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Member
gabys1st
Posts: 17
Registered: ‎02-02-2014

Re: Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

Thank you.

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Member
gabys1st
Posts: 17
Registered: ‎02-02-2014

Re: Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

What can I say but thank you all for your very helpful replies. Took the plunge and told eldest son when he phoned as does regularly ( having seen surgeon after MRI).  He said wd give his brother who is abroad a nudge to ring me ( somehow we have developed a pattern of his ringing us and I thought alarm bells wd go off if I suddenly rang him).   The second conversaion was harder as he sounded so happy and Was just getting into Munich station!!!! Admit to putting a more positive slant on it to both of them than I felt. 

I asked both if they had any questions - only one came up - and yes it was "How long had I known?"

One of you made the very good point that Cancer isn't such a scary word to the younger gerneration as it is to us.

I would really have liked  to reply and thank you all individually but had a hand op on Monday which makes typing tricky.................... my very best wishes.

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Member
skinnyminx
Posts: 218
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

[ Edited ]

Can only speak from personal experience...

 

My mother-in-law did not tell us of her breast cancer diagnosis.  My husband (who was in his 30s at the time) felt very hurt and patronised.  We guessed anyway after a while because she kept saying "It's not cancer" and she was a rubbish liar!

 

A friend also chose not to tell her adult children about her own breast cancer diagnosis for many months and I know they both felt very let down when she did eventually tell them and they realised how long she had known.

 

Some members of my own family tend to keep secrets and tell "white lies" especially about health stuff so as "not to cause  worry" and I've ended up doubting everything these people say and filling in the blanks with stuff that's probably inaccurate.

 

Personally my own diagnosis was clear right from the start so I told all family and friends right away and looking back, wouldn't have done it any differently.     

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IAC
Member
IAC
Posts: 14
Registered: ‎30-01-2014

Re: Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

Tell your boys. Family support is very important. If you keep it to yourself and they find out later they may feel deceived and may think the prognosis is worst that what you are telling them.
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Member
Gymnut
Posts: 9
Registered: ‎20-01-2014

Re: Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

[ Edited ]
Hello Gaby

I was diagnosed on Christmas Eve and faced the dilemma of whether to tell family or not. My daughter was home from uni for Christmas and my son is in Australia with his girlfriend on a working holiday. BIG dilemma! I held off telling anyone over the holiday period but told my daughter before she left to return to uni. It was hard, but I tried to remain positive and just explain the facts (as much as I know them). I still wasn't sure what to tell my 26 year old son as he is so far away and the last thing I wanted was to worry him so much he felt he would need to come home. I discussed at length with my daughter and she was certain it was right to tell him and that is what I did via 'FaceTime' . It was not the easiest conversation but I am really pleased I decided to.

I am still not sure what the future holds as I had to have further surgery to remove an area of DCIS but final results and treatment plan tomorrow (I hope!) I am expecting to be advised to have chemo as despite being stage 1 I am triple negative so there are no other options. I know both my son and daughter are anxious about the future and will be awaiting the results and my decision re treatment. I am so glad I told them both at the start as they have now had a little time to come to terms with everything - as I have.

The whole thing is a nightmare - the scariest time of my life with no doubt but it does help knowing that we are not alone !

Good luck with the RMI and treatment x
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Member
Lakeslover
Posts: 325
Registered: ‎01-05-2012

Re: Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

When I was diagnosed one of my sons was 22 and living away from home. I had to tell him over the phone. I kept it fairly simple stressed that I would know more once treatment had started, and that it was treatable.

I told him after I had the initial biopsy results confirming it was cancer.

All 3 of my boys took it well, and coped with it. I felt that perhaps to them cancer is not such a scary word as it was to us when we are young as there are more positive media stories about it now. Of course there have been times when they worried, but I have encouraged them to talk to me about it openly.

It was definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but in the end wasn't as bad as I had imagined.

Good luck.
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Member
Caz13
Posts: 100
Registered: ‎28-01-2014

Re: Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

Hi
Telling close family is the hardest thing. As you said, you would want to know so my reaction would be to tell them. I realise its a different situation but I told my 3 children (16,7 and2) each in a different way but I wanted them to all know I was hiding nothing from them so they could trust what I said.
Your sons will understand you don't have the full picture yet but if you wait for that it may upset them more that you haven't told them up to that point. In terms of how to tell them, it's probably best to just go through it as the surgeon has with you, so they are informed.
Whatever you decide to do, look after yourself and I ll be thinking of you
Caroline xxx
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Member
gabys1st
Posts: 17
Registered: ‎02-02-2014

Got diagnosis last week -do I tell my adult sons

Not only am I like so many on here very frightened of what lies ahead.   To be specific  in  my case treating Invasive lobular Her2 neg, and won't know until I have had RMI scan. This is needed as despite 2 sets of different mammograms and an ultra scan the size of affected tissue cannot be determined. Seems huge to me but then it would wouldn't it.    I did understand from my one appointment so far with the surgeon that a masectomy was fairly definate but wether that will be after hormone drugs have had a go at shrinking it or straight away I don't know.  (Really don't envy them having to give peeps such bad news).

 

I have 2 sons who now both live and work far away.   I have regular 'phone and email contact  with both and I don't know how to/if I should tell them.  Should I wait until I know exactly what I am dealing with, which sounds rather like saying  how long a piece of string is: ?   Should I tell them now  by phone ? My instinct is not to worry then, but then I know if it was someone I loved in this position I would be upset if I wasn't told.

 

I would like to take this opportunity of saying what a supportive group of women you are, and that I very much hope once I have got to grips with this situation I can be as supportive to newbies.

 

Thank you for reading this,

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