statement at Crawley police station. 

That was 7 years ago. 

H1 doesn’t believe in counselling (I have suggested it) .

H1 found the lump in my boob.

I am working on myself and my own demons.

H1 loves all of us. I don’t think my Mum has let stuff go but she should.

Hence all the heart chakra work.

Love and forgiveness,




Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Edinbird if it helps, you can tell your sis etc that I've never taken anyone in with me to any of my consultant appointments.   


I've never wanted to, and to be fair nobody has offered to come with me Smiley Happy  but I would have said no thanks if they did... I feel like I need to concentrate at the appts without the distraction of someone with me, and if someone else was in there with me hearing possibly bad news at the same time as I heard it, then I would be too busy worrying about them when I should be thinking about me....


My other half did take me to all my chemo appts however, but that's because I was advised I shouldn't drive myself home after them.  And the hospital is in the middle of nowhere.   To be honest I reckon I would have been fine as usually felt ok on actual treatment day, and I just ended up feeling guilty that I used up 6 days of his annual leave.  

Especially given all he ended up doing each time was sit there playing games on his phone while I talked to the chatty lady in the next bed!


Daisydi don't worry you didn't scare me, I know all these drugs have their side effects and we need to find our own cocktails that work.  I'm putting hormone regime worries firmly on the backburner for now


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Morning, well the steroids have done their job and kept me awake most of the night again. Will prob have to take a sleeping tab tonight and this is going to be a long haul on steroids this time.  No other probs so far but then Im not expecting them yet.

Sarah didnt mean to scare you about Letrozole.  Everyone is different and some people are fine.  We just have to find the drug that suits us best but make sure we dont suffer in silence.  Apparently even different brands can give different effects but hey we dont have to think about that until the radiotherapy is over.  One step at a time.

Edinbird good luck with the surgeon.  Let us know how you get on later.

Praying for you Nettienoo.  Know exactly how you feel but I did it so so can you.  Take care x

Hope everyone else is ok xx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

🍀🍀Good luck Nettinoo, 🍀🍀

you’ve got this 🤞.

It will be lovely to have you son with you today, even if not in the nicest situations. 


Ive had a rubbish nights sleep, serves me right thinking I was coming out the other end early 🤪🤪🤪 hopefully I’ll catch up on sleep later xx


I’ll pop back later when brain has engaged    



Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Good luck Nettie xx I’m having the kinda opposite issue whereby I’m going on my own to my surgeon appointment and I can tell my mum and sister are a bit weirded out by that. I just figure whatever needs to be done needs to be done and there’s no point disrupting anyone else’s day by it. I never went to any of my husband’s surgical appointments unless we had to travel a long way together (he used to get seen for his shoulder at National Orthapaedic Hospital in London so that was always a bit of a trek). Doesn’t help that I still feel rough though. Sat in bed with sore ears and feeling a bit strange, went to bed early as I came over dizzy and sick but then couldn’t sleep until about midnight. My legs are still aching just laid here and I’ll have to walk from work to the hospital and back. I understand that these appointments need doing and I need to get scheduled ASAP but why can’t they make them when side effects are likely to have worn off a bit more?


Oh and it’s my first day back working after the last treatment... although my boss doesn’t expect me to do much. Starting to think I should have gone sick now... I’m sure I can get through a few more days. I really want to speak to the Chief Constable and Head of Wellbeing about my experiences and see if some kind of cancer protocol can be put in place. I’m astounded still by the lack of understanding that there’s been of my treatment and how I might be feeling. It’s easy if you like if someone is diagnosed and then just goes sick but I was truly made to feel like I was strange wanting to work and my needs on chemotherapy - and this is with the DDA protection! I guess I’ll get round to that soon enough. Need to focus on getting out of bed first.


Will let you know what the surgery decision is later xx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Nettie all the very best for today.... both for the chemo and with oh so gently agony aunting your son a little! 


My 2 older boys are coming up to the same age as yours and I know that they are both adamant in not wanting kids.  Luckily (for them, not for my grandchild prospects!) their respective girlfriends seem to be in agreement for now.  But if that were to change I could see it causing trouble in paradise, for sure Smiley Sad


Totally understand why you are dreading the side effect stage of this next chemo btw, I've been the same since my hospital trip, and I didn't even have sepsis!  I've been so determined not to end up back at the hellhole hospital that I pretty much took chances I shouldn't have last time around and refused to go in even though i couldn't get my telp down under 38 for ages.  I got away with it, but with hindsight that was silly of me.  Ignoring the high temp and just heading to bed and hoping for the best was daft.


But this cycle, I'm delighted to say that I seem (fingers crossed and touch all the wood!!) to have got through the danger zone without even having to lie to myself!  I had one spike at 37.7 yesterday but half an hour later that had gone back down to 37.0.  Result!


So here's hoping that you also get a hospital free cycle this time, boy do you deserve it!!!


Daisydi I love the photoSmiley Happy  a fitting souvenir of your last chemo.  And as Nettie says, if it was turning your ears to icicles then it must have been freezing your follicles too Smiley Happy


Not so in love with your words of wisdom about Letrazole (sp?) though!  There was me all pleased with my "post menopausal" diagnosis as the doc had told me that letrazole was easier side effect wise than tamoxifen....  but it sounds like it still ain't a walk in the park (literally!!)


I guess I will try whatever they give me and if it really doesn't work for me then we either try something else or I weigh up the risk/benefit of continuing to take the drugs.....  will worry about that later, got rads to get through first Smiley Happy


Hope everyone has as good as a day as possible, despite the lousy weather x


Sarah x




Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Just realised we are approaching 5,000 posts girls. I reckon we’ll get there in the next day or two. How fabulously chatty are we? Xxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Daisydi, big hugs for getting to the end of this absolutely Barrying 💩 stage of treatment my darling. I’m sure if that cold cap was freezing your ears off it would have been doing it’s job in protecting those hair follicles. Great news about the doc too. I am hoping things will be different for you this time as far as side effects as he seems to be trying to cover everything. I bet you wanted to hug him for giving you a bit of hope in that department. Such a shame not all drs are like that. 

Implausible so sorry you have been suffering so much the last couple of days honey. Sounds like you are starting to improve a bit now if you managed to get clean. The days when you can’t even be bothered to have a wash/brush teeth or peep out from under the duvet are just awful aren’t they? I think you are right about PTSD and cancer treatment though. Our previous army life has obviously made us very aware of it. My cousin has been treated for years since being injured by a roadside land mine in Iraq but thankfully doing well now and sings in the Invicta choir amongst other things. I have watched my husband like a hawk over the years for signs as he was in N.Ireland for a bit and Gulf War. Thankfully, he seems to have been able to cope. 

Cancer treatment is a prolonged period of extreme stress and anxiety and there will be people who need help with PTSD afterwards. I hope that help is there for us all if we need it. 

I have been awake since 5am worrying about chemo 5 this afternoon. I want to have it and get it out of the way but the thought of what the outcome will be this time terrifies me to be honest. I don’t think I can stand one more day lying in a hospital bed feeling dire and the ensuing delay of next cycle etc.The fact is that I felt like this pre chemo 4 and yes I did end up in hospital again but it was only 2 days and it wasn’t sepsis this time so I am trying to hold onto that. 

We all need this rain to Barry off don’t we? It’s not helping with low mood issues. 

My youngest turned up here just before midnight straight from his boat in Norway and wants to take me to treatment today bless him. It will be nice to have him “captive” with me for a few hours so we can have a good catch up. (That’s if I can manage a conversation as the FEC going in makes my head really fuzzy and I often go into my own little world.) My Tom is having relationship issues so I think that’s why he’s come straight here rather than to his girlfriend in London. It’s the age old thing, after 7 years together, she wants commitment, babies (totally understandable) and he isn’t ready yet.Not sure he ever will be as he is 31! Kids eh? You think when they grow up and leave home you won’t worry so much but you seem to end up worrying even more! 

Anyway, I’ll shut up now and start getting on with the day. I’ll update later just to let you know mission accomplished. 

Love you all, each and every one of you. I would never have got this far without your support you beauts. 😘😘😘. 




Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

My sister thought it was funny that I was trying to tuck my towel into my cold cap as my ears were freezing off and couldnt resist taking a picture!  My very last chemo ...20190610_165620 (1) - Edited.jpg


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Oh and good luck for tomorrow Nettienoo. x Nearly there.

Maryln I think I will be on Anastrazole too.  It is reassuring to read that the December girls are coping ok.  My friend is on it too and she doesn't really have any problems.  She was on Letrozole but couldnt walk after 2 days so they stopped that immediately.  And she is very very fit so I was dreading that one.

Must go and wash all this stuff off my hair for the last time and hope it stays put!


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Daisy our posts crossed there


Sounds like you have had a mixed day for sure.  You could have done without that cold cap palaver giving you extra stress!  But hopefully the other model they used is just as effective.  Your hair has taken no prisoners throughout this whole thing, it ain't going to give up now.  


And I really hope that the new regime of drugs from the nice doc help you have an easier ride through the final set of side effects.  Glad they have taken you seriously.


As for the scan results, docs are so good at saying something that sounds super worrying, then saying it is nothing to worry about, and then walking off leaving you worrying regardless!  I wish they would try a little harder to fully explain and reassure....


Now get plenty of rest and drink lots of water and think non itchy thoughts!!! Xxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Hi all

Last time I posted properly on Saturday morning it looks like I was in good spirits and planning on getting some art done etc. 

Yeah that didn't happen! Smiley Very Happy

I've felt like utter death for the past couple of days, pretty much unable to do anything other than fall in and out of sleep, and feel very sorry for myself.

But.... maybe.....hopefully....touch wood I'm starting to come through that now.  I just now had a shower at least.... baby steps Smiley Happy

I used my special shampoo bar for the first time that is supposed to encourage faster and thicker hair regrowth.  I'll let you know if anything sprouts!  It has a slightly minty herbal smell but nothing too strong and it has left my little fuzzy stubble nice and soft.20190610_135122-picsay.jpg



Rosina it looks like you walked a marathon yesterday from the step count I saw pop up on your Facebook!  So if that was 10 days post T I should be fit to run a 10k by this Friday.  Will hold you to that Smiley Very Happy


Right....catch up time....

Seaside.... those Google photos and "Facebook memories" and the like are a nightmare aren't they!  Talk about rubbing it in.... I don't want to be reminded of how healthy looking I was a year ago, thank you very much!  I'm kind of dreading this coming October when it will remind me how I happily hiked up the hill to the Hollywood sign, all suntanned and full of energy and hair.  It was a hard hike but so much fun and I wonder if I will ever be able to do something like that again :/

Really feel for you (and Edinbird) with all those work related worries hanging over you Smiley Sad  Feels like we should all be eligible for some kind of free pass at the moment.  No extra worries allowed.  The BC is enough!

Absolutely love the photo of you and your daughter at Race For Life.  2 peas!!!!


Susie I hope that your weather isn't as horrid as ours right now.  It isn't great Dibley walking conditions out there today.


Oh and thanks to all for congratulating my young oik on his job.  Yes it is the same kid who lost the weight and got new clothes. Next time he wants new gear he can buy his own nowSmiley Happy


MBJ/Daisydi/Susie B ...  you are definitely not alone in a little overthinking getting you down.  Or just in general wondering how best to navigate the future without it being too dominated by the big trauma we've been through, worried about recurrence etc., not feeling able to make plans,...


I've had counselling in the past for PTSD, related to the domestic violence issues from my marriage.  And to be honest I can't see how this isn't kind of similar... big long drawn out unpleasant experience with the fear that at any point going forward it could raise its ugly head again.  And various potential triggers to bring up those fears or flash backs....    I think we are all going to have to work hard to get those feelings under control.


But having done the work and recovery before, albeit from a different situation, I can at least assure you all that it won't be on your mind all day every day forever.  The happy in between days where you don't dwell on the past and/or the scary future get more common as you go on.  The days when you just enjoy the present.  Those are the best days.  May we have many, many of those ones!


My son's counsellor just happens to be a breast cancer survivor herself (total coincidence).  In fact that was what prompted her to retrain from accountancy into therapy.  He said that she told him that the first time you go in for your post treatment check ups / mammogram etc it is terrifying because you are CERTAIN it has come back.  The second time you are nervous.  But by the third and fourth it is much less scary. 


Anyway, I'm rambling.  Just to say, I hear and share your worries and down days.  I've spent the last couple of days almost torturing myself reading multiple accounts of women who say that they are still suffering from extreme fatigue and various other unpleasant side effects years after treatment ended.  Why do I do this?  It is like I am seeking out my worst fears and validating them in some kind of self fulfilling prophecy.  Of course if I go looking for horror stories I will find them....


I rebalanced this rather flawed research by reading the last few pages of the August 2018 chemo starters thread here on the BCC forum - I felt a bit nosey doing so!  But I am glad I did.  Because those ladies are only 6 months or so ahead of us but 1) a couple of them are doing the Race for Life this month!  And 2) they are all dyeing their hair Smiley Very Happy   It is all so encouraging....  just to see them starting to go back to work and see their energy levels picking up.  That'll be us in a few monthsSmiley Happy

MBJ it is interesting to see you say about feeling abandoned by the docs and nurses, I think I felt like that as soon as my surgery was done in January!  I haven't heard a peep from my BCN since before chemo started.  And have only seen the onco once since early Feb.  I did see the chemo nurses every 3 weeks obviously but only in a very practical way while they were administering treatment.  Nobody has asked how I am, or anything.  Whereas after diagnosis and building up to surgery they seemed more interested in how I was coping. 

I read on the other threads about people having Macmillan nurses come to appointments with them, being offered all sorts of support....  I feel a little left out, got to say!  Smiley Happy  I found the maggies centre and got on the LGFB course on my own after seeing it mentioned on here.  You'd have thought my medical peeps might have said about it, otherwise without this forum I'd be none the wiser..... And then there are all the scans and extra check ups that a lot of you have had that I have never been offered.  Anyway, never mind, I've coped ok I guess.  But my point being, I can see why, if you have actually had good support throughout, you would be nervous of it going away!  Without you lovely lot I would have felt very alone indeed throughout this whole process.

And how long now till the cruise?  Is it this Friday, this week?  Exciting!!!!


Edinbird I hope today has been a better day for you.  I also hope that your surgeon and onco can give you reassurance at your meetings this week on the effectiveness of the chemo treatment to date and next steps.  You will feel so much happier once the lump is gone, I promise.  It feels like a ticking time bomb when it is still lurking in there.  Before my surgery I was *convinced* I could feel it growing day by day.  Daft because of course it wouldn't have been that noticeable, but our brains are idiots Smiley Happy

It must be particularly scary being on a big forum  where some members have passed away Smiley Sad  hopefully still a small percentage?  But even so it would still cause a bit of a gulp.

I'm reading this book of roughly drawn newspaper style comic  strips at the moment.... I can recommend it, it is harsh and to the point but also funny! 20190610_183619-picsay.jpg





I didn't realise until after I bought it and was half way through, however, that the author didn't survive her BC....  makes it more poignant but also so very sad, and also not something I am really over keen to dwell on right now!

And you must be so fed up of everything deciding to break at once around the house!!! Let your hub take the brunt of worry about that stuff, if you can.  You have enough going on!

Totally hear you re not being able to take comfort in nice food.  My taste buds are worse than ever on this final round of T Smiley Sad  everything I try to eat leaves me feeling like my mouth is lined with clay, or grease.  It is disgusting.  I didnt bother to eat at all yesterday.  Today my son bought me a cheese and onion pasty home.  That was a mistake.  Bleurrghhh.  After that I managed an apple turnover which was ok during but had a nasty after taste.  That will have to do.


Daisydi, how did it go today?  Sorry you had to go into your last session still feeling so rough Smiley Sad  but it is done now.  One more lot of the nasty side effects to get past and then it is all up and up.


Ocean, I live for your photography posts I really do, thank you so much for all that wonderful colour!!!  I swear you should have an exhibition or bring out a book.

Really glad that you are coping with the weekly Taxol.  If the worst side effect if Haribo addiction I think you have done well Smiley Very Happy

6 weeks of rads sounds like an awful lot thoughSmiley Sad  I've not heard of anyone here having more than 4 weeks.  Is it worth pushing back on that a bit?

Its fab you ended up able to keep your daughter over in France for so long.  And that the son you were worried about isn't fretting too hard.  Waiting to tell them face to face paid off there I think although it must have been so difficult for you.

Rosina love your photos too!


Nettie I hope you enjoy your vegetarian experiment.  I've been veggie since I was 15 so i can't remember what life was like before!  I have done the odd vegan phase here and there but I always relapse as I love cheese too much.  That said they do have much better vegan cheese nowadays.

PS I'm glad your washing machine was only messing with you! 


Seaside I've been heavy on the mental downer this cycle so far too.... as you can probably tell by this even-more-rambly-than-usual post.  Do you think it is because it is the last one and now we start on another phase of the great unknown? 

But as you say, nobody else who isn't going through this can really get it. :/

Glad we have each other!!!


Ok that's more than enough of me blathering on!

Night all x

Sarah x

PS Marlyn, where's our fish and chips (or veggie equivalent)??? Chop chop!!!  Smiley Very Happy


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Well I'm home and done.  Feel very strange. Dont feel like celebrating last chemo.  Just cant get my head around it at the moment.  Had a bit of a meltdown today as my cold cap machine was broken and I had to use an older one with a different style of cap.  I have worked so so hard to keep my hair and I will be devastated if it all goes on this last cycle.  Made such a fuss but there was nothing they could do.  Did see a dr for a review before my treatment and he has really upped my doses of everything and prescribed new stuff so hopefully I wont suffer too much with my usual side effects.  Wish they had done this last time.  He was a very nice dr and explained loads of stuff to me.  He even managed to show me my nuclear medicine bone scan which had been bothering me.  I have arthritis in my shoulders, neck, knee and feet and thats before I start taking hormone tablets for 10 years!  Told me that my tumour markers were still 4.8 apparently normal is 5 and this is to see whether there is still cancer in the body.  It has gone up from 4.1 last time but he says its ok under 5.  I didnt even know about this before.  Something else to worry about now.  I have been prescribed huge amounts of steroids for about 8 days, then stuff to help with tummy issues as steroids can irritate gut which I didnt know about and then anti fungal tablets for 8 days which hopefully wtill stop the burning, itching and swelling in my armpits and down below.  Please god hope it works.  

Sorry some of you are feeling so anxious.  Just seems the norm for us at the moment but we are all here for each other and I will try my best to help all of you along the way just as you try to help me.

Love to every single one of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Re: February starters 2019 - yes, we rule!

Susie, I totally get how you're feeling. It's so rubbish having to deal with uncertainty all the time. Marlyn is spot on by saying  that we are good at covering what we're feeling on the inside and that this tends to attract all the unhelpful comments from people.


So far this cycle, I haven't fared too badly with physical effects but mentally I am really struggling. I am constantly worried about work and what will happen when I return. I just generally feel low and like nothing makes sense anymore. I am truly grateful I've got you ladies to chat to as I don't think anyone else understands.


Sending you a big hug 💕